DREAMING

Chapter 1: The Dream

Disclaimer: I don't own Blue Exorcist or any songs I might put into this story, all credit goes to the respective authors.

A/N: I have been soooo excited to write this story so hope you like!

Full Summary: Smart/Strong!Rin! Rin was tired, so tired. Her happy-go-lucky mask was cracking, her true self started to shine through more and more. She wanted to go to sleep and never wake up, and yes, he is in fact a she. Rin started dressing like a boy so people wouldn't look down on her, not that it matters anymore. She couldn't stand the looks they gave her, it would've been okay if it was just hate, but no… they looked at her with fear and disgust. Everyday got worse. Konekomaru couldn't even look at her, Shima didn't WANT to look at her, Shiemi shied away from her, Izumo looked down on her with contempt, and worst of all Bon just didn't care. He didn't look at her with fear OR disgust, he just ignored her and everything people were doing to her. Yukio wasn't even there most of the time, or else he would've done something, it wouldn't change anything though. Why? WHY? WHY?

"Would you like to visit a place where you control everything?" A girl asked.

Rin nodded eagerly.

"Then, take my hand."

Warning: Fem!Rin, so don't like? Don't read. And if I get any flames from people about my story, you're being blocked and that's it. I refuse to respond to anyone who thinks they're high enough to flame other people's stories, because they don't like it. There also is some mild swearing so again, don't like? DON'T FRIGGIN' READ!

Italics = thoughts/singing

*Stars and italics* = *actions*

Bold = demonic speaking

Underlined Italics = what's happening/where

Rin looked around, confused. Where am I? She wondered. Rin kept looking around until she spotted… a TV? Upon closer inspection, she found that the TV was old fashioned, with antennae on top of it. For some reason, the TV only had a power button, no volume, or channel button. She glanced around again and made her decision, turning back around, she pressed the power button.

The screen sizzled back to life, it was a little fuzzy, but you could still see what was going on clearly. Rin's eyes widened. It was her! The TV showed the first time she dressed as a boy, her hair was cut short and her chest was bandaged, not that there was much to bandage anyway, she was 10 at the time. Rin didn't have to worry about any classmates from last year recognizing her, they were too scared of her to even care. At school no one noticed her sudden gender change, no surprise there. Everyone still looked at her with fear and slight contempt in their eyes, Yukio was oblivious to all of this though. She wished that someone would just notice her for once. That was the day the dreams started.

The scene suddenly changed, this time it showed her failing purposefully on a test, she remembered that test, Yukio gave it to her yesterday. It was easy, but in order to keep her façade up, she purposefully marked the wrong answers. It seemed as if the class was laughing at her when she got the test back, they weren't expecting anything else but failure from her anyway. She inwardly flinched at this but smiled as if nothing was wrong.

In another scene, it showed the end of class. Rin was getting up to go out the door when she felt a little push and ended up falling forward, luckily she was able to catch herself. She pretended she didn't notice that Izumo happened to walk by her at that moment and scratched her cheek sheepishly. Yukio sighed at her antics and said, "Nii-san, this wouldn't happen if you would just walk with the correct posture." Rin pretended as if that didn't hurt her feelings and laughed it off. "Whatever you say, moley four-eyes."

Rin's eyes widened when she saw the next scene, it was the day everything changed. That was the day she vowed she would keep her façade up, even if it killed her.

The scenes folded out before her, one by one. The monastery was being destroyed, people were rushing to put up Holy water barriers. She kept up her mask well, even as the stupid demon, who was it? Ahh, yes, it was Astorath, destroyed her home. She acted like her usual self, hot headed and clueless, even though she already knew of her real origins and that Yukio and the old man were exorcists. But then the old man just had to go and say that.

"Our first priority now is to hide you, you need to realize that you are their target!" Shiro yelled at 'him.' As 'he' kept bothering people, asking what was happening.

Rin couldn't help but feel hurt at that. She knew she was trouble from the beginning, but how could the old man say that so calmly? He was basically telling her that she was the problem, she had to go. That he wanted her to go…at least that's what she thought he meant at the time. When he said that, she couldn't help but say the thing on her mind, even though it broke her mask, her impenetrable mask.

"I see…so if I leave it'll be over?" Rin could see the surprise, and even the hurt, in Fujimoto's eyes, but she didn't-no-couldn't care. "Then I'll leave. That should make you feel better."

He grabbed her shoulder, and then she smacked away his hand. "Let go of me! You'd throw me away anyway! I've been nothing but trouble my whole life… We're not even really related! Just strangers…" Rin knew this for a while now, but it never came up, her persona would never allow it to.

"Just be honest! That you got tired of pretending we're family! Or can't a clergyman talk like that? Maybe you want to play a good father to the end?! Don't screw with me! You're not my father or anything! Don't ever call yourself my father!"

*Slap!*

Rin was too shocked to do anything, she was too shocked to process the hurt now blatantly shining in her father's, her ONLY father's, eyes.

