'Je Me Souviens'
Synopsis: When Edward's kids discover a robot he had managed to forget about entirely, he realises perhaps he never really intended to get his priorities straight.
Characters: Riddlerbots (four OCs: Ada, Alan, Nikola, and neuroticnygma of Tumblr's Nugget), Edward Nygma
While their dad was resting, or otherwise engaged, the three of them had pretty much free reign to do what they wished. Alan had started most of the things on the list, or continued the things his dad had already started before, and he'd made enough progress in his mind that when Ada asked him to come and look at what she and Nikola had found, he decided he had some time to do that and followed her.
Beneath the Orphanage floor was a large quantity of mostly abandoned devices their dad had put together before deciding to build them, or maybe even from years before they had existed: electronic puzzle pieces, skeletal contraptions, and prototypes that hadn't panned out quite as he'd envisioned. Alan was not sure they were even allowed down there, but Ada did as she liked and their dad only ever scolded her a little bit.
They arrived in front of Nikola, who was waiting patiently for Ada's return, and she pulled Alan ahead of her and said excitedly, Look, look what we found! Another robot!
Alan knelt down in front of it, inspecting the crumpled form against one of the far walls. It was built even moreso than they were out of scavenged metals, seeming to have been built in a hurry judging by the quality of it. The robot was spotted with orange rust and the space around it was dotted with small powdery piles. When he put a hand on the damaged arm, some of the tainted metal flaked onto the ground. This robot had either been here a long time or had been made in some desperate fit of passion, or both. Alan wasn't sure which thought he liked least.
Is he dead? Ada asked. Alan shook his head slowly.
I think he just… doesn't work yet. He touched the slumped head. I should be able to install Nikola's AI on him and he'll work fine after that.
Fix him Alan! Ada said excitedly, grabbing hold of his left arm, and now that she'd said that he really would have to. He stood up, having to shake her off a little.
Nikola, bring him upstairs. I can't fix him down here.
It didn't take as long as it had for Ada, but it still took a couple of hours for the operating system to install. Alan had had to rework it a little, because the hardware for this robot was older and less compatible than even Nikola's was, but he managed fine. He also remembered the settings his dad had used on Ada and entered them when it was prudent, and a few minutes later the robot sat up. He had to turn his head quite unnervingly to look at them with his single eye, but he did work. Their dad didn't do anything halfway.
Hi! Ada said, leaning forward and waving enthusiastically. The robot looked at her for a long minute, and then very slowly raised his hand in echo.
You must be almost as smart as Dad, Alan, Nikola said, actually seeming impressed. Alan decided to take the compliment without comment. What Nikola didn't know, he didn't care about.
Over the next few hours they learned that the robot did not have a full range of motion, due to immobility and from sitting in the damp basement for months at a time; he did not seem to understand them, either, and he could not speak. Ada had taken the robot by the hand and proceeded to give them a very slow walkthrough of the Orphanage, seeing as he could not walk very fast. Alan was tagging along behind, watching and evaluating the robot as he did so, and when he realised just how distracted he was. He wasn't really paying attention to anything Ada was saying or what the robot was doing; he was mostly thinking about what seemed to be going wrong and what he could do to fix those things, about how they should have been prevented in the first place and how he should have seen them beforehand.
Was this… how his dad thought, all the time?
No wonder he was always so upset and stressed. And Alan was only thinking about one thing, not that entire list his dad was always worrying over.
"Alan, what is that?"
It was as though Alan's thoughts had summoned him! Alan wanted badly to tell his dad to go back to bed, but he couldn't do that in front of Ada. He turned around and his dad was standing behind him, one of his purple handkerchiefs clenched in one hand. He still looked tired but he wasn't as pale as he'd been, which Alan knew was a good thing. Alan raised his hands in a gesture he thought meant 'lack of knowledge'.
Ada and Nikola found him in the basement. Do you know where he came from?
