Wisconsin, Tennessee, & the Man I Want To Be, a twilight fanfic

FanFic My FanFic Contest

Name of the Fic I'm Fan-Fic'ing: Scotch Gin & the New Girlby: jandco & wtvoc

Word Count: 8,668

Full Summary: After graduation Jasper has his 'to do' list. Of all the places he wants to see and things he'd like to do in each place. After winding up in a few bad spots, can he make the best out of his situation? Will he ever get his happy ending? (O/S Future-Take in Jasper POV)

To view other entries, go here: http:/www (.) fanfiction (.) net/~fanficmyfanfic

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except for a teensy little bit of this one/shot's plot progression. Stephenie Meyer and Jandco/WTVOC own the rest. Kudos to them, they're geniuses. :))

Wisconsin, Tennessee, & the Man I Want To Be

Jasper

Plans.

They were bane of my free living existence. Everyone surrounding me had them. Living to work, working to live, but not really living.

Not my philosophy.

I'm a wanderer, I wouldn't have it any other way. I do what I want to do. The only promises I bother with are the ones I make to myself. Not to sound like a sappy bastard, but when you've grown up like I have, with everything you've ever wanted at your finger tips, right there for the taking, you're destined to live for yourself. Or in Emmett's words, "do whatcha gotta do, for you" or whatever the hell he's always going on about.

It's been three years since graduation. I followed my path and have spent the last three years traveling all over the continental U.S.

I started by tracking down our old nanny from Texas, met her family, and enjoyed the beaches and sea food of Galveston. During my stay, I got my picture taken at Swan Lake, and had to send that picture to La Bella, of course.

I went to New Orleans. I not only furthered my musical abilities, but I lived the cultural experiences, tasted the food, and tried my luck with the ladies. None held her appeal though.

They weren't Alice.

After a restless couple of weeks I made my way to Tennessee. I sent some Gentlemen's Jack to Edward, as I intended to. I visited Graceland, and got the whole tourist experience.

I walked the shady streets of Memphis, always looking over my shoulder, moving through like the wanderer I was. No one took a second look at me, I was never mugged. I didn't look like I had anything, not an heir to a small family fortune, not some rich kid from Forks, Washington. Just another guy, looking for something unattainable, yet not knowing what it was.

After Memphis I went to Nashville. I figured I would love it, country music isn't necessarily my style, but I figured anyone could fit in. I fit in fine enough. It was there that someone coaxed me into playing and singing in seedy bars for Thursday open mic nights. It was also where I got addicted to cocaine, because every dead beat musician that I ran into assured me it would help me improve my craft. I was kind of lonely, it was the thing to do in the group I was hanging with.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not normally the type to conform, or give into peer pressure. But I missed my friends, I missed Alice. I eventually got thinking about all of the successful drummers she had been with and something inside of me thought that maybe, if I were successful, she'd want me, too.

I didn't go to Nashville looking for stardom, and I didn't find it either.

Instead, I found my spending cash depleted and my body strung out. I was almost 30 pounds lighter than when I had left Forks. I looked disgusting and felt completely unworthy of my family and loved ones.

After a few nights of sleeping on the street I finally broke down and called my Ma. I knew she was getting my credit card bills, and therefore would see anything I purchased with it. I didn't want my checking into a Rehab facility to give her a heart attack, or break her heart.

Instead I broke it by telling her... everything.

Everywhere I'd gone, everything I'd seen... and my new dependence... I tried lightening the mood by telling her I had slowly gotten addicted to booger sugar. She didn't laugh. She cried, almost the entire phone conversation. When she finally stopped crying, she yelled. I had never been in so much trouble with her in my life. She was worried sick.

I finally talked her into letting me stay away from Forks to get treatment. I didn't want that town to see me like this. I couldn't let them see me broken. This was not me. This was not Jasper Talbot Whitlock.

Instead I packed up the GTO and got the hell out of Tennessee. I went north to New York, the drive absolutely miserable, between cravings and getting sick, but I made it in less time than it probably should have taken.

As soon as I arrived I checked into SoberRecovery, a place for people who have substance and/or alcohol addictions. The entire place was a sight to see. It covered 54 acres and had 129 slots for people with problems like mine.

The staff was very patient and kind. They immediately tested me for various STD's and other types of illnesses I could have contracted while being on the streets. Cocaine really fucks with your sex drive; I had been insane with sexual urges almost the entire time I was hooked. The good thing is, for the most part, I still used discretion... and condoms. I hadn't contracted anything other than a shitty life altering habit and a busted ego.

I spent a few months in the facility, copious amounts of time in group therapy and on my own. Before all of this I had been a pretty free spirited, laid back kind of guy. They helped me find him again.

