Bella's pov
It was the night before my wedding to Edward and all I could do was think about Jake... I was so relieved that I was able to stop Edward from sending out the wedding invitation he had kept aside for Jake. I knew he would flip if he got that.
Edward was out having a bachelor party with his brothers, and I was just sitting here, wanting to spend my last night as a free woman with my best friend Jacob Black. I wondered if he would even let me in if I showed up at his doorstep. Probably not, cause he's still pretty pissed off at me. Still, I wondered... Not wanting to spend my last night as a single woman, alone, I decided that I would take my chances and go to Jake's house. I have female friends to, but none of them interested me right now. I just needed to see Jake.
When I went downstairs, dad asked me where I was going, so I told him I was going to the reservation to see Jake, and he got up and said he would drive me there. I knew he and Billy were planning on watching the game together, so I knew he was gonna pick him up. The whole drive to the reservation he was quit. The only thing he said, was to take my wedding ring off, as to not offend Jake. At first I felt insulted, that I had to take my wedding ring off, to not hurt him. But then I decided that might be the best thing to do to avoid a fight. I put it in the glove compartment. I also took off the diamond, Edward gave me, that hung on my charm bracelet. The charm bracelet Jake gave me. With the wolf charm already on it. I don't think he ever noticed the diamond on it. And if he did, he never said anything about it.
When we came up to the Black house, Billy was already sitting on the front porch. When he was coming up the car as I walked to the house, he passed me by, telling me that Jake was in his room. I was so thankful he was home at least, and not on patrol or anything. They drove off and I went into the house. I wondered if he was asleep, cause if he wasn't, he must have heard me come in. And he wasn't even coming out to greet me. Oh yeah, he's still pissed off, cause otherwise, I would already be wrapped up in his arms, in one of his bearhugs. Smiling his beautiful smile at me, but no, he was being a stubborn kid, that didn't even come out to say hello.
Not wanting to be ignored, I went to his room. He was sitting on his bed looking at the wall. Without saying anything I walked in and sat down next to him. He didn't even look at me. We just sat there in silence, for what felt like ages. I was looking out the window, but seeing as it was already dark, I couldn't see a thing.
Jake was just sitting there, not even moving, he was like a statue or something. So I didn't move either. Suddenly he turned his face to me and looked into my eyes. He just kept looking at me like that for a while and then all of a sudden he said: "I still love you. I'll always love you, Bells." I just couldn't take it anymore! I took his face into my hands and I started to kiss him. At first he was a little reluctant, but I guess the tension between us got to him as well and pretty soon he was laying on top of me on the bed, kissing me with such bittersweet passion. The kissing was so much different then it was with Edward. It was like I was on fire with Jake. I wanted more. I started pulling at his t-shirt, and suddenly he became very still.
"Bella, you're gonna cross a line here."
"I know what i'm doing, Jake. I need this. We both need this."
"You know this is goodbye, right?" He wispered to me.
"I need this little piece of you to take with me into forever, Jake. A little bit of sun that will always brighten my day. A memory that I can always hold on to." Tears were beginning to show as I was pouring my heart out to him.
"My world is gonna be dark without you, Jake, so I need a little bit of your light to take with me."
With that, he looked me straight in the eye and started kissing me again. Angry, bittersweet sorrow in his kisses. He kept kissing me fiercely, and yet so much love was evident. He pulled his shirt over his head, trying not to stop kissing me for more then a second. We kept going like that until there were no more clothes to take off. He pulled the covers up. We were both laying there naked, just looking at eachother. Still pondering over, if we should go further or not. I could feel him between my legs, hard and ready. I was already sweating from the warmth his body was giving off and the look in his eyes. His eyes were dark, looking at me with such love and lust. I can imagine my eyes were looking the same. I kept thinking that Edward was getting me forever, so Jake deserved to have this piece of me.
I looked at him and I was giving him permission with me eyes to go ahead.
As he entered me, I shut my eyes at the pain that was going through me, but at the same time, I was feeling complete. I had never felt more sure about anything. Becoming one with Jake just felt so right. When he completely filled me, he stayed still for a while, until the pain would subside. He was kissing my neck, my face, my lips, all the while telling me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. I moved my mouth to his ear and told him I would love him forever. With that, I started to move my hips to let him know that I was ok.
We made love to eachother the whole night. Not wanting to let go of this perfect moment between us. And as the night was coming to an end, I couldn't help but feel sad, that I would never feel this way again.
Light was starting to shine through the window, and I knew it was time to go. I looked at Jake laying next to me. He was asleep and he had never looked so beautiful, peaceful and even magical to me as he did that moment.
Before I stepped out, I looked at him one more time, so I could remember him like that forever.
