Neal woke up with an annoying throbbing sensation between his neck and shoulder where he'd been tased. That didn't bother him. What did bother him was that he was blindfolded and his wrists and ankles were shackled. His arms hurt because they were elevated and spread out to the sides. His ability to move was minimal at best and caused discomfort regardless. "So what's next?" he called out. He wasn't entirely afraid. No, he didn't know what she was going to do to him, but he knew what she was capable of and he had the feeling he could play to her feelings for him if they were genuine. Besides, it would only be a matter of time before Peter came to his rescue.
"For someone who's all chained up, you sure are bold."
Her warm fingers caressed his jaw and he jerked away from her hand. "I'm just curious. If you're planning on raping me or forcing me into some kind of sexual act, then you're gonna love it when I tell you that it's happened to me before and I honestly don't give a fuck anymore." He hated that this kept happening to him, but he wasn't going to whimper and sob anymore. It wasn't like he had much to worry about. He knows she can't get pregnant if they do end up having sex.
His doctor revealed that he was infertile after his encounter with Vincent and Craig. It didn't really bother him because he had no intention of impregnating another woman—accidentally or otherwise. His son and the adopted twins were enough to keep him happy and satisfied with his life. Kate, unfortunately, died after giving birth to Nicky, but she wasn't in their lives to complicate things. He may not know he has a son if she'd lived. If she did bring him into their lives so he could get to know his son, there was always the possibility that she'd take Neal for everything he had, which wasn't much to begin with.
Making sure Nicky was taken care of and happy was his sole priority and almost all of his income at the time went directly towards his efforts to raise Nicky in a good, loving home. He never wished that Kate died, but he was kind of grateful because her death brought life into the world. Rachel couldn't have a baby genetically linked to Neal because of his infertility—and Vincent and Craig were to blame for that.
"Really? And why might that be?"
He chuckled. "Because I know what you want and I know I can't give it to you the way you want me to."
Gripping his chin roughly, she hissed, "What the hell are you talking about?"
"The moment I said I had a son, your eyes lit up," he said tightly. "Unfortunately for you, I'm unable to give you a kid of your own."
She was confused, wondering how that was even possible. Then it dawned on her that he was probably lying to deter her from having sex with him. "We'll see," she whispered, letting go of his chin. "We'll routinely try. I'm going to make you love me, Neal, and you'll make love with me. We'll have a lovechild together."
"Nicky was my lovechild," Neal said in response when he heard her heels growing distant. "Sorry, but you're not exactly the first woman I've dealt with."
"We'll see how brave and overly confident you are when I tell you that I'm pregnant."
And with that, she was gone. The door across the room slammed shut and locked, leaving him alone in the darkness. If she forced him to have sex with her, he knew Peter wouldn't hold it against him. He didn't want to have sex with her, but he knew it was inevitable. Every time he was taken from his family, someone raped him. This would be the fourth time, but he could handle it. He hates penetrating others, but it was better than being penetrated by someone he didn't give his consent to.
As long as no other men were involved, he'd be fine. The last thing he ever wanted was for another man to violate his body. He believed that territory belonged solely to his husband. He believed Peter when Peter told him that he hadn't been unfaithful at any point in their relationship, but he wished his body had been kept moderately pure for Peter. He couldn't help the fact that he'd been taken advantage of as a teenager because that was before Peter and Nicky became important factors in his life.
If Rachel wanted his body, so be it. He had nothing to offer her aside from a little physical pleasure. He couldn't and wouldn't fall in love with her nor could he give her the opportunity to experience carrying his child. Peter knew that as well as he did. After all, Peter had been there with Neal when he'd gone down to DC after returning from his encounter with both Vincent and Craig. It didn't bother either of them that much and Neal actually felt closer to Peter in that moment because, as it turns out, Peter's always been infertile. It was why he and Elizabeth couldn't get pregnant and he felt like less of a man for being unable to give her what she wanted at the time. Now, knowing that his husband is just as infertile as he is, Peter was able to make amends with himself.
