Heyo! Remember how I told you guys how I was going to write a Stanman multi chapter fic? Well guess what…Here it is! I might make some changes now and again so you should probably double check each chapter just in case. I hope you like this story I'm throwing at you! In this fic, I'm going to try my best to make Cartman seem more like, well, Cartman! It's also Cartman's POV! But at the beginning of every Chapter it's Stan's POV. Feel free to make some suggestions for each chapter! I'd really appreciate it! Please R&R as well! Enjoy! =^.^=

Stan's POV

Every night I dream that someone out there will find me and make me happy again.

But I convince myself every time that it's nothing but a mere dream.

I'm trying my best to figure out exactly who I am and how I stand in this world. I want to know who I'll become, who I'll dedicate my life to…

Who I'll live my life with.

It's kind of hard to try to figure those things out when I don't know my sexuality. I had a history with Wendy, but was never happy each time I dated her. I know I'm either straight or gay. I can't be both.

I just wish I had someone to face the struggle with. That's all I ask for…

Significant Other: The Struggle

You're such a fag!

Try not to be so gay, dude!

Why can't you be a normal guy!

I don't know why, but every time I hear kids saying those phrases to gays, I feel anger boiling up inside my stomach. For once in my life, I feel sorry for the homos. But the scary thing is…

I'm the one saying those things to them.

Why do I feel sorry for them when I'm the one saying those things? Is it because it makes other people laugh? Or is it because I am just a fucked up person who is picking on gay kids when, at the same time I feel bad for them?

Either way, it's all fucked up shit. I always end up regretting me ever saying it after the words spill out of my throat. I've never felt sorry for anybody! So why now?

Maybe it's because Stan is stuck in the closet…

No! No way would I ever feel bad for that hippie! I'm not supposed to feel bad for him! I'm supposed to hate him! I'm Eric fucking Cartman, damn it!

But then again…he's been with me through the end of every crisis we've ever had in this town…

No that doesn't mean anything. Just means that…he's a good friend.

"GAW! Why am I thinking about him so much! He's not my problem!" I screamed out loud while watching tv with my mom. She looked at me, obviously worried, and I took off up stairs. I collapsed onto my bed screaming into a pillow when I heard a knock at my door.

"Eric honey is something wrong? What's the matter?" my mom asked. I hated it when people feel apathetic for me. I mostly hate it when I fell that way. It's so stupid.

The next day at school, I was walking down the halls to my first period class. I have so much on my mind. So many questions I need me to answer.

Sometimes I think about what sexuality I am. I try to picture myself with a girl, and for some reason, it makes me feel sick. I've taken so many quizzes on the internet and every single one of them answered...i couldn't believe it…gay!

I picture myself with another dude and it feels…not sickening to the gut. I don't even know why. If only someone knows what I'm going through.

Then all of a sudden I was knocked out of my thoughts when someone had run into me. I fell to the ground and rubbed my head.

I looked up and I saw that he was the one who had run into me. I saw Stan sit up in front of me and rubbed his back. Then looked at me.

"I'm sorry Cartman. I didn't know where I was going." He said picking up the papers he had dropped from the collision. I couldn't stop staring at him. Something seemed different about him. Oh my God.

Where did he get that black eye?

It definitely looked like someone had beat him. His whole face was bruised and scratched up!

I quickly got up and helped him pick up the papers he had dropped while staring at his big hulking black eye. Stan noticed this and turned red.

"What? You never seen a bruised eye before or something? Why don't you take a picture!" he said, hiding his face. That was a huge slap in the fucking face.

"What the hell happened to you? Was your boyfriend rough with you last night?" I said laughing. I immediately took it back when I saw the look Stan gave me. His eyes actually well up with tears. He gathered his papers and ran down the halls.

I stayed in that same spot. Now I feel like an asshole! I know that he doesn't have a boyfriend, but come on! Why did I have to make him cry? Maybe the rumors about his step dad are actually true.

Maybe Paul really is abusing him.

Every week he comes to school with a bruise on his face, but he looked really, really bad. The rumor started the third week he came to school with a black eye. The rumors soon spread to teachers and he had to see the guidance counselor. She asked him if the rumors are true and he denies it ever happened. But I, and everybody else, can tell how hurt he is.

Last year was when Paul and Sharon got married. Ever since then, Stan has been…different. He ended up going emo all over again. Kyle tried to talk him out of it, but unlike last time, it didn't make a difference. He was hurt. Bad too.

Last time he became goth, it was because Wendy broke up with him. Some people think he is still upset about that, while others think it's something way bigger than a simple break up.

Even I can see that.

Last time, he got over it and moved on with his life. But this time, he's struggling.

At lunch, I decided to confront Stan in Mr. Ryan's room, the math teacher. He's been a TA for his class all semester and the way the teacher looks at him is kind of creepy. Students think that Stan and Mr. Ryan are having sex in the classroom during lunch break. I can see why.

But Stan always goes in there to help prepare for his next class. I walked into Mr. Ryan's room and saw Stan hanging up stupid mathematics posters on the wall. But it was kind of creepy with Mr. Ryan staring at him the way he is.

Stan was on one of the chairs, reaching up high to where Mr. Ryan wants the poster to be hung. Mr. Ryan was looking directly at his ass. That scared the shit out of me. I saw him reaching out to him and putting his hands on his hips.

"You're almost there Stan."

That greedy bastard. I decided to do something before he rapes Stan right in front of me.

"Hey Stan." I greeted. I obviously got that horny asshole to get his dirty hands off of Stan.

You fucker…

Stan turned and looked at me. Mr. Ryan just excused Stan and gave me a glare. Like I'm not used to it. We both took a seat by the window sill and took out our lunch.

"What do you want?" he said, still emotional.

"I'm s-sorry I made you cry. I didn't mean to-"

"Wait a second. You're…apologizing?" I looked at him saying nothing.

"What? I can't apologize?"

Whoa…easy Cartman…you don't want to see the hippie cry again.

He looked at me, and to the floor.

"I'm sorry Eric…I'm just…I didn't get any sleep last night" he said trying not to cry. I got suspicious.

"Why? What happened?" I asked curious. He closed his eyes and shook his head. I saw a tear fall down his cheek. My face fell and I felt my heart well and my throat go dry. I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Cartman…I…I'm sorry but I can't tell you…You wouldn't understand."

He tried so hard not to cry. Usually, I would just mock him and encourage him to cry just so I can laugh at him. No, that's what I do to Kyle. Only because I hate his guts. No Stan means more to me than that. I've never really hated him. I actually always had liked him.

I started to rub his back to calm him down. Then he looked up and asked a question that I dreaded him to ask.

"Hey…why are you so nice to me all of a sudden anyways?" he asked. I looked at the floor, trying to search for and answer.

"Because…I don't know. I guess because I-" the bell just had to fucking cut me off! Stan stood up and looked down at me.

"Meet me at Starks Pond tonight at four. Okay? I want you to answer some questions I have, and I'll answer that you have."

My ears perked to the sound of that.

Now he'll have to answer any question I have…

Any question.

Now I'll find out about Mr. Ryan and his step dad.

Hey! Well that was a ground breaker in my opinion. I don't think I did a very good job with Cartman though…sorry I didn't make him seem like him. ^^; Please R&R and don't worry! There's more to come! Find out what happens in the next chapter!

xoxo

[:everlasting-luv:]