Sitting alone in the bar and nursing a cheap beer at three in the afternoon had become a habit, a bad one and I knew it just as much as anyone else. Ever since I decided to return to Boston, things have pretty much turned to shit. But today is different. Today it's been ten years since Sunnydale crumbled into a crater in the ground. Ten years since my life took off in a completely different direction, some good, some bad, some in between.
I gotta admit it barely registered that it'd been ten fuckin' years since the fight against the First has gone down. Biggest fight of my life, hands down. Forgot all about it until Dawn, of all people, called me this morning to check in on me. Don't know why she still calls every once in a while. Not like I was ever one of them, but she still does it and talks to me like she fuckin' cares and like I fuckin' matter.
Wished I had the balls to ask her about Buffy. Hadn't seen or heard from Buffy since that night we "accidentally" landed in bed together after Dawn and Xander's wedding. Of course Buffy blamed it on too many drinks and too many failed relationships that made her lonely and whatever else she screamed at me the next morning. I hate the excuses she made after our night together. She made me feel like I fuckin' used her. I hate how she denied how perfect it was, despite the copious amounts of alcohol we'd drank that night. Everything about that night is forever burned in my mind and no matter what I do, no matter who I've been with since, I can't shake her.
Can't shake the way she made me feel. Like there was nobody else in the world she wanted to be with in that moment. Can't shake the way she felt around my fingers as she came hard and screaming my name in the cheap motel room I rented for the night. Ain't no denying that it was a night I never wanted to end and it was perfect until we woke up at four in the afternoon the next day all wrapped around each other and the fuckin' second I kissed her, she fuckin' flipped her shit and it was all over. Just like that.
Things were rough too when I headed back to England and Angel was suspicious about my trip to San Francisco and what happened while I was there right from the start. Me and him, we had a good thing going, hunting and killing demons all over Europe and our home base was in London. Soon as he found out about what happened between Buffy and me, things got a little too fuckin' icy and tense for me to deal with. Buffy and I might have some history between us, but Angel and Buffy? Bit more complicated and long and drawn out and full of puppy love and longing and all that romantic crap of "what could've been, but could never be".
And believe me I know the Angel and Buffy story all too well. After Giles died and Angel went fuckin' crazy, for a while blaming it on himself, I spent far too many nights in that room he locked himself in listening to him go on and on about fuckin' everything including what he had with Buffy, past and the then present.
And Angel and me? After he got it outta me what happened between me and Buffy, and I later found out he heard a slightly different version of it from Buffy herself, all the good things we had going just disappeared. I barely lasted a month with him in London after that before I made the decision to come back to Boston, face my demons here I'd been running from for a long time.
No matter what I do, I can't fuckin' let her go. Always been that way right from the start, but before it was easier to run from it, run from how she made me feel whether I was around her or not. In some crazy, twisted way, I'm in love with this woman and it took that one night we had together for me to realize it.
I sigh heavily before I finish off the beer I've been nursing for the last hour and motion Carl, the regular afternoon bartender to bring me another. He does without saying a word and leaves me to drown my sorrows in cheap beer. Not like it helps. Probably makes it worse, but right now I couldn't give a half fuck about anything other than the woman who haunts every thought and memory in my mostly sober mind.
Look at me, I'm a mess and I've let what happened between us and how I feel about her shape how the last five years has gone. Am I pathetic or what?
"Hey," Kennedy says as she takes the stool next to me and raps on the bar to get Carl's attention. "Been here long?"
"About an hour," I reply with a shrug. "When did you get in town?"
"This morning. Thought I'd stop by, see if you wanted to go for a drink. You weren't at your place so I started hitting all your regular spots."
The thing with Kennedy, ever since she and Willow broke up years back, somehow in a strange way we became friends. Whenever she's in Boston-for slaying reasons or just cos she's bored of wherever she was before-we always end up hanging out together for a couple of days. She's easy to be around and she's easy to talk to, not something I could say about her former girlfriend and the rest of the Scooby gang.
She knows about what happened between me and Buffy and she's tried to get me to go back to San Francisco and find Buffy to talk to her about what went down. Talk to Buffy? What planet is she living on? There's no talking to Buffy about what happened between us. Believe me, I tried that a few times shortly after and the last time ended with her kicking my ass and telling me to get the hell out of her life.
She's a bitch and I'm in love with her. Screwed up, right?
"Any new big bads around yet, Ken?" I ask her, hoping talking shop will take my mind off Buffy and other things.
"Nothing other than your average vampire, odd demon, you know the normal stuff now."
"Where'd ya come from this time?"
"California."
I look at her and somehow I know exactly where in California she was. "You didn't," I say, chuckling a little as that guilty look slides into place on her face. "How many times ya been back there since you two broke up?"
"For the record," Kennedy starts and she takes a few sips of her beer before continuing. "Willow broke up with me and she's the one who called me this time, asking me to come see her."
"Still got ya wrapped around her finger?" I laugh and Kennedy nods sadly. "In more ways than one?"
"In more ways than one," she sighs and she quickly finishes off her beer and Carl instantly puts another one down in front of her. "It's bad, isn't it? That we haven't moved on and it's been six years."
"Just about seven," I remind her. "And it ain't bad. You two got something there. Just too bad it all didn't work out."
"And what about you and Buffy?"
"There is no me and Buffy."
