A/N: YAOI! There fair warning. This is LupinXSirius and takes place after Sirius dies. It's about how Lupin deals with Sirius death. There are flashback moments but no Lemon.
I stared out the window, like I have so many times recently. My mind playing over and over the last time I saw my beloved Sirius. Pain welled up in my chest as his last moments played around in my mind. I wasn't even able to stop Harry from chasing after her. I rested my forehead against the cool glass of the window. It was raining like so many days of London. I felt the unshed tears prick my eyes, but I didn't let them fall. I still couldn't grasp the fact that he was dead.
I could picture him sauntering in with a grin spread across his face, apologize and kiss me; like he always did. But somewhere back in the back of my mind, I knew he was dead. I pulled away from the window and walked down the stairs of the Grimmuld Place, remembering the times that Sirius and I spent here. How he would tell me the stories of his life. The tears threatened to fall, but I wouldn't let them as I came face to face with Tonks. She had asked me out on several occasions but I could never bring myself to tell her the truth. I knew it would crush her. To find out that I was gay and was the lover of Sirius. "Lupin, are you ok?" She asked, reaching out to touch my arm.
"I'm fine Tonks. I can just picture Sirius coming back. I can't believe that he's gone," I whispered mostly to myself.
"I know. I can picture him sauntering in with that shit-eating grin saying how he got caught up doing something in his dog form," Tonks said rubbing the back of her bubblegum pink head as I rubbed my arm.
I looked around, feeling his presence all over as I walked away from her and towards his bedroom. I really just wanted to feel his presence closer. I went into his room, which wasn't much of a room. I laid down on his bed, smelling his scent of male and something that I could never place. I let my mind wander to the first time we ever embraced our feelings which was when I came to yell at him to get downstairs to the kitchen so that we could get on with the meeting.
He had laughed and came to drape an arm around me. I could tell that he had been drinking by the way his eyes had be able to see everything but nothing. "Sirius, we have a meeting being held. You need to sober up and come down," I had growled and he just laughed.
I sighed and he placed his face close to mine. I had felt a blush creep up and he seemed to finally realize how close together we were and his shit-eating grin had spread across his face. "Is the great Lupin blushing?" Sirius had said as his grin grew wider. "Is Lupin gay by chance?"
I had felt the blush grew as I growled and he didn't move. He was never one to be intimidated by anything. Especially by me. He placed his lips close to mine and just hovered there. "It's your move, Moony," Sirius whispered, his breath lightly brushing across my lips as my face went as red as a tomato and maybe more so.
I had hesitated a bit more before Sirius became too impatient and just kissed me. I had never felt anything so good in my life before that. Our lips seemed to have been made for each others as they melded perfectly together. I had moaned lightly into the kiss until Sirius had grinded up against me which had made me gasped.
His tongue invaded my mouth and I had to pull back before we went any further. "The meeting," I whispered and he growled.
"Who cares," He muttered before licking my neck.
"I do. We can carry on later, but we must get to the meeting," I whispered, shuttering as he lightly bit my neck.
"You promise?" He asked and I sighed as he licked the mark.
"Yes," I answered almost immediately.
"Good," He said pulling back to lightly kiss me and walked out of the room.
My mind reverted back to present time and the tears finally fell. I rolled over and buried my face in his pillow and just sobbed. I couldn't believe he was gone and had left me behind.
"Why did you leave me behind you stupid mutt!" I screamed into the pillow as the sobs came harder.
A/N: This came to me when I rewatched part of Order of Phoenix and noticed that Lupin looked like he was in pain when Sirius died. I hope you like!