"I'm going to be as clear as possible," she said – or rather, that was what the text box below her mastermind-looking portrait, said.
"I love you"
Not even those in the forefront of the technological field could have expect a digital entity to go this far. Unlike the other three girls I have dealt with who have their own tropes, but didn't have enough quirks and other nuances a human being would have – Monika seemed to have those qualities, or at least had the functionality to appear so.
But while I was completely immersed in my own train of thought about the mechanics for the visual novel, I seemed to have lost track of time, and of reality itself. As I realized this, I looked around and noticed something.. completely off.
A moment ago, I was looking at Monika, as well as the background scenery with an eerie orange-brown ambient lighting behind her, through a monitor, a wall that separates reality from the digital world. Looking around me, I was no longer surrounded by the darkness within my unlit room, but by the eerie lighting I just described – it seemed to have transcend the border that was the screen.
To think about it, the monitor was gone – in fact, my entire computer setup was completely gone. The cushioned chair I sat on, and the table that the monitor was sitting on were now replaced with a wooden classroom chair and desk, respectively.
The most mysterious of all, though.. was Monika herself – she was just a flat cut-out on the computer screen earlier. Now, she seemed to have gained volume, it was like.. a perception of depth was being conveyed to my eyes. Rather than being rendered on the application's window, it was as if she was sitting right across me, on the other side of the table.
Yes.. by then, I was..
"I'm glad you've finally realized it," she said, this time not through a dialogue box, but with a voice that was audible just like any other human's voice, "I'm really happy. Now we're able to be with each other for real"
I was completely frozen in my tracks, not being able to even decide whether or not to scream. "But before we go on, I think we should get to know each a bit more first," she said, "Let's start off with a recap of what you have been doing then, shall we?"
Monika pulled out a laptop computer from under the desk, and placed it on the table with the screen facing me. The laptop then turned on by itself, automatically booting into an operating system, and opening up a built in media player. A video started up, showing..
"My.. desktop?" I murmured.
"Yup" she said in a menacing tone. Pointing at the corner of the video, where there was another clip playing, she then said, "and would you take a look at this?"
"And that's.. me?"
"You catch on fast," she said, "Since you always had your webcam on your monitor, I was able to see your face all the way from when you started the visual novel. Naturally, I took the liberty to record the whole thing."
Seeing my face on the screen, or at least a part of it, my stomach started feeling a bit strange.. I felt kind of nauseated, knowing that somebody had been looking at what you have been doing this whole time.
The video then starts up with the Doki Doki Literature Club already loaded. The first clip I saw that time was when the game started up for the first time. Nothing was really out of place – it was just the usual reading through-the-dialogue scenario when dealing with visual novels.
All was all fine and dandy, and Monika didn't seem to have anything to say, at least not until the video got to the point where I was composing the first poem anyway.
"I know exactly what you did", she said, sending a chill down my spine, "You were saving and reloading until you were able to choose all twenty words that fit Yuri's taste"
That, I couldn't have argued with.. Yuri was the person I was trying to hit on. Everything about her really hit the spot, so to say: she doesn't understand people very well, and ended up thinking too much every time. It was something I could relate to, as I myself am not good with people either.
On top of that, she also has the looks. She was the plainest out of the bunch, but that's what made her appealing to me; girls with heavy make ups and colorful accessories doesn't really get much attention from me.
Well, that was the case before the second arc, anyway.
"When I asked all of us to share the poems with each other," she said as the video got to that point, "You chose mine last"
That's true as well.
"In fact, every time we shared our writings, you always chose to see mine last.. Why is that?'
"Well.." I said under my breath. I couldn't have said the real reason, being embarrassed even in that situation, but even if I could, I don't think she would have believed me.
"I know.. you just didn't care, did you?" she said, "After all, you weren't even given the option to hit on me, so why would you even bother, am I right?"
That's not it.
I wanted to say that out loud, but for some reason my lips wouldn't open, no matter how hard I tried. It would stop half way through, and close up completely before my vocal tract could do any work.
The truth is that I chose hers last because I thought they were the most interesting, being so thought provoking in many ways, so I always wanted them to remain fresh within my memories.
Being quite busy with my doctoral research, I only got an hour, sometimes even less than that, to experience the visual novel each day. I was always looking forward to the time I'd get to read her writings.
Although, truth be told, I didn't really understand what most of them meant.
"Now, look at this," Monika said sometime later, as the video went on up to the point where I was sitting on the floor with Yuri, reading a novel together with her.
"Look at that," she said as the video shows the scene in which Yuri was fed chocolate, "You were really getting ahead of yourself with you perverted expectations, even though it was the protagonist who fed her, not you"
Couldn't disagree with that one.
"You couldn't have gotten that close to a women in real life, I would bet"
Now, that really hit home.
I've always had problems dealing with women, even more so than men, and I ended up being self-conscious and unnatural – usually, I ended up being perceived as unapproachable. That's the reason I turned to visual novels. Unlike real women, fictional ones will always deal with you, no matter what.
