Author's Note: I absolutely love Katherine Hillard's character, but one of the things I could not help but notice about her was her determination to be perfect in everything. Since I consider Kat to have a quiet, humble personality, I have never thought that Kat's "perfection syndrome" had anything to do with pride or arrogance. But Kat does seem to have a problem with wanting to be perfect in everything she does. Basically, I wanted to explore that issue. So, I decided to write a fic that looks at Kat's childhood and what could have possibly led to her "perfection syndrome."
Note: Anything in italics are inner thoughts and not spoken out loud.
Katherine Hillard's parents were not super rich, but they were definitely well-to-do. They were also both very cultured, and they wanted their young daughter to be the same way. Since the Hillards had some money to spare, they would occasionally take Katherine (or Kat as she preferred to be called by those close to her) with them to plays and dance recitals. Since Kat's mother use to be a ballet dancer herself, that's what the entire family often went to watch.
Even at a young age, Kat was already enthralled by the ballet dancers on stage. As soon as she was in her bedroom at home, the young girl would practice in front of the mirror some of the moves that she had seen. As soon as Kat felt confident enough in her performance, she would then go downstairs to show her parents her routine.
Most parents naturally tell their young children how wonderful they are at whatever they are doing (even if the children are really horrible), but in Kat's case it was the truth. There was no denying that Kat was a natural dancer.
"Look who's already taking after her mother," Mrs. Hillard beamed with pride.
Kat's parents had taught her the importance of making other people happy, especially since many people were not as well off financially as the Hillards were, so Kat was thrilled by her mother's praise. Kat always wanted to please her parents because a child's job, as Kat had been taught since before she could walk or talk, was to obey his or her parents.
Soon after seeing Kat's first ballet performance, Mr. Hillard called the different dance schools in the area until he finally found the one that he liked the best. He happily signed Kat up for classes because he was already having dreams of Kat as being as good of a ballet dancer as her mother had been before she had suffered a severe injury that had cut her dancing career short.
Kat was young, but she already understood the concept of money. And she knew that her father was paying good money for her to have ballet lessons. And since Kat wanted to please both her parents, she always made sure to work hard. Kat was soon striving for perfection.
Perfection.
The Hillards were idealists in many ways, but they weren't completely unrealistic. They did understand that there was a real world out there. The rational part of their minds knew that Kat was not going to be perfect right at the start, but the idealist part of them sometimes gave Kat the opposite impression. In their eyes, Kat had the talent to become the greatest ballet dancer in the world. Many parents say similar things to their children even though they realistically knew that their child would most likely not be the greatest, but the Hillards truly seemed to believe in Kat's potential greatness.
And since Kat always tried her best to obey her parents, she always tried her best to become that great ballet dancer her parents expected her to be. To be the greatest, however, Kat knew she needed to master perfection.
Perfection.
Perfection, however, could sometimes be a burden.
"Your instructor is a little worried about you, Kat," her father said one night at dinner. "She says you're slacking off a bit in practice lately."
"I'm just been a little tired lately, Father, that's all," Kat replied politely.
"Then maybe you need to start going to bed a little earlier," Mr. Hillard shot back. "You know I'm paying good money for you to take these classes."
"I know, Father," Kat responded, still as polite as ever. "I'll start going to bed earlier tonight, I promise."
"That's my good little girl," Mr. Hillard smiled proudly.
Even though a part of Kat felt like she already went to be bed at an early enough time, she still beamed at her father's praise. Maybe she was staying up a little too late.
Kat soon determined, however, that a lack of sleep was not her problem. She went to bed early every night, but she was still sometimes tired during practice. Kat began to think that maybe she wasn't as great as parents thought her to be. The young girl, however, didn't want to tell her parents this. Her father, after all, was paying good money; and Kat didn't want to waste her father's money. Maybe she just needed to work a little harder.
"I think I know what your problem is, Katherine," her ballet instructor said one day at practice. "You're trying too hard. You need to relax a bit. You're being much too hard on yourself."
"But, ma'am, my father is paying good money for me to be here," Kat insisted respectfully, "and I don't want to waste that money."
"Your father is paying me that good money so that you can get better," the instructor retorted. "He wouldn't be paying me and you wouldn't be taking these classes if you were already perfect."
"Do you think I could perfect one day?" Kat asked quickly, latching onto that "p" word that seemed to be so important to her parents.
"No one's perfect, Katherine," her instructor smiled gently, "but you have more talent for your age than I've seen in anyone else for a long time. If you continue to work as hard as you have been doing, you will be great one day."
As far as Kat was concerned, being great was the same as perfection.
Perfection.
Perfection, however, could sometimes be a burden.
