Audrey had been dead about a week and to be honest Donald Ressler was beginning to fall apart. He was good at hiding it, really good and so far none of his colleagues had figured him out...not even Keen. He was thankful for that. Donald sat alone in his little apartment drinking the last beer in the place and staring at the head box Reddington had sent him, he remembered what he had told his former best friend.
My greatest enemy brought her back and my best friend took her away.
Ressler hated to admit it but maybe Reddington wasn't as evil as he had been lead to believe. He seemed to be the only one who had any real idea about how he felt and that head was the only piece of comfort he had. Donald knew he needed to get rid of it, bury it, hand it in at work Ressler didn't know. All he knew was that Audrey was gone and his last beer was getting warm.
There was a knock at the door Donald didn't ask who it was and to be honest he didn't much care, he wanted to be alone. The knock came again but still Ressler didn't speak, he just took another sip of now room temperature beer. There was a few seconds of metallic rustling and then the door swung open revealing Reddington in another perfect black suit and matching hat. He didn't know why Red needed so many hats, maybe it was a fetish. Donald couldn't bring himself to be pissed at seeing Red enter his apartment, he was surprised that he hadn't shown up sooner.
"Hello Donny." Red took of his hat and set it down on the coffee table as he sat on the couch adjacent to Donald's armchair.
"Reddington." He almost growled. "What do you want?"
"Well I can see that you are having a tough time so I thought I would bring you this."
Donald hadn't noticed until Red raised his arm that he was carrying a large bottle of Bourbon. Ressler didn't say anything he just stood and wandered over to his cabinet and retrieved two glasses. When he came back Reddington had already opened the bottle, he took the offered glass and poured some then set the bottle down for Ressler to do the same.
"How are you feeling Donny?" Red asked in a soft voice.
"I'm fine...and stop calling me Donny." Ressler snapped.
"No, I like you as a Donny, its fitting and I know you are not alright. I mean why is that still here?" Red gestured to the head box. Ressler remained silent, he didn't know what to say.
"Its not healthy to keep that Donny. I sent it to prove to you that he was gone, that he got what he deserved but you can't hold on to it. Donny you can never move on if you do."
Ressler hated that Red's words made sense.
"Maybe I don't want to move on." He took a sip, well more of a gulp of Bourbon.
"You have to. No one can live in the past, believe me for a while I tried. No good will come of it."
Why did he have to sound so rational?
"And what good will come of living in the now? Hmm?" He finished the Bourbon and poured another. Red just smiled.
"We won't know that until it shows itself. The only thing to do is pick yourself up and dust off. Like you did when you were following me."
"Well I failed at that too didn't I? I wasn't good enough to catch you, I wasn't good enough to save Audrey, to avenge her..." He cut himself off. Red shuffled forwards on the couch and set his half finished glass down.
"That's the real problem isn't it Donny? You've accepted she's gone. The only reason that head is still here is because it makes you think that you're a failure. Well let me tell you something Donald." Red raised his voice a little. "You didn't catch me but nor did anyone else, I handed myself in. No one could have saved Audrey, it happened to quickly and I killed Mako Tanida because if you did you, Donald Ressler, would never be the same again. So grow up."
Ressler gripped his glass tighter and Red stood and made his way to the head box. He opened it revealing Tanida's head and shut it again quickly, the week of lying there was making the most horrific smell. He picked up the box and opened the apartment door showing Dembe standing outside reading a magazine.
"Dembe, would you please go and depose of this?" Dembe took the box.
"Of course, Raymond." He started to walk off down the hall.
"Oh and Dembe, I don't suggest opening it."
With that Red shut the door and returned to the old beat up couch. Neither spoke after that, they just sat and drank glass after glass of Bourbon, well Ressler did. Red was lucky go get three glasses of the amber liquid. By the time the bottle was empty Donald was well and truly drunk off his ass.
"You know your problem Reddington? You think you are better than everyone else."
On that note Red thought bed was probably the best place for Donald, he needed to sleep it off. It was surprisingly easy to coax Donald to his bedroom where he made the FBI Agent sit. Red knelt down and removed Donald's shoes and then lifted his feet to lay him flat and cover him over with the duvet.
"Fuck me."
Red froze not really sure what was going on or how to react. He took a deep breath and asked.
"What?"
"Fuck me, you've been doing it for years anyway."
Then Red understood. There were so many definitions of the work 'fuck' and like most people he had jumped to one in particular.
"Donny I've not been fucking with you."
"Yes you have, you always have, you do it to everyone. Give them a line and make sure they follow until everything blows up in their fucking faces."
"I assure you that is not the case."
"Well I'm sick of it. You want to fuck with me now, you are going to have to do it properly." With that Donald grabbed Red by the neck and pressed their lips together, when he forced his tongue into the criminals mouth the Bourbon mixed in their mouths. Red pulled back.
"No Donald, no. You are drunk and I will not listen to you saying I raped you. It will just be another thing to say you failed at and I won't allow it." Red flipped of the nightstand lamp and left shutting the door behind him. Ressler couldn't speak couldn't move the intoxication wouldn't let him.
He lay there for what seemed like hours but in actuality it was only a few minuets, and then finally fell asleep.