Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim all rights to the characters in this tiny bit of fiction. I don't own Iron Man, team building, or Manolo Blahnick. The combination of which is obviously a product of too much rum and not enough cola.
Pepper Potts is a Human Shield
The moment she stepped out of the elevator the hairs raised on the back of her neck. Darcy instinctually froze. Behind her the elevator gave a cheery ding and the doors closed with an ominous thud. The lab level for Stark and Dr. Big and Green was silent. Something was terribly wrong. Life threateningly wrong?
Her eyes darted around the hall as she tried to casually shuffle back toward the call button. When she'd left Jane's lab the woman had been happily muttering away. All had been normal. Now Darcy felt like she was on the set of a horror movie. There was no music. There was no banging. No machine noises. No odd gurgling. Darcy reached a hand behind her and pushed the down button repeatedly. She chanced a glance up behind her and found the elevator was already ten floors below her and still moving down.
Plan B. With one hand she reached into her pocket and gripped Mr. Hobbles, her trusty taser. With the other she started feeling along the wall to her left as she made her way toward the stair well. As she passed in front of a utility closet she suddenly felt a gust of air along her back. Before she could scream a hand clamped over her mouth, another grabbed the wrist of the hand holding the taser, and she was drug backwards. In less than a second the door to the closet closed in front of her. Darcy bit her attacker and kicked him in the shin.
"Ow. Shit, Lewis," a male voice whisper cursed. "I need that hand." She knew that voice.
Shaking free of the snatch happy crazy man she spun around. "What the hell, Tony?" She hissed back. It wouldn't do to raise her voice until she knew if the situation was a legitimate emergency or not. Darcy blinked in surprise when she saw Dr. Banner sitting on a box of cleaning chemicals at the back of the room. A few comments about the two of them being in the closet popped into her head.
Stark shushed her. His dark eyes glancing nervously at the door. "Did you see anyone out there?"
"No," she frowned. The two scientists exchanged grim looks. The doom feeling that had been momentarily displaced by annoyance reared back up. "What is going on? Are we under attack?" Good Lord. If someone was attacking the tower and Iron Man and the Hulk were hiding in a six by nine maintenance closet the world was done.
"Yes," Tony nodded shortly. Her eyes darted to Banner. He had his head bowed and a hand covering his eyes. It looked as though he had given up.
A niggling suspicion started growing in Darcy's brain. They were under attack and the Hulk was hiding. Nuh uh. She was missing some critical information. "By who?" From his seat in the back of the room Bruce muttered something that sounded like 'trust falls.' Darcy felt her brows furrow in utter confusion.
Tony took a deep breath, his face pulled down in a grim expression. "Spangle Pants," he spit.
Bruce let out a little groan and explained. "Steve thinks it would be a good idea if we participated in some team building." The man who was sometimes large, green, and angry lingered over the last few words with obvious distaste.
Darcy felt her face fall into disbelief. "Team building?" She looked between the two men. Tony was bobbing his head and Banner was grimacing. "Like a scavenger hunt?" She asked in disbelief. Her voice unwittingly raised a bit louder than a whisper and Tony frantically waved his hands.
"Jeez. Quiet. Come on. Hiding here," he protested. "And think more Avenger-y," he chided.
"Natasha was discussing including weapons," Bruce added.
"Oh," Darcy murmured. Yeah. She'd hide in a closet too. "Wait," she whispered. Her breath came a little faster. "Steve wasn't talking about including Avenger support people again was he?" Because if he was they needed to move. Someone would eventually find them in the closet and Darcy wasn't going down like that.
Both men gave serious nods. Oh, that was all the flavors of hell no. Poor unsuspecting Jane was going to be an easy mark in her lab, but there comes a time when it's every normal for themselves. And Jane didn't count as normal. "Can't you, I don't know, lock down access to this floor?" She asked impatiently.
"Tried that back on fifty three. Capsicle owes me a stairwell door. We barely got out," Tony gritted.
Shit. Shitty. Shitters. "Well hiding on your lab floor isn't obvious at all," Darcy groused. "We need to get the hell out of here." It was only 'we' because Tony had control of JARVIS. And if Steve pissed Bruce off enough Darcy could probably escape in the resulting Hulk out. She'd chance that before anything that involved Natasha, weapons, and exercise.
There was one thing she needed to know before she plotted her escape any further. "Is Clint on their side?" If he was they'd never make it. No matter how much of a creeper thing hanging out in the Tower air ducts was it did give son of Barton an exceptional advantage.
"Nah," Tony scoffed. "He booked it into the ventilation as soon as Cap started talking about 'trust exercises to build our team dynamic.'" Darcy could totally hear the air quotes.
"Okay," she murmured, her plan coming into focus. She pulled out her cell phone and started texting. In her mind there was only one place she could go for asylum. When her phone buzzed with a returned message she was overjoyed.
A floor below them a door suddenly banged open on the stairwell. Darcy only knew it was from the floor below them because she could hear Jane screeching in protest. All three of them in the closet froze stone still.
"I don't have time for this," Jane yelled. "I'm in the middle of finishing my work with Lorentzian wormholes."
Thor's voice boomed up to the trio of closet dwellers. "The good Captain insists we must all partake of this team building. I am sure it will not be overly strenuous or tear you from your labors of the universe long," he assured.
Darcy waited until the two voices faded before turning slightly panicked eyes toward her fellow escapees. "Tony." The mad mechanic met her eyes. Darcy could easily see the fear in his. "I'm going to need to see your bedroom."
…...
"Yes, Mr. Secretary. Friday at one will fit perfectly," Pepper's voice could be heard through the doors. "I personally guarantee Mr. Stark's presence."
Inside Tony's bedroom Darcy, Tony, and Bruce huddled in the closet. Well, it was more like Darcy was perving on Pepper's shoe collection while Tony and Bruce lounged on the couch. The closet was bigger than Darcy's college dorm room. It even had a mini fridge. Billionaires.
"Is Tony," Darcy could hear Steve start from the main lounge. Pepper must have given him some signal because Captain America shut his mouth.
"Of course," Pepper continued. "I'll make sure to address that with him. We'll have a workable solution for you at our conference."
"I really just need to know if Tony," the Captain tried again before trailing off as Pepper actually spoke over him.
Tony had a bit of a silly grin on his face. Bruce actually looked relaxed. Darcy wondered why they hadn't thought to hide behind Pepper in the first place.
After a few more minutes the trio heard the elevator ding. A few minutes after that Pepper ended her call. "He's gone. You can come out now," she announced dryly.
Darcy quit ogling the cobalt colored Manolo Blahnick's and walked out of the closet. She tried not to look too hard at Tony Stark's bed as she crossed the room to the lounge, but she couldn't help but wonder how the hell they got the oversized mattress to the penthouse. A crane?
When they all finally settled down into the slightly sunken living space Darcy turned to Pepper. "Managing crazy people is your super power," she informed the red head.
Pepper smirked. "Well I've had lots of practice," she demurred. Tony sat down next to her, apparently relieved enough to not argue with her gentle insult. Darcy totally got that. They'd almost been caught twice on the way up. She shuddered to think what Jane was enduring.
After a moment of silence Pepper's eyebrows rose as she warned, "Steve might not let this go."
Darcy groaned loud and low, banging her head on the back of the couch.
"Don't break the couch with your head, Lewis. It's expensive," Tony quipped tiredly.
She rolled her head to the side and glared at him. "You better put some good booze in your mini fridge tonight. If we have to do this again tomorrow I am so getting drunk in your closet."