As Kat grew older, she felt obligated to be absolutely perfect in absolutely everything that she did. She was sheltered in many ways, but she wasn't completely naïve. She knew that many children were not as well off or as fortunate as she was. And since Kat knew that she was extremely lucky in life, she felt obligated to make the most out of that luck. She could not waste all the benefits that she had from being born to her parents.
The Hillards often reminded Kat of how fortunate she was and that because she was so fortunate, she needed to be the best that she could be.
Even though the Hillards did not say directly that Kat needed to be perfect, the intelligent girl could read in between the lines.
Kat needed to have perfection.
Perfection.
Perfection, however, could sometimes be a burden.
Anyone who knew Kat was always quick to say that she was such a sweet, respectful girl with such a good heart. And why shouldn't she be? She was fortunate in life. It was her duty to help out those who were not as fortunate.
Kat did a lot of volunteering, and she also coordinated quite a few fund-raisers. Whenever she saw someone who needed help, she was always quick to go help that person.
Kat, however, often felt tired.
"The orphanage called today," Mr. Hillard told Kat over dinner. "They say you haven't been showing up the past few days. They were beginning to become worried about you. So, where were you?"
"Sleeping," Kat answered honestly.
"Speaking of sleeping," Mrs. Hillard suddenly spoke up, "I wanted to talk to you about a conversation I had with one of your teachers today. She said you were sleeping during class. What's going on with you, Kat? What have you been doing in your bedroom at night?"
"I promise, Mother, that I've been sleeping at night like I'm supposed to," Kat said in a desperate but polite voice.
"Then why are you so tired?" Mrs. Hillard pressed.
"I don't know," Kat cried.
"There's no reason to cry, Kat," Mr. Hillard said gently. "We know you're a good girl. We're just worried about you, that's all."
"I know," Kat responded softly.
Mr. Hillard thought for a moment. "Maybe you're doing too much," he finally said.
Why didn't you tell me this when I was telling you about everything I was planning on doing? Kat wanted to ask her father. She didn't, of course. She was much too polite for that.
Kat just needed to find out how much she could handle and not go past that limit ever again.
I was just trying to be perfect. I'm fortunate in life. I know that. I just wanted to help out those in need like you told me I was supposed to do. I was just trying to be perfect.
None of this self-pity, Kat. You've learned a valuable lesson today. Remember it so you never make the same mistake ever again.
You should have known that you were trying to do too much.
Just try better next time.
As Kat continued to grow older, she began to notice that other children could be cruel. They teased her for knowing the answer to every question the teacher asked. They teased her for getting full marks on all her assignments and for getting a perfect score on all her tests.
One day, however, Kat didn't know the answer to a question that her teacher asked her. Kat was too busy concentrating on not falling asleep in question. She had once again spent too much time before studying when she should have been sleeping.
But Kat needed to study if she wanted to do perfect in school. Her parents often talked to her about the importance of doing her absolute best (of being perfect) in school because the best universities only took the best, most dedicated students. Kat needed to have perfection.
Perfection.
Perfection, however, could sometimes be a burden.
Several of the students began to laugh when Kat politely told her teacher that she was sorry but she didn't know the answer to her question. Her teacher looked surprised for a moment, but then she smiled at Kat and told her that was okay.
The students, however, continued to laugh.
"That's enough, class," the teacher said firmly.
"Yes, ma'am," the class said in unison.
Kat, though, wasn't stupid. She knew which students didn't like her. She knew which students would tease her later.
When it was time to go home, Kat ran as fast as she could.
But she wasn't able to run fast enough.
"What was wrong with Little Miss Perfect today?" one of the girls, Elizabeth, asked with a not so sweet smirk on her face. "She wasn't able to answer the teacher's question today. That's not like Little Miss Perfect at all."
The other girls began to laugh.
Tears began to fall down Kat's face.
Oh, look," Elizabeth continued, "Little Miss Perfect is crying. Oh, poor baby."
"You're just jealous, Elizabeth," Kat managed to say through her tears, proud that her voice wasn't completely shaky.
Elizabeth began to laugh. "Jealous," she said through her laughter, "of you. Why would anyone be jealous of you, Little Miss Perfect? Everyone hates you."
"That's not true," Kat said softly. "I try my best to be nice to everyone."
"Oh, so being a Know-It-All is nice?" Elizabeth pressed.
"I'm sorry," Kat quickly apologized. "I never meant to offend anyone."
"For someone who's supposed to be so smart," Elizabeth sneered, "you sure can be clueless at times."
With that, Elizabeth and the other girls finally walked off. Kat, however, just stood there, crying.
She had just tried to be perfect, like her parents had taught her to be.
And there was no way that her parents could be wrong.
Then, Kat must had done something wrong.
"I'll still work hard," Kat vowed to herself, "but I won't show off anymore."
Does that mean I have to start missing questions on tests? Because I can't do that. I need the best grades possible so that I can get into the best university possible when I'm older. That's what my parents want for me. The best. The absolute best in everything.