"Been a while, hasn't it?" Kennedy pries and I grab my beer and head to a booth, not wanting to have this conversation at the bar and have Carl within earshot. "It's been five years, hasn't it?"
"To the day," I reply and I scoff slightly. "Why would Dawn and Xander wanna get married on the day their home basically imploded into nothing?"
"Create a happier memory?" Kennedy shrugs. "Guess now isn't a good time to tell you."
"Tell me what?"
"She's here."
"Where?" I ask, looking around the small bar. "Ken, what the fuck?"
"I meant she's here as in Boston. They all are."
"Why?"
Kennedy shrugs. "Something about them looking for a place to relocate to is all I managed to get from the brief conversation I had with Willow the other day."
Now that's fifty shades of fucked up right there. Why would they choose to relocate to Boston of all places? Dawn, Andrew, and Buffy spent a year or two in Italy and then in Scotland. They have the whole world to relocate to, why the fuck are they moving in on the one place I'm calling home for the time being?
"By all means, let it all out, Faith."
"Shut up," I mutter as I stare down into my glass. "Is that why you're here too, Ken?"
"No. Not really. I wanted to give you a little bit of a heads up and thought we'd hang out for a bit, have a couple of beers. I can't exactly do that with a phone call."
"Thanks for that."
"Carl still letting you drink for free after that time you saved his ass from those demons?"
"Only the first six beers are on the house now. Kinda abused it a few times and don't blame him for kicking my drunk ass out and taking away my free drink privileges."
Kennedy launches into full-blown catch up mode and all I can do is listen as she tells me of the different places she's been in the last couple of months. She's like I used to be, never in one place too long. Maybe that's why we get along so good. We're similar in a lot of ways, but drastically different in others. She doesn't have a shady past full of demons the way I do. She ain't on a road of redemption, ten years later still walking down that road trying to right every wrong in any way I can. And she might be in love with someone she doesn't have, but at least she had her for a couple of years and still gets to have her when the timing is convenient.
We have a few beers before Carl reminds me my free tab is about to run out. I give him a twenty to cover what Kennedy had and I let her drag me out of the bar to the street. It's dark now and I blink, feeling a little too buzzed that everything is a bit fuzzy. When did it get so late?
"Hey, why don't we go check out a club and dance?"
"Don't know if that's a good idea, Ken."
"Why not?"
"Gut instinct tells me you're gonna take me somewhere you know Buffy and the gang are gonna be tonight."
Kennedy full out laughs and hails down a cab. She gives the driver the name of a club, one I'd been to plenty of times before and brought home a blonde-haired chick that reminded me of Buffy, but never scratched that itch deep down inside. Haven't been to any clubs or picked up anyone since the last time Kennedy was here and gave me shit in front of a potential one-night stand about using people who look like Buffy to try to replace her. Or whatever she said. I was pretty fucked up that night.
The place is packed, which is surprising, but once we get out of the cab, I start to see more than a few familiar faces. Slayers. Hundreds of them. I pull Kennedy by the arm, demanding an explanation all from a single look. A glare more like it.
"Anniversary party," she says and she tries to walk away but I don't let go of her arm. "For Dawn and Xander? It was supposed to be in San Francisco but with the sudden idea to come to Boston to check it out for relocating, the party got moved."
"Great," I groan and wonder if I can make it out of there before anyone recognizes me. Not like I've changed much over the years, so it won't be hard for a lot of them to remember me. "I'm gonna kick your ass, Ken."
"Love to see you try, Faith," she chuckles and pulls her arm out of my grip only to grab on to mine and marches straight for the front doors. "Rona, look who decided to show up," she laughs as she and Rona fist bump.
Rona is standing there with a clipboard and I'm gonna guess she got door duty tonight, something she can't be too happy about. Rona doesn't say much at all, other than a quick hello, which doesn't surprise me. She opens the doors for us and loud, crappy techno music flows out into the night. Kennedy drags me inside the club and we head straight for the bar.
The place is packed and most of them are whatever slayers are left and a lot of other people Dawn and Xander had at their wedding as well. I don't see Buffy anywhere, but I spot Dawn and Xander dancing up a storm in the middle of the huge dance floor, a circle of people around them, cheering them on.
"I'm gonna go find Willow," Kennedy shouts over the music.
"Ken, I don't want to be here. I'm just gonna-"
"Stay, please?" Kennedy asks. "You never know, tonight might surprise you and turn out to be fun!"
She turns and disappears into the crowd before I can say another word. I don't know why I don't just get up and leave. It's not like Kennedy is capable of kicking my ass if I leave. The bartender, a pretty and young brunette girl that can't be no older than twenty, takes my order for a triple shot of Jack and a beer. She smiles sweetly before she turns to make my drink. I turn around to face the crowd and I can just barely see Kennedy at a table talking to Willow. They're laughing so that's a good sign, I'm guessing.
I down my Jack first before I chase it down with a few sips of my beer. The music changes to a slower song and instantly people are paired off in couples, squeezing their way on to the dance floor. And that's when I spot Buffy and she's not alone. Her date, a tall guy with dark hair and a pretty-boy face, looks all sorts of wrong for her. Just another beefstick. I scoff and take another sip, not taking my eyes off her as she looks around the club, smiling as she waves at people who call out her name when they look her way.
