I never saw her again..
That kiss was the last one.
It was the only one that really meant anything to me. The rest of my life has been spent remembering and agonising over that kiss. But how could I possibly do anything about it? I wanted to ask her to wait for me. But how could I promise that I would ever be capable of more than what we had? I couldn't. Therefore, rather than asking, telling her how I felt or doing anything about it, I let her go.
I heard rumours throughout the years. Rumours that she had married happily, was living the life of her dreams with the man of her dreams, rumours that she had divorced. I tried to find her once. Nevertheless, like that kiss, nothing came to fruition. All I discovered was that her father had passed away and she had left the army.
I loved her.
I can admit that now. Hell, there is still a torch burning for her. I know it will never stop. But it is to late for me. Too late for us. Margaret, my Margaret was wholesome, sweet and passionate.. I like to remember her this way. Not how she is now, lifeless and cold.
I suppose I'm destined for the rest of my life to wonder the what ifs. There has been no one since I discovered I love her and I'm positive there will be no one now even when I know there is no hope.
Margaret shall never die in my mind. She shall remain the strong upstanding woman I know she has always been. She has been my strength, my solace and my rock. I progressed so far... just on the off chance that she would realise some hidden feelings for me and arrive at my door. She never did, at least, she never arrived.
Reading her diary however, as I had been asked, I realise now that there was a chance. The chance has gone for us now. The love of my life is gone because both of us were too scared, too afraid to have reliance on one another in case it didn't work.
My love is gone... and that is sad. But, now I know my feelings were returned, it makes it so much sadder. We could have had years together... and because we were too proud, too stubborn, we have nothing but a handful of snatched memories from war instead of the lifetime we should.
I will never stop missing my Margaret. But nor shall I ever stop loving her. As Col potter once stated, when you love someone, you are in a whole heap of trouble, so you either stop loving them or love them a whole lot more.
I speak from experience, at times; the trouble doesn't seem worth it. But, if there is one chance that it could be, seize it. And never ever let go. That opportunity could be gone in a flash because you feel it is the wrong time, the wrong place… a whole lot of variables.
Just listen to your heart.
Love. Love like we never got a chance to.