RAINBOW MONKEY LISA BUSINESS
contents:
Chapter 1
In which art is admired, a booger is misplaced and a sooper secret meeting is interrupted.
Chapter 2
In which a tea party is crashed, fingers are pointed and a horrible discovery is made.
Chapter 3
In which apple crumble is consumed, Numbuh 3 gets rough and Egbert hides in a dumpster.
Chapter 4
In which Mister Boss enjoys life, Egbert cracks a safe and Numbuh 86 sings and dances.
Chapter 5
In which Barry is skeptical, Kyle gets into the act and ultimate terror enters through the window.
Chapter 6
In which everybody starts shooting
~Chapter 1~
The doors of the Detention Wing of Gallagher Elementary opened on a sunny Tuesday afternoon and Egbert O'Reilly stepped out in the sunshine. He paused briefly to replace the match in his mouth and straigthen his school jacket and his blue cap, then went straight over to the bench where his cronies Barry and Kyle, had been waiting for him.
"Welcome out, Eggy," Barry said and slapped his gang leader on the shoulder.
"Good to have you out, Eggy", Kyle said.
"Thanks, guys", Egbert smiled, "It's good to be out."
"And … you've got a plan?" Kyle asked.
"Of course he's got a plan, Kyle. Can't you see he is smiling? What is it, Eggy?"
Egbert slowly removed the match he had been chewing on from his mouth. His smile got even wider and more self-satisfied.
"How would you guys like three pounds of candy … each?"
Barry and Kyle went quiet. This went beyond their wildest dreams.
"Holy cow", Barry whispered.
"Is … is it dangerous?" Kyle asked nervously.
"Not at all, guys. Because we are going to do our first inside job. Let's get … cultural."
XXX
"Wait a minute," Barry said, as they were walking up the stairs to the Macaroni Museum of Art. "Are we gonna steal a cruddy painting?"
Egbert winced. "Say that again a little louder, Barry, I think there might be a guard or two in the building that didn't hear you. But yeah, that is the idea. Now try to look like you're interested, and pay attention to the layout of the place. We'll need to find our way later tonight."
So the gang moved through the brightly colored halls, doing their best to look interested in the artwork. They marveled at the wall-to-wall mural Numbuh Zero kicks Grandfather's butt in a totally awesome way by the legendary artist "Johnny, 5b", dwelled at each ashtray in the hall of Ashtrays and snickered at the Museum's latest acquisition, Piss Principal (Totally NOT by Wallabee Beatles).
And just as Barry and Kyle almost couldn't take the wait anymore, Egbert led them through a door and stopped.
"There she is, gentlemen. Our target"
It was a large room where only one work of art was hanging in a special niche, softly lid by two projectors, half-hidden behind a group of kids, excitedly muttering together.
"The Rainbow Monkey Lisa," Egbert said softly. "More delicious macaroni per square inch than any other work of art in the world. "
"No!" Kyle whispered
"Holy cow" Barry muttered.
Eggy turned and left the room, followed by Barry and Kyle.
"So, what's the plan, Eggy?" Barry asked, and even his low tone couldn't hide his exciement..
"It's very simple", Egbert said – they came out in the main hall, and Egbert led them over to a discreet corner behind an enormous sculpture of two humongous wrestling papier-mache mechas, where they could talk in peace.
"Now pay attention," he said softly, " We go in through a window on the back of the museum".
"Yeah…?"
"We sneak down to the Lisa."
"Yeah…?"
"We take the Lisa."
"Yeah…?"
"And we leave"
"Yes, and what about the alarm? And the guards?"
"Oh, that has all been taken care of. I told you this was an inside job, right?"
At that moment a shrill yell cut through the hall:
"WHO did that? Who put a booger on 101 of the Artist's Boogers?"
All eyes in the hall turned towards the yeller; a tall, pale boy wearing a brown buttoned-down shirt and a black beret, who was looking angrily around after a possible perpetrator. When no one fessed up to the monstrous befouling, he harrumphed, and stomped out of the hall. The normal low museum murmur returned.
"That was Ben Arnold, the Museum's curator," Egbert said. "I know him from wood shop. He just took over after Reggie Olsson got the chickenpox last week, and he has a problem. He owes several weeks' worth of candy to some bullies, and there's an atomic wedgie coming up if he doesn't deliver soon. He has found an adult willing to buy the Rainbow Monkey Lisa for good hard sugar, but of course he can't just take her out of the museum himself. That's where we come in."
"So, he'll help us, then" Kyle asked skeptically.