I roll my eyes and turn back to the bar as I finish my beer and that pretty young brunette is right there with another cold one for me.
"This a cash bar?" I ask her and she laughs.
"No, it's open bar tonight."
"Wicked," I grin as I take the cold beer and give her a wink.
Maybe Kennedy was right. Maybe tonight will be fun. The night is still young, but I can hope for the best, can't I?
It's after midnight and the club is still packed and I'm more than a little buzzed. Somehow I ended up at a table with Kennedy and a very drunk Willow at some point not that long ago. Willow is all over Kennedy and I can tell neither of them seems to care. I know Kennedy has gotta be loving the attention. Makes me wonder why the two of them just ain't gonna give it another try. Maybe what they got now works better than being together for real all the time? Who the hell knows when it comes to their relationship.
The one thing I've been fuckin' relieved about is the fact that Buffy hasn't come over once at all. We've made eye-contact a few times as she and her beefstick walked by or when they danced near the table we're sitting at, but she never showed one sign that she was angry still with me.
Then again, Buffy was always a pro at hiding just what she's feeling at the moment. Things could change. The night is still pretty young and I'm pretty sure one of two things is gonna happen before the night is over. Buffy is either gonna kick my ass once I'm good and wasted or-
"Faith!" Dawn laughs as she bounces over to the table and sits down next to me. She's plastered. "Hi! Oh my god, I forgot to tell you we were coming here, didn't I and I forgot to invite you, didn't I?"
"No worries, Dawn. Kennedy found me and brought me here."
"You look good."
"I look drunk," I laugh. "You look good too, Kiddo."
Dawn laughs and gives me a sloppy hug before she stands back up and heads back over to where Xander is dancing with a group of his friends, all of them acting like complete fuckin' idiots and having the time of their life.
I sit there for a while and finish off my beer before heading to the bathrooms. I'm more than fuckin' relieved there's no line out the door like earlier cos I really gotta piss like a racehorse here. I take the only unoccupied stall and before I can lock it, the door is being pushed open.
"What the fuck?" I yell before I look to see who it is. It's Buffy. "B? What-"
"I need to talk to you," she says as she pushes her way into the stall and locks the door behind her.
"Well, I need to fuckin' pee, so get outta here."
Buffy doesn't budge, she just crosses her arms over her chest and stares at the left side of the stall. I shrug and undo my pants. I'm not in the mood to care right now. Ain't even in the mood to joke with her about being into watersports either. She doesn't look over at me until I flush.
"What's so fuckin' important that you had to ambush me in the bathroom, B?"
She doesn't say anything and she's got this look in her eyes that both scares me and turns me on. She grabs me and kisses me so fuckin' hard I feel it all over. I want nothing more than to rip that pretty little red dress off of her and fuck her nice and hard, make her remember what that one night we had was like and what she's missing out on. But here in a bathroom stall ain't the place for that.
Tell that to her wandering hands that are working their way under my shirt and headed for my tits.
Something tells me that even though she lost her shit the morning after our night together, she wants this again as much as I do and there's no fuckin' way I'm letting this second chance to be with her pass by.
"What about your date?" I ask her when she breaks away from our kiss.
"What about him?"
"Won't he be looking for you if ya don't get back out there?"
"No," she shakes her head and pulls me back in for another hard kiss.
I slide my hands down over her ass and to the backs of her thighs, happy she skipped the pantyhose tonight. I slide my hands up her smooth thighs, dragging the hem of her tight red dress up as I do. If she didn't want this, she wouldn't have kissed me. If she didn't want this to go any further than a kiss, she would've stopped me by now. I move a hand between her legs and she moans into my mouth as I drag my nails up her inner thigh ever so slowly. I cup her pussy over her thin panties and I can feel how wet she is. She moans again and pulls back from my lips, panting heavily as her hands fumble with the button on my jeans.
I push her against the wall and she hooks a leg around my hips as I slip my fingers past the edge of her panties and feel just how fuckin' wet she is. It's driving me a little crazy. I've been waiting to feel her again for five fuckin' years and as much as I wanna take my time, something tells me time is something we ain't got right now.
I capture her lips as I slide two fingers into her nice and deep. She finally gets the button on my jeans undone and slides her hand down my pants. I feel her stall slightly when she finds I'm not wearing any panties, but then I feel her smile against my lips as she slides her fingers over my clit. I palm her tit over her dress and she groans as she fucks me nice and hard, matching the pace I'm fucking her in no time flat.
If there's one other thing we're good at other than fighting, it's fucking. It's just too fuckin' bad she won't let it be more than what it is, a fuck.
Or in this case, a quick fuck in a bathroom stall.
Buffy bites down on my lower lip as she quickens her pace, fucking me nice and hard. I can smell her and it's making me want to taste her, to fuck her with my tongue, but we can't exactly do that here in a bathroom stall at a club during Dawn and Xander's anniversary party.
We're kissing so hard its almost bruising, but I'm so into it I don't care. I'm so fuckin' close right now and I know she is too. I push her a little harder against the wall of the stall and she groans as she pulls away from the kiss and gasps for breath. Fuck, she's so sexy right now and I wanna tell her, but I just keep my damn mouth shut. Got plenty of time to talk after and right now I'm just gonna enjoy this quick fuck as much as I can for however long it's gonna last. Soon as she curls her fingers inside of me, it's all over and I cum nice and hard against her fingers, unable to hold myself back.