Neal was bothered by the fact that his body would be used for someone else's pleasure against his will, but Peter wouldn't hold him accountable for whatever was going to happen to him. Peter, as always, would come to his rescue and carry him away from this hell. Peter would take care of him and remind him that he didn't do anything wrong, that he didn't deserve any of this. He'd remind Neal that he's loved, that he deserves love, and he'd promise Neal his unconditional love without hesitation. "I just hope you aren't pissed at yourself for my abduction," he whispered to himself. "You aren't at fault, Peter…"
He firmly believed that. He hadn't seen any of this coming, honestly, because he thought it was going to take a little more effort and time for Rachel to grab him. The fact that he'd been grabbed as easily as he had been made him wonder if one of the agents was an imposter. If that were the case, Peter still wasn't responsible. No matter what happened at any point, Neal would never blame Peter for this.
Peter would have done anything to protect him and Neal didn't doubt that Peter was out there searching for him at that very moment. Peter was nothing if not devoted to him and Neal loved him more for being the man and husband he's always been. He'd come to Neal's rescue in a matter of time, so Neal wasn't worried. Peter would never give up on him.
•◊•
"Poppa?" Peter looked up when he heard the hesitant voice of his son. "Are you okay?" Peter, a week after Neal's abduction, felt that he wasn't any closer to finding his husband. He was working on this from home because he wanted to make sure his family was protected. It was bad enough that Neal was taken. Peter didn't want their children to be kidnapped as well. He owed Neal that much since he hadn't been able to protect Neal. Despite the fact that Neal wanted to search the house without Peter at his side, Peter felt responsible. He never wanted to control Neal, but he felt that he should've stayed close to Neal nonetheless…
"Yeah," Peter said quietly. "I'm just…trying to find dad." Nicky neared his poppa, sitting on the couch beside him. Peter kept his eyes on Nicky, knowing Nicky was hurting a lot and he was trying to put up a strong front—just like Neal would. "Are you okay?" he asked pointedly, reaching over to take Nicky's right hand in his left.
Nicky nodded and whispered, "I won't lie and say I'm not scared or upset. I'm both of those things, but I know you'll get him back. You always have some kind of lead." Glancing down at their hands, he said, "Dad left clues for you when he was trying to find me. Alex took you to the warehouse dad was in. I was able to call you once I figured out where we were… I know something will come up." Peter gave his son a half smile, wishing he had the same confidence in himself that Nicky seemed to have. "You'll hear something from someone or make some kind of connection through one of your cases and you'll bring him home. That's what you do, poppa. You save daddy and bring him home to us."
Peter knew Nicky was going to crack as soon as he began to ramble on and on about Peter bring Neal home. Nicky trembled before finally snapping. "Nicky," he whispered sympathetically when Nicky twisted towards him and cried against him. "Buddy, it's okay." He tried to convince them both of that, but it was hard to do so. The twins were so carefree on the floor in front of him while they played, but Nicky was crying and shaking against him. He didn't know what to do or where to go, but he wanted to bring their daddy home to them like Nicky said he would. "Dad will be okay. We'll find him and then we'll take care of him together, okay?"
The teenager nodded, wrapping his arms around Peter. Jon and Hannah were still there with them because they wanted to make sure Peter was able to function properly. They knew Nicky and the twins needed Peter more than ever and Peter was trying his hardest to balance his focus on finding Neal and taking care of their three kids. "I don't want him to get hurt again," Nicky whispered. "She may not be a guy, but she can still hurt him."
"I know," Peter said. There was no point in sugarcoating any of this now that Nicky understood a lot more. When he was nine or ten years old, it was a different story. He could make up some kind of story to relax Nicky back then. He could say they were close to finding Neal and Nicky would get excited. Now, now he couldn't lie. He couldn't promise Nicky that his daddy would be home soon to give him hugs and kisses. He couldn't promise that Neal would come back unscathed—unscarred. "He'll need us, Nick. Once we bring him home, we need to remind him that we love him. He needs to know that he isn't at fault for what happened."
