Hermione's clothes

Summary: A parody on clothes-obsessed girls who write endless paragraphs about what Hermione is wearing. Not too funny, but stupid and might provide a smile or two.

Disclaimer: Guess who's not J.K. Rowling? That's right, me! I don't own Harry Potter and never will. Ever.

Hermione was sick of not being noticed by the opposite sex. She knew how other girls got the guys, and that was by looking sexy. Hermione decided she needed to be more sexy and less of a stuck-up know-it-all brat. By the end of the summer she was gonna be the hottest girl ever.

That day she got her hair done. It fell down in soft curls to her shoulders. She also got her nails done. They were this really cute purple color that brought out the color in her eyes. It cost a load of money, but it was worth it.

Then Hermione went about getting her new wardrobe. She went to the local mall and picked out this really cute pink top with a cute little panda on it. It looked like it was made for a five year old but she bought it anyway. She also bought this really cute black miniskirt. It really brought out the color in her eyes. She also got several pairs of really cute low-riding jeans that were just so cute she had to buy like eight pairs, and like 12 more really cute midriff-baring shirts that said "99 Angel, 1 devel" on it and stuff. She spent a ton of money but it was worth it because now she could be sexy.

After this she went out to get her belly button pierced. It hurt like hell and cost a fortune but it was worth it. She didn't want to think about how mad her parents were gonna be when she got home.

The next day Hermione woke up to attack the new day. To wear she chose this really cute pair of khaki shorts that brought out the color in her eyes and a cute little blue shirt with a koala bear on it. Then she did some other stuff that's not worth mentioning and went to bed.

The next day Hermione woke up and chose a cute white miniskirt that totally showed off her legs. She also wore a cute blue tank top that really brought out the color in her eyes, and showed off her cute little belly button ring. Then she did some other boring, non-appearence related stuff and went to bed.

Hermione continued each day in this vain until she went over to Ron's house for the remaining 6 weeks of summer. Upon getting there, Ron could do nothing but stare at her, and Ginny jumped up and down shrieking "You look sooo cute! Oh my god! You look sooo cute! Oh my god! Soooo cute!" while waving her arms in the air. Harry was poking Ron, who wasn't responding at all.

The next day Harry went out and defeated Voldemort to make absolutely certain that no non-clothes related things would ever have to be mentioned. Hermione didn't really help much, she just stood there in her cute little pair of shorts and cute green tube top that brought out the color of her eyes and watched.

The day after Voldemort's defeat a bunch of reporters came to take pictures of Harry and his friends. For the photos, Hermione wore this cute little black skirt and a red T-shirt with a lollipop on it that totally brought out the color of her eyes. The photos appeared the next day on the front page of the Daily Prophet.

Hermione did the same routine every single day. Even at Hogwarts, she made sure her robes were perfect. In fact, the clothes-obsessed routine she did every day went right on through her 20's, when she finally realized that she should stop acting like a fucking idiot and actually pay attention to something other than clothes for once. Christ.

She went on to get a job as a healer; as it was very fun seeing the mulitple ways people could hurt themselves. She always looked back on her clothes-obsessed days and wondered how she had ever gotten so fucking retarded.

The end