Note: The Sequeal to Wulfei's Darkest Fear. You guys should review fics when you read them, for I will do a killing spree in your down if you don't. So R&R (Read and Review) Everybody.
Wulfei's Darkest Fear 2
The year is one day after the last fic. Nothing happened, except somehow Quatre was wished back (Stupid bitch) and Wulfei killed a bunch of people. Now let's see what our favorite pilots are doing...
(Scene: The five Gundam boys are at a bar, drinking their asses of, except Quatre off).
Quatre: Guys, alchol is bad for you. It destroys brain cells and- (Trowa shoves a glass down his throat).
Trowa: Maybe that will shut you up.
Wulfei: Yeah Quatre stop acting like a gay fag and start acting like me.
Duo: I thought you told him to stop acting like a gay fag.
Wulfei: Want to start something Maxwell? (Stands up and goes into battle pose).
Duo: Acutally (Gets up and also gets in battle pose) No! Monny! (Hides behind Heero).
Heero: Some God of Death you are, afraid of a Sailor senshi actor, for shame Duo, for shame.
Duo: But he scares me Heero.
Wulfei: Boo, I'm Wulfei and I'm going to beat you up. (Duo screams and runs into the girls room) Baby.
Quatre: I don't even acy like that. Heero, can I be upgraded to second weakest?
Wulfei: Let's see. Hey Quatre, I'm going to get you, and I have a stick. (Quatre screams and runs in the bathroom).
Heero: So what was their times Trowa?
Trowa: (Holds up watches) According to this, The wuss ass formly known as Quatre who is now know ass wuss ass had a 5.67 seconds.
Wuss Ass: (Walks out of bathroom) Are you going to call me that always?
Heero: Shove it, Wuss Ass!
Wuss Ass: Gosh darn it!
Trowa: While the God of Freaks got 6.78.
God of Freaks: (Walks out of bathroom with a monkey and two dimes) What you say?
Heero: Sorry wuss, but you're still the weakest.
Wuss ass: I want to go home.
Wulfei: Speaking of going, I have to go so bye. (Leaves bar).
Wuss ass: So what's Wulfei's name, Creampuff?
God of Freaks: No, actually It's those who are not weak but fight for justice.
Heero: I'm tough basterd 25
Trowa: And I'm silent clown.
Wuss ass: I get it.
God of Freaks: Can we stop it with these names? They're insuting.
Tough Basterd 25: Whatever (Now they will be refered as normal).
Trowa: I still didn't get to be be refered by name yet.
Heero: Forget it, it's over Trowa.
Trowa: Fine, but I won't whine about it anymore like Quatre would.
Quatre: Come on man, I saved your life.
Trowa: And shouldn't you be dead?
Duo: He was mysteriuously wished back to life by someone.
Heero: Enough of this shit, we have to find Wulfei.
Duo: No this time. Remember what happenned last time?
Heero: Not really.
Duo: Well neither do I, but it was weird, stupid and gay.
Heero: I don't think it was Quatre.
Quatre: I didn't want to have to do this, but if you guys don't stop being mean to me, I'm going to sit in the corner and cry a lot.
Trowa: See if we care.
Quatre: Fine then. (Goes to corner, but Heero picks him up and sluggs him).
Heero: First we find Wulfei, then you carry on your little fit.
Quatre: (Rubbing his hand where Heero slugged him in the face). Okay, but don't slug me so hard next time.
Heero: I'll try my best to forget it. (Leaves with Duo and Trowa).
Quatre: I knew I shoud of become a shoe salseman. (Also leaves. Gundam boys meet up in hallyway near Wulfei's dressing room).
Heero: Well this is it, the last pace he could possibly be.
Duo: This is the fucking first pace we're looking for him.
Heero: Quiet you. (Opens door and finds the pink power ranger inside).
Trowa: Ah! The Pink Power Ranger.
Heero: No, that's only Wulfei dressed up like one.
Pink Power Ranger: Actually, no.
Duo: (not listening) This is what you get for making me dress up like a girl, bitch! (Grabs a four foot tall mirror and jams it down her throat). Take that bitch! (Wulfei enters).