"Do you know that you aren't at fault for what happened?" Nicky asked quietly, looking up at Peter.
Peter kissed Nicky's forehead and whispered, "Honestly, I am at fault. I should've—"
"You always tell yourself that you should've done this or could've done that, but… Poppa, you and dad aren't attached at the hip. Sometimes, things happen and you can't prevent it no matter how hard you try." Peter smiled sadly as he listened to his son. Nicky was the living proof that Neal's a good man. He'd raised his son to be such a sweetheart. "What matters is that daddy believes in you and I believe in you. He'll come home soon. He'll be here, safe with us, and she'll be in prison."
"When did you become so wise?" Peter whispered, teasing the teenager lightly. Nicky smiled up at Peter before Peter kissed his forehead again. "I'm doing everything I can for him, Nick. I'm tracking down any white van that was caught on traffic cams and agents are scouring all parts of New York to find him." He felt useless because he was working on this from home. He felt like he needed to be out there searching for Neal himself. He knew his parents could take care of the kids, but he didn't want to leave and come home to find his family dead. Rachel is a trained, skilled killer. She had no qualms about killing someone and he didn't want her to kill more innocent people.
The people she'd been living with weren't her parents at all. They were family, but they hadn't wanted to keep Rachel with them. Upon speaking with more of Rachel's family, they discovered that she was a coldblooded killer, that she never felt remorse. She'd do anything to get what she wanted and she didn't care who she hurt in the process.
Apparently that extended to children. By abducting Neal, she was hurting Neal's children. The twins may not comprehend what's going on, but they know their daddy is missing and they're confused when they do realize that. "We'll get him back soon, poppa. I know you're doing your best—and I know it's hard for you to do your best because of us."
"Don't say that," Peter said softly. "I love you three as much as I love your daddy. I just…don't want anything to happen to any of you." He wrapped his arms around Nicky's body and hugged him lovingly, resting his cheek atop Nicky's head. "You, your brother, your sister, and your daddy are my babies. I'll do everything in my power to protect all of you and I know he'd want me to watch over you three. Dad will be okay." He hoped anyway. He wasn't sure why Rachel wanted Neal so desperately or why she became a completely different person simply because she wanted to attract a gay, married man. "Dad wouldn't want me to go out there and risk your lives by leaving you alone. Dad is a great man and he would be really upset with me if I didn't focus on the three of you, but I will bring him home nonetheless, Nick. I'll do everything I can."
Jon listened to his son speak to his grandson. He was very proud of Peter because he knew Peter wanted to cry and unleash his rage. He knew Peter was frustrated, but Peter was trying to protect his family. He loves his children and he won't act like he's going insane in front of them. He knew Neal would be acting the same way with their children if their places were reversed. Peter was doing what he could to aid in the search for his husband, but he was very limited in what he could do because the last thing he wanted to do was leave his other babies. Rachel may take advantage of his absence and hurt their innocent children. Peter wanted to protect them—Neal would demand that Peter protect them.
"I love you, poppa," Nicky whispered against Peter. "I know you'll bring him home. He knows you will, too."
Peter stroked Nicky's hair as tears welled up in his eyes. He hoped he didn't let his son down. Neal meant everything to them both, but he definitely didn't want to disappoint Nicky. He didn't want to deprive the children of their daddy. "I love you," he whispered thickly, swallowing hard to keep himself from crying. He had to be strong for the kids—Nicky at the very least. Nicky was counting on him to save Neal.
•◊•
Neal blinked quickly when the blindfold was suddenly removed from his face. He didn't know how long he'd been stuck where he was, but it felt like forever. It was more than a few days and he'd been beaten several times. He never saw the man who beat him, but he knew it was a man. Rachel's hands weren't big enough to do the damage these hands caused him. These beatings were nothing in comparison to things he's been through in the past.
