Kagome
A small note: Intentionally written at a fast pace. It is also written badly intentionally.
Birds seemed to be chirping happily on the worst day of Kagome Higurashi's life.
She placed her hands on the lip of the dirty old well and hurled her body over the ledge, grumbling to herself. She looked back down the well at the bones that had met her after falling into a bright light and spat at them. The whole situation had ruined her day, and she was, er, less than pleased.
"Stupid piece of crap well. Of course I should have known that out of all of the ancient wells in Japan, our shrine would hold the one that transports teenage girls into strange places." She took a moment to look at her surroundings, failing to appreciate the beauty nature had set aside for her eyes. In Kagome's mind, there were annoying trees blocking her view of Tokyo civilization.
She stood up and slapped her skirt a few times to get rid of the dirt and started to walk, growling whenever animals would get close to her. She stopped when she was overwhelmed by a feeling of destiny, and turned to actually look at a tree.
The sight was strange, and she almost walked away from the confusion it caused her. A man in red was attached to the big tree by arrows. Kagome naturally walked towards the man and glared at him.
Why was he there? It bothered her to have so many unanswered questions.
But what bothered her most was that she was being stupid by approaching a man with dog ears on his head. Obviously, he was either a dangerous demon (if they exist) or a major otaku, waiting for some action with an innocent high school girl. It was a trap, either way, and she was quite stupid for allowing herself to get close to him.
"What the hell are you doing on this tree?" When she got no response, she angrily poked the man in the forehead. "WHY ARE YOU ON THIS TREE?"
No response.
She growled and pulled the arrow in his chest out, tossing it to the ground. She just had a gut feeling that would work.
Automatically, his eyes fluttered open, looking into her glittering eyes. He blinked innocently and looked around him.
"I'm back." The statement was simple, but filled with emotions you normally wouldn't find in a man.
"Why were you on that tree?" Kagome asked again, tapping her foot on the ground.
"I uh… My…" The man blushed. "I was pinned here by my ex girlfriend. You look a lot like her! But I'm sure that's just a coincidence. I made her mad, but I don't remember how, but oh my gosh it was so sad! I can't fight, so of course she decided to stalk me with her bow and arrow… She always was beautiful with her archery skills, and-"
"SHUT UP!" Kagome put her hand over his mouth and rolled her eyes. "You're just like a girl, I swear! Going on and on about your problems! Well I have news for you! I don't care!" She pulled back from him and turned away, not really caring anymore. "I knew it was an otaku."
"I'm sorry, but you can't just leave me here!" He stomped his foot to make his point and ran over to her. His voice was whiny, which bothered Kagome's head. "I don't know what year it is, and for all I know, she could still be here, looking for me!"
Kagome stopped walking and looked at him.
"She was so stupid for being with a man like you." She turned away and began walking again.
"Noo, don't go!" He continued to follow her. "Want to know my name?"
"No."
"It's InuYasha. With a 'y'!"
"Great."
"I always thought it was a tough name, which really helps my manliness. I am manly, huh?"
"Whatever."
"I could totally show you my muscles! Oh gosh, you would love them!"
"Huh."
InuYasha pushed in front of Kagome and lifted his sleeve, revealing scrawny arms that lacked muscle.
"Oh… It was better than that before I was pinned to that tree." He blushed and smiled sheepishly.
"Look, InuWasha! I am not-"
"It's I-nu-YA-sha, not I-nu-WA-sha! Get it right! I-nu-YA-sha!"
"Right, InuWasha, I am not interested in your life story, now leave me alone!"
"But I think you're lost!"
"I am not. I have a great sense of direction." In reality, Kagome's directional skills were horrible, and she had that dreadful male habit of never asking for directions.
She continued to walk. The two were silent for about two minutes.
"So I think you're lost!"
"AGH, I HATE YOU!"
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Somewhere else, on another dirt path, in this strange land…
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Mmmm, now?"
"No."
Silence.
"N-"
"NO! Lord Sesshoumaru, I expect you to be more civilized than this. If you cannot handle yourself, I will no longer take you with me when I go to find whatever it is I am looking for."
Sesshoumaru, a tall and beautiful man with flowing silver hair, cowered away from the small girl with black hair in shame.
"But Ren! I love spending quality time with you!"
"Sesshoumaru, what did I tell you about acting like a kid?"
"I'm sorry!" He sniffled and stood up straight, trying to look like the regal leader he was.
"It sometimes feels as if I am the adult here and you are the child." The small girl looked up at her companion with a blank stare and then looked back in front of her. "We need to find your father's sword. Please work with me here."
"Yes ma'am."
The two continued to walk. They had no idea that they were getting closer to the sword.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
With Kagome and InuYasha in a village…
"Can I ask a question?"
"Yes, Kagome?"
"How the HELL did that small little… animal human looking thing get here?!" Kagome pointed at the thing in question, glaring.
"I am a fox demon." The thing glared back at Kagome. "And for some reason, I have an urge to go put on a baboon disguise."
"Yeah, well I have an urge to go break something right now. Something pink and round, but you don't see me doing that!" Kagome slammed her hands on the ground of the cabin they were in and stood up.
"Where did that come from?" InuYasha looked at her quizzically.
"I'm not sure, but just… Leave me alone!" Kagome left the cabin.
"Oh gosh, I haven't seen a girl act like that since… Well… Actually I've only seen myself act like that when I get PMSS."
"What is PMSS?"
InuYasha looked at the fox demon with confusion.
"You're a demon. You haven't heard of it?" The demon shook his head to confirm that he had never heard of it. "It means Pre Mating Season syndrome! I get it ALL the time! And gosh, it drives other people crazy, because I get all emotional."
