Uncovering the Physicist
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters or other property. I write only to entertain not never make profit from this work or any of my other works.
Pairings: one-sided Sheppard/McKay, mentions of Daniel/Shar'e, McKay/Daniel
Crossover: SG1/SGA
Warnings: male/male pairing, depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, mentions of suicide attempt, loss of family member, child abuse, plutonic team cuddling, plutonic male/male cuddling,
Note: AR1 = atlantis reconnaissance team 1, SG1 = Stargate team 1, SGC = Stargate command
START
Rodney felt time slow down. His senses seemed to sharpen. Elizabeths words seemed suddenly so much more important than usual.
"Car crash"
"No survivors"
Then time sped up again. "WHAT?" he directed with a harsh glare at Dr Weir.
Elizabeth gave him a sympathetic smile. "Why don't we sit?" she insisted meaningfully.
Rodney became aware the other staff around the gate room was staring at the pair. Never one to like the attention of others (unless he was being a genius), he took a deep breath and sat down. He ignored the red on his cheeks and complied.
"Rodney, the SGC made sure to investigate. Her passing was an accident. Your sister was driving home from work and slipped on the icy roads. She died on impact." Elizabeth explained to the key scientist and her friend.
McKay seemed to accept that with a thoughtful look on his face. Of course Elizabeth knew how important Jeannie was to him. She had seen first hand when his sister had been invited on base to assist them and heard when Jeannie had been kidnapped.
"What about her kid?" McKay asked, voice shaking more than he would ever admit.
"She is safe. Taking the news as well as any child thats lost their mother can, but she has her father." Elizabeth explained.
"I want to go to the funeral" announced Rodney.
Elizabeth nodded. "Of course. Time off was granted before you even asked. For your team too." she said kindly.
McKay nodded before leaving the office that felt much too small and suffocating for his comfort.
He was packing his things when he heard Sheppard. "I heard. Sorry for your loss." he said softly.
Rodney seemingly ignored the words. John wasn't offended. He could see that his best friend was still processing the loss. He could see the subtle anger under the surface of the mask. He understood all too well. "Are you coming to Earth with me?" Rodney asked seemingly casually. John nodded at the invitation. He would have come anyway but it was a sign of trust that Rodney wanted him there.
"The rest of us are coming too." he added.
Rodney nodded, smiling for a brief second.
The team stood outside the gate. Not to enter an alien world to explore but to help a team mate back on his home planet. The blue surface of the event horizon reflected the teams worry and Rodney's mask of indifference.
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General Hammond was present to greet them as they reached Earth just a few seconds later. SG1 had also made an appearance. The General said a few formal words to the Atlantis team (AR1) that was honest, yet felt rehearsed. Then again, the General would have been used to meeting some very important people. Maybe it was second nature to him. It was the usual speech about how their discoveries had made improvements or opened up new research lines. He expressed how sorry he was for Rodney's sisters death on behalf of the SGC.
SG1 had looked happy to see them, though sad about the circumstances.
"I'm sorry about your sister" Tealc had spoken in his low formal tone.
Jack had merely sent him a sympathetic smile and clapped a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry about your sister. Anything you need me to do?" Sam had asked looking concerned. Always the one wanting to take action, even if it was beyond her control.
Daniel frowned at the exchange. He could see Rodney desperately trying to keep his grief hidden. Daniel understood this all too well. He hadn't wanted to show others how devastated he was either when he lost his parents and his wife. The pain of losing a loved one was still so fresh for McKay. Less than an hour had passed. That took remarkable strength to hide. He did wonder where that strength came from. Rodney was looking more and more uncomfortable. Finally Daniel spoke up "Dr McKay, I was wondering if you would help me learn more about the wraith." he announced as if this a socially acceptable time to invite his friend around for a chat.
Rodney looked relieved. "Of course" he spoke arrogantly, the tone perfectly hiding his pain. However his eyes showed greatfullness.
Daniel took no notice of the tone. It was clear that it was an act meant to distract the others. Maybe not his team though, he seriously doubted they would be fooled. At least judging from the look Sheppard was giving Rodney or the concern on Teyla and Ronon's face. "To my office then while your team gets settled into their rooms?" he offered. He hoped he was doing the right thing...
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Rodney had managed to leave the group of protective team mates. He had assured them that he would talk to them later. His pleading look to Sheppard had been enough to make the leader let him go with Daniel.
Daniel was pleased to see McKay looking more relaxed by now. "I won't ask how you are. I know enough about your team, to know you will share that later in private. I couldn't stand watching them keep reminding you of her. Its not easy." he said carefully. He made sure to look "busy". With the state of his office and the pile of translations still left to do, that was easy.