He'd been raped as a teenager, endured an abusive relationship with his stepbrother and a man who'd been his boss at one point in time, tortured and raped by Craig, beaten by Peter while they were on a case, and he'd survived double penetration and extreme torture and starvation. Having someone punch him in the gut and slug him across the jaw was nothing. Hell, Peter did worse to him and they're married. What this man here was doing to him made him laugh. Whenever he laughed, the man knocked him out. It didn't bother him at all, to be honest. He just didn't like that he couldn't see.
Rachel hadn't even forced him into sex yet and it made him wonder why. "Good morning," she whispered, staring into his eyes. He was blinking, trying to adjust to the sudden light. His surroundings were dark, but there was a light shining through bars in the upper right corner. "How're we feeling?"
"Just dandy," he said, shrugging even though it hurt him to do so. He knew he was pissing her off by acting like this. She wanted him to grovel, to beg to be released, scream that he'd do anything she asked of him. He knew by now that that was what she wanted, so he was doing his best to resist. Maybe she'd let him go if he proved to be undesirable. But she is a psychopath, so that was only wishful thinking on his part. "How're you?"
"I really hate how giddy you are." She circled him and he watched her as best he could. She didn't have a whip or anything, so he wasn't afraid at the moment. "You're bruised, a little underweight, and dirty."
That struck a nerve within him. Being called a whore, a slut, and other derogatory names were okay because he'd become accustomed to them since he was thirteen years old. Being called dirty has always gotten to him because he doesn't like what that implies. "Well, you do have your lackeys beat me, starve me, and you don't allow me to leave this room to relieve myself or shower. If you're disgusted with my appearance, you're the only one at fault. I'm just chained up."
"Do your arms hurt?"
"No more than usual," he said smoothly.
She raised an eyebrow. "I want to have sex with you."
He laughed. "You make it sound like I have a choice."
Something in the way she stood beside him made him feel strange. "I don't want to force you," she whispered. "I love you and I want you to love me, Neal." He would've laughed, but she sounded so dejected. "I've always fallen for gay men. You certainly aren't the first, Neal, but you are the first one I've wanted for more than sex—more than your sperm." He glanced at her and, as far as he could tell, she was being honest with him. "I want to be with you, but you need to learn to let go of your past, Neal. Peter will never find you here. None of your FBI friends will ever find you here."
Hearing that, that his chances of escape were minimal, made his heart ache. He didn't want to be stuck here forever. He didn't want to believe that he was somewhere Peter would never look. Peter has found him before and he knows he's still in New York, so Peter would find him someday. "My husband taught me to look on the Brightside of things," he whispered.
She whipped around and struck the side of his face. He made a sound of discomfort, but he didn't cry out like he'd cried out in the past. "You will not refer to him as that. I'm letting you keep your ring because I know it means a lot to you and it means a lot to me as well." Through his glare, he looked curious, wondering why his wedding ring was important to her. She came around to stand in front of him again and showed him her left hand. She had a silver ring on her ring finger that nearly matched Neal's ring. His eyes widened and he looked up at her. "For all intents and purposes, I'm your wife. We'll have a child together, Neal. I just want you to consent."
"Because it's not rape if I ask for it," he whispered. "Never. I may be your 'slave' for all intents and purposes, but I will never be loyal to you. You have no control over me, Rachel. I refuse to consent. I'm a loyal, faithful man."
"I didn't want to use you against your will, Neal," she said sadly, lifting her hand to stroke his jaw. He jerked away from her touch, glaring at her again. "You've forced my hand though." She turned and a man with a syringe came into the room. "Drug him." She stepped aside and frowned at Neal. Neal didn't want this. He'd never want this. He couldn't love a woman the way he loves Peter. He couldn't love a woman at all. Even if he tried his damnedest, he could never fall in love with her.
"Rachel, you don't want to do this," he said, his voice slightly frantic. He thrashed around a bit in the hopes that the chains were weak. "Rachel, please!" A few other men came in and Neal knew it was over. He just stopped resisting and let it happen. If he didn't do this willingly, they'd still force him either way.