"Oh. If I were an inferior half demon like you, maybe I would understand."
InuYasha frowned. "What a jerk!" He stood up and stormed out of the cabin, leaving the small demon to himself.
-XOXO-
Kagome stared out at the hot spring in front of her and sighed. She was having an emotional moment, one that she would never show in front of anyone else.
I miss you… Hojo. My old lover… Sometimes I wish an old witch would come and make your body out of clay so that I could touch you. Kagome sighed again, and leaned her head against the tree she sat in front of and closed her eyes. If she could just open them to see Hojo…
"Kagome?"
She opened her eyes, surprised at the predictable timing.
"Hojo?" She stood up quickly and ran at the man in front of her, hugging him tightly. "Hojo, I love you!"
"Yes Kagome, I know."
"How are you alive?"
"Some old witch lady with a taste for young boys made my body out of clay and brought me back to life!"
Kagome was speechless. She couldn't decide if she should be happy about that or not. After a few minutes of pondering it, she shrugged her shoulders. "Okay."
"Oh I've missed you." He snuggled his face into her shoulder and slowly brought a knife closer to her back. "You smell amazing. Like clay."
"I think that's just the smell of your nostrils."
"Oh. Makes sense."
"…I have a strange feeling that an annoying, girly demon is quickly approaching us."
"Oh?" The knife pricked Kagome in the back, making her flinch, when InuYasha threw his body at Hojo, knocking the knife away.
"OW! I can't believe I did that! It hurts…" He pouted and got up, glaring at Hojo. "How dare you try to hurt Kagome! She is an amazing woman who just deserves… gentle and caring attention." InuYasha sniffled because he was actually talking about his own needs.
"Why did you try to kill me, Hojo?" Kagome stared at him in disbelief.
"Because I'm evil." He stared at her blankly. "Are you really that stupid?"
"But I thought you loved me…"
"Silly girl. I am not real. I am dead. I am a walking clay pot." He stepped towards her only to be thrown down by a very angry InuYasha.
"You're such a horrible man!" InuYasha slapped Hojo in the face and stared at him angrily. "How dare you toy with a young girl's heart? You're horrible and you deserve to be hurt! Badly!" He slapped Hojo again and turned away, running behind Kagome, when Hojo lifted his hand to retaliate.
"You really are annoying." Hojo rubbed his cheek. "Sorry, but there's really nothing either of you can do. You're a worthless man, and Kagome is weak." Hojo stepped towards them and smirked as InuYasha stepped back. Kagome, however, glared at Hojo.
"Did you just call me weak?" She furrowed her eyebrows, conflicted by the fact that she loved him anyway. Why was she still in love with this man?
"Yes. Look, either I kill you or I take you to hell with me. I would love to spend eternity in hell with you." He grabbed her hand and embraced her, kissing her neck softly. "Come with me."
Kagome felt powerless. She nodded her head in agreement, staring blankly over his shoulder. Wind surrounded them, and she could feel her body start to leave the Earth. She could distantly hear InuYasha calling for her, but she could not see him.
InuYasha felt desperate, but he could not find a solution. His throat had grown sore from yelling her name so much. He was now aware that no matter what he did, he would just have to wait for this episode of Kagome to end so that he could be with her, safe and sound once again.
Suddenly, a boomerang came out of nowhere. This seemed to strengthen the idea that the episode would soon end, which caused Inuyasha to grow excited once more.
"Who's there?"
"I am Sango. I sensed that a fair prince was in danger, and rushed to help him." The woman named Sango stepped out from some bushes and smiled at InuYasha. He noted that her eyes were a beautiful brown color. However, unlike most men, he paid no attention to the fact that her outfit fit her body tightly. "Wow, you really are handsome." Sango managed to get to InuYasha quickly, grabbing his hands and holding them tightly in her own. "I would love to bear your children!"
InuYasha blinked twice. "Uhh… No."
"What? You're rejecting me?!"
InuYasha looked around and then looked back at her. "Why is there a strange pressure on my butt? Wait! Ohh… You're…" InuYasha stepped away from her and shook his head. "No! Bad timing! I need help to save Kagome! She is currently being taken to hell!"
Sango grimaced at his lack of interest and reluctantly stepped up to the wind.
"KAGOME! KAGOME!"
"I already tried that", said InuYasha, anxious.
"Maybe, but you're different from me. KAGOME!"
The wind suddenly stopped, causing Kagome to lift her head sharply. She quickly scrambled away from Hojo.
"Oh my gosh! I almost went to hell!"
"Wait, why did she respond to you?" InuYasha huffed in anger, crossing his arms over his chest.
"That's not important. We have to get rid of this… thing!" Sango threw her boomerang (which she had gotten back sometime between these events), knocking Hojo into his own pit. Hojo screamed in irritation as his body fell into the pit. His fingers reached upwards, trying to keep himself out of it to get Kagome once more, but ended up falling in completely.
Kagome looked at Sango.
"Well, woman I have yet to meet, I hardly know you but I think you and I should go bathe together now." Sango nodded in agreement and walked off with Kagome, leaving InuYasha all on his own.
"Wait, what?" asked InuYasha to himself.
NEXT TIME: The finale: Sesshoumaru and InuYasha meet. Oh what battle do we have in store? A fun one, seeing as both brothers are… emotionally challenged in this story.
This is going to be a two part story. The intention is to make fun of the serious (a parody!) and to make fun of the fast pace that many stories have. I am also poking fun at certain things from certain episodes. I hope the chapter was humorous. It is intentionally written, uhm, badly. It's to add to the humor. Please enjoy! And Review?!