Hi Dad! Ada said, turning around and waving, and the other robot too turned and raised a hand slowly. And then his dad's face changed in a way Alan had never seen before: his eyes opened a little too far, and his mouth opened just a bit, and he went slightly paler. He lowered his hand and said,
"Nugget?"
Oh you do know him! Ada exclaimed. Why is his name Nugget? Is there a scientist called that?
"No, he doesn't… have a name. I called him Nugget because he was just that, a thought nugget."
But why was he downstairs? Nikola asked. That's where you keep all the stuff you don't want to use.
Their dad opened his mouth but he did not have an answer. Alan thought this was the first time ever.
This was not going so well. Maybe Alan shouldn't have fixed the robot after all. If he was down there, his dad must have wanted him down there.
You didn't forget he was down there, did you? Ada asked, clinging to Nugget's arm as if he were a dear friend she'd known her entire life.
And Alan recognised it then, the process his dad went through before telling a lie. It was different telling them one than anyone his dad had a meeting with; the latter he told easily, as though he actually believed them. But the former he spent a moment prior to looking the three of them over, assessing if they would be able to figure it out or if they would care or if they would notice, evaluating what the benefits of the truth versus the detriments of the lie were. Nikola would not care and Ada believed everything their dad said. Which left Alan, who had learned what the signs were and only wished he hadn't. His dad was going to lie and say he had not forgotten Nugget down there, that he was there for a reason and it just wasn't time to fix him up just yet, and Alan was going to have to pretend he believed it even though it made him sad to do so. It was one of those things about his dad he would have preferred not to know.
"No," his dad said, and Alan couldn't look at him anymore. "No, I did forget. He was supposed to be a feeling-out project, but… I took it a little too far. After I acquired better materials with which to construct my greater vision, I put aside Nugget in favour of Nikola. And I moved on from there."
He had told the truth!
How could you! Ada shrieked, and she wrenched Nugget's arm closer to her as though he were trying to run away. Look at how cute he is! How could you forget him! She pressed her face into the elbow she was clutching, and Nugget's one eye regarded her with some curiosity.
"Ada, I had a lot on my mind at the time. He was never supposed to work in the first place. Once I had better components I built better things. Sometimes you forget about the blueprints when you have the completed project in front of you."
So you're just gonna do that to me too! You're gonna build a better person and forget me!
"Of course not. That's ridiculous. You're taking this way out of proportion. You are the pinnacle of artificial intelligence and machine learning. I will not be able to improve upon you for – "
I'm not listening! Ada yelled, and with that she pulled Nugget out of the room with her. Nikola looked at Alan for a minute, then followed her.
When Alan turned around his dad had pushed his hand underneath his glasses and was rubbing his eyes with a mostly upset expression. He didn't seem to realise Alan was still there, because he walked out of the room without even attempting to explain himself further. Alan decided to follow him. Ada didn't seem to grasp that their dad had made a mistake, and that it was okay because he hadn't lied about it. Nikola usually just did whatever was easiest, which in this case was following Ada. Alan understood what was going on so he would stay with his dad.
His dad went back to his desk and, once he'd sat down, used the handkerchief to blow his nose. He folded it into a neat square and put it into one of the drawers; then, after bracing his head on his hand with his elbow against the desktop, his dad looked down at the list Alan had noted his progress on.
I can show you what I finished if you want, Alan said, after he'd made his way next to his chair. His dad looked at him without really moving that much.
"Don't you want to be mad at me with the other three? Go ahead. It's popular these days."
I'm not mad, Alan said, and he climbed up to sit on the desk like he'd seen his dad do so many times. You didn't mean it. And you're very smart and you do your best at everything, but even you can't remember everything all the time.
His dad sat back in the chair and looked at him, putting down the list. "You're a good son, Alan," he said.
And you're a good dad.
He looked back at the list again. "Don't lie to me."
I wouldn't lie to you, Alan said as seriously as he could, and he wouldn't. You're not perfect, and I don't expect you to be. But that doesn't mean you're not good at some parts.
"You don't?"
It took Alan a moment to figure out what he meant. Why would I?
