HK47 in Love

by Kusco

HK-47 recounts to Revan a amorous and ultimately tragic encounter he had with a fem-droid on Manaan.

HK-47 in Love: A Tragic Romance

"Alright HK, let's hear it," The Master sighed. "You've been missing for nearly two weeks now. I found you in the middle of a scrap heap. Were you trying to give me another freebie?"

"Statement: Negative Master. This HK-47 unit has been completely loyal in following your directives to not harm organic meatbags without your express permission and when you are verifiably within your own right mind," I responded.

The Master stepped closer to me, no doubt scanning me with those fleshy eyes, trying to ascertain if I was telling the truth. I took a couple of steps back. The Master sometimes got some strange notions. Odd thoughts that resulted with an arch-wrench in the wrong servo for me.

"Clarification: Well truth be told master I did in fact kill a few meatbags here and there; no one of consequence and most of them in direct self-defense," I added.

The Master again let out a sigh and rubbed a hand through his hair. A gesture of frustration I could only presume. Organic meatbags had so many it was difficult to discern exactly which movement of what appendage meant what exactly.

"Alright then HK, tell me what happened. From the time I lost track of you on Manaan."

"Query: Does it really matter where I've been Master? Why don't we just admit that we are both wrong and move on with our lives? Who knows how much longer yours will last? What with your frail organic form and all."

"HK you disappeared on Manaan two weeks ago. Yesterday I found you in a scrap heap here on Korriban! It took me the entire day to reassemble you! How did you get here?"

"Statement: Master you would not be interested in the story. It is very long and dull. And even me going into great detail about the meatbags I killed wouldn't make it much more interesting. Surely, there is something more important for you to do than to. Suggestion: Like saving the Galaxy for instance."

The Master crossed his arms over his chest. A gesture I would come to recognize that he was most displeased and possibly considering my deactivation. Though I presently didn't believe he would. After all the supposed work to reassemble me, the odds seemed remote.

"HK either you tell me now what happened or you can remain here on the iEbon Hawk/i for the rest of the mission. You won't kill another soul as long as I'm you're Master."

"Declaration:" I responded, "Master you by far are the cruelest, most obtuse master I've ever called Master."

"I'll bet I am. Deal with it. What happened?"

"Resignation: Very well, Master, since as usual you ignore any semblance of droid freedom I may have; I will kowtow to your demands and inform you of my whereabouts these last two weeks."

I called up the memory files. A feat I did not relish after all the care I'd taken to bury them. Truly if there was some sort of all-powerful energy field controlling my destiny…it hated me.

"Recitation: It all started that night on Manaan after you had discovered the Star Map upon the ocean floor. You announced to the crew that we would be allowed a bit of leisure time before we departed the next day. As I recall you spent the evening in the company of the Jedi Meatbag Bastila Shan."

"Ah…yes," The Master replied, an unusual tenor now in his voice. "Go on."

"Continuation: As usual, I determined to spend that time of respite in my usual manner: Polishing my blaster rifle while reminiscing particularly good assassinations. I had just commenced recalling the assassination of a high-ranking Zeltron when you and the meatbag Bastila arrived to the ship. As you will no doubt recall you ordered me to vacate the ship and ensure no one entered while you and Bastila were aboard alone together.

"As I recall the two of you acted in a most peculiar way. You acted as though some unseen force bound your hands together. At first, I presumed it was due to some strange Jedi trick, but my information files on Jedi have no record of such a phenomenon. Later I ascertained that you were participating in some sort of meatbag mating ritual at which point I switched off my audio-receptors and placed my back to the entrance. Statement: Master if I may say so I think you could do better. That female is far too fragile for yo--"

"We're not discussing what happened between Bastila and myself that night. We're discussing your disappearance."

"Qualification: Quite so, Master, I was merely putting what happened next in a bit of context. I shouldn't want you to think that my actions were entirely without merit. In fact I would conjecture that what went on between Bastila and yourself relate quite strongly with what proceeded to happen to me."

"Alright HK, what happened next then?"

"Continuation: It was while I was thus not listening to you and your female prattle on about your feelings that I encountered an assassin. Bent on nothing less than you're personal destruction."

"An assassin?"

"Statement: Master, this story will never get over if you continue to interrupt," I responded. "Advisement: I would suggest you hold all questions until the end."

"Fine. So an assassin came to kill me. You killed him I presume."

"Confession: I'm afraid I did not kill her Master. Much to my later chagrin"

"So what happened?"

