Disclaimer: I didn't invent the characters of Remus Lupin or Albus Dumbledore. Need I say more?
A/N: Ginny-Gin is out of town, but I had a friend beta this and I'm posting anyway. Have no doubts Ginny, your input is missed greatly!
Thanks to Ruthie for the beta.
To Deal With Shame
Remus stared at the stone gargoyle. It really was an ugly thing he thought, and he wondered why the headmaster's office was located behind something so - unsightly. He had always thought about this when he had visited Dumbledore in his school days. It seemed that time truly did stand still in this place. Though he was almost 40 he still felt very small when called to see Dumbledore.
"Sugar quill," he stated plainly. The gargoyle leapt aside and the revolving staircase came into view. Remus stepped onto it, and as he rose to the top of the tower his anxiety level rose as well. He did not know why Dumbledore wanted to see him, only that it had to do with Harry Potter. The shabby professor sighed quietly. He was conflicted enough about his relationship with Harry without Dumbledore's influence. Invariably Dumbledore's input, though meant to help, just made things more complicated.
Without realizing it he had reached the oak door with the brass knocker. He lifted his hand, prepared to knock, but a voice within called, "Enter," before his hand touched the wood. 'Just another thing that hasn't changed,' Remus mused as he pushed open the door. 'I don't think I've ever had to actually knock on that door.'
"Ah, Remus. Please sit down." Dumbledore motioned to a wooden chair in front of the desk, which Remus took rather reluctantly.
"You wished to see me headmaster?"
"Indeed, Remus. I was wondering how Harry's patronus lessons were going." Remus visibly flinched. He had not told Dumbledore that he was planning to teach Harry the patronus charm. Though part of him had thought he probably should, the bigger part, the part that was still a marauder, said that it wasn't necessary. He should have realized that nothing went on in Hogwarts that was unknown by Dumbledore.
"That was brought to your attention?"
"Yes Remus, and contrary to what I'm sure you are thinking right now I have no plans to reprimand you. If Harry's reaction at the last Quidditch match is any indication that the charm is going to be a necessity for him in the near future. I was simply wondering how the lessons are going, and if you do not mind my prying, how much about you Harry knows."
The second question was left so open that Remus knew that was the real reason he had been asked into this office. "The lessons are going pretty well. He can produce some wisps of smoke when confronted with a boggart dementor."
"That is very impressive for a 13-year-old wizard," Dumbledore mused.
"As for your second question, Harry knows only that I was in school when his parents were, he found out by accident." He added in an almost whisper, "He's been asking questions."
"Questions?" Dumbledore asked innocently.
"Questions," Remus replied, "Like how well I knew them, and where I go every month. Just like James."
"What have you told him?" The concern in Dumbledore's eyes was almost hidden from Remus, but not quite.
"Nothing, or nothing important anyway."
"He's a smart boy Remus, he'll most likely put two and two together eventually," Dumbledore said gently. "And even if he doesn't do it himself Hermione Granger will. I'm surprised one of them hasn't already."
"No thanks to Snape," Remus muttered angrily.
"Sevras has not made things any easier, I won't deny that," Dumbledore said placidly. "That, however, holds very little merit in this meeting. The fact remains that Harry has been asking questions, and I believe he deserves some answers."
"Not meaning to sound rude, but what would you have me tell him?"
"Tell him the truth, Remus. Just as you told James and Serious the truth all those years ago," Dumbledore said gently.
"I can't," Remus whispered biting his lower lip.
"And why not, Remus?"
"Because I can't bear to see the shame in his face when he looks at me after he knows."
"Do you truly believe that Harry would be ashamed of you, or can you not stand the shame you feel for yourself when others find out what you are?" The look on the werewolf's face was enough to tell Dumbledore that he had guessed correctly. "Remus?" Dumbledore prompted calmly.
"All my life I have been shunned!" the younger man burst out. "I can think of five or six people who haven't learned what I am and then treated me like some kind of monster! I can't find work in the wizarding community because of what I am, I can't work in the muggle community because the ministry forbids it. How do you expect me not to be ashamed of what I am?"
"Tell me Remus, how do you think others see you?" The change in topic threw Remus off for a moment, and he answered without thinking.
"I guess I think they see the monster that I become once a month, or at least most of them do."
"I don't see that," Dumbledore said quietly. "I don't think any of your teachers saw that, either, and they have known what you are from the moment you set foot in this school. I won't speak for my colleagues, but I see one of the kindest, most caring, and most intelligent men I have ever had the pleasure to know." Dumbledore stopped for a moment then looked at Remus once again. "You are justified in being angry with the ministry's rules, they are quite unfair. But not all wizards think like the ministry."
"I know that. But I can't know how Harry will react when he finds out. He wasn't really raised by James, so…"
"I do not believe that Harry will care whether you are a werewolf or not. I think he will realize that you are still the same man he has known all year. He may even feel better, knowing that you trust him enough to tell him the truth." Dumbledore had steepled his fingers long ago, and now he surveyed his former student over them.
"It is getting rather late," Remus remarked as he stood. This conversation was getting too personal, too realistic, for his liking.
"Promise me that you will think about what I've said tonight, Remus." Dumbledore's voice was still kind, but there was a tone in it that told Remus he had better do as he was told.
"I will think it all over," he said finally. "And headmaster, thank you."
"My pleasure my boy," Dumbledore murmured as the door closed behind the man who was too old for his years. "I wish I could truly help you."
A/N: Please review! I desperately want to improve, reviews are the only way I know to do that.