During the transition I decided I needed to continue on my journey. I wouldn't return to Forks until I knew I was absolutely ready. I would, however, keep in much better contact with my family. The doctors said that I needed them for moral and emotional support, in case I started having withdrawals.

There was also a likelihood that I could develop some type of depression after rehabilitation, so they set me up with a Sponsor; someone to guide and encourage me throughout the recovery process. Her name was Maria, she was in her middle thirties, and was all around- a cool ass lady.

She told me about her life, and how she came to live in the United States when she was in her early twenties. One summer she came to the U.S. looking for work, planning to go back home at the end of the summer. She and a few friends had been working in Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin at a resort when she met and fell in love with her husband, Ben. He was a few years older than her, and was attending the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health, just finishing up his education to become a doctor.

At the end of the summer they decided to get married out of desperation, afraid they'd never be able to see each other again, and desperate to be together. Eighty percent of the time those relationships don't last, but Maria and Ben are still going strong over ten years later. He was offered a job at the Mount Sinai hospital in New York a couple of years ago, so they packed up their family and never looked back.

Ben is the reason Maria decided to become a sponsor for people with addictions. Every day she heard stories about him saving people, helping people, giving back to everyone around him. She wanted to give, too. I was thankful for her.

I told her all about my life, my friends, family, and Alice. Often when I spoke of Alice I'd see a twinkle in Maria's eyes and a small smile appear on her face. Eventually she called me out on my feelings, and encouraged me to never give up hope on love. She always said life is what happens when people are busy making plans, and that I should make each moment count because you can't get it back once it's gone.

At first I thought she was telling me to run back to Alice with my tail tucked between my legs and beg her to be with me. I mean- shit, the lady was cryptic. But what she really meant was for me to continue on my way, to see all of the things I needed to see, and that eventually if everything is meant to be, love would find its way.

I decided to take her advice and it hadn't led me astray yet.

When it finally came time for my discharge, Maria and her husband decided to let me rent out their guesthouse. I was astounded. How many people do you know that would let someone recovering from a bad drug addiction, stay on their property with their family? Not many.

But I guess Maria knew me... probably better than I knew myself. After all, it is sort of her job. She knew I'd rather harm myself than her family, and she also knew that she was probably the closest person to me that could keep me from doing myself any harm.

Maria didn't think it'd be a good idea for me to see the city alone, so she came with me. We walked beside rich men and poor men simultaneously.

Like Memphis, I saw the bright side of the city, and the harsh darker side. We didn't get too far into the bad places though. I'd never put her in danger, and I didn't want to push her out of her comfort zone.

I stayed in New York for the rest of the year, and well into spring. I decided I'd leave in May and go wherever the road took me.

Maria and I kept in touch as I headed west with my GTO. Ma called every day and I talked to La Bella just as often. She had been very worried about me, but promised to not let anything get back to Alice, Emmett, or Rosalie. Besides my parents, Bella and Edward were the only ones who knew about my past addiction. I was unsure if I'd ever tell Emmett. Rosalie was a black hearted witch and realistically, I saw no reason for her to know. But if I ever intended to have a future I'd have to tell Alice. I prayed that this time apart had done her some good and maybe she'd grown up a bit.

I guess only time will tell.

Instead of going home right away I took a detour and ended up in Wisconsin. Finally, it was time for me to learn how to make cheese.

I thought it was fate when I saw the exit sign for Lake Delton/Wisconsin Dells. So I took that exit. I also decided to do something I'd never done before, I got a job. Like Maria I tried my hand at a resort job, and ended up lifeguarding. I liked it well enough, the pay was crap, but I didn't need it.

I got to spend my days in the sun, flirting with bikini clad women and enjoying the friendly atmosphere. It literally took me a week to stop wearing my cheese head hat. I loved it so much I sent one to Edward and Emmett. They apparently did not approve, but whatever. They never did like my taste in style much. They didn't know what they were missin'.

I spent the summer in red swim trunks and sunscreen. Had a few flings with some girls I worked with, and befriended a lot of nice people. Luckily I was twenty one now, and wouldn't have to bother with a fake I.D. or bribing people to get into the local clubs.

The night life was pretty laid back compared to Vegas, but for a not so large city in Wisconsin, it was hoppin'. I stuck to my Gin and made sure not to overdo it. I never wanted to find myself back in rehab again.

Quite often, I'd end up at a club called Kahunaville, which had a jungle theme and was attached to a hotel called Kalahari. The entire resorts theme from what I gather, being as astute as I am would be a desert/jungle theme. It's kind of trippy when you've had one too many glasses of Tanqueray.

Other nights the girls would drag me down to Marley's, a Jamaican themed club. Outside had enormous lit palm tree decorations and area heaters. The club had two stories; the upstairs had pool tables and a bar, and the downstairs was a complete and total dance floor/bar area that led to an outside dance floor/bar area.

