Disclaimer: As the World Turns and it's characters (Reid, Luke, Noah, etc) are property of P&G and CBS Television. They are not mine.
A/N: Post 5/31/10 Episode (In which Noah confronts Luke about Reid and Reid throws Luke out.) This story was inspired by a few things, mostly Reid's and Noah's comments about Luke's drinking, and the lack of "fighting" (any kind) between Noah and Reid in the following episode they were in (6/3/10?). I took some liberties with the medical stuff (let's face it, so does ATWT!), but I tried to keep it plausible. If there are any gaping inconsistencies, please let me know. This is a one shot, and will not go any further. :)
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http:/slayerkitty livejournal com/3232 html (remember to include periods when putting in the address bar)
"Have you ever been in the waiting room when someone you love is being operated on? It's Hell. There's nothing to look at. There's nothing to eat or drink. The chairs are uncomfortable. All you can do is stand there and think about the fact that behind those doors, your entire life could be changing, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Luke Snyder, ATWT.
Luke walked through Old Town without purpose, his mind churning. Noah, telling him he didn't need him anymore. Reid throwing him out, the anger and hurt in his voice because Luke wasn't there to choose him.
He didn't mean to end up at Yo's.
He stared at the bar for a few minutes, before going inside. Trying not to let himself think, Luke settled down on a stool at the bar.
The bartender approached.
"What can I get you?"
"Vodka." Luke replied after a pause. The bartender put a shot glass down and poured the drink. Luke dug into his wallet and slapped some money down on the bar. "Leave the bottle."
The bartender glanced at the bills as he picked them up, and then sent the bottle down on the bar in front of him. Luke waited until he walked away, and then picked up his shot glass with shaking fingers.
He almost put it back down, but the bartender cleaning the table he and Noah had been sitting at an hour earlier caught his eye. A multitude of emotions rushed through him, and he tightened his grip on the glass, before opening his mouth and swallowing the contents in one gulp. He closed his eyes as the familiar burn of the alcohol slid down his throat.
He wanted to forget.
Katie turned the light on, maneuvering Jacob's stroller in the door of the apartment. She jumped as she caught site of Reid sitting on the couch.
"God, you scared me." She said, checking that Jacob was asleep. She glanced at Reid. He hadn't moved. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah." Reid finally answered, sounding like he was somewhere else.
"How was your day?" She asked, slipped her jacket off her shoulders, and setting it in the armchair. Katie sat next to him on the couch.
"Well, dear, since you asked." He said mockingly. "On a scale of one to ten, it sucked."
"Why, what happened?"
"I don't really want to talk about it."
"It's obviously bothering you." Katie pressed. Seeing she wasn't going to get a response from him, she sighed. "Well, how about we get your mind off whatever it is?" He glanced at her. "Why don't we go get a drink?"
He let out a sardonic chuckle.
"I've already done that today." Reid paused. "Besides, I have early rounds."
"Fine, then. Let's grab a late dinner at Al's." She suggested. "Emma's going to keep Jacob overnight, if that's what you're worried about."
"You know I like the kid." Reid replied.
"Yeah, I know." Katie said. "Come on, let's go."
"I don't have a choice, do I?"
"Nope."
Luke stumbled out of the bar, bumping into the door frame with a giggle.
He couldn't take staring at that table anymore.
The table where he and Noah had sat just hours before; where he pleaded with him to get back together only to be refused.
The table was mocking him.
The bottle of vodka, nearly gone, was still in his hand. He stumbled down the walkway towards Old Town, fumbling with his cell phone as he walked.
He stared at his phone, unconcerned about his blurry vision.
Not paying any attention to his surroundings, Luke came to a stop in front of Al's, dropping his phone.
He swore under his breath, and bent down to pick it up. After two tries, he grasped it in his hand, and stood up – only to come face to face with Reid and Katie.
"Mr. Snyder." Reid said, moving to walk around him.
"Dr. Oliver." Luke replied pointedly, his words slurring. Katie's eyes widened as she looked at him.
"Luke, are you drunk?" She asked, knowing that with his medical history, he shouldn't be drinking.
"Yes, quite a bit, actually." He smiled at her, wobbling on his feet. "Thanks for asking."
"Luke, you shouldn't be drinking." Katie scolded him.
"Doesn't matter." Luke muttered, taking a drink from the bottle. "This is all your fault, you know." He said to Reid, angry now.
"And how is that, Mr. Snyder?" Reid asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"My name is Luke!" He shouted.
