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Name of the fic you are fanfic'ing: Scotch, Gin and the New Girl

Word Count: 3476

Full Summary: In order to replace the dress that Edward destroyed, Bella drags Edward to Goodwill in Las Vegas. He is beyond horrified and lets her know how displeased he is the entire time, until he finds the vinyl. BPOV

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Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Withthevampsofcourse and jandco own Scotch, Gin and the New Girl. I own the fact that when I like something I really like it, and it's a bit creepy and OCD.

Scotch, Gin and the New Girl: No Good Will

Edward's still in the bathroom doing God knows what with his hair. I run into the hall to wait for him and spot Jasper sitting cross-legged on the floor.

"La Bella," he says, patting the floor next to him.

I take in his 1950's saddle shoes and smile. He's wearing a mint-green polo and looks like he should be serving ice cream at a parlor a la Happy Days. Oh, how I adore this kid.

I sit and slump my head onto his shoulder.

"So . . . how'd it go?"

I simply sigh and smile at him. He wraps his arm around me and rubs my shoulder. "I knew he'd be fine."

"Eh, more than fine, more than . . . it was . . . I love Vegas!"

"God you're drunk off love. You even look drunk. Stupid drunk."

"I do not." I slap his belly playfully.

"Well your hair looks stupid."

"Oh, I know. I put in three times the amount of conditioner I normally use, but this hotel shit does nothing. I tried to comb it out, but it's no use. I guess I'll just look fucked, literally."

Jasper laughs with me, and I snuggle into his chest.

"What's he doin' in there?"

"Primping probably. Who knew it took twenty minutes to make your hair look like you just rolled out of bed or were just freshly fucked?"

"That's your problem then; you should have fucked him right out of the shower."

"I know. I wasted my morning sexin' in the shower. I should've waited until after. I wasn't thinking. Oh well. Live and learn, I guess."

"So where ya going?"

"I convinced Edward to take me shopping."

"You are going shopping? You want to go shopping?"

"Well, my fabulous dress sort of had an accident . . ."

"Casualty of war?"

"Something like that. I want to get something else like it. I really loved it. Anyway, the concierge said there's a local Goodwill and I can't pass it up. I mean . . . a Goodwill in Vegas . . . can you imagine? There's bound to be some great shit there, right?"

"Oh there'll be shit alright. Edward's going along with this?"

"Erm . . . he doesn't actually know where we're going."

"Oh this is gonna be good. You have to call me when you're done. Promise."

Just then Edward comes out of our hotel room and asks, "Promise what?"

"Oh, nothing important." I turn back to Jasper and mouth, "I promise." He smiles at me, and Edward and I leave together down the hall.

-NGW-

My leg bounces as we pass all of the beautiful refined boutiques of Las Vegas. Edward points some out and seems to be wondering why we're driving so far when there's great shopping on the strip. I try to 'Mmhm' my way through it without giving anything away, but the truth is I'm nervous. He's really going to go crazy, but I really want to go, and I want him to go with me. It will be good for him. He needs to try different things, and this will certainly be different for him.

I pull up my metaphorical big girl panties as the cab driver slows down in front of the massive dilapidated strip mall. "Um, Bella, this is . . ." starts Edward, but I open the door and get out, ignoring him and throwing some cash at the driver. I add a whispered, "Go fast."

I slam the door shut as Edward clears it, and the driver speeds away. Edward furrows his brow and walks around in a giant, slow circle taking in his surroundings: a Safeway, an Osco Drug, a Value Video, and a Goodwill.

He lowers one brow and gazes at me. Suddenly he looks angry, and he throws his hands up in the air. "What the fuck, Bella? You're shitting me, right? This is a fucking joke. You're hilarious. The cab's driving around the block and coming back, right?"

I shrug and start walking through the parking lot to the bright blue doors of Goodwill.

I imagine Edward screaming some obscenities at the sky and shaking his fist, cursing God, but I can't be sure because I'm already in the store breathing in the thick stagnant air. I start browsing jewelry right away when I hear the bell ring on the door.

I don't need to turn around to know that Edward is huffing in the doorway in distaste.

I hear his angry footsteps behind me and his lips are at my ear. He speaks in a low, grumpy tone, and I know I'm in trouble, but I quite liked the spanking he gave me yesterday, so it's all good.