The music was always so loud you could feel it pulse through your veins, and the girls were always looking for someone to take them home. Out of the two places I preferred Marley's laid back atmosphere, and the drinks were cheaper, so you'd have a better variety of people in the crowd.

Most nights I'd play pool with some of the people from work, but tonight I was restless. After a quick stop in Kahunaville, and cruising the strip bars, I ended up at Marley's with a few friends. They went right upstairs, while I lingered down on the first level and got myself a stiff drink. After knocking back three or four my brain started to get a little fuzzy and I could feel the warmth of a fresh buzz spreading through my limbs.

The music was shit, always some poppy or rap mess. Not that I minded rap, I'd been forced to tolerate it since, well... forever, because of Emmett. But the rap here was mainly top 40's and always mixed with some Britney or Fergie song. The song that was currently playing was no exception. It was Piece of Me, by Britney Spears. I should be slapped just for knowing the name and artist. But I did go to Forks High, lifestyle of the rich and famous, after all.

I couldn't stop my eyes from rolling as all of the girls hooted and hollered, jumping up on the tables to do sexy dances against the faux trees and grinding on other equally excited females. I started wandering around, bumping into couples dirty dancing, and maneuvering through the sweaty throng of inebriated people.

Suddenly I collided with a very small girl, somewhere around Alice's height, but she had bright hazel eyes and reddish brown hair. She looked really upset, and at the time I wasn't sure if it was because she'd had too much alcohol or if it was something else entirely. I led her back to the bar and bought her a drink, I made her laugh, and we talked about ourselves. Her name was Charlotte, but she preferred Charlie. I'd be lying if I said Chief Swan's face didn't flash before my eyes at first... afterwards it was kind of hilarious.

Later that night, I brought her back to my place. It was the first time I had been intimate with someone since I'd checked into rehab. I wasn't quite sure how it would be, considering I didn't have any mind altering substances, I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it. I was wrong.

After stumbling through my door in a drunken lusty haze we quickly made our way into my bedroom. I laid her down and kissed her for what seemed like hours, but was probably just minutes. We learned each others' bodies and worshipped each other. I'm pretty sure it was the first time I had ever made love to someone before, and to be honest, it kinda scared the shit outta me.

I knew I wasn't in love with Charlie, but that night she showed me that there was more to sex than just hooking up with someone. Which was kind of ironic, because that's exactly what this was, a drunken hook up.

Charlie slipped out the door before I woke up the next morning, never to be seen again... or so I thought.

A few weeks later there was a huge car show in the Dells called Automotion. People came from miles around to show off their cars, and the winner won a cash prize. I somehow found myself with the weekend off of work, and was excited to show off the GTO; maybe burn some rubber, drag race on the strip... the usual weekend activity.

After a few hours of driving around I decided to get out and walk the strip. I walked into the bowling alley to see if anyone I knew was at the bar, and I was about ready for a drink. Suddenly, I felt a soft tap on my back and when I turned around it was Charlie.

"Hey Stranger," I drawled to her and pulled her close for a hug.

She gave me her best flirtatious grin, "Hey yourself."

We talked for a while again, and I asked how she had been. We exchanged pleasantries, and after the DJ got done setting up I asked her if she wanted to dance. She politely agreed and we made our way to the dance floor just as Savage's, Swing started. I liked the song well enough, it was a nice song to dirty dance to, and Charlie didn't disappoint.

Girl was saucy.

As soon as the opening music started she turned her back to me and started thrusting her little hips against me.

Oh shit, shake that ass ma, move it like a gypsy.
Stop, whoa, back it up, now let me feel your hips swing.
Oh shit, shake that ass ma, move it like a gypsy.
Stop, whoa, back it up, now let me feel your hips swing.

She slung her arm back, and was caressing the back of my neck with her soft fingers. I felt most of my blood rush down to my pants, which were camo today by the way. Yes, I am a smooth mother fucker. I pulled her hips hard against mine, letting her feel my half chubby, and started grinding against her as she swayed to the beat.

Now drop it low and let me see your hips swing.
Down to the floor now let me see your hips swing.
Now drop it low and let me see your hips swing.
Down to the floor now let me see your hips swing.

She leaned forward, dropping down low, and slid her way back up my body. I lost all coherent thought. This girl was about to make me lose my shit. She was feisty like La Bella, but had the pure look of innocence like Alice. Her confidence alone could land her any guy in this bar, shit... probably in this entire city... and her body sure wasn't ugly.

Charlie spun around to face me and wrapped one leg around my left leg slowly, rubbing against me and letting me feel her heat through our pants. My hands immediately found purchase on her ass and I pushed her against me while she began to lean back, giving me a nice view of her chest.