I lean in to kiss her, knowing if I don't, words are gonna come flying outta my mouth, influenced by alcohol and the heat of the moment and the high I'm floating on from having the first orgasm in months that wasn't by my own hand and fantasies of fucking Buffy again.
I feel her body start to shake a little as she starts to topple over the edge. Her fingers are still buried inside of me and hell, she can keep them there for as long as she fuckin' pleases. I kiss her harder, deeper and she moans into my mouth as she cums all over my fingers. I ease them outta her slowly and pull my hand out of her panties. She follows suit and I pull back from the kiss reluctantly.
Buffy just sighs as she reaches for the toilet paper and wipes her fingers clean. I don't bother with that shit, I gotta taste her again and I bring my fingers to my lips and smirk as she watches me. I lick them clean, moaning at the taste I've missed for years.
"Is that what you wanted to talk about, B?" I ask her, finally finding my voice again.
"I-no, that was just-I-" She's flustered and she shakes her head. "I didn't mean for that to happen. Not really."
"No worries, B. Ain't complaining."
"Can we talk somewhere maybe later?"
"Can't talk about it here?"
"No."
I sigh and wait for her to continue, but she looks like she doesn't know what to say. I lean against the opposite wall and just stare at her. She's still as fucking beautiful as ever, if not more than the last time I saw her. Hard to believe we're both in our thirties too. Hell I don't even feel as old as I am, don't act it most of the time either and that's just fine by me. Suddenly it occurs to me that I want to know everything she's done in the last five years since we saw each other last. I want to know if she's found anyone to love, who broke her heart and make her promises to hunt the assholes down that hurt her.
"Where did ya wanna go and talk, B?" I ask her quietly. "I got my own house and it ain't that far from here. Could go there and talk if ya want?"
"Okay."
"Ya wanna go now?"
"I-I have to try to ditch Liam without making it seem like I'm intentionally ditching him," she says with a dry laugh. "I'll meet you outside in twenty minutes?"
"Sure," I nod and I reach for the latch on the door but she stops me. "B-"
Her lips are on mine and she's kissing me softly. Definitely different than the way she's kissed me before, this time and the last. It doesn't last long and I pull away with a stupid smile on my face. She's smiling a little too, but it fades as she lets me exit the stall. I head for the sinks and notice she's not coming out right behind me. There are a few occupied stalls still and if they didn't see her in the stall with me, they sure as hell heard us.
I wash my hands and check myself in the mirror. My lips are swollen, my cheeks are flushed and I definitely got that "just fucked" look written all over me. I smirk and run my fingers through my hair before I walk out of the bathroom and back out into the busy club without looking back.
I head back to the table, stopping at the bar on the way to grab one last beer. Kennedy is sitting there alone and I look around for Willow. I spot her dancing-or at least attempting to-with Dawn and Xander. It's pretty fuckin' hilarious. I sit down across from Kennedy at the table and she gives me this look that makes me roll my eyes.
"You fall in or something?"
"No," I laugh and I can't seem to fuckin' wipe this smile off my face.
"Oh," Kennedy laughs as she wiggles her eyebrows. "So, who was it?"
"What ya talking about, Ken?"
"The guy or chick you just fucked. Who was it?"
"None of your damn business," I chuckle and her eyes go wide and so do mine. Damn. She knows now.
"Really?" Kennedy says in surprise and she leans forward a little bit. "Who jumped who?"
"She jumped me."
"Damn!"
"Took me by surprise," I say softly, mostly to myself. "I'm leaving in a bit," I say as I check my watch. "She wants me to meet her outside in about twenty minutes. We're going back to my place-"
"To fuck?"
"To talk," I correct her and I smirk. "And to fuck if my mouth doesn't fuck everything up and she leaves."
"You know she's engaged to Liam, right?"
I gulp and feel my heart shatter. Engaged? She just cheated on her fiancé with me and wants to ditch him and come home with me? I don't even know how to fuckin' feel about that. Might never had a good, solid relationship with anyone, but even I know cheating is fuckin' off the charts wrong.
Then I ask myself if knowing that would've made me stop her from jumping me in the bathroom the way she did. And I know right away what the answer is.
I love her too much to tell her no even if it's all sorts of wrong.
"You okay, Faith?"
"Fine," I say through gritted teeth. "I'll see you around, Ken. I'm outta here."
"Bye, Faith. I'd tell you not to do anything stupid, but we both know that's not going to happen."
I flip her off as I walk away from the table, finishing off my beer and placing it down on an empty table on my way out to the door. Rona is still at the front doors looking bored out of her mind. I give her a little nod as I step out and walk down the street a little ways. I light up a cigarette and lean against a mailbox, my eyes locked on the entrance to the club so I don't miss Buffy as she comes out.
I wonder what the hell she has to talk to me about tonight. If it's about what happened between us five years ago, little too late for that since she had plenty of time to talk to me about what happened that night. If it's a mix of what happened then and tonight, I sure as fuck don't wanna hear it either. I can't wrap my head around the fact that she's fuckin' engaged to the guy she's at this party with and she still fucked me in the bathroom stall without a single care in the world.
Soon as I finish my cigarette I light up another. I barely even smoke anymore and I only do when I feel conflicted or I'm in pain. In this case it's a little bit of both, as fucked as it is.
