You feel her hand graze yours as her hands move down to hold you by the waist. The gesture is so sweet, so innocent, and so damn Brittany, it nearly makes you sick. She must think that you're asleep because she's whispering things in your ear, things about forever, about marriages, about babies, about you two as a freaking couple. It should freak you out but it doesn't. Because despite the fact that you have never in your life been in a relationship and despite the fact that you don't quite understand relationships, you know you understand Brittany and that works for you.
"I know you're awake San." Brittany whispers as she buries her nose in your hair in that adorable way.
You smile and turn around in her arms so that your lips can meet.
"I love you, you know that?" You stroke the back of her neck, wrapping both of your cold hands around her warm neck.
"Your hands are too cold for that." She squirms trying to escape your cold touch, laughing as you roll over completely and pin her, hands over her head to the bed. "And I know you love me silly. I love you too."
Those are the words you'll never tire of hearing drop from the blonde's lips. You lower your mouth to hers and it becomes a duel of tongues because despite Brittany's sunny disposition and apparent innocence, she's nothing short of a master at kissing. So it doesn't surprise you when she flips you over with no problem and begins to really dominate you. Its times like these that you're glad that Brittany is a flexible and strong dancer. To be quite honest, you're not sure that most guys on the football team could do the move that Brittany just pulled off without ever breaking the contact of their lips. Granted that the football team was too scared to try and dominate you, but still, it was so freaking sexy.
You find yourself getting lost in the kisses as they get more heated and frantic and hands are everywhere all at once and Brittany's shirt is off and your pants are around your ankles and your freaking alarm goes off. The shrill ringing of that damn bell brings you both back to reality. The reality that in a few short hours you will no longer be at Brittany's side 24/7. The reality that college is around the corner and that leaving home is inevitable. The reality of you being in Boston at Harvard (which was as surprising for everyone else as it was for you) and of Brittany being at Julliard (which was no surprise, because with dance moves like that…well….).
Hours later, and it's you who leaves home first. You get on that plane and try your hardest not to look back. Because if you look back into those goddamn blue eyes, shiny with tears, you're gonna break down right here right now, and that would not be how to start the new era in your life. So you become determined to enjoy the new freedom and the novelty of it all.
You call her when you touch down and call her again when you get to the dorms and meet your roommate. It seems nice enough. It has been part of your dream since forever, since your parents told you that you would never have the smarts to make it here when you were a freshman.
Brittany texts you when she touches down, but you're too busy meeting others to text her back. She texts you again when she moves into the dorms and meets her roommate, but pretty soon neither of you have heard from each other in weeks. So you decide to take the initiative and call her. She picks up amazingly, but it is a Sunday morning. You hear the weariness in her voice but you can tell she's smiling because you called her and you're glad to have made her day. You tentatively make plans take a bus down to visit her and she seems excited until she has to go to dance rehearsal.
The entire bus ride over you think about how she and you never had the 'are we a couple still?' talk which makes you worried to see her, because what if she met someone. You worry until your bus pulls up and she's there and hugging you and kissing you on the lips and groping you inappropriately in public. And you know that she's missed you as much as you've missed her. You meet all her friends, watch her dance, and then see her disappear, before coming back dragging another student with her. The girl Brittany is dragging is undeniably hot. She looks about half Asian and from the predatory glances she's giving Brittany it's pretty safe to say this girl likes girls, or at least really likes Brittany. And then there's that awful feeling of jealousy burning a hole through your stomach and you're eyes glaze over with tears and you're running out of the dorms ignoring the girl's outstretched hand.
You feel a body sit down next to you and it doesn't take a freaking genius to figure out who it is.
"Who's the girl?"
"She's just a friend San. She's not a threat."
"With the way she was looking at you Brit I'd say she doesn't just want to be friends with you."
"Come on San, don't be like this, just trust me, trust that I love you and that I would never do something like that to you."
And trust was probably the wrong word for Brittany to use. Because if you're honest with yourself, once someone uses that word 'trust' you've learned that they're more untrustworthy than ever.
"What are we doing Brit? We don't call each other, we rarely visit each other. We're barely in each other's lives. Why are we doing this to ourselves?"
"San, it's called love for a reason."
"Yeah? Brit what's that?"
"What's what?"
"The reason it's called love?"
"Oh, I don't know, I just heard someone say that one time."
And she laughs, and you laugh, truly laugh for the first time in the two months you've been apart, and all the missed contact and the jealousy and the tentative trust, all that? That's all worth it just to laugh with her.
So when you ride back on the bus, your heart flutters just thinking about her smile and the way her eyes lit up when she saw you. And that's enough to keep you going.