His final thoughts before blacking out were of Peter, wondering if Peter was out there looking for him right now.
•◊•
Nicky held Peter's right hand in his left as Peter drove. He was taking Nicky and the twins into the bureau with him. He needed to work from the bureau, but he wasn't going to leave his kids at home. Jon and Hannah were fine with staying in the house and Peter demanded that they call him if something happened, which they assured him they would do. "Are you sure we aren't going to mess up things there?"
"I have a private office, Nick. The twins have their toys that they can play with while I'm on the computer. You're very welcome to staying with me, but you're allowed to wander around a bit if you feel like talking to Aunt Di or some other agents. I don't want you out of my direct sight though. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, poppa," Nicky whispered. Nicky highly doubted that anyone would kidnap him in the FBI building, but he remembered his poppa and Aunt Diana talking about a mole in the White Collar division. He'd gotten a call this morning from Jones and was told they may have found their mole.
Peter glanced over at Nicky after parking. "If you're uncomfortable, I can get you on dad's computer so you can entertain yourself." Nicky nodded, rubbing Peter's hand for a moment before they both exited the vehicle and went to grab one of the twins. Peter grabbed the bag they'd filled with toys for the twins because he wanted to make sure they were preoccupied until he had to take them all home.
As soon as they were on the twenty-first floor, Peter and Nicky took the twins up to Peter's office. As they were getting the twins comfortable, Jones came up to the door and knocked on it. Peter glanced over his shoulder before standing up to his full height. "Peter, Jamison is in the interrogation room."
"That bastard," he hissed. "If he's the one who shoved Neal into the back of the van, I swear to God I—" He cut himself off, glancing at Nicky. Nicky was concerned and curious, but he kept quiet. He wasn't getting much out of Peter, so he wanted to hear whatever it was that they'd found out. "I'll be back in a few minutes, Nicky. Can you stay with your brother and sister?"
Nicky nodded silently and Peter nodded at Jones. Both men left the office and Diana came in a few moments later. "Hey, you," she said with a small smile.
"Hey, Aunt Di." He allowed them a few moments of easy conversation before misdirecting like he'd seen his father do in the past. He'd watched Neal and Mozzie run a couple cons, but he hadn't known they were cons until he'd gotten a little older. "Would you mind watching them while I go to the bathroom?" She nodded and he left. He knew where the bathrooms were and he knew where the interrogation room was. He headed down to the interrogation room, hoping Diana wasn't paying attention to him. Fortunately, she was too busy playing with the twins in Peter's office.
He rounded the corner cautiously. The last thing he wanted was to make Peter angry with him. As soon as he was heading down the narrow corridor leading to the interrogation room, he could hear his poppa's raised voice. "How much did she pay you? Was it worth it? Was the money worth tearing a family apart, Jamison?"
"I didn't know he had a family," Jamison said, sounding nervous and slightly afraid.
Nicky came to stand near the see-through wall and he watched Peter. He'd seen Peter angry with him or with Neal, but he'd never seen Peter like this. Peter slammed a picture down onto the table in front of the 'agent' and showed him Nicky and the twins. "He has three children. You took their father from them. How do you think they feel?" he snarled. He wasn't telling Jamison that he and Neal are married. It didn't matter at the moment. He wanted to make Jamison feel guilty for ripping the father of three children away from those innocent kids. "Do you think he meant nothing to them?"
"I-I… I didn't think—"
"No," he snapped. "You didn't. You didn't take into consideration that he's a father, a brother, a husband. You took him from his family. You may not have directly taken him to wherever he's been taken to, but you aided in his abduction." Jamison looked sick with guilt because he truly hadn't known Neal had a family. He assumed Neal was a single man who had no relationship or children because Rachel made it sound like that. "I know you have two kids of your own. How do you think they would feel if you were taken from them? Would they want to know where their daddy is, Jamison? Would they cry themselves to sleep at night because they know their daddy wasn't home to care for them?"