"Ok, then, Luke." Reid replied. "How is this my fault?"
"You shouldn't have come here. You came here and screwed everything up!" Luke was still shouting.
"I didn't want to come here – you blackmailed me." Reid said, getting a little angry himself. "And if I hadn't come, then Noah would still be blind!"
"Luke?" Noah's voice came from the doorway of Al's. The three of them looked up to see Noah standing there with Allison.
Luke didn't miss a beat.
"And you!" He continued loudly. "You push me away, and pull me back in."
"Luke, you told me you weren't drinking." Noah said, approaching him.
"I wasn't." He replied, clearly still mad. "And now I am." Luke took another drink, glaring at Noah.
"Give me the bottle, Luke." Noah ordered in a quiet voice. "Let me take you home so you can sober up."
"No." Luke snapped. Noah tried to take it, and Luke backed away unsteadily. "I said no!" He took another drink. "I'm not done."
"I think you've had enough." Noah said.
"I think that you've lost all right to tell me what to do, Noah."
"Luke, I mean it…"
"Damn it, Noah! Stop treating me like a child!"
"Then stop acting like one." Noah snapped back. Luke chucked the vodka bottle and it's remaining contents at the window of Al's.
"Happy now?" Luke asked, his laugh a little hysterical. "You don't get to push me away, and break up with me and get to be the one who's hurt, Noah. I told you it had to be all or nothing, and you chose nothing!" He whirled to face Reid, and pointed a finger at him. "And, you. The great and powerful Dr. Reid Oliver!" He didn't notice as tears began to fall from his eyes. "You got in my head, and you screwed everything up."
Reid sighed, feeling Katie's knowing eyes on him.
"Luke…" He began, but Luke cut him off.
"Just stop." Luke whispered. "Everyone just stop."
"Let me take you home." Noah insisted.
Luke swayed on his feet, looking like he was trying to speak. He reached for Noah to steady himself, and then his eyes rolled up into his head as he slipped into unconsciousness.
Noah caught him before he could hit the ground.
"Luke!" he exclaimed. Reid moved before anyone else could speak, approaching Noah and helping him lower Luke to the ground. "Is he all right?" Noah asked, as Reid began to examine him.
"I'm not sure." Reid glanced at the window of Al's, where the last remnants of the vodka bottle were still trailing down to the ground. "He seems like he had a lot to drink."
"He knows he's not supposed to drink." Noah whispered. "He had a kidney transplant a few years ago."
"That's enough for me." Reid replied. "We're taking him to the hospital."
Reid flagged down an orderly with a gurney when they arrived, opening the back door of the car where Allison sat with Luke. He was still unconscious.
"He seems like he's having trouble breathing." Allison said as she got out of the car.
They loaded him up quickly, rushing him into the hospital. Noah and Katie pulled up in the car behind them, getting out and rushing into the hospital as well.
Noah and Katie watched as Dr. Oliver and Allison disappeared into a room with Luke. Watching through the window, Noah couldn't believe his eyes.
Two more doctors rushed by- one of them Bob Hughes, Noah noted.
They were hooking Luke up to machines.
"He's seizing!" He heard one of them shout. There was a flurry of activity, and then he watched as Dr. Oliver said something to one of the other doctors before grabbing him by the lapels of his lab coat. Dr. Hughes interrupted, pushing Dr. Oliver back to the door. The door opened, and Dr. Hughes pulled him outside into the hall.
"If you can't be professional, then you can't be in here. I just got you back on staff. You don't need another reason to be suspended." Dr. Hughes.
Reid's haunted eyes med Noah's as Dr. Hughes turned and went back inside the room.
An uncomfortable silence fell in the hallway.
"I should go call Lily and Holden." Noah mumbled, walking away.
"Wow." Katie said, staring at him with wide eyes. "I knew that you liked Luke." She continued, a small smile gracing her lips. "I didn't know you were in love with him."
"Anything?" Noah asked Katie, passing a glance at Dr. Oliver. His stony gaze never left the doorway to Luke's room.
"Nothing yet." She said softly, touching his arm. "Did you get a hold of Lily and Holden?"
"Lily." Noah answered, crossing his arms over his chest. "She said she would track Holden down and be here as soon as she could – she had to take Natalie and Ethan over to Emma's." He spared at glance at Dr. Oliver, barely noticing as Casey and Katie exchanged greetings.
The good doctor was still standing there, staring in through the window. Dr. Hughes saw that they were all out there watching, and said something to Ali. She walked over with an apologetic smile and shut the blinds.