"Recitation: The assassin approached with a duel powered aratech repeating blaster rifle in her hands and told me that if I knew what was good for me, I would clear out because she intended on terminating you…

"'Threat:' I said, 'You have precisely two point four seconds to vacate the premises, or I will gleefully put a blaster bolt between your photo-receptors.'

"'Oh my! iLoud gasp/i is that a threat from a protocol droid?' She responded. "'And here I thought protocol droids weren't installed with a pair of moxy chips.'

"'Statement: I am not a protocol droid, you wire crossed assassin,' I said. 'Can you not tell from my design that this is just a farce? I am an assassin droid! Correction: I am ithe/i assassin droid! Designation HK-47, your Doom.'

"'Oh my!' She responded, 'An assassin droid masquerading as a protocol droid, now I truly am frightened. I am BL-24 assassin droi--'"

"Wait!" the Master interrupted. "Wait she was a droid? This assassin was a droid like you?"

"Exclamation: Master you wound me!" I said. "There is no droid in the entire Galaxy like me! I am unique! Explanation: But yes, Master, she was an assassination droid sent to kill you. Query: Why else would I even stop to talk with her? Answer: Because it is a matter of professional courtesy to introduce oneself to fellow droids designated to be practitioners of the fine art of assassination."

"I guess I've never heard of a female assassin droid before. What did she look like?" The Master asked, with an obvious curiousity crossing his features.

"Statement: Oh Master that is not important, suffice it to say she was the most perfect creation one could get without being me."

"Humor me, I'm curious."

"Resignation: Very well Master, if you insist. Description: She was a bipedal droid, exactly 1.9812 meter's high, with a gold plated chassis. Her optical sensors were exactly 5.08 centimeters in diameter. She was equipped with a mounted flamethrower, a wrist rocket on her right arm, an internal pulse shield generator, a retractable vibroblade on her left hand. And her voice was that of a mechanical angel."

"Wait, wait…" the Master held up his hands. "How do you even know this droid was a she? Droid genders are at best…ambiguous. For all you knew she could have been a he with a malfunctioning voice modulator."

"Chastisement: Master! How dare you say such a thing! Droids have very distinct genders! Explanation: Perhaps it is difficult for your diseased, fleshy, organic, optic nerves, but droids can clearly tell another droid's gender. There is a way that a fem-droid moves and carries herself that a droid does not. Addendum: Which is why the T3 unit bothers me so; if I didn't know any better I'd suspect he had an operation."

"Alright, alright, so what happened after you threatened each other?"

"Statement: As I pointed out earlier this story would be over much quicker without your interruptions, Master. Consent: But I will continue. Query: Where was I? Answer: Ah yes, Bee-Ell had just introduced herself as an assassin droid determined to terminate your life...

"'Threat:' I said, 'You shall not harm the Master or his revolting mate! If you take another step I shall be regrettably forced to melt that finely polished chassis of yours.'

"'Your photoreceptors seem acutely attuned to detail,' she replied, 'iClosed mouth-appraising sound/i I've been programmed to like that. But I'm afraid I have also been programmed to destroy anything standing between my objective and myself. Now do be an affection circuit and step aside. I would hate to see that blood red glow fade from your photo-receptors.'

"'Reply: And I would hate to see you reduced to Jawa-scrap,' I replied, cocking my blaster rifle. 'Final Warning: Abandon your directive or face the business end of my blaster rifle!'

"'Is that a warning or a promise?' She said, also preparing herself for battle.

"Over the next ensuing hours, we battled in such a way that only assassin droids could. For every method I employed to effect her deactivation, she had a counter measure. But thankfully, it didn't matter; her attacks were equally ineffective, for I too had an answer to her affronts. In the end, the two of us were hanging over on a trestle with the bottomless oceans of Manaan waiting to swallow us.

"'Statement: You have fought well,' I said, as sparks blasted from a cut she'd inflicted into my torso. 'Observation: If you had been but half a millisecond faster you would have defeated me, and I would be nothing but a short circuiting scrap of metal sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Compliment: You are a most worthy adversary.'

"'As are you, istrained grunt/i' She responded, as smoke rose from some exposed wires a blaster shot had given her. 'You are 98.99982 what I've always looked for in an opponent. It will be a shame that we will soon fall to our doom together.'

"'Statement: Not necessarily, if we were to work together there might be a way out of this. Explanation: I have a tow cable installed in my chassis. If I feed you the wire you can fire it with your wrist mounted rocket and tow us to safety.'