Uh oh, lean back, girl you got some mean racks.
You got a mean ass and I really mean that.
But can't you see that I need a girl that can move.
Make her hips swing and look just like you.

She looked up at me then and gave me a wicked smile, biting her lip and grinding a little harder against me.

But come to think about it, I think this club is crowded.
It's kinda hard to do your thing when everyone's surrounding.
So let me form a circle, everybody step back.
I heard somebody yell, "Savage, where the chorus at?"

I knew if she stayed in this position there was a fifty/fifty chance that I'd end up blowing my load in my drawers, and I was NOT about to go and do something like that. I spun her around, put one hand on her side, right by her right breast and the other on her left hip and continued to move with her to the beat of the music.

I could feel her about ready to glide back down my body again, but I didn't think I could take it. My body was on fire, the muscles in my stomach where tight and I was sweating like crazy. I grabbed her shoulders and swiftly pulled her off of the dance floor to a more secluded area by the bathrooms. The music was still clear as day where we were, but now I was going to make her feel exactly what she was doing to me.

Now drop it low and let me see your hips swing.
Down to the floor now let me see your hips swing.
Now drop it low and let me see your hips swing.
Down to the floor now let me see your hips swing.

I shoved her against the wall and attacked her mouth with force, kissing her as hard and as deep as I could. Now that the sexual side of me had been awakened from its dormant slumber, I was craved. I wanted to be inside something warm and wet all of the time. Not that I acted on it, but I still fantasized way more than I ever had before. It was pretty ridiculous.

Uh oh, let it pop, ladies drop it like it's hot.
Hell yeah, that's the spot, now bring it back to the top.
Stop! Whoa, now back it up, now back it up.
Let it rise then watch it dump, shaking your junk in the trunk.

I thrust my hips hard against her and slipped my hands under her legs to pull her up a bit further. I could hear her moans clear as day over the music, and she wouldn't stop pushing back against me.

Now drop it low and let me see your hips swing.
Down to the floor now let me see your hips swing.
Now drop it low and let me see your hips swing.
Down to the floor now let me see your hips swing.

"Unnhh, Jasper, not here. Not here." She was trying to shake her head back and forth, but I kept kissing her relentlessly.
I began carrying her out of the bar when she squirmed out of my grip, "Hold on, let me grab my purse." She quickly ran back and grabbed her coat and purse, and then we made our way out into the humid night.

"Fuck, my car is parked way down on the other side of the strip. It'll take forever to walk to it." I bitched, pissed off that I couldn't take her, right now. I wasn't really against public sex, but if she wouldn't even let me feel her up in a bar, I doubt she'd let me have sex with her in an alley.

"No worries, I've gotcha covered." She briskly walked around to the back of the building into the parking lot. I followed, watching her ass as she walked. Fearing that my erection might actually pop out of my pants, which is crazy because normally these bad mother fuckers are loose on me. I was straining against them now.

She walked right up to a cherry red GTO and began fumbling with her keys. My heart stopped. This car was amazing, it might even be better than mine. Fully restored, immaculate condition, black leather interior. I had to slide my hand down over my junk to insure one of the buttons on my pants wouldn't pop off and chip the paint.

"This is yours?" the trembling in my voice didn't go unnoticed by her.

She smirked devilishly at me, "It's my Dad's. You had better be a good boy and keep it clean."

"Girl, the things I want to do to you are far from unclean." I retorted huskily.

I could see her knees shake as she finally got the door unlocked. She reached over and lifted the lock on my door so I could hop inside. Then, she started the car and tore ass out of the parking lot, heading on the highway out of town.

"We could go to my place?" I offered.

She shook her head, "No. I've always wanted to fuck in this car, but it's too busy in the city right now with all the tourists. I'm not giving anyone a free show."

I couldn't argue with that.

Once we were a few miles out of town she pulled into an empty auto body shop parking lot, and parked in the back.

We quickly scrambled into the back seat, she dissolved into a fit of light giggles at my haste, and I couldn't help but chuckle huskily with her. We were all worked up, and ready to go, but now that we were here, and had been here before, I didn't really know how to start. This girl was different. One, I was sleeping with her a second time, and two, she was laid back, chill as hell. A real down to earth type of personality. She didn't seem to care about others opinions, she just seemed like the type who wanted to make it through the day, the best way she knew how. It was refreshing, it was admirable.

She must have sensed my hesitation and rambling thoughts because she reached her hand over and cupped my cheek softly. "Hey, are you okay? We don't have to do this...?"

I smiled in return and leaned in to kiss her softly. "Of course I want to, you're just... not like most girls." I admitted, reluctantly.

