(AN: Awright, just taking a short break from Bittersweet to have a bit of fun in a different area. If you're offended by this, be sure to leave a good, hateful review. Maybe, if I get enough, I'll write a sequel!)
Disclaimer: After reading this, Kishimoto won't wanna own these characters…
PLEASE REMEMBER CHILDREN… IT'S A JOKE. TOTAL CRACK AND UTTER NONSENSE. DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY IF YOU DO WRITE OC STORIES.
Yuki Sakura: A Mary-Sue Story!!1!
Alright, so the story is supposed to begin here, but before I begin the plot I need to describe the character to you, cause I can't incorporate it into the story. You need to know NOW! So anyways, I made up this girl named Yuki Sakura cause Yuki and Sakura are the 2 most KYOOTEST anime names EVUR. So anyways, she has bright pink/bright blue/pitch black/bleached blonde hair, and she's cute and sexy at the same time so that's all cool. And she's caring, and kind. And innocent. Oh, and did I mention she has a MAGICAL KATANA??1! But she has a dark past that NO ONE COULD EVER GUESS OR UNDERSTAND!!1! kk so anyway
One night Yuki Sakura was walking through the park. She was thinking about her dark tragic past, so she cried a bit, but then she remembered that she has to be strong, so she stops pretty quickly. Then, out of nowhere, she sees Uchiha Sasuke.
"H-hi," she stammers, sounding cute and sexy at the same time.
"Whatever," Sasuke says.
Yuki Sakura looks at him angsting in the dark and realizes, hey, Sasuke's the hottest character in the series! Therefore, they were fated to be together!!1!
"Sasuke, I understand what you're going through!" she sobs randomly, and flops cutely and sexily onto the ground in front of him. "My whole family was killed, too! By my older brother!"
"No. Way," says Sasuke, almost daring to show real emotion.
"Yes, it's true! And I lived most of my life longing for revenge! But then I realized I had to be strong!"
"Oh God, you do understand!" exclaims Sasuke, finally in the clutches of the Mary Sue spell. "You understand everything!"
"Oh, Sasuke, I love you! Just take me now!" she says, somewhat contradicting the innocent aspect of her personality.
"We shall be married in the morning!" gushes Sasuke, blind to the powers of the OC, but hey, he figures, he needs someone to rebuild his clan with anyway.
Still, the Mary Sue spell could only last for so long on an angst-bucket like Sasuke. A week later he ran away from home, taking all the money and leaving Yuki Sakura all alone to cry in the dirt over their fated romance gone awry. Then, out of nowhere, Gaara showed up.
"Why are you crying?" he asks, though he's not sure why. Actually, know that he thinks about it, he's not quite sure what he's doing in Konoha either.
"Oh, go away! You could never understand my tragic past!" Yuki Sakura screams, sounding a little like a bitch, but believe me she really is caring, and kind. Then she looks up and realizes hey, Gaara's the second hottest character in the series. Therefore, by OC law, he must be hers!
"Oh, Gaara! I'm sorry I yelled! I'm just so afraid to create any bonds! You see, my uncle tried to murder me as well! And so did my father! The two people I loved most betrayed me! All I have left are my two siblings, but they just don't understand! But you do! Oh marry me, Gaara!"
"Uh, sure," Gaara says, quite bemused, but he figures hey, I've never been married before. Why not try new things? And thus, he is gripped by the Mary Sue spell as well. They have a big wedding, even bigger and better than the one she had with Sasuke, but during the reception Sasuke appeared out of nowhere again.
"Hey! Paws off my love!" he roars valiantly at Gaara. Gaara transforms into Shukaku, Sasuke goes into the second state thing, and they have an epic battle over Yuki Sakura that I can't write the details for cause I'm too squeamish to write anything but OOC romance fluff. By the time the battle is finished, Sasuke and Gaara were both dead, cause even though we all know Gaara's stronger than Sasuke this makes things more dramatic.
"Noooo!" screams Yuki Sakura, and she cried over her two loves' dead bodies. "Oh, why must you fight over me? Oh, I always lose everything precious in the end! Alas, it is my fate! I just wish you two hadn't been dragged into this! Oh, I shall never love again!"
"Aw, poor girl," said Kiba, who had come out of nowhere. He didn't know her, but he had a good heart and pretty much felt sorry for any girl crying, especially if they were both cute and sexy. "She doesn't deserve all of this. I mean, she is so caring, and kind."
"Gasp! Kiba!" Yuki Sakura cries, whirling around. "Oh, only you!"
"Uh… only me what?" asked Kiba, quite densely.
"Only you can fill this empty, bleeding hole in my heart! I love you!" she exclaims, apparently forgetting her earlier vow. "Please, marry me, marry me now!"
Then, something totally unprecedented happened; Kiba turned and ran. Yuki Sakura blinked, then screamed in fury.
"HOW DARE MY LOVE INTEREST TURN AWAY FROM ME!!1!" she screams, sounding quite bitchy and slightly mad, but believe me she really is caring, and kind. Her heart filled with determination, she runs after him only to find him making out with Kankuro under a tree.
"What the fudge-monkies!!" she exclaims, cause Mary Sues can never have foul mouths, no sir. Kiba broke away from his boyfriend and looked at her.
"Oh, it's you," he says, quite unconcerned. You see, for the first time in history, the Mary Sue's love interest was NOT captured by her spell. In fact, he was totally gay. This infuriated Yuki Sakura to no end. She pulled her katana out of her pocket and charged its power to OVER 9000!!1! And she was really really skilled, seriously, she was an awesome fighter and she got in a lot of battles, but she never really hurt anyone cause she was too caring, and kind. This however, was a battle of LUV!!1!
"Kankuro! I will fight you gloriously for my love!" she shouted, and she dashed forward with a desperate battle cry.
Kankuro sighed, and with a flick of his index finger sent a poison spike straight into her chest.
"Uugh…" Yuki Sakura gasped, still managing to sound both cute and sexy. She fell to the ground and clutched at her strangely blood-less wound (blood would mar her cute and sexy looks, you see). "K-Kiba… I still… love you…"
And with another dramatic gasp and a frantic heaving of her breasts, she died.
"Jesus Christ, that was annoying," Kankuro said, going over and kicking her body. "This is why I hate children fanfiction writers."
However, poor Kankuro underestimated one thing; the power of Yuki Sakura's HEART!!1! With the power of friendship and love she came back to life, and the next day she became Hokage, had Kankuro and Kiba executed for their refusal to obey the Laws of the Mary Sue, and made polygamy legal so she could marry all of the surviving male characters. The END.
(AN:... Don't ask me what I've been smoking, I'm still not quite sure...)