I'll Leave the Light On
Summary: Nathan dies in a car accident, shortly after season five finale. This is Jamie's thoughts through the years after his father's death, how he will never forget him.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of One Tree Hill- I wish I own James Lafferty, but we all can't be happy.
A/n: I hope everyone enjoys this- I feel bad always killing Nathan off, but I just go with the ideas that pop in my head. It makes me sad- but I just feel I am the best at writing tragedy. I think it is weird because I don't have a life like Peyton or anything. I just love trying to get tears out of people. And I love Naley. Enjoy!
January, 2009
It's been a year Daddy. A year since your accident. I miss you lots. You are the greatest Daddy in the world. I think about you everyday. I started Kindergarten today. I really want you to come home, but I know you can't. Mommy is sad lots of the time. She tries to smile a lot but I know she is sad. I wish you would make her stop crying.
Uncle Lucas says that you are in a safe place now. That you are always watching me and Momma. When will I see you again? Is it soon?
Momma and me went swimming yesterday. We don't swim a lot anymore, Momma always says she is busy, but Uncle Skills told me that it reminds her of you. Why would she want to think of you? Uncle Skills says she does want to but it hurts cause you aren't here anymore. We miss you. I don't want Momma to hurt no more. I don't want to hurt no more either.
I saw Grandpa Dan last week. He was really said. He said he missed you. H e said that once he got a new heart he could start over with us. But you are gone. He said he would try to see me more. Then Momma came outside and yelled a lot. I miss him too.
We had your favorite dinner tonight. I ate all of it so Mommy would be happy. Uncle Lucas gave me a picture of us. I put it by my bed so you will always see me. Do you see me? I hope you do. I wish I could see you one last time. I try to smile but it hurts. It hurts in my tummy. How do I make it stop hurting? Are you sure you aren't coming home?
I'll leave the light on for you okay? Just in case.
I love you, Daddy. I miss you.
March 2011
Daddy, I just wanted to say that I met my new best friend today. Her name is Jackie. She has red hair and pretty blue eyes. She is the prettiest girl I have ever seen. She played with me on the playground today. I think I love her. She makes me feel happy. I haven't felt this happy since you were here and I love you, so I guess that means I love her.
You are still my best friend Daddy, I just think I need her. I don't know why.
Grandpa Dan is still trying to see me. Momma said to stop talking about him. She said it would make you unhappy. I stopped bothering her about it. I don't want to upset you.
Uncle Lucas married Aunt Brooke last weekend. We all had fun. Momma smiled a lot, so I was happy.
The light is still on for you okay? Just in case.
I love you, Daddy. I miss you.
August, 2016
Hi, Daddy. It's me again. I wish you were here. I am kind of mad. Aunt Brooke set Mommy up on a date with another guy. I don't like him. Is that wrong? She says his name was Mitch. What kind of name is that? She didn't even want to go, but Aunt Brooke forced her. Mommy came home crying. I heard Aunt Brooke and Uncle Lucas talking about her once she went to bed. They said she wasn't ready. Brooke kept saying it has been nine years. I feel like it was just yesterday. I'm sorry I distracted you driving. Otherwise you might still be here. And Momma might not be so sad. I'm really sorry.
Mommy doesn't know what happened. I might tell her soon. At least she would be able to blame me. I miss you lots Daddy. I will never stop missing you. I know Momma feels that same way.
Jackie and me visited your today in the cemetery. She said she would have really liked to meet you. Momma cried after we dropped Jackie at home.
I'm still leaving the light on for you okay? Just in case. Whenever you want, come home.
I love you, Daddy. I miss you.
June 2017
Daddy, Momma is real mad at me. I told her what really happened when you died. I told her I was talking to you and yelling in the car over the basketball game we won. That's why you drove off the road, when you gave me that high five.
She just looked at me shocked. She cried a lot. But I'm used to that, she does it every night. She thinks I don't hear her, but I do.
I started basketball camp last week. I'm thinking of quitting. It doesn't really feel worth it without you. I wanted you as my coach, not Mr. Craig. I asked for number twenty three, but Billy wouldn't give it to me. I wanted to hit him, but I knew you would be disappointed. I got twenty two. Momma says that was Grandpa Keith's number. I said it was okay, but it really isn't.
The light is still on, every night.
I love you, Daddy. I miss you.