His dad took his glasses off. "Let's not get into that right now."
Without warning a man materialised out of the darkness, someone Alan had never seen before, and immediately all of Alan's defense protocols began to fire. It was standard among all of his dad's robots, the 'instinct' to protect him, but Alan was able to assess rather than act on them automatically. His dad put a hand on his arm. The man was taller even than Nikola was, and this unnerved Alan a great deal.
"Jonathan," his dad said, a little cautiously Alan thought.
"Edward," the man said, and it was in a voice at once silken and gravelly. It made Alan uncomfortable. It was a voice that said one thing but meant another, and he was not good at deriving double meanings.
"What can I do for you?" his dad asked, folding his hands together on the desk, and when Jonathan placed his own there Alan saw that they were both wrapped in tattered brown fabric similar to that which he wore over his entire body. His face was hidden by a sharp hood and Alan did not at all like that he could not see it.
"You are aware that you are the only one not providing me with progress reports."
His dad removed a cigarette and a lighter from his left desk drawer. "And you are aware that I don't like having my things where other people can see them. And that, according to the record, my involvement is coincidental."
"When have we ever been on the record?"
The cigarette lit, his dad put the lighter back in the drawer. "I don't do progress reports, Jonathan. You trust me or you don't. Have I ever failed to deliver?"
"No," Jonathan said, his voice still low, "but you may run into difficulties if I were accused of favouring you."
"I'm sure you could waylay such rumours if you really wanted to." The end of the cigarette glowed hot for a moment. "What are you really here for?"
Jonathan reached into the shadowy folds of his clothes and removed an item, which he slid across the desk with one pale finger. The nail there was black and a large piece of it missing, which had happened to his dad once when something had fallen on his hand. But his dad had bandaged it immediately, not left it out in the open like that. Did Jonathan not care if his finger got sick?
"The information techs from the militia found this but cannot read what it contains."
When his dad picked it up Alan could see it was a memory stick, for transferring files between computers. His dad removed the laptop from the desk drawer and woke it up, plugging the stick in after doing so. He replaced his glasses and frowned at the screen through his cigarette.
"It's a surveillance program," he told Jonathan after a moment. "They used to use this back when I worked for them. Granted, it's been heavily modified to the point where it barely resembles the original, but I recognise it. Someone from or associated with the GCPD is snooping around in your things." He pressed the cigarette into the plastic cup on his desk and Alan was momentarily distracted by the smoke rising out of it. "I wouldn't be surprised if one of your underlings hired a mole by mistake. That's what happens when you don't micromanage."
"I'm sorry, Edward. Perhaps I should get to know the hundreds of thousands of men under my employ." Jonathan held out his hand, and his dad dropped the memory stick into it. "Ah, but I don't have time to sit around wasting like you do. I have bigger things to attend to than playing with… toys." He directed his shrouded eyes at Alan now, and he knew what that was supposed to mean… but he wasn't a toy, was he?
"It was nice to see you, Jonathan," his dad said between his teeth, and then he removed a green handkerchief from his back pocket and sneezed into it. As he blew his nose Jonathan shook his head slowly and said,
"Mm. So you've been doing nothing all this time except building useless contraptions and dragging your time of incapacitation out as long as possible. I expected much, much better of you, Edward. I will require some sort of progress report from you within the next couple of days. Do not disappoint me more than you already have."
This happened because he was working too hard for you! Alan shouted after him, but his dad only finished wiping his nose and folding up the kerchief before putting it in the drawer with the other one.
"Don't bother, Alan. You can't get to him like that." His eyes narrowed in the direction of Jonathan's exit as he followed that up with, "But I hope you catch it, you ungrateful bastard."
Alan laughed, and his dad actually smiled, just a little bit.
That can't be your friend, can it? he asked, pushing the laptop over so he could sit right in front of his dad. He nodded.
"That would be him."
Alan leaned forward. But… why? You're working so hard for him and he was truly disrespectful. Why would you be friends with someone who doesn't even seem to like you?