Rodney looked annoyed for a moment, then just looked defeated. "Yeah, thanks" he said quietly. The scientist look away determinedly, as if ignoring his pain would make it go away. As if the act of no one seeing his tears would negate them.
A silent McKay was always concerning. Daniel could see how overwhelmed he was. The mask could not hold it in. "Its okay. No one can walk in on us." he said softly, hoping to get the other to open up.
Surprisingly that was all it took. Soon the scientist was sobbing, his body shaking with the effort. Daniel carefully wrapped his arms around the other. He could feel the other trembling under his touch, the sounds of the sobs muffled by his shirt.
When there was no more tears left, McKay just looked exhausted. "Feeling better?" Daniel asked softly. He received a nod in reply. He took all the papers and books off a small lounge. "You should rest. No one should come looking for a while." he insisted.
Daniel watched as Rodney drifted asleep almost immediately. The other seemed so exhausted. How long had he been up before this? The only person that Daniel knew could stay up longer than him was Rodney. It was amazing in itself. The IOA would have labelled that a hazard if Rodney wasn't so damn good at his job! Quickly he called Sheppard and told him that everything was okay for the moment and McKay was sleeping.
A few hours later, he heard a soft knocking. Sheppard stood there looking intimidating yet protective. Whether the effect was intentional, that wasn't clear. John seemed to relax slightly at the sight of his sleeping friend. Daniel wasn't offended. He might have been slightly worried the man would hit him, not that he would tell anyone that. How many times had Jack been in the same position on his behalf?
"His okay. He needed time alone to process everything. He doesn't need reminding of his sisters passing." he said clearly, trying to sound less accusing that he actually felt. He himself felt a protective urge toward the scientist.
There was a moment of tense silence as they stared each other down...he could see that Sheppard picked up on the accusation. That Sheppard was angry that anyone would accuse him of hurting his friend, no brother in all but blood.
Of course John would see him a threat. The Atlantis teams were a close unit. They had spent the first year or so unsure if they would even see Earth again! They faced alien threats on alien worlds. It was only natural to bond, to become family and friend in the place of those only present in photos.
John smirked. Still dangerous looking but less tense. "Good. I was worried. At least you were there when he needed someone." he said evenly. It was an acceptance. For now there was nothing to worry about.
Daniel relaxed. He had been accepted, however briefly into the other mans family.
Rodney started to wake and John was right there. Any animosity between Daniel and Sheppard had been forgotten in an instant. It was like Daniel was not even in the room. "Sheppard?" came a confused voice, heavy with exhaustion.
John smiled back lazily "Yep." he said.
Rodney seemed confused before sighing in reluctant acceptance. "I was hoping it was all a dream." he said sadly.
John gave him a sad smile. "I wish I could say it was. You'll be alright. You got friends." he said confidently.
Rodney accepted this, much to Daniels surprise.
"Lets get you to your room. The teams waiting up. We saved you some food too!" John said casually.
Rodney smiled too at that.
Daniel decided to speak up. "If you need me again, just find me. I usually don't sleep anyway. If thats fine with Sheppard of course." he offered as unawkwardly as he could.
Both of the other males seemed to accept the statement before leaving the office.
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That night two teams met to discuss what they would do. In their guest rooms, AR1 gathered on the bed, sitting close enough to feel the others body warmth. It felt like a private moment. A bonding moment that even the General would politely allow. The team needed each other. They had grown to rely and even love each other as only family could. Not that the Stargate teams didn't do the same, but it seemed they were merely one unit. Strong and formidable. Unbreakable.
Rodney was finding it hard to stay awake. He wasn't sure he wanted to sleep either. Would seeing his dead sisters face offer comfort or just more pain? He could no longer stay awake and distantly felt strong but gentle hands lay him down. He didn't want John to go!
Sheppard exchanged a worried look with the rest of the team as he allowed his brother in all but blood to settle in his lap. The contact seemed to calm Rodney again. He needed them, even reaching out in his sleep for Sheppard. Sheppard absently ran his hands the others hair. That seemed to help send Rodney off to sleep. The protectiveness was clear, even in this relaxed setting.
Teyla was first to speak. "What do we do, John?" she asked sadly. "He seems so..." she paused to find the right word "conflicted" she decided.
"Yeah. Nothing is ever easy with this one" he replied fondly.
Ronon just smiled sadly and calmly stroked the sleeping team mates arm. McKay just turned into the touch with a smile and a content sigh. "He needs us" Ronon said decisively, softly, so different from his usual brash nature others often saw.
This all of them agreed with.
In their own on base quarters SG1 was having their own meeting. Jack didn't know how to approach this problem. He knew what it was to lose family, yet McKay was notorious for pushing everyone away. He doubted many even knew that McKay even had a family!