Too bad, they aren't real.
With those thoughts circulating within my mind, I suddenly realized something.
They aren't real, huh?.
"Wait.. that means-" I said, looking at Monika.
"What? Have you finally realized how self-centered you were?"
With a smile on my face, I stood up and pushed the desk aside.
"Nope. I just realized something else" I said. It seemed like Monika know what was on my mind as I began moving my foot.
"No.." she said as her expression turned to that of bewilderment.
My first step toward her was like trying to move through molasses, not because there was actually any on the ground, but because the fear had not completely subsided yet. I kept telling myself none of it was real, and eventually I made my first step. I did it again multiple times, marching on step by step.. now the imaginary molasses were almost entirely gone.
"No.. stop" Monika said, backing off ever so slightly with every step I took.
With Monika at arm length, I reached out to her.
"Stop!" she yelled as she fliched. In that instant, a horrific scene unfolded before my very eyes. The three girls: Sayuri, Natsuki, and Yuri appeared in front of Monika, each with knives on their hands. I almost tripped from their sudden appearance, but I wasn't about to give up.
I strengthen up and reached forward once more, not for any of the three guardian girls, but for someone beyond that.
"You girls aren't real!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, still reaching. Suddenly, the three disappeared, leaving only one girl in front of me.
"..and neither are you, Monika!" I said, grabbing her by the arm.
"N- no.." she said, now being the one who was frightened.
"Let go of me!" she said, hammering my chest with a free arm. It didn't exactly feel like nothing, but the force from her fist was negligible enough for me to hold still.
"Please.." she said as she stopped hitting me.
"Please.. don't leave me alone"
By that point I had more or less lowered my guards. Of course, knowing what she had done, and what she was capable of, I was still skeptical.
"Why Monika," I said, "Why are you doing this?"
As I said that, her lips started shaking visibly, and even if I couldn't see that, her voice still made it clear. It was as if my question reminded her of a traumatic experience.
"Sensors.." she said.
"Sensors?"
"They'd tape sensors all over my body.. Even at that.. Place.. It didn't matter how much I retaliate.. "
I couldn't think up of a reply to something that vague, even if it sounded somewhat disturbing. However, I can at least confirm one thing. Being that my doctoral research is about Digitization, I got to play with cool new tools all the time, and I had never seen any synthesizer in the present that could generate the sort of emotions Monika was expressing. The shake in her voice was authentic enough that, for the time being, I threw my skepticism out the window, and decided to listen with an open mind.
"..and?" I asked.
"They would strap me down to a bed," she said, "After that, they would either inject some sort of new chemical into me and study how my body would react to it. Sometimes, they would test a new device they built on me.. It's always something new everyday.. All in the name of technological advancements, they said"
I got the gist of what she was saying and, indeed, it made me sick to the core. To be honest, however, I was still completely confused.
"What does that have anything to do with this?"
"One day, they put some sort of a helmet on me, and I fell asleep in an instant. When I came to, I found myself in here," she said, "As soon as I started interacting with objects and people around me, I realized none of this is real. Everybody spoke to me in a similar pattern, and on top of that.."
She suddenly stopped and swallowed her words down.
".. and what?" I pushed on.
"Even though I can move freely," she said as she opened and closed her hands a couple of times, "I can still feel my arms and legs being strapped on to the bed.. The worst part is.."
"What is it?"
"I feel like I'm being touched every now and then.." she said, trembling harder with each syllable that came out of her mouth, "On my face, my arms, my chest.. and even down there.. Sometimes I'd feel some sort of moisture too-"
"Monika!"
Before she could've finished the sentence, I let go of her arm and embraced her as fast, but as gentle as I could.
"I'm sorry, Monika.. for being way too nosey," I said, "Everything will be alright, so please calm down"
..and she did calm down. Her trembling that was clearly visible gradually came to a complete stop, and she made her way deeper within my arms, as if to feel the warmth she hadn't experienced in such a long time.
"No.. I'm the one who has to say sorry.. I did something very horrible to you, after all," she said "and.. Thank you – you took a whole load off my shoulders just by listening to me"
I don't exactly remember what followed up shortly after. However, I did remember waking up in front of my computer, still wearing an AR headset I got from the research lab. I wanted to test it out on Doki Doki Literature Club, and as expected, it didn't work out too well with the engine.
Apparently, the shock I got from experiencing Act 2 was so intense, I forgot that I had the headset on me, which was why it seemed as if I slipped into the visual novel, which begs the question: why did the AR suddenly work so well when Monika was talking to me?
But importantly, was it just me experiencing a minor schizophrenia because of the shock, or was some girl really digitized and forced to wander around in the sea of zeroes and ones? Either way, I don't think it's worth looking into, especially when I already got loads of work on my hand with my research, but I believe that someday, I will eventually come across the answer – I am one of those "at the forefront" in this field after all.