"Are you fucking insane, woman? Target is one thing, but this, this is just . . . sub par . . . it's disgusting . . . it's . . . Edward Cullen does not shop at Goodwill."

"Oh, there's the dresses, look." I point at the bright blue sign advertising "Better Quality Dresses" for $8.99. "Grab a cart, will you?"

"No," Edward grumbles.

"Shopping here helps out people who need it. You have no good will."

"So?"

"Oh, just get a cart, you big baby."

"I don't want to catch anything."

"Like scurvy?"

"Like freaking T.B. from all the homeless dudes that come in here and push these carts around."

"Oh, nonsense. Grab a fucking cart, and stop whining." He doesn't budge. In fact, he folds his arms on his chest and stares me down. I try a different tactic. "Remember our third, no, our fourth time last night when I was hanging off the bed and then you did that thing that I loved with the tilt of your hips and how I said that someday I might be willing to . . ."

He nodded his head. "Get a cart and I won't just talk about doing it, I'll . . ."

"You'll . . ."

I walk towards him and press my hips to his and kiss his neck softly while running my hands up and down his thighs. "I'll, you know . . ." I punctuate my statement with the tip of my tongue on his bottom lip.

"If I get T.B. you are staying in the fucking hospital the entire time and bringing me my meals every fucking day.

-NGW-

"This cart is from Rite Aid. There's not even a Rite Aid around here. And this wheel has gum or some shit on it. It's sticking to the linoleum. What the hell's up with that?" Edward complains as I sort through dresses. I was right. There's some seriously good shit here. Only problem is everything seems to be made for pole dancing midgets. The tops of the dresses are too gigantic for my humble breasts, and the hemlines end where my naughty bits begin. I sigh as I put a beautiful dress with inappropriate proportions back onto the rack.

Edward grumbles behind me saying something about broken GI Joes and rusted Tonka trucks. He seems to understand that I'm ignoring him because he's suddenly moving and taking the cart with him. I hear the squeaking wheels of the cart and hope that he's going to browse elsewhere. He doesn't. Instead, he walks to the next aisle over and glares at me over the rack of clothing. He looks absolutely desperate for some attention. God, he's such a little boy all, Look at me. Look at me. Maybe I should tell Mommy he needs more praise. Ew, no. Nevermind.

"I am in this store, and the least you can do is acknowledge me. You know? Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen, who fucking gave you mind-blowing orgasms all night last night."

"Mmhm. Why don't you look at shoes for Jasper? I bet you can find something cute. Maybe something checkered. He's an eleven."

"Shoes!" Edward bellows. "Are you psychotic? You do not buy used shoes. There's fungus and foot rot and what not. Bella, promise me you will not buy used shoes." His hands dart across the top of the rack and shake my shoulders.

"God, okay, Edward. Please take a lap; let me look for a bit, okay. Go find the book department."

"Department? There's no department. There's broken and not-so-broken. That's all the fuck there is."

"Okay, well go try to find some not-so-broken books or something. Meet at the fitting rooms in ten, okay?"

I hear Edward grumbling something about Big Lots next and then yard sales as he squeaks away from me. He looks so cute pushing that cart with two fingers like he's got a stick up his ass. Mm, Edward's ass…

-NGW-

I find a really cute dress with a label I cannot pronounce and decide it's worth trying on. I've got five minutes to spare, so I browse. I find an old sturdy Hungry, Hungry Hippos game, sans marbles of course, and tuck it under my arm.

I make my way to the books and find Edward spying a Duke Ellington biography. I smile as I realize he's really looking. He's making progress, though his hands are pressed to his sides, and I wonder if he's actually touched anything but the cart.

"Do you want it?"

"I'm not sure. I want to read the blurb, but the book looks all sticky."

I pick it up as he makes a very unmanly panicking noise in his throat. I hold it up for him to read the back, and he tries not to look too interested. "How much is this stupid thing?"

I look around and see a sign attached to an old, rickety bookshelf that is also for sale. "About two bucks," I answer.

"Two bucks? It says right on the back $29.99."

"Goodwill."

"Fuck yeah. Put it in the cart."

I drop the book in the cart and put Hungry, Hungry Hippos in there as well. He busts out laughing at me. "Seriously, Bella, what's with the hippos?"