October 2019
Hey Dad, I tried out for the Ravens today. I made Varsity. I asked for Twenty three. I finally got it. I think it was because Mom had talked to the Coach- Uncle Lucas .
I got all honors classes on my Freshman schedule. Mom said you would be proud. She's dating some guy, named Nick or something. He won't last. She doesn't smile like she did when you were around, that's how I know. She says that she likes him, but she does that stupid half smile, she doesn't realize that when she she does it, her eyes scream what she is really feeling-sadness.
Uncle Lucas says that I will beat all of your records. He said you would want me to. I will, just because you would want me to.
Mom asked me today if I really wanted to play basketball , or if I was just doing it to be close to you. She said no one ever asked you that question. I never really thought of it, I don't know. I like playing. I think of you when I play. I like thinking of you. I want to make you proud I guess. Am I making you proud? I hope so.
I kissed Jackie last weekend. We were at a party celebrating surviving the first month of school and I kissed her. I think she is my girlfriend now. I'm not exactly sure. She sort of smiled then ran away. I could really use you right now Dad.
Lights on.
I miss you Dad. I love you.
April 2022
Uncle Lucas told me a story about you and Mom today. She said you guys got married in Junior year of high school? I am a junior right now! You guys were crazy.
How can you be sure? How did you know Mom was the one for you when you were that young? I've known Jackie longer than you knew Mom. I love her. I'm sure she is the one for me. I don't think I'll get married in high school. Uncle Lucas said you wouldn't want that. Jackie wants to wait. She got a little freaked when I told her you and Mom's story. I calmed her down.
Uncle Lucas had his 100 win coaching for the Ravens. He was really excited. I scored thirty points that game. I hope you were watching. Mom was gonna come, but she ran out of the gym. I hope she was okay. She said she was, but I really don't believe her.
Mom told me that Nick asked her to marry him. She said no to him. She was crying again yesterday and this morning. I told her if she really wanted to married him, she could, but she told me she couldn't. She said she didn't love him. I was happy when she told me that. I feel pretty bad it made me feel that way.
She still loves you , you know? I hear her talking to you everyday. She always sounds so happy when she does. She says "Always and Forever" a lot. I'm assuming that means something to the both of you. I'll aske Uncle Luke later.
I thought she would stop as the years went by, but she hasn't and I hope she never stops, it's one of the only times she laughs. I kind of wish that I knew what you guys talk about.
Lights on.
I miss you Dad. I love you.
June 23, 2023
Hey Dad, I graduated from High school today. I got MVP for basketball. Duke offered me a Full Scholarship. Jackie is coming too, she surprised me last week. I was so happy we wouldn't have to be separated. We both graduated with honors. Jackie got Valedictorian. I was so proud of her.
Mom was happy, well as happy as expected. She still cries a lot. I have been getting really good at being able to tell if they are happy or sad tears. Today they were happy, but they rarely ever are.
Can I tell you a secret? I went and bought a ring today. It's for Jackie. I want to ask her to marry me. I just don't know when to do it. Is there anyway you can give me a sign? She means the world to me, you know?
Lights on.
I miss you everyday. I love you Dad.
July 3, 2023
I asked Jackie to marry me today. She said yes! I really was surprised she did. The ring was burning a hole in my pocket, because I was carrying it around everywhere. I did it when we came back to the house. Mom wasn't home. We decided to get some food.
Then she asked me if I wanted Mac and cheese- she said she had been craving it. I said yes right then. I asked you for a sign and I think that was it, but I wanted to be sure.
So she pulled out all the stuff she needed to make the food. She was talking about something- then I heard her say something- something that told me right then that this was the time to do it.
She said, "My mom asked me what we would do at college. Break up, or try and keep being together. I told her that we would be together always and forever. Am I right?"
I asked her to marry me right after she said that.
We haven't told anybody yet. I am scared to tell Mom. I'm afraid she will be mad. We decided we aren't going to get married for a while, not for a year or two. I want to give her a wedding she deserves.
I know everything is going to be alright. I just want you to know, I don't think I'll be writing you much anymore. It just really hurts. I miss you so much - I need to try and move on- not forget, just try to move on. I think about you and the past a lot- the whole what could have been ideas. It hurts to know Jackie will never know you. That my kids will never know you. Pain runs through me every time I think about it. It's become to much.
The light will always be on for you, just in case.
I'll miss you forever. I love you.
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