Soon as I see her exit the club alone and head over to where I'm standing, I flick my cigarette out into the street. Buffy doesn't say a word as she walks up to me and I start walking home with her next to me. It ain't that far to my place, just a couple of blocks. When I'm out slaying or drinking, I tend to stay in the neighbourhood. Makes it easier all around with everything within walking distance.
"You have your own house?" Buffy says unexpectedly as I take the next left onto my street. I nod my head and keep walking. "How did you pay for it?"
"Does it matter?" I ask her, trying my best not to sound snippy. She scoffs and I roll my eyes. "Giles left me money, but you knew that, B. What'd you think I did with it? Blew it all on shit? I might be stupid sometimes, but I ain't that stupid."
"Right."
She's in for a surprise. First home I've ever had that's all my own. Deed is in my name and everything. It feels good to go home, but sometimes the loneliness gets to me. That's where alcohol comes in handy. I try to shake this mood of mine, not needing to be in this frame of mind with Buffy around and I head up to my place, a simple bungalow just near the end of the dead end street.
"It's…cute," Buffy says as I pull out my keys from my pocket and unlock the front door. "Are you-do you live here alone?"
"Had a dog, demon killed it last year," I reply as I open the door and motion for her to go inside. "Make yourself at home, B. You want a drink?"
"I'm fine, thanks."
I flip on the lights in the living room and head straight for the kitchen to grab a beer. I can see her as she stands in the middle of my living room, looking around and judging. I'm proud of my home even if a lot of my furniture ain't high-end crap and all that. Soon as she sits down in my leather recliner, I walk out of the kitchen, place my beer down on the coffee table and take off my jacket.
"What'd ya wanna talk about, B?" I ask her and I sit on the couch and kick off my boots.
She's silent as she just stares at me and I'd just love to fuckin' know what's going through her mind right now. I take a few sips of my beer and lean back on the couch.
Wonder if she's thinking about her beefstick Liam and I wonder if she's feeling guilty for fuckin' me in the bathroom stall and cheating on him with someone like me. Knowing her, she'll feel guilty after all is said and done. Buffy is the type who has always gotten what she wants and I highly doubt she's gonna want anything more with me after tonight.
If it's just one more night then I'll take it, but I'm not about to let it end with what happened at the club in the bathroom stall.
"Faith, I actually wanted to apologize to you," she says as she lowers her eyes to her hands in her lap. She's fuckin' apologizing? "I'm sorry about how I acted that morning after we…well, you know."
"Fucked each other's brains out all night long? How could I have ever forgotten that night, especially the next day?" I say in a snippy tone and groan when I realize how bad that sounded. She sighs and looks up at me. "Look, B, what happened just happened. Doesn't explain you jumping me in the bathroom stall tonight though."
"I didn't jump you!"
"You walked in right as I was about to take a piss."
"It just happened, Faith!"
"Like the first time just happened, B?"
Buffy looks furious and I half expect her to walk over to me and slap me nice and hard across the face. Been a while since we slapped each other around a bit. No other slayer has ever been able to hit me as hard as Buffy can, that's for sure. I take another sip of my beer and keep my eyes locked on her, catching her gaze as she tries-and fails-not to look right at me.
"I try to apologize and you do exactly what you always do," Buffy says in a surprisingly calm voice. "Why is it always this way between us?"
"Just is," I reply with a shrug. "And I'm sorry. Should know by now I ain't good at this whole talking thing."
Buffy sighs loudly and looks back down at her hands. "I'll take your offer on a drink now," she says quietly.
"What do ya want? Got water, wine, and beer. Take your pick."
"Wine is fine. Red if you have it," she replies without looking up at me.
I finish off my beer as I head to the kitchen and pull out the bottle of merlot that's been sitting in my fridge for about a month. I pull out two glasses and pour us each a glass, bringing the bottle with me as I head back into the living room. I hand Buffy her glass and she smiles a little bit. I sit back down on the couch, trying not to get all pissed over the fact she's sitting in my chair and I never let anyone sit in my chair. It's a thing, stupid as it is. Kennedy nearly got her ass kicked the last time she was here and sat in my chair.
Buffy takes a few sips of her wine before she gets up and sits next to me on the couch. I sling my arm around the back of the couch as I turn my body more to her and watch her as she takes a few hurried sips of her wine before placing it down on the coffee table.
There are a lot of things I wanna say to her, but I don't even know where to start. She's the one who wanted to come here and talk, so all I can do is try to be patient and let her talk first. She's doing everything but that too. Avoiding looking at me as she looks around the living room at all my shit and she's fidgeting with the hem of her short dress.
It's taking all the willpower I got not to place my hand on her smooth thigh and slide it up under her dress right now. I shift so I'm sitting a little closer to her and I breathe in deeply. She always smells so good. Even after Sunnydale collapsed into the ground after the Hellmouth was destroyed and we were all tired and in need of a shower, she still smelled so damn good.
Fuck this. I ain't holding back with her anymore, especially not after what happened in that bathroom stall. I place my glass on the table next to her and gently cup her face, making her turn to look at me. I deliver the sweetest kiss I know how to give and I feel her melt into me as she slides her arms around me. I'm thinking I'm gonna have things go my way tonight, but that's quickly shot down the second I try to deepen the kiss. She pushes me back gently and I stop, not wanting to fight it, just wanting to leave her wanting more.
