Brendan's POV

I could stand here for hours, leaning against the hard frame of my office door, fused to this spot while my imagination runs. It runs over the smooth curve of his back, his perfect skin, his perfect ars… I only realise how long I've been starring when my vision blurs from a lack of blinking. I shake my head, reality hits me, and he's fully clothed, hidden under black uniform… damn.

'Stephen,' I find myself saying.

Before he has a chance to turn away from stacking shelves, I close the distance between us. As he looks round and jumps when he realises how close I am. I see a glint of fear in his eyes and it turns me on. I can't help it; I just can't resist his vulnerability. It's almost feminine, that open vulnerability, I figure that's why I'm attracted to him cause I'm not a queer, obviously. It's just him. I just want him, to protect him and hold him. Shit! It sounds like I'm reciting fucking wedding vows in my head! I feel anger bursting through me and when I repeat myself,

'Stephen,' it comes out more aggressively than I intended.

I exhale and his body tenses before me as I fill the creases of his face with my warm breath. I have to be cruel to him, sometimes when you're this close to someone you have to distance yourself in other ways.

'What do you want, Brendan?' He spits, desperate to maintain his stubborn shield.

I normally love it when he does this, I love a challenge, you know. Recently, though, this challenge has been getting pretty hard all thanks to a certain 'boyfriend' by the name of Noah.

'What do I want?' I question myself out loud somewhat comically as if pondering something deeply philosophical but, I ain't no philosopher and I know exactly what I want.

'Look Brendan, I have work to do, so just leave me alone.'

His voice is harsh and full of hatred but his body tells a different story. He leans slightly towards me as if he can't help but be drawn to me, his eyes are desperate and searching. They say, 'love me Brendan, just tell me you love me, convince me to stay.' I hate this, he knows how much I want him, that I can't let him go, those eyes reach into me and make me question everything. And then, he walks away.

I inhale deeply and hold my breath trying to hold in the control I feel slipping away from me. It's no use, I feel agonisingly empty like I'm missing something, something I'd do anything to get. Something I'd tell him I love him for, kiss him in the streets, walk around like a fucking queer.

Black…there's only so long you can go without breathing.

A numb tingling spreads through my body and buzzing fills my ears, pressing against my pounding head. The buzzing sound starts to morph into a familiar voice.

'Brendan?'

My eyes squint open and the blurred colours before me slowly form a face. It's Stephen's, hovering above me, his eyelashes flickering like fans.

'Brendan, are you ok?' His voice echoes around me.

'ye…yes.' I struggle to say.

I feel so exposed lying here on my club floor; I clasp my hand to my head and let out a heaving sigh. Stephen helps me sit up. His soft hand against mine feels strange, I realise that I've never really held his hand before.

'Is this because I told you to leave me alone?' he jokes.

'No' I answer honestly.

I don't like this; I don't like this at all. I heave myself to my feet and trip slightly as my dizziness sets in. Stephen shoots me a concerned look.

'Get me some water' I instruct.

I sit down on the couch grasping my throbbing head. A million thoughts fill my mind at once but I shake them away. I don't feel like thinking now.

'Here.' Stephen hands me a glass of water. His voice has become colder again but his blue eyes still stare into me. This is unbearable.

'Do you want me to call Cheryl?'

I think of how Cheryl despises me.

'No,' I answer too quickly.

His silent stare fills the room.

Then, I say something that takes me completely by surprise and I regret it almost straight away.

'Do you miss me?' I ask him.

You know when you say something but it's not really you, it's someone else, and you're looking at them thinking poor idiot, why did he say that? What's he thinking? And then, suddenly, it is you and you're desperate not to be that person but you are and you have to deal with the consequences.

'What the hell are you doing Brendan?' Stephen yells, 'I'm with Noah now, I'm not interested in you or your abuse anymore!'

He thinks I'm playing mind games with him but I'm not, I'm too dazed for games.

I don't know what to do so I spit out whatever words I can rummage together.

'I'm…Sorry' I say tentatively, 'I was just wondering… how you were?'

I realise this makes no sense but I have nothing else.

'Maybe you should worry about yourself,' he retorts, 'I'm not the one collapsing all over the place!'

'Whatever,' I say as I reinstate my disinterested façade.

He begins to walk away and I feel that hollow feeling again but then he turns around reluctantly as if being forced by some external power.

'Of course I miss you,' he says in almost a whisper, 'but some things aren't worth it, Brendan.'

He looks at me sadly and then walks down the stairs, he stops half way down and adds;

'By the way, I quit.'

Seconds later I hear the door close shut.

Shit.