"Goodbye Jake, you will forever be my sun and I will always love you." It was the last thing I said before walking out of his house and out of his life. I cried the entire way home, grieving over what I just lost. Knowing that what I would gain would never be enough. Never be better then this. Not even come close. But it was the best thing for both of us. The pack didn't want me there. I didn't belong in their world, I never did. I knew I would think about him and only him on my wedding day. I would dream of him forever...
If I should stay, And I will always love you.
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.
I will always love you.
You, my darling you. Hmm.
It was already morning so I had to go straight to the Cullens house for my wedding... Ha, my wedding, it seemed so surreal now, marrying someone else after just making sweet love to Jacob. But I made a promise to Edward, and I had to keep it right? This is what I want. I just had to keep telling myself that, and I would get trough the day. Get trough today. How awful is that. Having to get trough my own wedding day. Nothing was actually how I wanted it to be, I just let Alice do what she wanted.
"Bella, I told you, beauty sleep!"
"Sorry, wedding shitters, couldn't sleep." I lied.
"Well, we will just have to make do."
While Alice was working on my make-up and Rose was doing my hair, I was dreaming away. I was thinking about everything me and Jake went trough together. So many memories, good and bad. But me and Jake, it just wasn't meant to be. If it was, he would have imprinted on me. I hope he would find his true love. I wished it could have been me. He told me before he would fight the imprint if it ever happened. He loved me too much to let me go. But how selfish would I be then...
Bittersweet memories
that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.And I will always love you.
I will always love you.I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.
When Alice told me I was ready, I looked in the mirror, and I have to admit, she did a great job. The girl in the mirror looked breathtaking. There was just one problem, it wasn't me. All of this, the wedding, the dress, the shoes, none of it was me. That was all I could think about, that, and Jake. The night we spend together. I could faintly hear my mom and dad in the background wishing me happyness and what not. They were talking to that girl that I saw in the mirror, cause the real me, the real Bella, she was still with Jake.
I was waiting in the tent for my dad to come and walk me down the isle, when everything just fell in place for me. I had an epiphany. I didn't want this. After feeling how I felt last night, I don't want this anymore. I want Jake. I want life. I choose life and I choose Jake. I had to go and tell him that. I was walking out as my dad was walking in. He took one look at me and didn't need an explanation. He knew where I was going, so he gave me a kiss and stepped aside.
"I will handle everything here, honey. You go do what you have to do." He told me. I could see the smile on is face even though he was trying to hide it.
The first thing I did was look for Billy, he was in the crowd somewhere. When I spotted him, I ran towards him and asked him where Jake was. He told me that he was at La Push beach with the rest of the pack. I could see him smiling from the corner of my eye as I took off running. When I got to my truck, I saw Edward looking at me from a distance. He looked pained, but understanding. I smiled at him apologetic and he gave me a small nod.
The drive to La Push seemed longer then other times. I hoped Jake still wanted me.
When I got to the beach, I had no idea where to look. The beach was so long...
"Oh yeah Bella, this was a splendid idea." I was talking to no one but myself.
I was walking down the beach for what felt like hours, when suddenly I heard talking and laughter round the corner.
I started running 'till I could see Jake sitting on a log in the distance. As I was getting closer, I could see heads turning in my direction, including Jake's. He stood up and started walking to me. I was seeing him clearly for the first time, since we were kids. He was beautiful, wonderful and perfect. My perfect sun. I love you, Jake. I was chanting that over and over in my head while I started to run towards him. Suddenly he stopped and looked at me funny.
Jacob's pov
I smelled her from a distance, as I am sure my pack members did too. I didn't know what to think at first. Did she come to say goodbye? Did she need something else from me? But when I saw her come around the corner, I looked at her and knew she had made a choice. She was so beautiful in her wedding dress. It wasn't really her, but she would always look beautiful to me, no matter what she was wearing. The happiness on her face, made my day. She took one look at me and she looked happier then I had seen her in a long time. That's when I knew she chose me. I got up, ready to run to her, when I looked her straight in the eyes and my world changed forever. There was a light in her eyes, that hadn't been there since we were kids. And I could see our whole lives flash before my eyes. The times we had together as children and times that were still destined to come in the future. She had finally let her shield down and let go of the love she felt for Edward. That love, that was holding me at a distance. She had fully accepted me into her heart, and with that I imprinted and accepted her into mine. I knew thing would never be the same. They would be better. My world was complete. I felt whole...
Bella's pov
I stopped running, but I kept walking to him at a slower pace. I saw him close his eyes and fall to his knees into the sand. I felt different somehow. Even more in love then I already was. When I got to him, I fell on my knees in front of him, making a mess of my wedding gown, and just kissed him with everything I felt at that moment pouring into the kiss. I didn't need to say anything. I could hear the pack cheering, but all I could hear, see, feel and breathe was Jake. I looked into his eyes and at that moment, my world felt whole...
And I will always love you. You, darling, I love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I, I will always love you.
Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you.