"Why?" Buffy whispers as she reaches for her glass of wine and takes a sip.
"Why what?"
"Why didn't you stop me that night and why didn't you stop me tonight?"
"Ain't it obvious, B?" I ask her, laughing a little as she just stares at me blankly. "It's cos I wanted you. Still do," I say, figuring it sure as hell ain't gonna hurt to be honest with her right now. "Why did you make the first move? Did ya always secretly want in my pants and waited 'til we were both shitfaced to make your move on me?"
"You honestly want to know why?"
"I do, B. Been trying to figure it out for five years. Throw me a bone here, would ya?"
"I don't know why. I keep asking myself that question and I never get the answer."
"You never get the answer you want to hear," I correct her and she groans softly, shaking her head like she doesn't know whether to agree with me or not. "Look, I know you're engaged to that guy you showed up with tonight, but can I have just one thing from you before we both go back to our lives and forget about each other?"
"I don't want to forget about you."
"B, can you I have just one thing?"
"What?"
"You, just for tonight. Just for one more night."
"Just for one more night?"
"We both know we won't work together and you'd never have me that way and that you'd never love me, so can I have this, B?"
Gotta give me credit for trying here. I don't even know where this side of me is coming from, but damn does it ever seem to be working like a charm. Buffy is looking at me in a way I've never seen her look at me before. It kind of makes me wish I had the balls to ask her for more than one night, but I know what I said is true. It'd never work between us and she'd never want me or love me the way I want her and the way that I love her.
Just the way life works and this is Buffy we're talking about here.
"Okay," she says after a few long minutes of silence between us. "I'll give you one more night, Faith."
I know even if I didn't ask her, I'd still get one more night with her. Call me crazy, but it's just a feeling, a vibe I've been getting off her since she ambushed me in the bathroom stall.
"Let's not waste any more time talking. Wasted enough as it is," I say as I reach for her glass of wine and place it back down on the coffee table before I pull her close to me and kiss her nice and deep.
I pull her with me as I get up from the couch, not breaking the kiss as I pick her up and she instantly wraps her legs around me. I make my way to the bedroom and kick the door open. Her hands are in my hair and she's kissing me with such intensity I can hardly feel the rest of my body right now. I let her slide down my body to stand on her feet and my hands are all over her. My fingers hit the zipper on the side of her dress and I slowly slide it down, wanting her naked, but wanting to make tonight last forever at the same time.
Her hands are unbuttoning my shirt unhurriedly as we kiss slowly and deeply, savouring the kiss. I ain't about to fuckin' read too much into how she's being with me either since it was like this the first time. All I know is we both want this and we're both sure as hell are gonna enjoy every last second of it tonight.
I move my lips away from hers and move down to her neck as she slips my shirt off and lets it fall to the floor. Buffy moans as I slip my fingers under the straps on her dress and ease them over her shoulders. Buffy pulls me back towards her lips and its all teeth and tongue, needy and hard. She pulls my tank up and I part from her lips and raise my arms. I ain't about to be the only one half-naked here and I push her dress down until it falls to the floor in a heap around her feet.
I bite my lip as I take a second to look over her. She's wearing matching red panties and a strapless bra and she looks fuckin' sexy as hell right now. Her hands go to the buttons on my jeans and she moves quickly, pushing them down. I step out of them and back her up towards the bed, my fingers already working on getting the clasp on her bra undone.
"Come here," she beckons as she lies back on my bed and leans up on her elbows, staring up at me with heavy-lidded eyes.
She's so fuckin' sexy and dangerous lookin' right now and I just wanna fuck her so good she'll forget about that beefstick she's with, she'll forget about everything else but being right here right now with me.
I kneel between her legs and run my hands up her smooth, strong thighs. I lick over my lips as I tug on her panties and she lifts her hips up a little so I can slide them off. I toss them behind me and crawl up her body to capture her lips in another heated kiss.
My whole body is fuckin' buzzing like no tomorrow. I can feel her all over me, inside of me and we're barely touching each other. I pull back from her lips and stare down into her eyes. I could never really read her just by looking into her eyes and tonight is no different. I lean on one hand and run the other down the length of her lithe body. She's running her hands up and down my arms and staring right back into my eyes. She looks like she wants to say something, but she's holding back. Don't blame her for holding back cos that's exactly what I've been doing tonight.
I breathe in deeply as I move my hand between her legs. She's soaked and so ready for me. I tease her, sliding a single finger over her clit. She arches her whole body in to me and slips a leg between mine as her hands pull my hips down. Suddenly a switch flips on inside me, the one that makes me me. The one that likes fuckin' hard and fast with no feelings attached.
She'll never love me so why should I bother to show her how much I love her?
I plunge two fingers inside her hard and she cries out in pleasure. Her fingers are digging into my hips, pulling me against her thigh as I fuck her nice and hard, burying my fingers to the hilt every time. My lips latch onto the skin where her neck meets her collarbone and I suck and bite as she squirms beneath me.
"Fuck me, Buffy," I say as I lift my head and look down into her eyes. She moans as she throws her head back, her body already giving into the delicious pleasure I'm giving her.