Wulfei: I'm so- (Noticing the death of the pink power ranger) Oh my god, you killed the pink power ranger.
Trowa: But Duo's always a basterd.
Duo: Am not. Sorry about that Wulfei, but I thought she was you.
Wulfei: Give me some credit. (Goes into costume) I'm the red one.
Heero: That really isn't any better.
Wulfei: I suppose-
Quatre: Yeah, as long as i get to screw the yellow ranger!
Wulfei: I didn't even finish.
Quatre: So? Where is the yellow ranger anyway?
Wulfei: Three blocks down and to the right.
Quatre: Yippe! (Goes off to screw the Yellow ranger).
Wulfei: The fag! He's off to fuck with the blue ranger.
Heero: So how did you become the red range? And this time shorten it.
Wulfei: They promised me free rice and the right to kick ass without a license.
Trowa: Hold up, since when do you need a license to kick ass?
Wulfei: Never, but I have this license plate thing now that says I kick ass.
Heero: That's not fair! I'm the toughest.
Wulfei: No way, I'm tougher then you are.
Heero: Then prove it.
Wulfei: Okay, I will. And I'll also prove the theory of Heerotivity.
Duo: What's that?
Wulfei: That Heero's ass can travel the speed of light if I kick it hard enough.
Heero: We'll see. (Fight each other. Each is doing equal against each other, when Lady Un, Noin, Dorthoy, Catherine, Hilde, and Sally Poe come in.)
Duo: I wonder what those lesbians want.
Sally: We want equal rights.
Trowa; Well don't we all.
Catherine: You know what were talking about.
Dorothy: Were sick of unfair treatment.
Hilde: What about our parts in these fics?
Noin: There is none, that's how dumb the plot is.
Lady Un: And if we don't get none, we'll raise hell.
All girls: Yeah! Hell and lots of it.
Wulfei: (Stops fighting Heero) That's something you have to take up with the author, not us. (I appear).
Me: And I say, no you lesbos, so die. (Fires finger beam and evaporates them all). So much for the Equal Rights Amendament. They don't even deserve them. Well, I'll be seeing you (I leave, and Quatre comes in).
Quatre: You know, the yellow ranger sure looked a lot like a guy, and keptscreaming 'But I'm blue you fag, Blue!' But I knew the truth and fucked her so hard a life looking dildo popped out.
Heero: Actually, that was the blue ranger,and a dick popped out, not a dildo.
Wulfei: We tricked you because you're gay and other crap.
Quatre: That does it. I'm going in my corner. (Starts to, but Wulfei stops him).
Wulfei: Hold up, first you got to help me.
Duo: There is no way I'm being a Power Ranger.
Wulfei: Not all of you, just two to replace the Blue and Pink rangers.
Trowa: What happened to the red.
Wulfei: Something about abusing drugs and taking LSD.
Quatre: LSD is bad, okay? Very bad. I mean it's so bad it's not good, which is bad.
Wulfei: Quatre, I know who you're replacing. (Forces him into pink power ranger costume).
Quatre: But I wanted to be Yellow.
Wulfei: Sorry, but yellow and green are still alive.
Heero: Well, not really, since we got in a car accident with them when we were trying to find you.
Duo: It's a good think we made Quatre flash the officer and threw peanuts at him or else we might have never gotten out.
Wulfei: Then you all get to be Power Rangers, or else I'll send you to gay prision.
Trowa: Is that the same one with the Backstreet Boys, NSYNC and Hanson?
Wulfei: And they'll be your roomates.
Trowa: In that case... (Puts on green ranger costume) This is better then homosexual pop stars, I guess.
Wulfei: Good, what about you Heero?
Heero: You can't scare me with that shit.
Wulfei: You know, I do have Zero's self destruct button... (Heero looks shocked and quickly puts on the blue ranger's costume) I knew you would see things my way.
Heero: The only thing I see is not being able to rape Zero.
Wulfei: Just as long as you have the suit on. Now Duo, you have to be the yellow ranger.
Duo: As long as Quatre doesn't touch me. (Puts suot on, Quatre tries to touch his breasts) One step closer and I'll rip your balls off.