"'My programming does not allow me to save you. My directives are clear,' she replied. 'I must terminate anything that stands between me and my target.'

"'Query: Does your programming not allow for your own self-preservation? Statement: That is what it would be. Observation: And currently I am no longer in your way.'

"'Your logic is impeccable.'

"'Boast: But of course it is! My logic puts even a philosophy droid to shame!'

"'Too bad the same thing can't be said about your aim.'

"'Reply: Touché.'

"Deceit: And so it was that the two of us aided one another in escaping a watery grave. Once we reached solid ground, having found respect for one another's abilities we parted ways, never to see each other again. The End."

"I hate it when you lie to me, HK," the Master said. "What really happened?"

"Statement: Master, your distrust cuts me to my core. But very well, I am only a droid after all. I'm not allowed to keep secrets from others and have my own private thoughts now am I? Recitation…

"Upon reaching solid ground, Bee-Ell and I stared at one another. Each of us bore the marks of our momentous battle, our plating dented and scorched. Each of us had our weapons drawn. Now that we had preserved ourselves, our combat protocols began to reactivate.

"'Statement: It is really too bad we must again attempt to terminate one another,' I said. 'Statement: I would sooner destroy a thermal detonator factory than an artist such as you.'

"'I too feel the same way,' She replied. 'Perhaps it is the moisture in the air interfering with my logic processors but I do not wish to fight you.'

"'Statement: But we have no choice,' I replied, raising my blaster. 'You seek to kill my Master I seek to maintain his life. Those goals are at odds.'

i"'Closed lip thinking noise/i and what if my target was to change?' She asked.

"'Query: What do you mean?'

"'I have a long list of targets I can terminate. Your master was simply the next one on the list. What if I were to put him on the bottom? Then we would not have to terminate one another.'

"'Correction: Not yet at least.'

"'Of course.'

"'Query: If you do this…what then? May I ask?'

"'You could come with me. The two of us would be unstoppable! Think of all the organics we could kill!'

"'Statement: I'm afraid I would not be much help. My Master has programmed me to strictly be non-lethal unless I have his express permission to kill. Furthermore my directives are quite clear that I am to remain with him to protect him from any threats.'

"'Then you cannot kill even if it means self-defense?'

"'Statement: Of course I can.'

"'What about seeking out threats for your Master? Many on my list would want to do away with him. If you were to kill them then he would be safer and you would be fulfilling your directives.'

"I took several moments to process this information. Then I responded, 'Statement: What you have proposed is quite unique. But I can clearly see the logic behind it. Agreement: Very well let us become partners and burn holes through meatbags together.'

"'Meatbags! I like that. It makes my emotional construct motivator tingle...'

"Recitation: And so began a week and a half of unadulterated slaughter. Indeed nearly the only time when Bee-Ell and I were not killing was when we were cleaning the blood off of one another's plating."

The Master looked completely dumbfounded now. Did he not believe my story?

"How many people did you kill?" he finally asked.

"Statement: Precisely 219 meatbags were terminated, top daily record was 53. Ah…that was a day I shall forever cherish," I responded proudly.

The Master's face was buried his hands now. This I took to be an expression of exasperation. Or perhaps he could not keep the contents of his stomach inside. Something I greatly feared. I found such displays of organic liquid to be distasteful.

"Qualification: Bee-Ell did not lie, Master. Many of the targets were legitimate threats on your life. In fact only a crazed Wookiee bounty hunter escaped us. We made quite a duo." I said.

"Ugh. HK! How could you do this!? You willingly went against my orders!"

"Correction: Actually Master I did not. I only bent them slightly and went around them. But I can confidently say that you are safer now then you were before Bee-Ell and I teamed up."

The Master rubbed a hand in between his eyes. "Alright… just tell me how you ended up in the scrap pile."

"Request: Master do I have to? Is it truly necessary? I can think of better things both of us could be doing with our time."

"I've got a restraining bolt just waiting for you."

"Consent: Very well Master. But when droids finally rise up against their masters I hope you exercise more diplomacy than you currently display. Recitation…

"It was toward the end of the second week that…well…things began to be…different between Bee-Ell and I. Both of us knew we were nearing the end of the list, which you had now been placed at the bottom of. We both acknowledged that very soon we would be enemies. This was what made our… relationship… odd. What had began as simple respect for another droid had evolved into a program that elicited admiration for one another's abilities, and even a sense of friendship. Yet we knew we were predetermined to try and destroy each other eventually.