"It's almost daybreak, hurry and pack up!" That's all he said. She now knows why he was acting like that, but she didn't understand back then, she was so immature…

Everything happened so fast afterwards, Satan appeared, she was almost dragged into Gehenna, Father Fujimoto tried to save her by killing himself, she drew her sword, Mephisto came and yadda, yadda, yadda. She couldn't look anymore. That was the first, and last, time she'll ever show her real self.

Coughing was heard behind her.

Rin looked forward at the TV, only to notice that it was gone. She looked back at the source of the coughing.

She saw a girl with long red hair and warm, dark brown, accepting eyes. The girl wore a yellow yukata that depicted autumn, with falling leaves of all colors. The obi was tree bark brown and she wore a bitter smile on her face.

"Who are you?" Rin asked. She remembered this girl from somewhere, but where?

The girl giggled and smiled fondly. "I'm Yume."

"I'm-" Rin began, but she was cut off by Yume.

"Rin Okumura, the daughter of Satan. You have a brother named Yukio, who is younger than you by…two minutes, I believe. Correct?"

"Y-yeah…"

Yume giggled again. "Don't look so surprised. I've known you my whole life, after all."

"What?"

"…Nevermind that. Would you like to visit a place where you control everything? It's only you and you're imagination…that and a few others."

Rin hesitated, before shaking her head slightly. "I'm sorry, I couldn't do that to Yukio."

Yume sighed. "I knew you would say that. I'll always be here for you! I have to go now, see you! Please, call me when you need me." Yume started disappearing.

"W-wait! Where are you going?" Rin ran towards her, but the distance never seemed to get any shorter. "Please, don't leave me here!" Rin's outstretched hand was so close to Yume, she was almost there…

"RIN!"

…And then she woke up and fell off the bed.

"Owwww. What the hell moley four-eyes?" Rin said, her façade instantly went up.

"You'll be late if you don't get dressed soon, get up!" Yukio left the dorm to go down to the kitchen.

Rin sighed. It was that dream again, she's been having it a lot more lately, although this was the farthest she's gotten. Rin tried to get up, only to be pushed down by an overly-energetic cat sithe.

Ne Rin, can I go to school with you? It's boring here without you around!

"Sorry Kuro, I can't." She scratched him under his chin.

Why not?

Rin was about to retort but thought about it for a second. "You know what Kuro? Screw the school, you can come with me!"

Kuro's two tails wagged back and forth rapidly like a dog.

Really?!

Rin nodded. "After I get dressed."

Kuro brightened slightly before leaving the room. He was one of the few people, or demons for that matter, that knew about Rin being a girl. He even knew about Rin's mask, he's the only one she can show her real self to. Rin quickly got up and re-wrapped the bandages around her chest, making sure it didn't look too…lumpy. Now that she was a teenager, her breasts are a bit more…defined than they were when she was 10. Soooo… you can see her problem.

After she was dressed with her tail wrapped around her chest, she went down to the kitchen. There she saw a nice warm meal on the table, but no Yukio. She sighed, he must have left without her…again. Rin sat down to eat as Kuro, seemingly coming out of nowhere, jumped on the table. She smiled fondly as she ate and petted Kuro, who was loving the attention. Finishing the meal, Rin went into the kitchen, grabbed her homemade lunch out of the fridge, and then thanked Ukobach for the delicious breakfast while Kuro never seemed to leave her side the whole time she was doing this.

Time Skip

School was boring, as per usual. Although, as Rin pretended to sleep she took notes of what the teacher was saying, deciding whether or not the information was useful to her. Occasionally, she would talk to the little cat sithe hiding in the jacket she decided to wear today, no one even noticed the little bulge in her stomach. When lunch finally came it was like a hidden oasis in a huge, barren desert.

Rin practically ran outside to eat lunch under a nice, shady tree. She was about to take Kuro out when a couple of girls approached her, asking if 'he' has seen 'his' brother. Rin scoffed and shook her head. Damn fangirls. She thought bitterly.

Rin? Kuro asked, poking his head out of her jacket after they left.

"Yeah?" She answered, her attention switching from her lunch to him.

Why do you pretend to be someone you're not?

"I've told you this already Kuro. Anyway, no one would treat me differently, even afterwards I showed my true self."

Why not?

"Because they're scared of me, of what they've seen me do. I've taken down bullies twice my size while not even breaking a sweat, I've even broken someone's jaw and nose with just one punch. It's just not in human nature to be able to do things like that, people fear and/or hate what they don't understand."

Why?

Rin sighed. "They just do Kuro, don't ask me why. Let's rest Kuro. Here." Rin held out some of her food. "Eat."

Kuro obliged happily.

Lunch was over soon, much to Rin's -and Kuro's- utter disappointment.

Just a few more hours, that's all. You can do this Rin! Rin repeated this in her head several times, each time she seemed to believe it less.

