This could go from bad to worse, to the worst idea ever. It didn't even start out as all right.
Andromeda Black stared at ring on her left hand. It was a small thing, nothing special, although she'd flat-out insisted things played out this way. If it had been up to her, she would've suggested they visit some justice of the peace and be done with it. She wore the simple white dress; she said the words, the traditional spiel, and Andromeda had even bothered holding the bouquet. Ted had bought her irises at a small Muggle shop.
Sirius, unbeknownst to her, had left Grimmauld Place to act as a witness. He'd dragged his friend along, the fat one, because he'd somehow figured out there needed to be two witnesses to stand in during the ceremony. Andromeda thought this kid, Sirius's friend, was called Paul, or Peter, or Patrick. Whatever this young man was called, he bounced her infant daughter on his knee as Ted and Andromeda exchanged hurried vows.
It was done. The paperwork had been finalized yesterday in the courthouse in a flourish of signatures. Well, Sirius and his friend would have to sign, but what was done was done. Ted kissed her. Andromeda strode over and took the baby from Patrick. It hadn't been romantic, especially with the baby screaming like a banshee in the background, but Andromeda couldn't care less about some stupid wedding. Andromeda wanted a marriage.
She handed the bouquet to Sirius when they got outside and changed Nymphadora on the courthouse steps. Ted had conjured the baby bag without the Muggles noticing. She'd never understand how they didn't catch these things, Sirius backed off, laughing when she offered him the dirty nappy.
She'd done this without thinking. Usually, Ted stood by her side whenever she did this and they were together, and he held a position as an EMP, an emergency medical personnel. Ted dealt with blood, and sweat, and whatever else at St. Mungo's, so he didn't even bat an eye at this sort of thing. Andromeda jerked her head, warning him to duck, and tossed the nappy in bin not far away.
Sirius took the baby when she held it out to him. He was a third-year at Hogwarts, yet he was a nice, friendly kid considering he was a Black. He cradled Nymphadora. Ted talked in the background with Peter about cars.
"You're a cute bastard. Yes." Sirius shifted Nymphadora in his arms when they started down the street.
Andromeda hugged herself. It wasn't cold in the summertime. Since they'd set a date last week, Andromeda felt like she walked on pins and needles, and hearing that insult made her feel nauseous.
"Sirius?" Andromeda sighed when a homeless man, a Muggle, pointed at Nymphadora because her hair changed from blonde to auburn. She snapped at the fellow before turning back to her cousin. "Do you mind? Sirius, please don't call my daughter a bastard."
"Well, she is." Ted brought up the rear. Ted stuck his hand into his new coat and pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. He'd tried dropping this habit a number of times, though he came back to it like an old lover. He rolled a fag with quick fingers, lit it, and took a drag. When Andromeda scoffed, he added, "Frankly, Dora's going to be the last thing anyone in your family cares about."
Sirius chuckled. "Tell me about it."
Andromeda passed a hand over her face. This was madness. This was far from funny, yet they were all having a laugh. She hadn't slept well in days, and this had precious little to do with her newborn daughter. When they reached the outside of Grimmauld Place, Sirius waved a hand, inviting her to go inside first. Andromeda shook her head, falling to pieces on the steps of what used to be her family home.
"I can't do this. I can't ... I thought I could. I can't." Andromeda's chest constricted. She couldn't breathe. She took in sharp, quick breaths, but this did no good. Ted brushed past the boys, but Sirius got to her first in a couple strides. Before he got there, he handed Nymphadora to Ted. Ted hadn't taken the day off for their wedding: he'd expected the aftermath.
"Andromeda," said Ted softly.
"Okay. This is not that bad. Okay, yes, it's bad." Sirius stopped when Andromeda surveyed him with a blank expression and wiped her eyes.
Was he trying to make her feel better? She'd usually talked him off the ledge about their heartless, pure-blood family. As this was his first shot, Andromeda decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and at least hear him out.
Sirius walked up the front door. "When have you ever cared what they've thought? When you helped that old man on Oxford Street, Mother said a Muggle wasn't worth your time. What did you say?"
Andromeda gave him a small smile. She crossed her arms, determined. They, she and Ted, simply needed to rip off the bandage. She recited the same words she'd used years before. "She wasn't worth my time."
"Damn," chuckled Ted.