His dad leaned back in the chair, propped his legs up on the desk, and looked past Alan, towards the far wall.
"Well, Alan, sometimes you meet someone you just can't live without." He folded his arms together. "Sometimes it turns out they can live without you. Sometimes it turns out they can forget everything and leave you waiting, whether you want to or not. But you'll never know what I'm talking about, and I'm glad of that." He coughed into his elbow.
Then why do you keep doing what he says? Just tell him no and do what you want.
"Because it was different, once," his dad said. "We were different. Maybe it will be again after this is all over."
You keep saying that. He said it as factually as possible, not wanting his dad to think Alan was accusing him of doing things wrong. His dad looked at him silently for a long moment.
"I never really factored in an end, to all of this," he said. "Every time I think about it, it just… continues. For eternity." His voice quieted. "I've been doing this a long time."
Alan didn't really know what he was talking about. He had no idea what his dad was even doing all of this for Jonathan for, what purpose building all of the stuff on the list had, but if he'd been doing it over and over again for a long time…
Were you happy when you started it?
"I was."
Maybe it's… time for you to stop, Dad. His dad did not like being told what to do, Alan knew that much, and he phrased it as carefully and tactfully as he could. He wasn't sure his dad would even understand that; his dad knew what he was saying, but how much of Alan's speech was he really able to process? Would he know Alan wasn't trying to boss him around, only intended to give a suggestion?
His dad looked up at him. It was long enough Alan thought maybe he was going to be angry. He pressed his hands together in nervous anticipation.
"You could be right." He coughed again, picking the list up and stared at it. Alan didn't see his eyes moving so he didn't think his dad was actually reading it.
What is it? he tried, not knowing if it would actually work.
"I was… it's good you feel comfortable enough to tell me something like that, as opposed to… keeping it to yourself."
If I don't tell you something it's because I don't want to upset you, Alan said, leaning forward again, but his dad wouldn't look at him. I mean, I could tell you later, when it wouldn't affect so much, but right now it would be… it could mess things up.
"I'm more fortunate to have you than you will ever know," his dad said.
Your dad must say the same about you.
His dad's laugh sounded wrong; it was bitter and hopeless and stilted. It was a little frightening. "Trust me. He says the exact opposite."
But that didn't make any sense. Why would he say that? Where is your dad? Maybe Alan could ask him why he would say something like that about his son, if he could find him that was.
"Oh, it's a long story," his dad sighed, standing up, "and maybe I will tell you one day but not right now. Come, Alan. I need to go win your sister back."
Alan hopped off the desk and followed, saying, You just need to hug her. That will fix it.
"I know. It's getting her to stop ignoring me that can be tricky." He took his phone out of his pocket. "I don't suppose you know where she would have dragged him off to."
Her room, probably, Alan said. His dad appeared to be thinking it over.
"Can he climb stairs?"
I don't know. Nikola carried him up here. He's not very good at walking, though.
His dad rubbed one side of his nose, muttering, "I don't have time for this."
It's okay! Alan put a hand on his arm, and his dad looked down at him a little too quickly. I did a lot of things on the list. I promise. You probably aren't even behind schedule anymore.
"Mmhm," was all his dad said to that.
As they walked his dad read whatever it was that had caught his attention on his phone, and he didn't look very pleased about it. He never did see anything that made him happy on that thing. He also was beginning to look very tired again. That made Alan a little suspicious.
How long did you sleep for? he asked, as conversationally as he could.
"I… didn't check," his dad answered, not taking his eyes off the phone as they gained the landing of the next floor.
You probably have a guess, though.
His dad shrugged.
Dad!
"Why are you always inquiring into this anyway?" his dad snapped, thrusting his phone back into his pocket. "Don't you have anything else to focus on?"
I do.
"And?"
Why do you get so mad when I try to care about you? Shouldn't that make you happy? It gives you less to worry about.
His dad stopped outside Ada's room, his hand still in his pocket. "I don't worry about myself." He said it scornfully, as though it were a ridiculous thing to do.
Well, then I have to.