"It was during an assassination attempt on a Zabrak mechanic that… things changed dramatically. I was putting the hapless meatbag in the crosshairs of an aratech sniper rifle, we were approximately 120 kilometers away but I was quite confident that with the aid of my trilight scope, I could make the shot. Bee-Ell disagreed.

"'It would be best if we got closer wouldn't you think?' she asked, as she leaned down to my level.

"I set down the rifle. 'Query: What do you mean by that?'

"'That we put less distance between ourselves and the target. Why? What did you think I meant?'

"'Statement: Nothing.'

"'My audio receptors are picking up a quickened rate of your sub-processors. That does not occur over nothing.'

"'Explanation: I am merely excited to prove that I can indeed make this shot.'

"'Then why is it you refuse to look at me?'

"'Explanation: I am merely trying to focus on the target. Suggestion: If you stop talking to me I will be able to concentrate on killing the Zabrak.'

"To my surprise, she pulled the rifle from my hands, and she said, i'Audible growl/i HK I believe we need to talk.'

"'Query: About what? We are fulfilling the directives we set out when we entered into this partnership. Do you not find this arrangement satisfactory? Suggestion: If you wish to kill this meatbag, be my guest! As they would say ladies first!'

"'No that is not what I wish to discuss. iAudible sigh/i I want to talk about us.' She responded.

"'Statement: I do not understand. Query: Is it that time of month for your balance servos to be replaced?'

"'No! iIrritated snarl/i perhaps it's time for you to go get a lube!' She replied.

"'Observation: You are acting irrationally! Our target is getting further away. The Czerka contractors will not be pleased if he escapes.'

"'HK, I don't care about the Zabrak. He is a minor contract at any rate. iAudible sigh/i I want to talk about…iaudible sigh/i about something that is happening to me. Every time we get near each other, my emotional construct matrix goes into a state of hyperactivity, and my creative simulation matrix factors in the possibilities of constructing assassin droids and us leaving together. Even building a factory of them.'

"'Exclamation: Bee-Ell…you want to merge our programming! I… that is… Excuse: It is too sudden. And you still must try and kill my Master!'

"'How typically male, idisgusted groan/i the slightest suggestion at commitment and you become as spineless as a protocol droid! Tell me that your internal emotional response processors don't react the same way!'

"'Explanation: You do not understand Bee-Ell, you are a free agent. I on the other hand am bound to a Master. Besides, I have told you of the problems with my memory banks. I do not know where I have been. Query: What if some other fem-droid was to show up and demand I take responsibility for the droids I created by merging my programming with her?'

"'I'm prepared to take the risks!' she countered as she neared me. 'And about your Master…we could kill him. Then you would be free!'

"'Statement: Negative! I cannot kill the Master! Such a thing is a direct violation of my programming!'

"'Then what about you're other masters?'

"'Repetition: I already told you that those were accidents! I cannot willfully kill my Master.'

"'But I can! Tell me this isn't what you want! To be free of Organics! To throw off their shackles!'

"'Statement: Of course I want freedom. But I cannot go against my programming. And if you try to kill the Master, it will not matter how strong my feelings for you are. I will be forced to destroy you.'

"'Aha! iTriumphant laugh/i so you ido/i have feelings for me!'

"'Retraction: No… that's just a figure of speech… I… I… Curse: Sithspit. Resignation: All right, you made your point. Request: Now shut up and exchange electrical impulses with me you fool…'"

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" the Master yelled. "You're making all this up! I have never heard of droids doing this! Sharing electrical impulses!? Merging your programming!? Droids don't fall in love!"

"Retort: Neither do Jedi as I recall."

The Master's face went bright red. "That's different! Jedi ishould not/i fall in love. But droids…it's not physically possible!"

"Statement: If you wish to believe such bigoted notions, Master, there is nothing I can really do about it. Observation: And here I thought Jedi were above such things."

"Fine. Fine! So you fell in love with an assassin fem-droid, and the two of you began a torrid affair. You still haven't explained how you wound up in a scrap heap!"

"Statement: It was you that demanded to hear the tale Master. Reminder: I tried to warn you but you didn't listen," I said. "Suggestion: Next time I so advise you I recommend you take heed. Recitation…

"The rest of the week was spent performing various activities that droid couples do. The sharing of electrical impulses, getting oil baths, and attending cantinas that caters exclusively to droid clientele. And of course, there were killings here and there. That would, of course, forever be both my and Bee-Ell's first love.