Reid had no idea how long they'd been sitting there.
They were at the end of the hall, in the waiting room.
It was a strange and uncomfortable grouping.
Reid and Katie sat on one couch, while Noah and Casey occupied another one.
The silence was broken by Bob Hughes, who walked in. As if on cue, the four of them stood up.
"Dr. Hughes." Noah said to him. "How is he?"
"We'll know more after we run some tests." Bob said, glancing around. "Is Lily here?"
"She's not here yet." Noah answered. "I think she was trying to track down Holden." He paused. "Is he…will he be okay?"
"As soon as we get the test results back, we'll have a better idea of what we're dealing with." Dr. Hughes replied, putting a hand on Noah's shoulder.
"Thanks, Granddad." Casey added.
Of course the other kid would be related to Bob Hughes. Half the damn town was.
"What kind of tests?" Reid didn't even realize he'd spoken until he registered all eyes on him.
"Dr. Oliver, you know I can't talk about that without his family's consent." Bob admonished. "You're not assigned to his case. If he needs a neurosurgeon, I'll fill you in."
Reid clenched his jaw in anger, but he knew that Dr. Hughes was right.
Silence fell and they resumed their seats as Dr. Hughes left the room.
Ali poked her head in a few minutes later.
"Ali?" Noah asked, standing back up. He gave her a quick hug.
"He's still unconscious." She said softly. "Dr. Hughes just took him for some tests."
"Yeah, he said he was." Noah replied.
"I just got off shift." Ali continued. "I'll stay with you guys until we hear something."
"Thanks, Ali." He told her as she settled herself down on the couch between him and Casey.
"Do we know why he was drinking?" Casey asked, looking at Noah. Noah glowered at Reid.
"Why don't you ask Dr. Oliver?" Noah practically snapped.
"What does…?" Casey trailed off, glancing between Noah and Dr. Oliver.
"How did this get to be my fault?" Reid wanted to know, getting angry. "Luke's a big boy. He knew what he was doing." He paused. "And I'm not the one who said he wanted nothing to do with him."
"You don't know anything about it."
"I know that he told you he loved you and he wanted you back and you threw it in his face." Reid said, keeping his tone as even as possible.
"Because I saw him kissing you!" Noah shouted, getting up. Reid was on his feet in response.
"What bothers you more, Mr. Mayer?" Reid asked. "The fact that I kissed your ex-boyfriend or the fact that he liked it?"
"Reid!" Katie exclaimed.
Noah lunged for Dr. Oliver, and it was only Casey's grip on his arm that held him in place.
"Was that your plan?" Noah demanded to know. "Is that why you wanted me to keep Luke away? To break us up?"
Reid was about to answer, when a voice spoke up from the doorway.
"What the hell is going on in here?"
Lily Walsh had arrived.
"Noah." Lily said, crossing the room, and hugging him. She pulled back a little. "Is there any news?"
"Dr. Hughes took him for some tests." Noah answered. "That's all we know right know. Did you find Holden?"
"He's on a trip to buy a horse." She told him. "He's driving back now. What kind of tests?" Lily asked, glancing around before settling her gaze on Dr. Oliver and Katie.
"Dr. Hughes wouldn't say." Noah replied. "He was waiting for you to get here."
"What happened?" Lily wanted to know.
"He was drinking – he collapsed outside of Al's." Lily sank to the couch behind her.
"I can't believe he's drinking again." She said, tears filling her eyes. "He knows it could kill him."
Silence had fallen in the room, the rustle of the occasional page being turned the only sound. Dr. Hughes had come and taken Lily to see Luke, who had been moved to the ICU. Immediate family only.
"When is the last time Luke drank, anyway?" Casey asked, breaking up the silence.
"The New Year's Eve before last." Noah finally said.
"Ah, right. Maddie." Casey replied.
"Maddie." Noah confirmed.
"I'll bite." Reid interrupted, throwing the magazine he hadn't really been reading down on the side table. "Who's Maddie?" Feeling everyone's gazes on him, he continued. "Pretend I care."
Casey and Noah exchanged a glance. It was clear from the expression on Noah's face that he wasn't going to volunteer any information.
"She's my ex." Casey told him.
"She's Henry's little sister." Katie added.
"You've actually met her…she brought me to a couple of appointments when you first got to town." Noah said, a rare moment of civility.
"And she made Luke want to drink because?"
"She's my ex, too." Noah reluctantly answered.
"That explains a lot." Reid said.