"I never asked you to!"
9Why would you ask me to? Now Alan was just confused. Did you need someone's permission to care about them?
"I don't know."
Alan stared at him. He didn't think he'd ever heard that answer before. His dad sighed, though he had to bring another kerchief to his mouth to stifle his coughing.
"Fine. Fine. Yes, I am tired. No, I did not sleep long. My nose got all blocked up and woke me. I couldn't sleep after that. That happens and it's nothing to yell at me for."
I wasn't going to yell at you.
"I imagine you have demands to make of me now."
Not demands, Dad. Suggestions.
"Alright."
After we talk to Ada, we'll go and do whatever you want. Until you start to fall asleep. Then you have to go to bed. And I mean you have to go to your bed, not just sleep on the floor or something.
His dad chewed on his lip for a moment, which Alan had never seen before, but he nodded and turned, facing Alan and holding a hand out.
"It's a deal," his dad said, and Alan was not sure what he was supposed to do but hesitantly wrapped his fingers around the hand offered. His dad shook it once, firmly, and then let go and put his attention to opening the door.
"Ada, princess," his dad called, stepping into the room, "are you in here?"
Ada was the only one who had a room, mostly because she was the only person who wanted one. It was a bit of an odd place to be; she had filled it with a whole manner of reflective and shining surfaces, and brightly-coloured pieces of thread and ribbon. It was odd mostly because it was in sharp contrast to their dad's usual decorating style – not that Alan really thought he decorated – of dull metals and bright neon and green paint that seemed to glow in the dark even though it was not phosphorescent. Ada preferred pinks and yellows and the occasional vibrant blue, colours not found anywhere else in any of their dad's properties. Alan wondered sometimes what went on in her head that made her like these sorts of things.
No, Ada said.
His dad rolled his eyes. "Okay. If you say so. I suppose that means you're not interested in talking to me, then."
No, because I'm mad!
"You can be mad and listen at the same time. I do it often. The sooner you come here, the sooner I'll leave."
I am in my house.
Ada's house was merely a bunch of wood panels and assorted pieces of drywall she had somehow fit together – she had insisted on making it herself and so it was very tenuously built – that she liked to decorate with completely random things she found outside or with pink paint their dad got for her when he got a delivery of his own colour. The door was more of a crawlspace than an actual door. Alan could get in there, but he would never rule out the possibility of getting stuck and so he usually did not try. His dad closed his eyes and pressed a hand to his brow.
"You know I don't fit in your house, Ada."
You can talk and I will decide if I want to come out.
So his dad walked across the floor and sat down in front of the house, and after he scratched the bridge of his nose he said, "I would never forget you."
You probably told Nugget that.
"I did not tell Nugget anything. Nugget did not have a brain until Alan gave him one. He was a prototype drone. Nothing more."
Why would you build him if you weren't going to give him a brain?
"Because I didn't yet have the parts required to truly do what I wanted. He was merely a precursor to grander things. He was never meant to be more than a model for what I was going to do in the future." He folded his hands together. "Yes, I forgot him, because there was nothing to remember. He was not supposed to be like you."
Well he is now! And I'm keeping him that way!
"You can do that. Would you like to come out now?"
She looked out of the doorway but did not proceed further. You're not going to make a better robot than me and forget me in the basement?
Their dad shook his head. "I am not building any more robots like you. You are handful enough. And if I am not mistaken, I doubt you would allow me to forget about you. You hardly let me out of your sight. I will remember, Ada."
She giggled and crawled out of the hole, and their dad smiled. This problem seemed to be solved and Alan was glad. His dad didn't need any more problems than he already had.
That's because you're fun to hug, Ada said, and invited herself into their dad's lap and clamped herself around him. When he did the same he closed his eyes for a minute, and Alan thought maybe he was relieved. You're so squishy.
"Thanks," their dad said, not sounding all that flattered, and when Ada let go he asked, "Where is Nugget?"
He's in my house, Ada said. Do you want to talk to him? I have to pull him everywhere, he doesn't understand very much.