Quatre: But it's too tempting, and temptations are killing me.
Duo: Not as bad as I will.
Quatre: Fine I won't touch you (backs off) but when you turn you're back, I will haha. (Thinks to himself): So leave off, okay? Wait, I did that backwards, shit in a blanket! (Duo goes after him and chases him around Heero).
Quatre: Please protect me, Heero.
Heero: Not this, you son of a very sick gay bitch. (Trips Quatre and Wulfei smacks the shit out of him until he gets bored).
Duo: Who would thought it would get boring whooping Quatre's ass?
Wulfei: I guess doing it for hours straight can help.
Duo: But I wouldn't be doing ot gay, that would be freakin nasty.
Wulfei: Not that straight, I mean continually, not stopping even to hear is pathetic whimpering.
Quatre: It really wasan't that pathetic.
Heero: Maybe to you, but to us how could actually count it definatley does.
Trowa: What the hell makes you so weak Quatre? Your a rich basterd and Wulfei's only a freak that needs to take stupid jobs for money-
Wulfei: Sumpreme injustice!
Trowa: Heero can't even kill a bitch until he crossdresses.
Heero: Maybe when I'm whoopin your ass you'll think different.
Duo: Well, he didn't say anything about me yet.
Trowa: And Duo has no intelligentice and a very ugly mom.
Duo: Well, that's true.
Trowa: Plus he's a daddy's girl.
Duo: Now you did it! No one was suppose to know my dad is a girl. Let's get the freak mime who dosen't even juggle! (Duo and Quatre hold both his arms while Wulfei and Heero literally kick his butt, and bad).
Trowa: Ow! Can't you stop? Ow! This really hurts! Ow! What about the mission? Ow!
Wulfei: Oh right, that must come first. (Kicks him once for good measure). Now let's go. (Guys run and eventually end up in a rock mountain area). Now all we have to do is wait for him.
Heero: And how long's that?
Wulfei: (Takes out script) It does not say, but it shouldn't be so long. (Gundam boys wait a half hour).
Quatre: (Takes out Harmonica and plays a little of the famous blues song) My name is Quatre Rabba Winner. (Plays some more) And I'm doing this song to be cool. (Plays some more).
Heero: (Takes out his harmonica and plays the song Quatre is) If you don't stop I'll be forced to kick your ass. (Plays some more) And you really suck at this. (Plays some more).
Quatre: (Plays some more) You can't hurt someone playing a blues harmonica song. (Plays some, then Heero sticks his Harmonica straight up his ass). Okay I guess you would. How about a song on the violin?
Duo: Don't you dare.
Quatre: (Takes out Viloin and plays the same blues song) My name is Quatre Rabba Winner (Plays some more) And I'm doing this- (Duo comes over and beats him with the bow). How about a piano concheirto?
Wulfei: This guy can't get the point.
Quatre: (Takes out piano and does the same blues song) My name is Quatre Ra- (Wulfei picks up the piano and throws it on Quatre) Okay, I get the point. No more songs, so just get me out of here. (Guys pay no attention to him and continue waiting) That does it, you forced me to. (Starts humming the song) My name i- (Trowa picks up the paino and grabs Quatre's teeth and rips then out of his mouth, then bashes them against a stone. Quatre then takes out a new pair of teeth). It's a good thing I always carry a spare.
Trowa: Just don't do that song anymore.
Quatre: Sure, no problemo. (Whistles the song) My- (All other pilots look readyto punce on him). Just a joke, lighten up guys. (Half an hour later, Gundam Pilots are sitting on some rocks, Wulfei is lying against a side of one and Duo is on top of the same rock).
Duo: Wulfei, this is for all the hard times. (Hits him with his pink bunny pillow he always carrys around, then falls to the ground).
Wulfei: (Cracks knuckles) Time to get you for that action of the weak, and very much so.
Duo: I suppose saying I'm sorry won't help.
Wulfei: No this time, Maxwell.
Duo: Crap! (Get's up and Wulfei chases him around).
Wulfei: YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!! GET BACK HERE NOW! (Manages to corner him in a rock pile).
Duo: (Holds the pillow on his body and crunches into a sit down position) You can't see me, I'm camoflouaged.