Andromeda gave him a half-glance, warning him not to interrupt when they entered this house, for this would be difficult enough with one target. She hadn't realized she'd never shared that story with him before, a good tale that earned her a slap in the face for her cheek. Ted took out his wand, waved it, and conjured the pram. He placed Nymphadora in it, although he said he ought to have conjured it at the top of the landing a moment later. Shrugging off his mistake like it was nothing, Ted levitated it. Ted was an easy-going fellow, and he hardly worried about anything. In his words, Ted borrowed an old Muggle saying and didn't sweat the small stuff.
"Tell me again." Andromeda couldn't believe she was taking advice and seeking reassurance from a kid.
"What? Oh. We walk in and we walk out." Sirius grinned, apparently pleased with himself, and squeezed her hand before he rang the doorbell. He turned his head, calling to his friend, "Come on, Peter."
"Peter. Peter." Andromeda clapped the pudgy kid on the shoulder. She'd been calling the kid the wrong name off and on all day, and he hadn't bothered with correcting her once. She'd felt bad for the kid, though Andromeda would definitely commit the name to memory. "Hello, Peter."
"Hello, ma'am." said Peter awkwardly. They'd exchanged pleasantries earlier.
"Ma'am? Ha! That's Andromeda. She's no madam," said Sirius.
Sirius winked when Andromeda smacked him in the back of the head. When the door opened, he nodded to his mother. Andromeda half-expected the woman to slam the door in their faces and turn them away, but she didn't She didn't saying a word to her son, either. Without waiting to be invited in, Sirius stepped over the threshold and the others followed him inside.
"No very homey, this place," commented Ted, forgetting to wipe his feet.
They heard voices in the kitchen. Andromeda knew before they entered these were who she and Sirius commonly referred to as "the sisters". Druella, her mother, was the prettier of the two, although her kind face could be deceiving. Walburga, her face sallow and grim, instantly glared daggers at her son. When Ted entered, humming to himself and picking up the fussy baby, the silence that followed filled the place. The house-elf, a ragged beaten creature, stood over a cauldron.
"Mother, I'm home," announced Sirius, pulling up a chair. "Aunt Druella."
Andromeda, scared out of her mind, stepped forward. She hadn't been at this house or her parents' home since leaving school. She lived with Ted in a small flat in London. They were saving up for a house, but they weren't quite there yet. They had started out as flatmates, she and Ted, and one thing led to another. (Sirius referred to them as "friends with benefits.") Honestly, the baby had come as a surprise to both of them, and Andromeda had been momentarily afraid Ted Tonks would leave her. Over the last months, they'd fallen in love. Ted had insisted they marry the day she told him about the baby, but Andromeda had turned him down, insisting she didn't want to marry because of a baby.
Druella, keen as ever, zeroed in on Ted. "Who is that?"
Sirius helped himself to a fizzy drink and a snack. He wasn't really here to enjoy the show, yet he wasn't stupid enough to walk away. Andromeda didn't blame him. How exactly was she supposed to answer this question? Would the half-truth do or did it really matter that she gave the truth at all? Andromeda walked over to Ted and touched Nymphadora's head. Sometimes, like thankfully in this moment, the baby quieted as long as she knew Andromeda was nearby. Honestly, judging by the hatred blinding these women, she no longer cared. Her fear evaporated.
"This is my husband, Ted, and this is our daughter. We, he and I, we're married." Andromeda spoke slowly, staring her mother down. Druella, never one to respect personal space, rushed over to Andromeda and checked out the plain band. This wasn't even the difficult part. Sirius had, of course, known from the beginning. Andromeda smiled, rather glad it was all out in the open. Predictably, Walburga asked about the heritage. Andromeda shot back. "Why does that matter?"
Andromeda knew why. She wasn't an idiot. This family existed for one cause, and this was to further the roots of a really twisted family tree. They didn't follow arranged marriages anymore; for all intents and purposes, this all boiled down to the same thing. They still sought out the purebloods. The pomp and circumstance went by the way. When her mother started towards the drawing room. Andromeda went with her, Ted at her heels. No matter how this ended up, he apparently was against throwing her to the wolves alone. Andromeda took this as a good sign.
"Who are you?" Druella asked Ted directly.
Ted caught her meaning, considering his answer carefully. "My father serves in the Royal Marine Corps, twenty-three years. Went in before I was born. He's a Lieutenant -Colonel. He's enlisted, you know. Mum's a ….receptionist at a law firm." Ted slowed to a halt. Andromeda bet her mother didn't understand a word of this, nor did she care, and Ted had cottoned on late. He was Muggle-born. He was obviously very uncomfortable and cleared his throat. He backed towards the door, actually frightened of this woman, his mother-in-law. "May I use your bathroom?"