Buffy moves a hand between my legs and slicks her fingers over my wetness. Her eyes close as she slides two fingers inside of me easily. I shudder as she grinds her palm against my clit and I fall forward, burying my face into her neck as she picks up the pace, fucking her fingers inside me at nearly the same steady pace as I'm fucking her.
Everything about this feels so right and so fuckin' wrong and messed up at the same time. It ain't gonna stop me. I'm getting what I want from her even if it's gonna drive me fuckin' crazy for years on an end.
Her body shudders beneath me and I know she's just on the edge, ready to give in to the intense orgasm I can feel building deep inside of her. I'm close, but she's gonna cum first. I kiss her hard as she starts moaning my name and a hand grips my shoulder as she lets herself go. I pull her hand out from between my legs and move down her body, looking up at her as she looks down at me. I lay between her legs and nibble at the tender and soft skin at the apex of her thighs, just shy of her deliciously wet pussy.
I gotta fuckin' taste her. It's been too fuckin' long and I've been waiting for this moment for five long years. I'm hung up on this chick. No surprise there. This is just gonna make it that much harder to watch her walk away after all is said and done.
Get a fuckin' grip, Lehane.
I lick over the length of her pussy, moaning as her sticky sweet cum coats my lips and tongue. I've fucked other chicks since her, but none of them tasted like her. This right here is fuckin' heaven.
"Faith!" Buffy cries out as I latch on to her swollen clit. "Oh god, Faith."
I moan at the way her voice sounds when she says my name like that. It gets right inside of me and it nearly makes me cum just hearing it. I spread her apart and thrust my tongue inside her hot, tight hole and she cries out my name again as her hands go to my head to hold me right where I am. Like I'm gonna be going anywhere anytime soon.
I keep at it, fucking her with my tongue and I move a thumb over her clit, rubbing it until her hips are buckling wildly as another orgasm ripples through her body. I don't let up, not even when she tugs on my hair, silently begging me to give her a minute or two to rest. No way in hell am I gonna do that. I want her to walk away from tonight unable to forget what it's like to be fucked by Faith Lehane.
I turn her over and she instantly is on all fours, her pussy spread before me like a fuckin' Christmas present. I moan at the sight of her like that and know that image is definitely gonna fuel more than a couple hundred thousand fantasies of mine on those lonely nights.
"Fuck, you're so sexy," I murmur as I run my hands over her smooth, pert ass.
"God, Faith," she sighs as she lowers her upper body down to the mattress.
I tease her other hole with the tip of my index finger and she moans loudly as she grips the sheets hard. I move between her legs again, licking her pussy from behind as my hands grip her hips to keep her still. Damn, I really fuckin' wish I owned a strap-on. Would definitely love to fuck her like this. I shake my head and get those thoughts outta my head as I thrust my tongue deep inside her hole. Buffy is fuckin' squealing and she's definitely loving the way I'm making her feel right now.
I'm practically fuckin' worshipping her and I plan to for most of the night. Whether she returns the favour or not, it doesn't matter to me.
Buffy keeps pushing back into me, wanting more. I don't let up and tongue her deeper as I move a hand to rub over her clit. She can't stop moving and moaning and I feel her body shaking a little, buckling under the pleasure I'm giving to her.
I slide my fingers inside her pussy and kiss my way over her backside and to her neck. I press her down into the mattress, still fucking her nice and hard. I move my hand so she can roll over on her back, but it's right back between her legs in seconds. I don't slide my fingers inside of her, instead I spread her and lower myself down. Fuck. She feels so good against me and it ain't gonna take me long to cum when I'm fuckin' her like this.
"Faith," she whispers as she rakes her nails down my back.
That does it. Just the way she says my name has me letting go and toppling over the edge. I kiss her deeply as I cum hard. She grips on to my hips, holding me tight against her. Sweat coats out bodies and I lay on top of her, our kiss becoming slow and lazy.
My heart is pounding hard in my chest as I pull back from her lips. How can I just let her go? How can I have just one more night with her? How can just one more night be enough?
She's gonna fuckin' destroy me and I'm letting her.
"Faith?" Buffy asks as she places her hands on my cheeks and makes me look at her. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, B."
"Tell me."
She's talking to me like I fuckin' matter to her, like she fuckin' cares what's going through this fucked up head of mine. It isn't until she wipes away the tears on my cheeks that I realize I'm fuckin' crying. Do you see what this woman does to me? Breaks down the walls I've got all around me and turns me into a quivering crying mess.
"It's not gonna be enough," I say softly and she frowns as she strokes her thumbs lightly over my cheeks. "One more night is not gonna be enough for me, Buffy."
"I-"
"I ain't asking for more than one night here," I cut her off. "Just saying it ain't gonna be enough for me. I ain't gonna be able to let you go."
"You don't have to let me go, Faith."
"Can't be with you, so letting ya go is the only thing left."
"How about we have one more night…just for now?"
Huh? Sometimes she makes absolutely no sense. Is she trying to say that we can have more than just tonight?
"I-I mean, I can't stop thinking about you, Faith. I felt so bad for the things I said that day. And right now? Do you know what I'm feeling?" She asks and I shake my head no. "I'm feeling like I made a mistake that day, but I still feel like it's too late to do anything about it."
"Never too late, B. I'm all about second chances here. Should know that by now."
"You-god, I can't believe we're having this conversation," she says with a laugh and shakes her head. "You make me feel things that nobody else makes me feel and it scares me a little bit, Faith."
