Summary: This is a sequel to 'Stupid Breakdancing…', but could be read by itself. It would be better though if you read it first. This is what happens during the schools odd field trip to Chad. Be warned, people have been known to die because of heart attacks or loss of blood during nose bleeds.
Warning: Slash… just like in the prequel. It's not that bad, but if you don't like slash, don't leave an angry review about how the story is horrible because of it.
Disclaimer: Sorry for pushing you off the swing Jo, but I just had to have a turn. You'll get it back when I'm done, I promise.
A/N: I do not mean to offend anyone with this story, so please, no Flames about it. It's just written for the sake of humor and to release me and others from the clutches of boredom.
The entire school of Hogwarts stood outside of a little village in Northern Chad. They all had their trunks and were dressed in their muggle best, which was better than what some people in this village was wearing (some nothing at all). It seemed as though they had stumbled upon some tribe that had no technology whatsoever.
"Um, Professor Dumbledore, where are we?" asked a nervous Hermione.
"I'm not sure," pondered the headmaster, who was dressed in a cocktail dress and hiking boots, with knee socks that were decorated in chickens doing the conga. "I can't pronounce the name of this place." He pointed to a sign to the side of the trail that was practically falling apart. It said: Khnujed… whatever that meant.
"Oh my god!" screamed a very frightened Lavender.
Everyone whipped around to see her screaming and backing away from a… naked Ron. "Excuse me Mr. Weasley, but what are you doing?" asked a terse McGonagall.
"Well, I figured that sense this is a field trip to fit in with the natives, we need to look like the natives." He started rolling around in a near-by mud hole with some rhinos.
Harry, who was still snogging Draco even though the funeral for That-One-Guy-Who-Nobody-Knew-But-Now-Forgot-About was over, broke off from their lip lock to put in something. "He has a point you know. We look to out of place like this."
Hermione tensed. "Well I'm not running around starkers just because those two have it in their think skulls that it's a good idea!"
"Now Miss Granger," said Dumbledore calmly. "We should try and at least look natural. How about wearing one of those nice looking loin-cloths?"
She thought for a second and then said, "No. I would take one of charming little dresses though. They're just adorable."
Everyone started picking out what they would like to wear. It seemed that only Harry and Ron were willing to 'let it all hang out' so to say. When Dumbledore came out from behind his bush, he was wearing a very becoming loin-cloth and his socks.
Snape seemed disgusted that he had to wear one to, and that Albus got to wear his socks. "Oh no you don't!" he pointed at the headmaster. "If I can't wear my shoes, you can't wear those ludicrous socks! Give me those!" He then proceeded to literally rip the socks off the old man's feet while cackling madly. ("I always knew he was bonkers," muttered a muddy Ron to Hermione.) He then threw them over his shoulder and watched as a rhino ate them.
Dumbledore burst out into tears and ran after the beast while shouting obscenities at it.
Once Dumbledore disappeared into the horizon, the rest of the school decided to carefully integrate themselves into the village, which was surprisingly easy considering they didn't speak the language, looked nothing like the natives and were sore thumbs in the very tiny village.
They all took up little jobs (which probably helped in the natives not minding). Neville, seeing as how he was good with plants, helped a little girl plant some sort of odd looking plant. After a moment of thought he realized if was marijuana and when the little girl turned her back, he stuck some in his butt-bag (or fanny pack as some might call it).
Snape was cooking up some medicine with the local Shaman and Harry was off saving the village from man eating zebras (not much difference there). Hermione sat in the shade of a hut and taught a baby how to say 'Hogwarts: A History."
Others weren't so helpful. Ron, being useless as always, just wallowed in a mud pit with the village idiot and Lavender was picking off an endangered species of bird only found in Chad with a slingshot.
All of this was interrupted though when Draco went running through the village in his poncho screaming, "Mary Sue! Mary Sue!" Suddenly the village was in an uproar. There hadn't been a Mary Sue spotted for over ten years. And the last time over half the village had been killed in the encounter before she had been sacrificed.
Everyone was inside with their shutters closed. This was how Mary Sue found the small village. She was a blonde California girl with natural highlights and she was wearing a tiny dress that barely covered her and some Stilettos. She walked with a swing to her hips.
When she happened to walk between a row of houses, a large net meant for catching crocodiles fell on her. She, being perfect in every way, took it all in stride. "Why, what a beautiful net!" she exclaimed. "It goes absolutely perfect with my skin tone! But then again, so does every color!" She giggled.
"Crikey!" yelled a random Australian guy named Steve. "It's a small one! She must only weigh 90 pounds!" he then jumped on top of the Mary Sue and hog tied her. Mary Sue, being perfect in every way, didn't have a speck of dust on her and her hair was still perfect.
"Excuse me sir, may I ask what's going on? I seem to be hog tied and even though I dress like a prostitute, I am still modest and this position leaves the whole village with a view up my dress." Mary Sue smiled.
"Hmye nhs hfyjkbghj utdb!" yelled a native, which translated to: "Take her to the altar!"
The Mary Sue was dragged through the hamlet, still looking pristine. Snape, who always liked a good torture, decided to help by tying the girl to the large block of stone.
"Umave, yo feklacka undgt Mary Sue," or, "Today, we shall sacrifice a Mary Sue," said one of the town elders who held a large knife. He got ready to strike, but made the mistake of looking her in the eyes. Amazingly, the town learned English so there was no more need of time consuming translations. "I love you Mary Sue! You are the only girl for me!" screamed the man.
He then promptly dropped dead when Mary Sue said back, "But I don't love you. I'm truly sorry, but my true love is Harry Potter."
The town groaned. "She is a veela! Now who can save us?"
"I can," said a voice from the back of the crowd. It was Roger Davies.
"NO!" screeched Cho Chang. "I cannot have another one of my boyfriend's die!"
Roger Davies looked at her. "Do not worry, Cho. I will not die." He then walked up to the altar, pried the large knife out of the dead guy's hand, and… CUT OFF MARY SUE'S HAIR! She screamed out in pain, for Mary Sues are unable to live with bad hair cuts.
After she stopped writhing around and Snape made sure she was dead, the village threw a huge party. They danced around the altar stone and sang: "Mary had a bad hair cut, bad hair cut, bad hair cut. Mary had a bad hair cut and died don't you know?"
When it got dark and the evil man eating zebras killed Harry Potter and moved on to killing villagers, Dumbledore popped up wearing stinking socks. "Well students and teachers, it's time to get going." So they all climbed onto a magic carpet provided by the local carpet maker and flew off back to Hogwarts, one angsty teenager less.
The End!