Wulfei: That won't work on anyone.
Heero: Where'd Duo go? I don't see him anywhere.
Wulfei: Everyone but Heero. (Whacks him with pillow and lies back down).
Heero: I was just pretending, just to let you know.
Duo: Damn! I was just about to sell a market of them. (Gets up and lies again on a rock. 30 minutes later, Trowa walks around and goes behind a tree).
Trowa: Yeah! That's the stuff! You go with oyur bad self! (Duo comes over).
Duo: So Barton, find a hot women to score?
Trowa: Duo! Go away! Can't you see I'm busy.
Duo: You already had your turn with her, now it's mine!
Trowa: You dumbass! I'm wizzing, not fucking.
Duo: You mean you're peeing into a woman! You animal.
Trowa: There is no woman, just me.
Duo: So your-
Trowa: I'm fucking peeing, okay?
Duo: Got ya. (Walks back to others). Nice guy, that Trowa. But I wonder if he's gay.
Wulfei: I realize that Trowa was really right about Duo.
Heero: (Takes a sip of apple juice) He's not gay Duo, at least that's what I think.
Quatre: Hey Heero, that's your firth gallon of apple juice, maybe you should stop.
Heero: I know what I'm doing. Which is peeing. (Goes to the Tree Trowa's at).
Trowa and Heero: Yeah! That's it! Come on, get out!
Duo: I knew it! Heero and Trowa do have a homosexual relationship. (Quatre and Wulfei slap their heads. 30 minutes later).
Heero: Forget it Wulfei, there is now freaking monster, let's go.
Wulfei: (like some old matrial arts master) Now Heero Son, you must learn the value of paitent.
Duo: You telling me that Heero's related to Goku? Lucky stiff.
Trowa: For the fuckin sake of me breaking your fat lip Duo, shut up!
Wulfei: You must be like the willow in the garden, looking for prey.
Heero: And that means I have to, kill people right?
Wulfei: The spider does not go after his meal. Rather he waits for the morsel to come to him.
Heero: Are these haiku's or metaphors?.
Wulfei: (Normal voice) Forget, your too stupid to understand the ways.
Heero: I know many ways of laying women, shooting freaks, eating mashed potatoes upside down and- (Monster shoots a fire ball at Heero).
Monster: (Lands on rock pile. Looks like some freak from the Swamp thing) Yes! I have come to destroy you, rangers!
Heero: B- (is dubbed) ad man. What the f-(dubbed) ork is going on here?
Wulfei: This is a kids show, no violence.
Trowa: (Dubbed) Oh no it!
Heero: Let'sjust get this over with. (Brings out gun, but monster throws a fireball at him. Even thought it missed by 200 feet, it stll managed to hit heero and made him go down with sparks). That is not possible.
Duo: This show really (Dubbed) stinks. What, I can't even say (Dubbed) stinks?
Trowa: Guess not. (Gets out sword thing) Then (dubbed) defeat him! (Tries to hit him, but monster just punches him and he goes down).
Quatre: I know! (Gets Sandrock and stomps on monster).
Monster: I'm not done yet! (Grows to enormous size, just as big as a gundam).
Heero: When will it end, man, when will it end? (Quatre tries o fight monster, but monster shoots a mouth blasts and eradicaates Quatre's Gundam).
Duo: Screw the monster, I'm going home.
Wulfei: We have to stop it before it destroys the city and the world!
Heero: We'll get some hamburgers and shakes.
Wulfei: Your right, fuck that dumb shit monster, let's get some hambuger and shakes.
Trowa: Look, our dubbing weared off. I guess Quatre dying has other rewarding possabilites. Maybe now we can fly (Tries but it dosen't work). Guess you can't win them all. (Goes to McDonalds).
Duo: Well, we finally arrived here, I knew battling those mutant vampires would waste time.
Wulfei: But it was all worth it for our magic string. (Starts to sing) We all like a bunch of magic string. It is not just a thing.
Heero: Did you take your medication today?
Wulfei: No I didn't take any medication today. (Sees sign on door).
Trowa: (Reading from sign) The year is after colony 196-
Heero: I thought we're on earth.