The smile she returned was big and bright. It did weird things to my stomach. "You're not like most guys either, Jasper. But, I want you to know... I have no expectations; let's just enjoy our time together. I know this isn't your home, and this isn't where your heart is." She softly pressed her other hand against my chest.

"But while you're here, we can keep each other company. You won't have to be so lonely." One side of her mouth lifted in a soft smile, I could see it was genuine, she meant everything she was saying.

I nodded and kissed her again softly, she returned the kiss with more fervor. I slid my hands to her hips and pulled her on top of me, wanting to feel her closer to me.

Charlie moaned into my mouth as my hands roamed her body over her clothes. I quickly slipped her shirt up over her head and helped her slip her jeans off.

The friction she was creating by grinding her hips into mine was amazing. She tugged my shirt up over my head and had my pants and boxers down to my ankles within a few minutes, I kicked them off as I unclasped her bra. Soon I was naked, and she was in just her lacey boy shorts.

A few kisses and tender touches later, her panties were discarded and I was burying myself inside of her, across the black leather of that sweet, sweet cherry red 1964 Pontiac GTO.

I was so sure I wouldn't forget that moment, that it would surely be etched in my mind. Maybe in some ways it has. Sometimes I still think of Charlie's smiling face when I smell leather, or eat cheese- I'll explain that one later, or... well if I'll be honest, I still think of Charlie a lot. But not like that, I know that she and I were temporary. A means to an end, but she will always be a dear friend to me. She taught me the real meaning behind setting something free, and if it's meant to be, it finding its own way.

Charlie was smart like that; she was smart in a lot of ways. An old soul if you will.

We spend the majority of the summer together, I told her one of the first reasons I had wanted to visit Wisconsin was to make some cheese, and she insisted I apply part time at a cheese factory a few miles away from her house.

I wasn't crazy about having two jobs, so I quit my lifeguarding job and rented a farm house closer to the cheese factory. I spent a lot of time with Charlie and her friends, hanging out, fishing with her and her dad, and hanging out at her work.

Turns out, Charlie's dad owned a bar in a small town near my work, so when I'd get done I'd stop in and see either her or him- whoever was working that day. They took turns, if he had something going on or wanted to go golfing she'd work, if she wanted off for a random weekend or had something going on during the week he'd work. It was actually kind of neat.

Charlie and I would often talk about my friends back home. I was open and honest with her about everything; from my long term crush on the unattainable Alice, to my momentary consideration of Bella. I even told her about Rosalie and her sick and twisted games, Edward's twisted Mommy Dearest, the rumors about Bella's family, the money, the towns misshapen view of society, the praise for conformity, all of it.

Charlie loved it; it was all so surreal to her, like a soap opera or something. She remembered the important people like Alice, Bella, Edward, and Emmett, but she had animal names as references for everyone which was weird, but I understood why she did it.

Alice- Kitten: Feisty, yet just looking for a little affection.
Bella- she was torn between a Bird and a Butterfly- beautiful, but free. Can't be tied to earth easily.
Edward- Lion: Loyal, but intimidating- not really wanting to show weakness.
Emmett- Teddy Bear: Obviously- I mean, it's Emmett, I'm a good describer, or she's very perceptive.
Rosalie- Pig or a Bull: Gluttonous and Unpredictable (She usually referred to her as a wicked bitch though.)

Charlie really had a way with words. All of these animal analogies were explained to me after we'd had a long night of drinking at the bar. It was her night to work, and business was slow so we locked the doors, drank, and shot pool until bar time. We may or may not have done other extracurricular activities on the pool table, but that really needn't be mentioned.

That summer had been one of the best summers of my life. After meeting Charlie I had wanted to stay longer, but as fall rolled in, she could see a change in me. She told me that I had been whispering Alice's name in my sleep, and she said I looked lonely. Looking back I'm not sure if it was her guarding her heart, and pushing me away- for me. Or if she really felt like our time together was ready to end. But I'm thankful for her honesty and understanding.

Plus, I had seen the way guys looked at her. Charlie wouldn't stay single for long, I'm not the only one who saw what a catch she was, and I wasn't even the least bit jealous. That's how I knew it was time to go, so she could get on with her life and I could get on with mine.

After leaving Wisconsin I vetoed going to Idaho and checking out their potatoes. If I was really that curious I'd check it out later in life, or even make a trip to the local grocery store and pick some up. It wasn't on my (immediate future) 'to do' list.

I also didn't head straight to California to see Alice. In fact, I didn't even consider going back to California.

I went home, to Forks.

My parents were blissful when I pulled up to the house. It felt like forever since I had been home. You never really realize how much you miss home until you see all of the things you've left behind.