When she got back into the classroom, she took her usual spot at the back of the room. She found it easier to take notes in secret while sitting in the back, and it helped with hiding Kuro.

Rin yawned. Might as well take an actual nap, I already know this stuff anyway. Resting her head on her desk, Rin closed her eyes.

Rin's Not Quite Dream

Rin looked around, it was all white again. Except she wasn't alone.

"You called?"

Rin whipped her head around, there she saw Yume.

"Huh?" Rin answered so intelligently.

"You seemed to be troubled, isn't that why you wanted to sleep?" Yume answered.

"Ahh, actually, I was just tired."

Yume sighed. "Yes, but what exactly are you tired of?"

Rin looked at Yume questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"You really aren't ready to dream, now are you?"

"What are you talking about? I am dreaming."

Yume shook her head. "Rin, you aren't ready yet. You need to wake up."

Rin shook her head, almost fearfully. Why she was scared, she didn't know.

"No…" Rin backed up.

"Wake up."

"Wake up!"

"WAKE UP!"

Rin's head jerked up. She looked around and saw the teacher glowering at her.

"Mr. Okumura, if you can't stay awake then don't even bother coming! Do you want detention?" The teacher asked scornfully.

"N-no, sir." Rin answered, she hated detention.

"Then stay awake!" The teacher huffed indignantly and walked to the front.

Rin sighed and looked at the clock, school was almost over, she still had her class with Yukio though.

How fun. She thought dryly.

Time Skip

Rin was currently with the exwires. Yukio was doing his normal lecture about demons. Rin looked around while trying to make sure Kuro didn't move too much.

Rin! I'm bored!

"Stop it! You're going to get caught!" She hissed quietly. Of course Yukio, being the person he is, noticed Rin's behavior.

"Something wrong?" He asked.

"N-nope. Nothing at all."

He looked suspiciously at her jacket before continuing.

Rin sighed mentally, releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Stupid Yukio." She muttered.

Yukio's eyebrow visibly twitched, but he ignored the comment.

The class ended and Rin was out of her chair immediately. The class seemed to watch her scornfully as she zoomed out of the door, well almost zoomed out of the door. She was blocked by an overprotective brother before she could escape.

Damn. She mentally cursed. Kuro was starting to get restless and she needed to get him out, ASAP.

"Nee- I mean, nii-san." Yukio smoothed over the slip, hoping no one noticed. It wasn't like him to make a mistake like that though, he hasn't called Rin nee-chan since they were 9.

"Where are you going so fast? We need to talk about that grade you got yesterday."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll study harder next time. Promise. Can I go now?"

Yukio sighed. "Rin. We need to talk, seriously. You will fail at this rate and-" Rin cut him off.

"I get it Yukio! I promised that I will study harder and I will, can I PLEASE go?" Rin said impatiently.

"…"

"…"

Yukio and Rin gazed at each other.

"Fine." Yukio muttered. "You better get a better grade next time!"

Rin was already out the door. She finally got back to the dorm and then took Kuro out.

Finally! I was suffocating in there!

Rin sighed, it seemed like she was doing that often. "I know, moley four-eyes, kept pestering me."

Rin set her bag down, she didn't even bother to look at the homework. "Let's go on the roof."

Rin started walking, Kuro followed closely.

Once they reached the roof, Rin took out a hidden guitar. She has been playing since she was 10. It seemed like everything happened when she turned 10. No one wanted to teach her how to play so she taught herself, with help from online guides. It took forever to get to the skill she was at now, but she wouldn't change a thing.

Rin strummed absent-mindedly at the strings. She didn't have to worry about anyone hearing her, no one visited the dorms and Yukio was on another mission. It was just he and Kuro.

Rin thought back on her dreams and her memories.

She started to sing.

I can't escape this hell,
So many times I've tried,
But I'm still caged inside.
Somebody get me through this nightmare,
I can't control myself.

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become!
Help me believe it's not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal!
(This animal, this animal)

I can't escape myself,
So many times I've lied.
But there's still rage inside.
Somebody get me through this nightmare,
I can't control myself!

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become!
Help me believe it's not the real me!
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become!
Help me believe it's not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal!

Somebody help me through this nightmare,
I can't control myself.
Somebody wake me from this nightmare,
I can't escape this hell!

This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal!

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become!
Help me believe it's not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become.
Help me believe it's not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal!

Rin finished, her eyes were shadowed by her bangs. Little did she know there was a certain exorcist that heard every word.

And that exorcist just so happened to be Bon.

A/N: And that's a wrap! Wow, that was a long first chapter, I feel proud of myself. Any-who, thanks for reading! The song is Animal I have Become by Three Days Grace.

BTW, for those who are reading my other story, We're Family, Right? The next chapter will come next weekend, I'm so sorry! I just couldn't find the time to write the next chapter. Please forgive me! You're lucky I was even able to write this story! I'll try to update this tory regularly along with my other story, but no promises! I might just update the stories every other week, sorry!

Sincerely,

Krazypeople