"Be nice." Katie hissed, slapping him on the arm.
"I'm always nice." Reid replied, glancing down at her. She gave him a look.
"To me."
"That counts."
"And then Luke just stands up and walks over and grabs the mashed potatoes." Noah said, laughing a little. "You should have seen the looks on everyone's faces." Reid studiously ignored the group chatting around him - even Katie was in on the conversation. How could they be laughing at a time like this? If he had known that asking a simple question would lead to Noah and his friends recounting every important moment in Luke and Noah's relation ship, he would have kept his mouth shut.
Lily walked back in as the chuckles died down.
"Did you see him?" Noah asked immediately. Lily nodded slowly, biting her lip. Tears slipped from her eyes as Noah pulled her into a hug.
"He just looked so pale." Lilly said, calming down a little. "They put him on a ventilator to help him breathe and they have him hooked up to a dialysis machine."
"Is that…does that mean his kidney isn't working?" Casey asked.
"They probably did that to get the alcohol out of his system." Reid offered.
"That's right." Lily added. "Bob said he had moderate alcohol poisoning."
"And his kidney?" Noah wanted to know.
"They'll get the test results back as soon as they can." Lily answered.
"Can I…can I see him?"
"I'll let Bob know I said it's okay." Lily agreed.
"We'll be here when you get back." Ali said, touching Noah's hand.
"Tell him we're here, and when he wakes up, I'm kicking his ass." Casey said, and Noah smiled briefly.
Reid watched as Noah left the room behind Lily.
Noah had been gone for several minutes when Reid finally had enough. He had to get out of the room, or he was going to go insane.
He stood up, getting Katie's attention.
"Reid?" She asked, standing up also. Casey and Ali averted their eyes and continued talking quietly.
"I can't do this." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I just…I can't."
"Can't do what?"
"I can't just sit here and wait. It's not me." Reid said, shuffling uncomfortably. Talking about what he was feeling wasn't something he did either.
"Reid…" Katie started to say, but he cut her off.
"I fix people." His voice was a little louder, halting Casey and Ali's conversation. Their eyes were on him now, but he didn't care. He had no idea what Luke Snyder had done to him, but all the emotion that he'd had bottled up since their first kiss suddenly came spilling out. "I fix them. I don't sit here and wait." His voice cracked a little, which horrified him, but he couldn't seem to stop talking. "I can make the lame walk, and the blind see, but I can't…" He caught sight of Noah in the doorway, and stopped, clearing his throat. "You should get home." Reid told Katie, touching her arm briefly. "I'll see you later."
"Reid!" She exclaimed as he walked to the door. He met Noah's gaze for a moment, and then brushed past him.
Lily found Dr. Oliver in the hallway outside Luke's room. He was staring in the window at her son's unmoving form, an unreadable expression on his face.
"You care about him a lot, don't you?" Lily asked, coming to stand next him. Reid didn't answer, just glanced down at her, swallowing roughly. "I'm not going to pretend I get it." She went on. "I'm sure I'm not the first to question what you see in each other." Lily put a hand on his arm. "I know that he cares about you."
Startled, Reid inhaled sharply.
"He told me." She smiled a little. "He was just confused."
"I know." Reid said quietly, finally speaking.
"You should go in and see him." She let go of his arm, and stepped back. "Let him know you're here."
He stared at her in disbelief. He'd said the exact thing to Luke when Noah was unconscious.
"Take as long as you need." She turned and walked back down the hall. He stood there for several moments, unsure if he actually wanted to go into the room. He could hear Lily on her phone down the hall, talking to what sounded like Luke's dad. It was now or never.
Reid reached out and turned the door handle, letting himself into the room.
Pulling a chair close to the bed, Reid sat down and stared at Luke.
He wasn't sure what to do. He'd always been the doctor in situations like this.
Slowly, he took Luke's hand in his own, holding it gently.
"I don't really know what to say." Reid whispered. The beeping of the machines monitoring his vitals and the sound of the ventilator filled the silence. "You were right about a lot of things." He finally continued. "I don't understand how you could do this." Reid paused. "And waiting rooms are hell."
Luke's fingers twitched in his hand, and Reid startled.
"Luke?" He asked, leaning close to the bed. Luke's eyelids began blinking and finally opened. He automatically reached for the vent hose in his mouth, but Reid caught his other hand. "Hey, don't." Luke's eyes met his, and then traveled around the room. Reid saw realization of where he was sink in, and felt Luke's fingers tighten around his.