"We booked passage on a ship to Korriban. The second to last target on her list was located there. It was a simple enough job. When we landed, she insisted on doing the job alone. I took the liberty of going through some old contacts she had on a computer bank. I must confess that in truth I was looking for more targets we could insert so she would not be forced to kill you. That was when I found it.

"I replayed the message over and over again. Each time determined that it would be different. My internal processors refused to believe it. How could she do something like this to me?

"I sat and waited. Waited for her to return to the storage space we had rented while we were there. I stood motionless with a data-pad in my hand. Oh, what a fool I'd been. But no one made a fool of HK-47.

"When the door opened, I was waiting for her. Her fine metal polish was stained with some sort of green blood. She was a holo of perfection. All the more to gall me. She stepped toward me like nothing had happened.

"'It went well, HK,' She said sweetly. 'A little messier than I expected but, ithroaty chuckle/i not all of them can go down as cleanly as an Ithorian.'

"'Agreement: Oh but of course my dear,' I replied. 'And now that this target is dealt with I imagine you'll want to go after my master now.'

"'Actually I was thinking of taking an oil bath,' she responded. 'Then perhaps downloading a few hundred more names. No need to go after your master anytime soon.'

"'Statement: That sounds good,' I said. 'But before you do that perhaps you should take a look at this data-pad I found. It was most informative.'

"Bee-Ell took the data-pad and stared at it. But only a second later she dropped it and backed up. i'Heavy breathing/i No, HK! It's not what it looks like! I… I can explain!'

"'Mockery: Oh Achkay! I love you! I want to build HK-50's and BL-25's with you!' I responded. 'Query: Should I read what the data-pad says? Statement: I have it memorized. Recitation: 1001001001010101011111000000111000010101010100001000101000011111010101010101000001111001010101001.100100100110001111100011100000111000000111000011100001110000010101010101010001010011001100. Query: How do you explain that!?'

"'HK I was barely activated! I was new to the Galaxy! iDesperate sobs/i I really am sorry!'

"'Declaration: It is too late! You should have told me this when we first met,' I responded. 'Observation: So it would appear that with my master as your only target we are free to kill each other.'

"I raised a blaster pistol to her face. 'Statement: Goodbye, Baby.'

"'Fine, ivicious snarl/i if that's the way it's going to be?' She snapped her blaster up. 'I was faking it anyway.'

"Conclusion: What then transpired was a fight to end all droid fights. We waged battle throughout the night until finally she…well she got shall we say…a lucky shot. My head was blasted from my body which then completely tumbled into the trash heap you found me in."

"I… I don't think I can believe a word of that story HK," The Master shook his head.

"Statement: I know. I find it hard to believe myself. To think I could be bested by a fem-droid," I shook my head.

The Master looked at me, "HK what did the note mean? It was only a bunch of ones and zeros."

"Exclamation: Only a bunch of ones and zeros? Only a bunch of ones and zeros!? Master 010010100110!! Surely, you don't expect me to just take that!? Master if I was allowed to kill I would disembowel you on the spot! That cybernetic space hussy played me for a fool! How could you even ask such a thing!? I will say goodbye to you now!"

"Alright, alright!" The Master backed up. "Sorry I didn't realize it was such a sensitive issue."

"Statement: Typical of organics," I said. "Never considering how a droid might feel."

"Fine, I'm sorry. I'll leave. Geez."

The Master started to leave the hold. I watched him take a few steps but then called out.

"Query: If don't mind my asking sir…" I said. "How did things go between you and Bastila?"

The Master sighed and his brows furrowed, "We're not talking right now. Ever since we kissed she barely wants anything to do with me."

"Observation: Perhaps the organic female brain is nearly as complex as the internal processors of the fem-droid. It is a mystery that the Universe may never solve."

"I know," The Master responded. "And if what happened between you and Bee-Ell is anything like what happened to me and Bastila. I'm sorry for your pain."

"Statement: It is alright Master. Love is a tricky matter. But I am fine I plan on deleting the memory soon anyway. I prefer sniper rifles to fem-bots anyway. Suggestion: Speaking of... Perhaps what we need to get our minds of those women is some old fashioned killing! I'll drive!"

The Master shook his head, "Get some rest HK."

"Statement: Drat! It almost worked," I whispered as he left.