I missed my bed, my desktop computer and my C.D.'s- even though I had my laptop and iPod, I missed my bedroom- even though I'd had apartments and houses to myself. I'd missed my parents, even though I'd had my freedom; and I'd missed my friends, even though I had met new ones.

I saw Edward and Bella after being home for a few weeks. I wouldn't see the others until probably Thanksgiving break. But that was okay for me; I just wanted to get acclimated into my surroundings again. I stayed home a lot at first, not preferring to be out in front of the judgmental eye of the Forks Finest.

It took me a little bit to build back up my tough skin. That's one thing that I loved about being gone, I wasn't different in Wisconsin, or weird in New York City, or even a hobo look alike in Texas, I was just me. Accepted for that fact, and that alone.

The one thing I thrived on in high school was being different. But, sometimes the shit people do or say stings. I just felt like everyone could see through my facade or that everyone knew that I was a recovering cocaine addict. Maybe it was one of the effects from being a short term habitual user, I honestly didn't know.

I did know that while I didn't like being judged harshly, I still hadn't changed enough to want to kiss these snobby peoples asses. Someplace deep inside, I was still me.

I emailed Alice the weekend before Thanksgiving break and let her know I was home.

Emmett and I had already talked on the phone. He and Rosalie decided to go someplace tropical for the holiday. I wouldn't be able to see him until Christmas, but it really wasn't a big deal. I was kind of surprised to hear that he and Rosalie had finally matured enough to date, each other, exclusively.

I wonder how well that's working for them.

Charlie sent me a weekly email, letting me know how things were with her. She met a guy named Peter, and said he was really sweet. She seemed excited about their new relationship, I was happy for her. She deserved happiness.

Alice and I made plans to hang out at my parent's house the night before Thanksgiving. I was excited, but at the same time nervous to see her.

I hoped the drummer phase was over.

If I never listen to another Foo Fighters song again it'll be too soon.

Wednesday night found me chilling at home alone, my parents had some charity thing in Seattle, so they weren't going to be back until the next morning. It felt weird having a girl over while they were gone, it felt very high school.

I remember how my stomach was in knots as I rushed to answer the door. For the first time in forever Alice would see me in semi normal clothing. Just a regular pair of dark wash jeans, and a gray t-shirt. I decided last minute to change out of my Green Bay Packer t-shirt.

(Yeah, I became a Packer fan during my stay in Wisconsin- what can I say, the cheese head shit was cool as hell, it really rubbed off.)

My hair was still semi long, but the back of it was cut shorter, and I currently had the rest of it tied into a pony tail.

When I opened the door I wasn't ready for what happened next. It was almost as if I'd never left, as if the past few years had never happened. It was crazy, the feelings I still had for her, after all of this time.

She was different now, her hair was a little longer, she looked older, but not in a bad way, just more mature. She had added other colors into her wardrobe, not just pale yellow or pink. She was still so beautiful.

"Wow, you're really here," she breathed.

I put my hands behind my back to keep me from reaching out and touching her. "Yeah, I guess I am." I tried to shrug, but I'm sure it came off strained.

I opened the door wider and invited her in. I hadn't informed her about my parents' absence, so she drifted towards my room, making my nerves even worse.

What the hell is wrong with me?

We're just two friends, who haven't seen each other in a really long time, getting together to talk.

That's it.

She sat down on my bed and I sat on my desk chair, keeping a safe distance, but not seeming rude. Alice and I talked for a while, she talked about a couple of guys she had dated, and I told her about going to Texas, and at first leaving out Tennessee and New York. But, she saw through it.

"You're, different..." She eyed me as she said it, looking for some time of signal that she was right in her assessment.

"I am." I wasn't going to lie to her.

"Come here," she patted the space next to her on the bed.

I did as she requested and she turned to look at me.

"What happened? Where have you been... what are you hiding?"

"What makes you think something happened to me?" I honestly wanted to know what was different, other than the fact I had grown up some.

"You're not as light as you used to be. Your eyes," she reached up and stroked my brow softly, "you've seen more than you want to share. For the first time since I've met you, you look like you have secrets. You're a mystery to me, Jasper."

My name sounded so good on her lips. I couldn't help but close my eyes and revel in it.

After a moment, she dropped her hand and I immediately mourned the loss of her touch, it made me feel alive.

It was then that I knew I needed to tell her, about Tennessee, about New York, about Wisconsin.

So I did, all in that order.

If she was overly shocked or disgusted, she didn't show it. In fact, it was probably the only time she sat completely still and listened, without interrupting or getting jittery. It was the first time it felt like she was actually really hearing me.

Her complete silence afterwards made me feel like I needed to explain myself.

"Alice, I've been places and done things I'm not proud of. But I've met some amazing people along the way, and I really can't bring myself to regret the bad things, otherwise I wouldn't have found all of the good. It really helped me open my eyes and see what I want in life."