Druella pointed to the left.
"Ted, I've got her," said Andromeda, as he took inventory of the baby bag. This was a habit carried over from work.
"No, no," he said, waving his hand. He couldn't scurry out of there fast enough.
Andromeda imagined him facing both women. She turned back to her mother, furious. She wondered if he'd come back. With their marriage hours old, he could walk away with no harm done. Sure, their child would be raised in a split household, and she'd have no place to live at the moment, but families operated like this all the time. Annulment required paperwork, but again, it all dwindled down to signatures.
"Well done, Mother." Andromeda turned to face her. "Courtesy lacks in this house of late, but I'm sure you'd put on the charms for a Selwyn or a Nott."
"You were intended for Mr. Nott." She recited the working definition of an arranged marriage, despite the fact they swore they dropped those customs. Druella waved her wand, snatching Andromeda's handbag out of the air. Quick as ever, she helped herself to the manilla envelope and read through the freshly drafted documents. Druella waited and threw her head back in laughter. "Fool! Your witnesses are children! And married in a Muggle church, too. Andromeda, these things have to be notarized because they stand as legal documents."
Andromeda had known this. She worked as a legal secretary in a lawyer's office; she worked with her mother-in-law at Howard & Jesper. Although she had thick skin, the words still stung. She'd wanted to hear the words before facing her parents. But for all the good it had done, she might as well have had Peter or Sirius officiate the ceremony. As her mother showed her the documents in the firelight, she saw the signature slots were indeed blank.
"The child? It is a bastard?" Druella clapped her hands in glee. When the house-elf passed, a simpering smile touched her lips. Sirius came thundering up the stairs. "Kreacher, I want wine. This is indeed a celebration!"
"Oh, God," said Sirius, sliding into the drawing room and closing the door.
Druella beckoned to Andromeda with a finger. They stood before the fire and the room felt cold. Druella slapped her. Andromeda didn't flinch, her face set. She was glad it was all laid bare because there was no use in hiding secrets in this family.
"You are some common whore. Royal Marines? There's nothing royal about that idiot. You keep the filthy Muggle's bed warm at night?"
Druella threw the documents into the fire, and Andromeda, in her panic, tried to retrieve them. She didn't feel the flames straightaway. Why was she fetching paper? Sirius rushed over and yanked her hands back. Druella, satisfied, waved her wand again and pointed it at the tapestry on the wall; she erased Andromeda's name like a cigarette burn. After this, she left without another word.
"Are you okay?" Sirius asked a stupid question and didn't wait for an answer. Andromeda shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. "Right. Er, I'm going to get Ted. You wait here."
Andromeda sat cradling her hands. Ted returned. He handed Nymphadora over to Sirius again along with a bottle and hurried to mend his wife's hands. He pocketed her wedding band for safe keeping.
"You know, I think this counts as babysitting," said Sirius conversationally, feeding the baby the wrong way. He got it after a couple minutes and Nymphadora quieted down. "I don't know who foots the bill here, being that you're a nasty, dirty whore, Andromeda, but I want compensation."
Both Andromeda and Ted laughed. Ted pulled Andromeda to her feet and kissed her bandaged hands. They've could've retreated to Sirius's bedroom because he gave the offer. Really, they wanted to leave this place as soon as possible.
"You know, for a twelve-year-old, you're brave," said Ted, holding out his hands for his daughter again. Sirius shook his head, not bothered by his charge at the moment. Ted pushed the empty pram down the street.
"He's nearly thirteen," corrected Andromeda, catching Sirius's smile. She ruffled his hair.
"Oho. A teenager!" Ted beamed, no longer bothered by the scene at Grimmauld Place as they stood in the fresh air. "Those were fun. Of course, I'm a boring Muggle-born, so what passes as amusement for me might not be fun for you."
"I collect bottle caps," piped up Peter.
"Me, too! To be fair, you're not old enough to drink, so it's probably not as fun." Ted stuck out his tongue at Andromeda, playing with her. She almost pointed out they were kids. Andromeda shrugged it off.
Sirius walked ahead. "So what's this beauty called?"
Ted glanced at Andromeda, for he hated the name. If they had to announce it to people, he deemed her as the village idiot who crafted a foolish name out of nothing. Andromeda suspected he often called the child another name.