Nicky's eyes welled up with tears as he listened to his poppa. He could hear the anger and pain in Peter's voice and it was hurting him as well. Listening to Peter try to interrogate the man who'd helped Rachel was hurting Nicky because everything Peter said was true. He'd cried himself to sleep beside Peter because he wanted Neal home—safe and sound.
Jamison stared at the picture on the tabletop and looked miserable. "I don't know where she took him," he whispered. "She told me she wanted me to have him ready for her when she parked the van beside the house." His hands trembled as he said, "If I'd known he had kids, I wouldn't have done this."
"You should just assume people have children. Even if he didn't, he has people who love him, who'd miss him. Do they not matter? Not only are you hurting his children, but you're hurting his brothers as well as his spouse."
"Agent Burke, I didn't know he was married." Peter found that bizarre. How could he not know? He and Neal share a surname. "Turner called him 'Neal Caffrey.' I didn't know he—"
Snarling in rage, Peter growled, "Neal is my husband. You took him from me. You took him from our innocent children. You sick son of a bitch." Nicky leaned against the wall and covered his mouth as he cried. He was trying to stay quiet because he didn't want Peter to know he was in the hall. Peter didn't want him listening to this conversation and he was slowly beginning to realize why. "Do you have any idea…? Did she tell you what she planned on doing to him?" Jamison swallowed hard and shook his head. "She's going to sexually assault him. She's a trained killer and she will force him into submission. You've taken him from his children and his husband, only to give him over to a sadistic psychopath who wants him for one purpose."
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
Peter looked severely pissed off as he said, "Sorry doesn't cut it, Jamison. Obviously you don't know much about my husband, but he's been raped by men repeatedly in the past." Jamison looked horrified and, if possible, even guiltier. "His body has been used to pleasure others before and you've put him into a sexual situation he hasn't consented to. She's going to have sex with him. Imagine how you, as a married man, would feel if another woman forced you into having sex with her? Would you like it?"
"N-No."
"He's a homosexual man. Having men rape him is similar to having a man rape a woman. It's the same experience of vulnerability. He, as a man, is going to be raped by a woman." Pressing his palms against the top of the table, he whispered, "Can you live with that knowledge? That you've put a gay man into a sexual situation that he'd never want to be in? That you've taken him from people who love him and care for him?"
Jamison was in tears by this point and Nicky slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, crying quietly. "I'm so sorry," he said miserably. "If I knew where she took him, I'd tell you. I don't want to take a father from his kids—I don't want to be taken from my kids."
Peter's jaw set firmly as he said, "You're going to prison for this. Maybe you'll understand my anger. You'll know how it feels to be stripped of the people you love, the people who love you. Your children will suffer the way our children have." He pointed at Nicky in the picture and said, "He's our oldest. He's Neal's biological son. Imagine how he feels without his daddy. Give that some God damn thought while you're sitting in your prison cell tonight, Jamison." He took the picture off of the table and turned away, murmuring, "Get him out of my sight," to the guards who were prepared to take him away.
Jamison was escorted out of the room by the two men who'd been guarding the room during the interrogation. Nicky was still sitting in the hallway, crying, when Peter and Jones came out of the interrogation room. The second Peter came around the corner, his eyes were wide and full of pain.
He darted down the hall and sank to his knees, pulling Nicky into his arms. He stroked Nicky's hair and hushed him, gently rocking him. "I hope he suffers," Nicky whispered against Peter's throat. "I hope someone hurts him because he's hurt us and daddy."
Nicky, like his father, isn't a violent person. Also like his father, Nicky wanted justice. He wanted justice to be served, for his father's captors to be brought in and incarcerated for everything they have or will put Neal through. Nicky wasn't so sure that prison was enough though. Given the state his father was in when he'd come home from ordeals like this in the past, Nicky was more interested in seeing Rachel, Jamison, and whoever else was involved on death row.
Peter held Nicky, closing his eyes as he listened to his teenage son cry. He needed to find Neal and he needed to do so quickly. Nicky needed him to bring Neal home.