It was then that she finally spoke, "What do you want, Jasper?"

She can't seriously be asking this. Can I tell her the truth? Or am I just going to put this off even longer? Old Jasper would have clammed up and gave up. I am no longer the old Jasper.

"Honestly, I want a lot of things. I'd like to get an education and a good job that leads to a fulfilling career. I want to do the marriage thing, and possibly have kids. I want a dog named Charlie, because it reminds me of loyalty and friendship. I want my wife to be the person that I spend the rest of my life with, and not someone who I dread being around and sneaking around behind their back with the maid. I want what my parents have. I want to be happy. I want to be loved, and respected, and an equal. I want to raise my family here, with my family, alongside of my friends and their families. I want forever. And I want..."

I looked down, unable to finish. I couldn't meet her eyes. I stood up and turned to face her, she was encouraging me to finish, but how could I? How could I tell the one person I've been in love with for years that it's always been her...? How do I say that?

"What else, Jas? What else do you want?" The tone of her voice sounded like she wanted me to say it, but I couldn't be sure. I mean, shit, we haven't even spoke to each other in so long, and she wasn't the least bit interested in me in High school, so why would she be now, after all of these years?

Fuck it. I'm never going to get another opportunity like this. I have to tell her.

"I want it with... with you, Alice. I want to be with you." I stared her straight in the eyes as I said it.

I was sort of astonished that she didn't look surprised. She looked, free, happy, loving... None of what I had expected.

Suddenly she was in front of me, cupping my face and staring up at me. "How long have you felt this way?"

I tried to not be nervous... I failed.

"Uh, like... Junior High? Maybe earlier. Whenever girls stopped having cooties." I answered lamely.

She chuckled and stroked my face softly.

"Well, I guess I was a little blind back then. I never really noticed... that explains your distaste for drummers though, and why you were always cranky picking me up in Seattle." She winced.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. Really, I am. And right now I can't promise you forever, but I do want to try. I won't deny that I feel something, there's some type of strong chemistry between us. I'm very attracted to you."

If I wake up on the couch still waiting for Alice to arrive in five minutes and this was all a dream I am going to be pissed off.

"I'm attracted to you too, Alice. I always have been. It's... it's always been you."

She leaned up and pressed her lips softly to mine, if it were possible to see stars I would have.

After a few gentle kisses I softly slipped my tongue between her lips and into her mouth. If her answering sigh was any indication, she was enjoying this as much as I was.

I tangled my right hand in her silky hair and my left slid down her side, around to the small of her back, softly pushing her closer to me so I could kiss her deeper. By this time her hands are around my shoulders and rubbing the back of my neck. I felt like we were devouring each other. I felt exposed. But I couldn't stop, not unless she wanted me to. Even then it would be hard.

The kiss was so good, so damn good. I always knew it would feel good to be with Alice, if we ever got together, but I hadn't anticipated great. At least, not at first. I figured it would be something we would build up to. But instantly, as soon as our lips met and we embraced, I knew she would always be it for me.

There would be no other Alice for me.

I slipped my hands down to her hips and lifted her up into my arms. Our kiss intensified, I felt like there was a raging inferno inside of me, I just wanted to be with her. But I didn't want to scare her either. I decided to just let her tell me if it were too much. If she wanted to stop, we could, at any time. But until then I was going to have my wicked way with her.

I walked with her still in my arms to the bed and laid her down gently. We continued to kiss as I crawled up, hovering over her, but making sure to hold my own weight up off of her. She was still so much smaller than me, I was afraid of crushing her.

I continued to kiss her petal soft lips, slowly moving down to her neck and collar bone, leaving little nips as I trailed across her porcelain smooth skin. We quickly pulled each other's shirts off and began touching every inch of bare skin.

I slid down further kissing in between the slope of her breasts, taking plenty of time to admire the changes our time apart has brought to her body. Her chest was much fuller than it had been just years before, could be due to Dr. Cullen's skilled fingers, but I wasn't so sure.

I unclasped the front of her bra and looked up at her face to make sure she was okay with me exposing her. She smiled warmly back so I slipped down to her navel, kissing it softly, and trailing my tongue around her belly button. Then sliding back up to place a gentile kiss to her left nipple, and just above her heart.

Her soft moan encouraged me further, so I moved down slightly and slipped her nipple into my mouth, sucking softly and flicking my tongue back and forth against her sensitive peak. I could feel her body shake as she writhed beneath me. I slid over to her other one and gave it the same attention before moving back up to her mouth again. I could not stop kissing her, she tasted delicious, and I've waited so long to be with her that I just did not want to stop.