"Nymphadora," said Andromeda. "Shut up, Ted."
"Oh, that is unfortunate," snickered Sirius, chortling with Peter. "Well, she was already a bastard. That's cruel, Andromeda. Talk about adding insult to injury. Ouch."
"See? You see?" Ted brandished his hand at the boys. He'd been falling back on this line ever since their daughter was born. He ran through his usual list of names, counting them off on his fingers as they stopped at a street corner and let cars pass. "Norah. Jasmine. Claire. Jayne. Mariah."
"I like that one." Peter took some chewing gum out of his pocket as they crossed the street. Ted nodded encouragingly.
"Oh, yes, that's quite lovely." Andromeda caught up with Sirius, looping her arm through his. When they reached Diagon Alley sometime later, she tapped her wand on the appropriate bricks and completed the sequence. Sirius steered them towards the ice cream parlor and saluted Florian Fortescue. "A hearse, Ted. A black mariah?"
"Oh, yeah." Ted parked the pram and his face fell. He sat down and ordered them a round of ice creams. He ordered Andromeda chocolate and raspberry, still thinking. As the boys dug into their sundaes, he licked some ice cream off his finger. He always went with a dark chocolate cone. He added a couple names simply to annoy her. "Anna. Piper."
"Ted?" She smiled softly when he looked up expectantly. Andromeda plucked out a raspberry and flicked it at him. "I hate you."
"Why should I care? From what I gather from Sirius, you're just my thing on the side. There's a saying for those. What is it?" Ted scratched his chin thoughtfully, chuckling when she flipped him off. Or she tried to with a mummified hand. After setting his spoon on a napkin, he squeezed her hand a little too hard. "We'll fix it, I swear."
Andromeda took the baby from Sirius. She worked regular hours, but Ted practically lived at the hospital. The place owned him. When did he even have another day off? At this point, it really didn't matter. A marriage was merely for appearances. They could be flatmates raising a baby. Nymphadora had his name, and Ted's parents really couldn't care less. They could do that, right?
"What're you doing this afternoon? We took the day off for this." Ted finished his ice cream and helped himself to some of hers. "What the hell? Let's do it this afternoon. I'll send Hippocrates an owl. He'll take a break and grab his girlfriend or whatever she is, and they'll get a free dinner. Ceremony takes ten minutes. Done."
Andromeda scooped ice cream out of the other side of the glass and played with his leg under the table. "Hippocrates's thing on the side."
Peter closed his eyes.
Ted snorted and ice cream, though thankfully not a raspberry shot up his nose. He wiped his nose. The boys lost it. Recovering, Ted played with the band on his hand.
"Er, Andromeda," said Peter, reddening as he scooped more ice cream. He paused, filling in the awkward moment. "That's my leg?"
Sirius, catching his breath before he lost it in another fit, pounded his fist on the table, upsetting both his ice cream and the sleeping baby. Ted mentioned she could go to jail for that sort of thing. And on the street, too. Andromeda, her brown eyes widening in surprise, got up, gaping at Peter. He'd waited a few minutes to speak up. Peter flushed a deeper shade of red. She stalked off.
"Andromeda." After Mr. Fortescue handed him an owl, Ted paid for the sweets checked his watch, and counted the change in his pocket. He pointed at the brick wall, the entrance to the Muggle world. "That way."
A few hours later, they arrived at the same courthouse. When the justice of the peace, the same fellow who had done this earlier that day, asked if the other one was the rehearsal, the two Healers dressed in lime-green robes gave each other a high-five.
Ted winked at Hippocrates, almost forgetting the ring in his pocket. If the officiator thought their attire was strange, he said nothing. Young people did stupid things, which she hoped explained the proper Healer attire. Sirius and Peter stood off to the side. When the justice of the peace closed his book, Ted pecked the baby on the cheek first. When he leaned in to seal the deal, Andromeda held up a finger.
Hippocrates, always a stickler to fit all he could into his precious free time whilst on shift, tapped the face of his watch impatiently and waved an opened bottle in the air.
"Give me a moment, Healer Smethwyck. I feed you. Play nicely, sir." Hippocrates rolled his eyes as Andromeda turned back to address the justice of the peace. "The paperwork? We're good?"
"All seems in order. You're paying me twice." The officiator made this clear.
"Yeah." Andromeda stroked her husband's cheek and shifted the baby in her arms a little. She kissed him back passionately.