"No, I think that can wait." He patted the top of her head and stood up, straightening his shirt. "He must only have Nikola's AI, which is… rudimentary, to say the least. Perhaps I will improve on that later, or have your brother do it."
Okay! Ada said. I will just play with him like this. And she crawled back into the house. His dad looked down at him.
"Time to move on with the day, Alan. I believe we had a deal?"
Alan nodded and followed his dad back downstairs, to one of the classrooms inside of the Orphanage which his dad was building something in. Alan was not entirely sure what most of the things his dad was building were for, but he had decided they would make their uses apparent in the future and he was content to wait.
"This isn't on the list, but I do need to work on it," his dad said, and Alan felt a little upset to hear it. His dad had another list? How many lists did he have? How many things was his dad supposed to do for Jonathan in the next few months? If Jonathan ever came back Alan just might do something about it.
Why do you have to if it isn't on the list? Alan asked. His dad picked a box of tools up from a corner of the room.
"It isn't on the list because I did not want to get into specifics," his dad said. "If anyone were to find said list, the entirety of my plans would be revealed. I do not want that in the slightest. Don't be concerned, Alan. After I'm rid of this cold I will return to the factory project, and once that is complete all will be well." He slid across the floor between them a sheet of blue paper. "If you want to take a look."
Alan sat down and inspected the paper; it outlined some sort of… giant puzzle on the wall. It looked sort of interesting, but not particularly useful. He decided against telling his dad that and instead selected a portion of it to work on. He was here to help, not to criticise, after all.
Alan looked over at his dad after a while. He had been unusually quiet. He was a little sad to see he was sitting there slumped over, head propped up with an arm braced on one of his knees. His eyes were closed. Dad? Alan asked softly. His dad didn't move.
Alan moved across the floor and put a hand on his shoulder, shaking it a little as gently as he could. His dad inhaled sharply and started to cough. "What," he said in a low voice when he had stopped.
I think it's time for the bed part of the deal.
His dad licked his lips and looked at the soon-to-be pressure plate in front of him, but he didn't move.
Dad. You're still sick. You –
"All right, all right." He put up a hand and used the other to help him stand up. "I'll go."
Thank you, Alan said hesitantly, as his dad neared the doorway, and his dad looked back at him but did nothing more.
Alan went into his dad's room later to see if he'd actually gone to bed – not that he thought he could make him, he was just happy his dad seemed to be listening lately and was hoping it would continue – and he really had! He was lying on his back, head against his right shoulder and Ada hanging onto his other arm. Alan pulled the blanket out from underneath him and covered his dad with it. He had just taken his dad's glasses off too when he took a long breath and turned onto his side, putting his free arm over Ada and holding her close. Alan got a little jealous when he saw that. He'd been the one spending all this time trying to take care of him and be his friend, and all Ada had to do was be small and cute and his dad would forget all of that for her. Even when she was being spoiled and unpleasant, which was a lot. It wasn't fair.
But when he thought about it, he wasn't sure it mattered. Yes, his dad would put him aside for Ada without a second thought, but that was because Alan could understand why. Because Alan loved him even though he was beginning to see all the problems he had, and Ada did not believe there were any. It would be hard for his dad to always be around Alan, who knew; it must be a relief to spend time with Ada, who believed everything their dad said he was. Ada provided more immediate value, this was true, but who was their dad going to come to when he needed to talk? It wasn't a contest, of course, but at the same time… Alan was glad he was the best for something. And besides. He was trying to do what was best for his dad for his dad, not for himself. It was nice when he felt appreciated, and he hoped he would be more in the future, but that couldn't be why he was doing it.
Feel better, Dad, he said quietly, brushing some of the hair back that had fallen over his face, and he decided that getting a bit more of that list done would be a good surprise for his dad when he got up.
Author's note:
"Je me souviens" is the provincial motto of Quebec, meaning "I remember". It being in French has nothing to do with the story really, it's just something for me.
I didn't really save Nugget but eh, I let these things do what they want.