A Child's Clarity
Summary: The "just special, original, magical, squeals of joy" is gone. The health of their relationship was based on those necklaces and this time is no difference. Takes place prior to 10x09 revelations.
Exiting the elevator, Arizona lets out an exasperated sigh as she replays the conversation she'd just had with Leah, her intern and occasional snuggle buddy. Although knowing Arizona's schedule explicitly well and therefore aware that Sophia was with her tonight, Leah had still asked if she could drop by the hotel room. A sharp reply from Arizona had slammed that door shut as Leah and her daughter were not going to be in the same room together.
Karev had been right –Leah was becoming clingy and this arrangement was starting to no longer be easy -peasy. Leah was just a distraction, something to take the edge of the pain of a wife who wanted nothing to do with her. Callie had kicked the blonde to the curb and all Arizona had wanted was for someone to want her, to be her friend, not "their" friend.
Arizona could still hear her own pleading voice, "It was one mistake…" she'd begged Callie in a desperate attempt to get the Latina to attend couple's therapy. Now those words seemed a little hollow, as although technically they were separated, Callie was never going to see her fling with Murphy that way. Somehow Arizona had initially justified her fling with Murphy as they were separated and therefore Callie had no right to judge. It was the frustration at Callie walking away that had helped lead Murphy to the blonde's bed.
But now, Arizona was starting to think that she had just thrown gasoline on an out of control fire. Arizona had no idea how to address the Murphy mess let alone the shambles of her marriage. Callie was anti-talking, anti-therapy and pretty much against anything and everything that Arizona mentioned. So, Arizona had taken the one choice she had left - admitted defeat. She would be an awesome mother to Sophia and take whatever crumbs Callie threw her way.
"Smooth, Robbins. Real smooth." Arizona mumbles to herself as she runs a hand through her tangled blonde hair.
Walking into the room, Arizona's frustration, desperation and defeatism fades away as she spots the one person who has kept her sane through this whole mess. Her little Calliope is colouring at a small table in the corner of the day-care centre. So focussed on drawing a new masterpiece with her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth, Sophia hasn't noticed her mother enter.
"No calamities today," Beth, one of the Day-Care supervisors says as she walks up behind Arizona.
"No dolls decapitated?" Arizona asks with a small smile. Sophia and Zola had taken to playing doctors a little too literally and mutilated a number of dolls by removing limbs and then discovered that re-attachment wasn't as simple. Both sets of parents had sat down with the girls over lunch and explained that they needed to respect all their toys. Sophia and Zola had been slightly miffed by the situation, as in Sophia's words, they were just being like "Mami and Mama".
"No, it seems those days are behind both of them. She and Zola are both still taken with the replacement dolls." Beth replies as Arizona signs out her daughter.
"Thank god for Christina Yang," Arizona replies over her shoulder as she heads over the collect her daughter, thanking the girls' godmother for finding a doll that actually allowed the user to play doctor.
Kneeling down next to the still oblivious Sophia, Arizona asks "Ready to head home Sweetie?"
Hearing her beloved Mama's voice, a large smile spreads across the small girls face. "Mama, looks what I drawed!" Sophia exclaims as she holds up her picture.
"So beautiful, this one will need to go up in my office," Arizona answers, making Sophia's smile all the more wider. "All righty, we need a backpack and then we can scoot as you and I have a movie night tonight little lady." Knowing the routine, Sophia heads over to the bag rack and collects her backpack.
Meeting her daughter at the door and relinquishing the bag from her hands, Arizona reminds her daughter, "Remember to say goodbye."
"Goodbye," Sophia yells waving over her shoulder at Beth.
"Bye Sophia, see you tomorrow." Beth replies.
As they head towards the elevator, Sophia chats about her day with Zola, which seems to have primarily centred on playing doctor.
"Up, please." Sophia suddenly says, holding her arms up in the air as she gestures to be picked up.
"Your legs getting a little sore?" Arizona asks, as she swings the backpack onto her back and reaches down to pick up her daughter. Sophia's small hands loop around her neck as she rests her head on Arizona's shoulder as she continues to chat away. Arizona can feel her daughter's small hands running around her neck.
"Mama?" Sophia says in a questioning tone as she continues to move her hands in and around the collar of her shirt. Hearing the tone in her daughter's voice, Arizona stops walking and looks down at Sophia's face. "Gone. Mama it's gone." Sophia pouts.
It takes a second for Sophia's actions to click into place. The necklace, Arizona thinks to herself as her heart plummets to her feet. Sophia had an endearing habit that anytime either of her mothers picked her up, she would immediately gently grasp the necklace that use to permanently adorn each of their necks. Usually a rough and tumble kind of girl, Sophia held the necklaces in reverence as they physically linked her mothers together in the child's mind. And today was the first day Arizona had seen Sophia since she had taken the necklace off and from Sophia's tone of voice, this was upsetting.
"Oh, no Sweetie, I don't have it on." Arizona replies, as her voice hitches slightly. Arizona doesn't know if Callie has already had the same conversation with Sophia as she had taking her necklace off within days of their separation. Arizona had kept hers on in symbolic gesture that she was still a part of their marriage.
"No, Mami…" Sophia whines, mentioning her other mother as she kicks out her legs in frustration at the lack of necklace. Her little shoes connect with Arizona's thigh causing the blonde to grimace slightly.
"Sophia," Arizona exclaims as she kneels down and deposits her daughter back onto the lino floor. "You know better than to kick and please use your words." Arizona says in a quiet voice, not wanting to upset her daughter further. Although they have been separated for months, Sophia hasn't really questioned her change in schedule and living arrangements. Sophia had accepted that she saw Mami and Mama separately now.
"No necklace," Sophia mumbles out as she keeps her arms looped around her mother's neck. "I want Mami," Sophia adds which makes Arizona's heart break a little bit more as a simple wish from her daughter is no longer that easy to fulfil.
"Sophia, you'll see Mami tomorrow. You and me have a date with Dory tonight," Arizona says, trying to get the topic of conversation off the necklace. The mention of Dory perks up the toddler slightly, but a small pout still graces her face. Smacking a kiss onto both her daughter's cheeks, Sophia lets out a small giggle.
"Necklace?" Sophia questions, still pushing forward with the issue that is yet to be sufficiently resolved in her mind. Looking into her daughter's eyes, the one's that mirrors her wife's, Arizona has a moment of clarity. Her daughter had put everything in perspective with one simple word.
Arizona was supposed to the "Good man in a storm", instead she was a coward. She, Arizona Robbins, had waved the white flag in defeat and had not only broken her wife's heart, but upset her daughter the two people she had vowed to protect. But she had failed to protect them from herself.
"Sweetie, the necklace is just broken at the moment," Arizona replies. "But Mama's going to fix it. Ok?" Arizona adds as she resolves to fix her marriage. Because her family is worth fighting for. Maybe Callie doesn't want to hear another "I'm sorry" today, or even tomorrow. But persistence has to pay off and the blonde sadly admits that she can't make the situation any worse.
The fantasy of Callie showing up her door and asking for her to come home was just that – a fantasy. Reconciliation takes actions, not dreams. Takes admittance of guilt, not hiding from blame. Takes perseverance, not resignation. Arizona knew that Callie is the love of her life. But looking into Sophia's eyes, her mini-Calliope, the impossible dream of a happily ever after seemed a little more likely probable.
"Promise?" The toddler asks, causing her mother to freeze slightly as this one small word was the lynchpin that had broken a marriage's back.
"I'll try baby girl, I'll try." Arizona says, promising to herself that the necklace is going back where it belongs.