Saying those two words I had given myself to him and to the kingdom.
But, the moment I had chained myself to a fate with him, I knew that his love could never hold the emotions they once had.

I knew long ago, he had is Once Upon a Time and was still carefully holding onto it, making sure he would never forget it.

I know he tries hard to love me and shower me with flowers and gifts, but it will never be deeper than that. This relationship, to him, isn't the same, and probably never will be.

I don't mind being his second choice, I accept that.

When we walk through the streets, I hear his name echoing around each corner cheering for him - but my name is scarecly heard. Although they think I cannot hear them, I know what the citizens say. Their whispers reach my ears, and though they may pierce away at my heart and burn holes deep within - I knew all of his past, yet it was still my choice to continue on with this marriage. I know I don't belong here. I know I cannot replace the Queen that still lies in not only his heart, but the people as well. When I met her siblings, I knew by the way he proctected them, she was special. Whatever connection he could have with her, he tried to keep strong.

I wonder if at times when he looks at me, he sees her instead.

There are days where he just sits in his chair in the library, holding the ivory horn. Sitting there he is no longer the old King that I am married to, but a young boy reminiscing his past. In silence I watch his face change from smiles to frowns, then to silent laughter. I know he hopes for her to magically appear before him.

Little does he know, I too wish the same.

When the nights are cool – and the sky is clear of clouds, I gaze to the stars, wishing. Holding onto the ivory horn he cherishes, I wish that somehow he would have had his real life fairytale, and I would be free of this sadness and thoughts.

I know there is a part of his heart I can never have, for he had long ago given it away. And I cry, knowing I can never give him what she had. But I wipe those pitiful tears away, now wanting to burden him with guilt.

There are times when I am angered and temptations within me, wish I could grab onto him one of these days and just erase those memories.
But then he would not be Caspian. He would not be the ruler he is today.
All I can do is love him. Love him as much as I can. Love him with my heart. Just love him.

But, sadly, I am not the girl that stole his heart, that fills his mind, and that left with his love.

I am just a chosen Queen, sitting on a throne to fulfill Telmarine traditions.

And, though that green monster within me eats away at my heart, I control myself knowing I can't compare myself to a memory.