It felt like Christmas morning, finally opening up the gift you had been wishing all year for. Except, this wasn't Christmas, and Alice was no stocking stuffer. She was one hundred percent raw desire. The look in her eyes told me she wanted more, and she wanted it now. And damn it, I was finally going to be the one to give it to her. I'd give her all of me, and what she did with it would be her decision.

It was finally time to let go and just free fall into this, whatever this was.

We finally managed to finish undressing each other. When I started working my way back down her body, fully intending on giving her as much pleasure as I was capable of- she stopped me.

"I just want to feel you, right now; I don't want to wait anymore." Her voice was so guttural, I was as hard as I possibly could be- and it was driving me insane with want, and need.

Instead of debating with her on the subject, I quickly slipped my hand down and slipped a finger between her slick folds. She was exquisite. Her eyes rolled back and her knees bent, spreading her even further for me. There was nothing more I wanted to do in that moment than watch her face as I gave her pleasure. I could tell it was building with momentum, because she began bucking wildly against my fingers and moaning my name over and over.

By this time I had two fingers buried inside of her and my thumb was making circle motions around her clit. I could feel her clench my fingers tight inside of her just before she came, exploding and jerking against my hand. I continued to caress her until she was coming down and she complained it was beginning to tickle her.

After I pulled my fingers out I couldn't resist it, I slipped them into my mouth and closed my eyes. Savoring her sweet feminine taste. When I opened my eyes she was staring intently at me, I could feel my face flush a bit at being caught, but I really wanted to taste her- and she had denied me.

Almost as if she could read my mind she said, "Next time... Next time we'll both get a little treat." Her sexy smile would be my undoing.

I quickly reached over into my bedside drawer looking for a condom, but it didn't seem as though I had any. It wasn't exactly like I'd had much of a reason to keep them here.

"Jasper, I'm on the pill and get regular checkups, I'm clean. If you are we can just... Y'know..." she trailed off as her entire body flushed.

God it would feel so good to be inside of her, with no barriers.

"I'm clean," was all I could formulate for a response.

She smiled widely and I kissed her again, I poured all of my feelings for her into the kiss and slowly positioned myself at her entrance. I pulled back from her lips to look at her as I slowly slid inside of her.

"Oh God," her voice was beautiful.

"Perfect, so fucking perfect." I was just super fucking eloquent today.

We found our rhythm quickly, moving with one another, and her locking her ankles behind me, slamming her hips up into mine over and over as we both approached our release.

"You are so fucking gorgeous, Alice Brandon. So... fucking... perfect." My voice sort of trailed off the harder we would move. She was thrusting wildly against me, trying to reach her climax, but not quite there yet. I was doing my best to hold off until she came.

"Come with me Darlin', let me feel you." I trailed my hand down her perfect little body and started stroking her clit with my fingers again. This time she arched up, sending her head back into the pillow and contorting her body at such an amazing angle, letting me thrust even deeper inside her.

"Oh... God... Yes, Jasper! Right... fucking... there... please don't stop... please..." I started thrusting harder and faster against her, pistoning my hips back and forth trying to please her.

A few seconds later she came wildly around me, frantically calling out my name, scratching her nails up and down my back. The pain and pleasure of being inside her and her nails digging into my flesh sent me spiraling over the edge just after her orgasm.

After experiencing one of the strongest orgasms of my entire existence, I slowly slipped out of her and rolled to my side, bringing her with me to hold her.

I was momentarily caught off guard by her soft giggles. I pulled back to see what she was laughing at, slightly panicked that I was less than satisfactory.

"I never pegged you for a cuddlier, Jasper Talbot Whitlock." She mocked groggily.

I laughed huskily and pressed my lips against the shell of her ear, enjoying the fact that it made her shiver.

"Well it just so happens, Miss Brandon, I love to snuggle." I tickled her sides softly and scooted even closer to her, enjoying her warmth.

Giggling softly again, she added, "I'll have to remember that... for next time of course."

I kissed the tip of her nose just as she started to drift off to sleep.

"Goodnight, Darlin'… until next time."

"Mhm 'night, Jas."

A few weeks later, after a big fight, I finally told Alice I loved her for the first time. She of course responded by rolling her eyes, thinking I was fucking with her. After a few rounds of makeup sex, I finally told her again, she cried and told me she loved me too.

I decided to move to Cali, to be closer to Alice. We got an apartment together and I enrolled in school.

For the first time since I've been back from traveling, I've been able to look back on everything that has happened to me since graduation. I've come to the realization that most of the bad shit I went through was me dealing with a lot of my own insecurities.

Most of the good has always led me back to Alice. She was always the light at the end of my dark tunnel; she's always been my silver lining on a cloudy day.

If there were ever a true statement about Alice and me, it's the fact that she's helped me become the man I want to be.

I will forever be grateful to her for that.