"Emmett will love playing this with me. And you too, if you loosen up beforehand."

"I'm not touching that thing. How many germy hands have been on that? So gross."

"You're probably right; I'll be dead by tomorrow. We better get in all of our lovin' today."

I turn around and walk away towards the dressing rooms. I motion for him to follow me, and he does.

I keep him talking while I'm undressing so that he doesn't feel too uncomfortable in the thrift store. He seems to be relaxing some, and that makes me feel like he's improving at least somewhat in his ability to accept change and do something, I don't know, untoward, or whatever. He's incessantly asking me if I'm going to get the dress dry cleaned if I buy it and if I would consider getting it cleaned twice before wearing the thing. I chuckle and distract him talking about our previous night's romp when I hear him speak up unexpectedly, "Oh hell, is that Snooks Eaglin?"

"Yeah," says an older male voice.

"God, where'd you get it?"

"Oh just around that rocking chair. See the one with the missing back. I saw a Johnny Cash, but I've only got three on me."

"Three what?" asks Edward.

"Three bills."

"As in dollar bills?"

"Yeah, man."

"Three dollars will pay for a Snooks Eaglin vinyl?" He's completely astounded.

"It's Goodwill," says the man like, Well duh.

I hear the cart squeaking as it gets farther and farther away from the dressing room, and I giggle internally. Who knows what he'll find.

I zip up the dress on the side and am surprised to see how pretty the light blue looks against my skin. It's gorgeous and hugs my waist, making me look curvier than I actually am.

I tip toe out of the dressing room and wander around the store looking for Edward. God, where is he? What did that guy say about a rocking chair? I was too busy congratulating myself to really listen.

Finally, I spot a flash of bronze and see Edward crouched down on the floor with no less than twenty records lying haphazardly around him. There are already several in the cart.

"Looks like you found something you like."

He shoots his hand up showcasing a David Bowie record.

"Is it in good condition?"

"Checked it. Looks good. It's mine." He takes great care placing the record in the cart, as though it actually were David Bowie, and then picks up another, looking it over.

"Are you almost ready to go? And what do you think?"

"Almost ready? I've barely started looking, Bella, I . . . fuck me, you look hot!" Edward's gaping at me and looks quite like he did last night while he was ripping the very dress I came here to replace. He drops the record in hand. It looks like The Mamas and the Papas, but I can't be sure because he's now standing in my way. "Dressing room," he says, pushing me backward by my shoulders. "Your feet, Bella. That's so gross." I giggle but continue to walk with him.

-NGW-

"God, this is just . . . fuck . . . you're so beautiful . . . and you make me do all this shit and I . . ."

"Mmhm. I'm good for you."

"So, good," he says, breathing onto my collarbone before kissing me there. His hands roam my sides, the dress hiking up with his movement. "First Target, and then that fish shit infested lake, and now thrift store shopping and . . . mmm." He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and presses me into the grimy full-length mirror. He kisses down my neck, and his hand trails lower to play with the lace on my panties. I drop my head back against the glass with a thump.

"Umph," I groan, but don't really care because his tongue is in my mouth, and he's painting lazy circles right where I want him.

"When I get you home, I'll play my new Johnny Cash, and we can fuck on my piano. You'll wear this dress, and I'll do that thing again that you liked when you were on the dresser. God, I thought we were going to break that thing, you wanted it so rough."

"We did break it."

"No we didn't."

"Yeah, the nightstand lost a leg, I think."

"No not the night stand, but that was good too. I'm talking about the one with the big ass mirror on it when you were . . . oh fuck that feels . . . mmmm."

My hand is in his pants rubbing him smoothly up and down the front of his erection. "What were you saying? About the big dresser? That was when we were . . . God that's nice, it's . . ."

"Yeah, I was talking about how dirty and rough you wanted it after I smacked your ass and then turned you over and . . . God, it's filthy in here, Bella," Edward says as he finally looks around at our surroundings.

"I'm filthy, Edward. And you love me that way."

"Mm, my dirty girl. My fucking-"

"Hey kids! You can't do that in there. One person in a room at a time."

"Sorry," I call out, and Edward cracks up in my hair and discontinues all things hot. That sucks. I don't want him to stop.

We hear the store clerk's heavy high-tops pad off and are once again alone.