"Why does it scare ya?"
"Because it's you."
I get off her and move to sit at the side of the bed with my back to her. I run my fingers through my hair and sigh heavily. This woman is seriously ruining me. I'm starting to wonder if it's the alcohol she drank tonight that's making her say these things that she'll only take back when she's sober.
"Maybe talking about this isn't such a great idea, B. What we were doing before? That's a better idea."
"I'm not drunk, Faith. I know what I'm saying right now and I'm not going to take it back tomorrow."
"What, you a mind-reader now or something?" I laugh bitterly. I hold my breath as she sits behind me and wraps her arms around me. "B, just tell me what you're trying to say. You said we can have one more night just for now. What the hell does that even mean?"
"It means that it doesn't have to be the last time. It means that maybe when it happens again, it won't be five years from now."
She's stringing up hope that there could be something more between us and it's only gonna make me break harder when it's all over. This woman knows how to play me in ways nobody else ever could cos I never let them. If we have more than one night after this, she's gonna fuckin' know how much I love her and I ain't so sure I'm ready for that.
"What about that beefstick of yours? Ya gonna willingly cheat on him just to be with me whenever you fuckin' want?" I ask her. She moves to straddle my lap and stares right into my eyes. "Didn't take you for a cheater, B."
"We have something between us, Faith."
"No we don't. What we have is fuckin' amazing sex together. Nothing else works. Not even friendship."
"We never really tried."
"No," I say as I make her get off me. "You never tried."
"Can we try now?"
I laugh as I shake my head and pick up her clothes from the floor and toss them at her. How the fuck did we go from fucking to this? I just can't take this conversation right now. It's breaking my fucking heart and I know it's written all over my face.
"I think it's time for you to go, B."
"Go?" Buffy looks confused as she just sits there on my bed holding her clothes in her lap. "Faith, what-"
"Just leave, Buffy."
I grab a pair of old sweat pants and pull them on. I grab my workout t-shirt and put it on as I storm out of the bedroom. I grab the glass of wine I poured earlier and down it quickly before drinking what's left in the glass I poured for her. I'm fighting back so many fuckin' emotions right now and the tears are stinging my eyes.
I can't fall into her trap she's baiting for me. That's all it is, a trap. As much as I fuckin' love her, I fuckin' hate her for making me feel this way and for making me believe I could have one more night with her. I know she might want more of this, of me, for more than just tonight, but I can't do this even if I want it more than I've wanted anything else in my life.
I wanted one more night with her and I got it. She wants more, but I ain't letting her have that.
She's better than that. Better than me.
"Faith, I'm sorry," Buffy says quietly as she comes out of the bedroom. "I shouldn't have said anything."
I don't look at her and I grab the bottle of wine and drink straight from it. I can feel her as she walks up to me and she reaches around to take the bottle from me before I can take another sip.
"I meant what I said about trying to be friends," she says as she steps in front of me so she can look right at me. "Don't you want that, Faith?"
"I used to think I did," I say and I laugh, mostly at myself and how pathetic I sound right now. "I used to want nothing more than to be in your life and to be accepted by you. I wanted you to love me."
Buffy doesn't say anything. She just kisses me. And I let her and I give in, falling all over again. This time it feels different and I know that it is. This will be the last time I let her get this close to me, the last time I let her kiss me or touch me. I know I'm going to regret this too. I know I should give what she's offering me a try even though I know it'll kill me in the end.
This is a goodbye kiss and I think she knows it too.
I can feel her hot tears on my cheeks, mixing with my own as we don't stop kissing. Her arms are wrapped around me and mine are still at my side. I feel my heart breaking as I gently push her away. I turn my face away from her as I wipe away her tears and mine. I just want her to leave and I don't want to watch her walk away.
"I wish things could've been different," she whispers and I nod my head, wishing the same thing.
Buffy wraps her arms around me again and I just want her to stop, but I also don't want her to. Why does everything have to be so fucked up between us? I groan softly as I give in and wrap my arms around her, giving her a tight squeeze before I step out of her embrace.
And I watch her walk to the door even though it's breaking my fuckin' heart. Why can't I just give in? I know why. She's already destroyed me once and I'm not about to let that happen again even though I know letting her go is gonna take me down that same path. I can't win.
"Goodbye, Faith."
I don't say a word as she opens the door and steps outside. My heart feels like it's locked in a vice and it almost hurts to breathe. I wanted one more night with the one person in the entire world that I love and cannot have, but when I asked for it, I didn't think it was gonna end like this.
I don't move and I ain't sure how long it's been since she left, but I'm just standing here in the middle of the living room with my mind in a fog.
Tonight could've been perfect. In some ways it kind of was, as fuckin' messed up as it is. It was perfect until the moment we started talking. The whole talking thing is one thing we've never been good at, no matter how little or how many words we actually use. Always ends up the same way with her walking away. Tonight will forever be burned into my mind the same way the first time we were together is, but this time it's gonna be what she said to me that I'll remember, not the mind-blowing sex we had and how I fuckin' worshipped her the way I did.
I know I have to try to let her go and it's gonna be impossible to after tonight. Maybe this is one of those curveballs in life I just can't avoid, just can't forget and let go of. Maybe Angel was right when he said it's impossible to not be in love with Buffy Summers.
There's just something about her…