"Oh, yeah. Tonight the alarm will have an unexpected malfunction, and the guards will be in their milk room all night playing the new Yipper Wrestling Club 6, Ben has loaned them. Then in two days time, when the exitement have died down, Ben and the buyer will come to our clubhouse and pick up the Lisa – and we split the candy in four equal parts."
"That's brilliant, Eggy", Barry muttered, excitedly.
"I don't like it, Eggy", Kyle whined softly, "It's too easy. What if he cheats us?"
"Nonsense, Kyle", Eggy said. "Remember, we'll have the Lisa until the candy is on the table. There's no way this can go wrong."
"Well, if you say so", Kyle said, not entirely convinced.
"Good! All we'll need is a glass cutter, a stepladder and a knife. The action starts at 10.30 tonight. Let's get to work!"
XXX
As it turned out, it all went as Egbert had planned. The gang members snuck out their bedroom windows just after bedtime and met in the gathering dusk behind the museum. Barry climbed the stepladder and cut two small holes in one of the windows with his uncle's glass cutter, so he could reach in and open the window. They quickly scurried through the dark hallways – Kyle was his usual jittery self, but apart from the occasional distant roar from the milk room, when one of the guards scored a body-slam, the guards never made an appearance. When they reached the Lisa they cut her free from her frame, carefully rolled the canvas up, snuck back the way they had come and parted outside.
Egbert was back in bed before 11.30, feeling extremely pleased with himself. Everything had gone as planned, the rolled-up Lisa was resting safely under his bed and in two days' time he and the gang would have completed a coup that kids would talk about for weeks – and have more candy than they would know what to do with. Egbert smiled an angelic smile, and fell asleep in the secure knowledge that nothing could go wrong now.
XXX
"WHERE IS SHE?"
The shriek cut straight through the steel and cardboard walls of the Soopreme Leader's Moonbase office and Numbuh 5 jumped up from her seat. Numbuh 86, who had been drawing an attack vector on the big map of Mexico on the table between them, gave a start that sent sector T to Cuba instead.
There was struggling outside the door: "Ma'am, you can't …"
"OUT OF MY WAY, SQUIRT!" Thump
Numbuh 86 tensed up and turned towards the door, ready to defend her Soopreme Leader against whatever threat was out there.
"At ease, 86." Numbuh 5 said from the other side of the table. "I've been expecting this."
A second later the door was flung open and a furious Numbuh 3 stormed in, going straight for Numbuh 5. Trailing her was Numbuh 2 and Numbuh 4, who were sending apologetic smiles at the dazed guard on the floor.
"YOU!" Numbuh 3 demanded, stopping at the edge of the table and jabbing an angry finger at the braided Soopreme Leader's chest. "WHAT are you doing?"
"Oh, hey, Numbuh 3" Numbuh 5 said calmly. "I'm just planning our offensive against the Broccoli cartels of Mexico, and.." she looked down on the table next to her "having a glass of milk. That's about it."
"DON'T act all innocent with me" Numbuh 3 screamed and slammed her fist down on the table, overturning 5 and 86's milk glasses, so the Carribean was transformed into the White Sea. "The Rainbow Monkey Lisa was stolen last night, and what have you done about it? NOTHING!"
"You can't talk to the Soopreme Leader like that …" Numbuh 86 started.
Numbuh 3 glared at her, and Numbuh 86 swallowed the rest of the sentence.
"Now, that's unfair, Numbuh 3. Numbuh 5 has been quite busy lately, and there has simply not been any kidpower available, with the offensive coming up and all. I could put Numbuh 13 on the case, but…"
"NUMBUH 13! ARE YOU INSANE? We'll NEVER see the Lisa again. I DEMAND that you put me and my sector in charge of the investigation!"
"Well, I dunno. You guys have a lot on your plate already. But if your sector leader thinks you can handle it …" She looked over at Numbuh 2 who gave a quick, frantic nod of acceptance. "Well, all right then"
"HRMPF" Numbuh 3 grabbed Numbuh 2 and Numbuh 4 "Come on, guys – We have WORK to do!"
Sector V left and the room grew quiet.
Numbuh 86 exhaled. "Were you really going to put Numbuh 13 in charge of the investigation, ma'am?"
"Of course not. He's fine where he is, searching for humorously shaped icebergs in Antarctica. Some people just need to get a little revved up to be really effective, that's all. Now Numbuh 3 will stop at nothing until the Lisa is found. She won't talk to Numbuh 5 for a couple of days, but that can't be helped." A look of concern crossed Numbuh 5's features "Zero help the poor saps she DOES want to talk to."
Well, the O'Reilly gang from "The Great Cake Heist" is back, and this time on a collision course with an enraged Kuki.
I hope you will have as much fun reading, as I have writing.
As always, reviews and comments on language and style are welcome.