"I'm going to go get Dr. Hughes, okay?" Reid said, standing up. Luke nodded gently. Reid leaned over and kissed him gently on the forehead, and then whispered. "Don't ever scare me like that again."
Reid sighed and checked his watch. Five more minutes of this and he was calling it a day. After finding Dr. Hughes and letting him know that Luke had woken up, he'd had to meet up with his interns to go on rounds.
That had gone as well as could be expected.
After he'd reduced two of the interns and one of his patients to tears, he'd decided he'd had enough. Having been up all night was not helping his mood.
Deciding it was time for a break, he put the chart he was working on back on his desk, tucking the pen in the pocket of his scrub top. He stood up and left his office, and went to see Luke.
Standing just out of sight of Luke's room, Reid could hear that he wasn't alone. He could hear talking, and it seemed they had taken Luke off the ventilator. That was a good sign.
Noah was with him.
"I'm really glad you're okay." He heard Noah say.
"I'm sorry." Luke whispered. "I didn't mean for this to happen."
"I know." Noah replied. "But you can't keep doing this every time something goes wrong." Reid heard the rustling of bed sheets. "Dr. Hughes was adamant that if you drink again, it will kill you." His voice cracked. "And I…"
"I know." Luke whispered. "I got lucky. I get that. I won't do it again."
"How much do you remember?" Noah asked. He heard Luke sigh.
"Not much…what did I say?"
"Pretty much called me out for pushing you away." Noah answered.
"Sorry." Luke apologized, and Reid had to stop himself from interrupting. Luke shouldn't have to be sorry for that.
"Don't be sorry." Noah said. "You were right." There was a pause. "Ever since I met you, even though I loved you, I've been pushing you away."
"I understand why." Luke told him. Reid had to hear where this was going. What could possibly make it okay for Noah to treat Luke that way? "I know that your dad messed you up. I get it."
"Don't forget the part where he tried to kill you. Twice." Noah added, anger and regret in his tone. They were quiet for a moment and then Noah spoke again. "I love you."
"I love you, too." Reid heard Luke reply. He turned to walk away, unable to handle listening to the rest of the conversation, but heard his name and stopped.
"What about Dr. Oliver?" Noah wanted to know. "How do you feel about him?" There was silence, and Reid found himself holding his breath.
"I don't know." Luke finally said.
"Then I think you owe it to yourself to find out." Noah continued his voice thick with emotion. Startled, Reid could only stare at the doorway. He hadn't seen that coming.
"What?" Luke's voice wavered.
"We can't be together with this between us." Noah replied. "You need to see if what you feel for Dr. Oliver is as strong as what you feel for me." He paused, clearing his throat. "They say if you love something, you should let it go. If it's meant to be, it'll come back to you." It sounded like Noah was crying.
"Noah, I…"
"Take all the time you need, Luke." Reid heard Noah interrupt. The sounds of someone getting up came through the doorway, and then Reid could hear them kiss. "Then come back to me."
Hearing footsteps, Reid hurried down the hall and around the corner. He watched as Noah walked down the hall and disappeared around another corner, before walking slowly back to Luke's room. He could hear quiet sniffling coming from inside, and paused for a moment before knocking gently on the door.
"Hey." Luke greeted as Reid pushed the door open. He was hastily wiping his eyes.
"Hey." Reid replied, moving slowly towards the bed. He stopped about a foot away. "That must have been hard."
"You heard?" Luke asked, starting up at him. Reid didn't answer, unapologetic for eavesdropping. "Of course you did." He sighed.
"I know what Noah said." Reid finally spoke. "What do you want, Luke?" He edged closer to the bed.
"I want…" Luke paused. "I need to see where this thing between leads." He finally said. "If I don't, I'll regret it." Reid felt his face break out into a smile, and he perched on the edge of the bed. He didn't mention that he had no intention of letting Luke go now.
Luke answered with a smile of his own, grabbing one of Reid's hands.
"Has anyone ever told you that you have a beautiful smile?" Luke asked. Reid gave a little chuckle.
"I can honestly say no one's ever said that." He leaned a little closer to Luke.
"You should do it more often."
"I have a feeling I will be." Reid whispered quietly, and then kissed Luke softly on the lips.
End.
A/N: Reid references two different things that Luke said to him when he goes to see him before Luke wakes up. One is the quote that inspired the title of this story. The other is from a scene when Luke and Reid are at Yo's - "Well then you don't understand drunks at all. We don't think we're better than you. We just have to drink to feel as normal as you do without one."