He scoots back and grins at me then shakes his head. "I almost fucked you in a second hand store where America's rejects buy their kids headless Barbies and half-eaten frisbees."

"You almost did." I sigh in disappointment and adjust my dress. The moment has passed apparently. Well, that licks balls.

"And you said I had no good will."

"I know. Shame on me. I shouldn't underestimate you."

"Never."

I don't want this to be over. I like unhinged I-don't-care-if-we-fuck-in-a-grungy-second-hand-store Edward. I want him back. I will get him back.

"And you shouldn't underestimate me," I say, trying to be sexy in my used dress, all the while trying to ignore the crud on my blackened-with-Goodwill-store-grime bare feet. They're really starting to bother me. I think I have a price tag on the ball of my right foot. I should pull it off, but I know it will ruin the moment I'm trying to create, so I leave it.

Edward draws his eyebrows close together in wonderment.

I cup my hand over the front of his pants and rub, slowly caressing him. "I can be really quiet," I whisper softly into his ear. "If you grab my ass and lift me up, no one will know there're two people in here, will they?"

"I guess they won't," he says, smiling at me and crashing his lips into mine.

He hoists me up, high onto his waist so that he can undo his pants. He moves my panties to the side and he's right there. God, I want him. Again. How much sex is too much sex? Can you die from an orgasm overdose? If so, I'm probably close.

He's toying with me, rubbing himself to get wet but smirking because he knows I'm dying for it. "Maybe we'll find a Tom Waits in that pile." And with that he drives into me. I squeak once and then I'm quiet as he pounds into me again and again, his lips at my throat chanting my name softly.

I'll really have to clean this dress. He's chuckling, and I realize I've said the words aloud. I clench him internally, and he mouths, "Fuck!" before slamming into me, pinching my clit and bringing us both to climax. God, he's so good at this.

-NGW-

Jasper barges into our hotel room, trying to get us to hurry up so we can make our dinner reservation. He spies Edward's new collection of records; twenty-seven was the total count. As luck would have it, my dress is cleaned in time for our night out, and I'm able to wear it again.

"You didn't call me," Jasper chastises.

"I forgot," I say, casually grabbing a few things for my purse.

"Did he go ape shit?"

"At first, but he was fine once he saw all the vinyl. It was fun."

"It was fun? You had fun with Edward Cullen in a Goodwill?"

"Yeah."

"You're going to marry him."

"What?" I say, laughing.

"I know these things, La Bella. Alice thinks so too, but this, this proves it. Getting Edward to have a fucking good time in Goodwill is beyond anything anyone else could have-"

"Mm, I did have a good time fucking in Goodwill. Ready, baby?" Edward asks, nonchalantly. He wraps his arms around my waist from behind and kisses my neck softly.

"Did he just . . . did you just . . ." Jasper's so adorable when he's confused.

"Do you like the dress? She had to get it dry cleaned. It was nasty. Who knows what kind of shit got on it." Edward chuckles into my hair and grabs my hand, squeezing it. We walk to the door, Jasper follows us slowly.

"Do I even . . . No, I don't fucking want to know."

"I bought Hungry, Hungry Hippos," I say excitedly once we're all out in the hall, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie included. "Got some marbles in the strip mall too."

"Fuck yeah! Hungry Hippos is fucking awesome fo' shizzle."

Edward smiles at me and shakes his head. "I hate when you're right."

"You love it," I answer. "We're so going yard saleing next week."

"Yard saleing? You say it like it's a verb. It's not fucking a verb."

"Do you hear yourself? Not fucking a verb? That's shit. Didn't we go to the same school? You can't even speak properly."

"Neither can you. Yard saleing is not a verb," says Edward. His snark earns him a bird. Not the kind with feathers. The bird earns me a sweet kiss 'cause we work like that.

"Yeah, they're fo' sho'getting married," I hear Emmett mumble behind me. I smile as I walk down the hall with my man, wearing my nine dollar dress for a night on the town to end all nights. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. At least, that's what Edward told me when I mentioned telling people about our shopping excursion to Goodwill. I'm not a bad person; I have good will. I can keep a secret. Though, I may have to tell Jasper that the kick ass shoes Edward's wearing tonight are second hand. God, I love that man. I can't wait to fuck him on his piano: me in my "new" dress, and he in his "new" shoes.