Carter looked worried. "I wish I knew what to do. I know the man well enough but his just so complicated, you know?" she said concerned. "I also know under his harsh stubborn nature, his sensitive. How do we help someone who only wants to push us away?"
Jack frowned at this new information.
Daniel didn't look upset by this. Rather he look focussed, as if this was a new translation. "Should we be concerned?" he asked, successfully keeping his voice steady. He could see by the looks Jack and Tealc were giving him that they could see he was upset.
Sam looked uneasy. She looked almost guilty.
When she didn't speak up, Jack prompted her. "You gonna tell us what you know or what, Sam?" he asked impatiently.
She quickly looked up. "I took a look at his file. Not purposely invading his privacy, but as Atlantis's new leader, I wanted to know all I could about the members. In case of an emergency" she amended. "I found some troubling things, sir. He has had a history of depression since he was a teenager. After his estrangement from his sister, he..." she paused, struggling to continue.
Daniel seemed to realise her thoughts. "Tell me he didn't attempt suicide" he said carefully.
Sam looked up again, tears in her eyes. She nodded once.
Daniel swore softly. "What else?" he asked urgently. This was the answers for the puzzle that was Rodney and the information that could save him.
Sam collected her emotions. "For awhile he was alright. After some off world incidences, he ended up in the psychiatrists office again for the same thing. The psychiatrist said that he had scars on his arms, though he claimed that he had been injured repairing various systems. She didn't believe him and he didn't want to talk about it" she explained looking upset again.
"So what do we do? Sam, you worked with him for a year" Jack asked softly.
"Nothing we can do, unless he asks us for help. He has his team" Daniel said easily.
Sam frowned. "Do you have any ideas? I understand that you know him well enough" she said.
"He will seek me out if he needs me" Daniel said confidently.
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Back in his office, Daniel was finding it difficult to concentrate. He had tried sleeping, but Sam's news has shaken him. Not that he hadn't thought the man was capable...he had predicted it! So he had set off to his office to work.
Of course, that had been even more difficult. Now he was frustrated too!
He barely even noticed anyone enter the office.
Rodney looked awful. He was obviously tired, yet looked wide awake. His usually difficult to read eyes clearly showed panic and sadness. He seemed to hover nervously.
Daniel eyes him concernedly and invited him to the small lounge again. McKay seemed to relax slightly and walked over, slightly shakily. Had he even eaten yet? He knew the scientist. had to eat often because of his medical condition. "Whats wrong?" he asked. He hoped for an answer more than he expected one.
For a moment, it looked like he was right.
"Can't sleep. Don't want to dream. Its my fault." came a quiet mutter.
Daniel frowned, taking the other male into his arms. "It not your fault. It was an accident" he said firmly.
"Its always an accident" McKay replied bitterly.
What was Rodney talking about now? "I believe this time it was an accident" Daniel replied softly.
"Not her. Me." muttered Rodney again.
Daniel frowned.
"My fault. Just another accident for me. He was right." he muttered again.
"Thats not true."Daniel affirmed.
"You don't get it. He will be angry." McKay said frustratedly.
"Who?"
"Dad" said McKay like the word was poison.
Daniel frowned as he connected the dots. "Will your father cause your accident?" he asked carefully.
The fear in the others eyes was all the answer he needed. Complicated McKay. "Your safe." he said softly. "No one can hurt you here. Your team wouldn't allow it. My team wouldn't either." he affirmed. "We will protect you from accidents" he promised.
He knew he would need to keep watch during the funeral. Presumably AR1 was already aware of the issue. He would make sure SG1 also kept close by. Separate the teams were a formidable force, together, no one would hurt him. The SGC were also providing security for the funeral. He doubted anyone would manage to get through.
"I know. Doesn't make it feel less real." Rodney said flatly.
Daniel understood that feeling well. "Your never going to forget, but you know you have a team willing to do anything to keep you safe. You really think Sheppard would let him hurt you and live?" he said in what others might consider too casual a tone. Yet assurances would be meaningless, pretending the threat wasn't real was dangerous and just pretending that everything would be okay was belittling the intelligent man in front of him. How many times had others spoken to him like this before with disastrous outcomes?
Rodney actually smiled. "Your right." he acknowledged.
Daniel looked worried again "Want to get some food? Might be some blue jello left." he offered, trying to sound pushy.
Rodney yawned. Still after some thought, he conceded.
The two seemed to walk in sync as they went to the mess hall. Food had been left out for those on the night shift starting or those finishing that had missed dinner. Coffee stood waiting.
At once the pair made their way to the coffee, both as eager as each other.
Soon the pair were looking relaxed and talking like old friends. Before long, both seemed tired again. Wearing matching grins, Daniel dropped off Rodney back to his room before going to his own.
AN: R and R as usual.