But how am I going to do that without showing off?
Confused and still crying, Kat slowly began to make her way home, glad for once in her life that her parents would not be home from work for some time. She didn't want them to know that she had been crying.
Kat didn't want her parents to know that she wasn't always their perfect little girl, and that she wasn't always able to perfectly handle everything that came her way.
Sometimes I'm tired of always trying to be perfect.
It quickly became noticeable to everyone who knew Kat that she was quieter and shyer in school. When her parents asked her about this, Kat assured them with a sweet smile that she was fine. She explained to them that she wanted to give the other kids a chance to answer questions because that was only fair. Her parents said they understood, but they then stressed the importance of her keeping her grades high. Kat promised that she her grades would not slack because of any of this.
And Kat's grades did not slack. If anything, they got even better.
Kat smiled every time someone told her how smart she was and what a hard worker she was, but inside she wasn't smiling. Inside she was tired of all this.
But she needed the best grades for her future, so that she could have a perfect future.
Just like her parents wanted.
"Everything has been set up in Angel Grove," Mr. Hillard said one night over dinner. "I have a job waiting for me, and we also have a house waiting for us."
Kat was glad for her father. She knew that this new job in Angel Grove would mean extra money for all them, which was something her father had been working on for some time. Her father, after all, had always worked hard to provide the best for his wife and daughter. All he had ever wanted in life was what was best for his wife and daughter.
"That's great news, honey," Mrs. Hillard told her husband.
"When do we move?" Kat asked excitingly. Perhaps this change was what Kat needed. Perhaps this change would make everything better.
Perhaps Kat could finally be perfect after this change.
Kat's parents both laughed at their daughter's excitement. "We move in two weeks," her father told her.
"That's wonderful," Kat smiled.
Both of Kat's parents took an instant liking to Angel Grove, despite the constant monster attacks. Kat wanted to like Angel Grove as well, but nothing had really changed. The students at her new high school didn't know her and therefore didn't tease her, but nothing had really changed.
Kat still wasn't happy with herself. She still wasn't doing something right.
But no matter how hard Kat thought about it, she still couldn't determine what she was doing wrong.
It quickly became apparent to Kat that several of the boys in school were interested in her by the way they looked at her. Kat would smile sweetly at them and speak politely with them, but they seemed to get the message that she wasn't interested in them. They looked a bit disappointed, but they backed off. Kat was glad for that. She had enough to worry about without having to worry about having tons of boyfriends. How would she ever explain that to her parents?
Besides, there was only one boy that Kat was interested in. She quickly learned his name from his friends speaking to him.
Tommy.
Kat thought that Tommy was handsome, but that wasn't what made Kat so interested in him.
When Tommy was with his friends, he was always smiling and laughing. And most people seemed to have nothing but good things to say about him. Apparently he was always polite and helpful. And even if he wasn't the top student in class, he was still considered exceptional.
Tommy sounded perfect.
But sometimes when Kat walked in the hallways by herself after school, she would sometimes see Tommy sitting somewhere by himself. Kat would then always made sure to hide so that Tommy wouldn't see her.
Kat wanted to talk with Tommy, but she had no idea what to say. Since Elizabeth had called Kat a Know-It-All and since Kat had vowed to herself that she would no longer show off, Kat had slowly retreated into some inner shell. She was still polite whenever someone spoke to her, but she was now painfully shy. Kat was always afraid that she would say something that would offend someone else. Kat, therefore, didn't like to speak unless it is absolutely necessary.
Besides, Kat learned a lot about Tommy just from watching him silently. While he always seemed happy when he was with a crowd, he never looked happy when he was sitting by himself after school. In fact, his eyes almost looked haunted, as if he was thinking about some pain that only he knew about.
Whatever that pain was, it didn't seem like Tommy's friends knew anything about it. It was as if Tommy was determined to always be high-spirited and good-natured when he was with his friends. Or when he was with anyone else for that matter.
"What demons are you hiding, Tommy?" Kat would always ask her.
Kat, however, could never bring herself to walk up to Tommy and introduce herself. Instead, she would just stand there, hidden from sight, until Tommy finally sighed to himself and left.
"Why can't I bring myself to speak with him?" Kat would always ask herself later. "He's clearly hiding something from the world, and perhaps it would help if he had someone to talk to. What happened to always being helpful, Kat?"
One night as Kat was lying in bed, trying but failing to fall asleep, she suddenly came to a realization. "Maybe I'm scared to talk with Tommy because he reminds me of me. Everyone thinks he's so perfect, just like everyone thinks I'm so perfect. But neither of us are perfect, no matter how hard we try to be."
Kat sighed to herself. "Sometimes I'm tired of always trying to be perfect. I wonder if Tommy ever feels the same way."