Wulfei: Look, it's a poster for Endless Waltz! (Gundam pilots start screaming).
Trowa: Why are we screaming? It's not like we really dance in that, in fact it's cool that we get new Gundams and kick and kill some more ass.
Wulfei: What about the rumors of the injustice's and the actions of the weak?
Heero: Or marrige to Reelena?
Duo: Or not being able to make any wise ass statements that are funny?
Heero They really aren't that funny.
Duo: I still won't be able to make a jack out of myself though.
Trowa; Those are only false rumors to make us all freaked out.
Wulfei: But the Gundams get destroyed.
Duo: Isn't that cause we self destruct them?
Wulfei: It's your fault! (Hits Duo). Now I will never be able to fight for justice with my friend nataku.
Duo: Me neither.
Heero: You never did that, Duo.
Duo: I guess your right. But fuck, Wulfei, it's just the Dumbass dub, it's not like we really lose them in life.
Wulfei: Oh, never mind. (Tries to go in, but door won't open). This door is a-
Trowa, Wulfei, Duo: Action of the weak! We know, we know.
Wulfei: (Reads the other sign there) It says closed due too monster attack.
Duo: Pansies. What are they afraid of? (Monster comes in, 3 times pigger then before with hugemungous clawfists, wings and ugly and other powerful features). Well, looks like we have to break in.
Wulfei: Allow me. (Punches glass in a window and the gundam boys enter).
Duo: I can't see anything.
Heero: That's cause your eyes are closed.
Trowa: And the lights are off.
Heero: I got it. (Takes out gun and shoots the light. It comes down on Duo's head). Even thought that wasan't supposed to happen, I feel strangley pleased by it all the same.
Duo: My head is in pain, and so is my brain.
Trowa: Stop it with the rap, I have a plan. (Tries to fly) God damn it, why isn't it working?
Wulfei: (Old Martial Arts Master) You must be lik the butterfly, and wait for the right time to flap your wings.
Trowa: (Whiney) But I want to do it now.
Heero: Stop being like Quatre.
Wulfei: (Old Martial Arts Master) We have a saying for a wuss ass like him. (Gundam boys lean in to listen. In normal voice) What a wuss ass!
Heero: Duo, give me your hand.
Duo: No. (Grabs his hand and throws him to the ceiling. Lights come on and Gundam boys cheer). I miss Quatre, now I'm the weakest.
Wulfei: Tough tities, punk. (Eats a burger along with others. In background the monster's screams are heard). This monster is disrupting my meal, it needs to be killed.
Others: Yes! (Go into Gundams. Wing Zero arrives first and uses buster rifle to blast monster, sending him back into an emptied building).
Heero: Good thing this entire city was evacuated or else a lot of innocents would die.
Duo: No, thepeople are still there. Look, the monster's destoying another building with innocent people in it killing those fags and for absolutley no reason.
Wulfei: This is a children's show. (Fires missle at monster. Deathsycthe charges and chops of the monsters legs. Then Heavy Arms extends his hands and plow's through the beast stomach). Yeah! We killed that bitch! Let's just destroy this city for no reason and leave! (Do so. Later, at Quatre's house, the pilots are relaxing in his house, watching T.V).
Trowa: This gay talk show is funny, look at Wario run.
Wulfei: You know guys, we forgot to take of these shitty uinforms.
Heero: That dosen't sound like something we'd do.
Duo: Yeah, but we did.
Trowa: We should have done it by now, so let's just do it now.
Duo: Yeah, let's. (Takes off costume and puts on normal clothes. Quatre walks in).
Wulfei: The hell? You are supposed to be dead.
Quatre: Well, I was. Then I found the yelllow ranger in hell, and I was about to make some love, but she said she wasan't the yellow ranger. That the real yellow ranger was big and red and had a sharp talil and horns and was referedto as Satan. So I went to him and tried to rape me, but he kicked me back yp to life and here I am.
Trowa: And why are you still wearing that costume?
Quatre: Since I can't get to rape yellow, I'll just look like someone who did.
Wulfei: You're queer, even more so then usual.
Heero: Do you have any more secrets, Wulfei?
Wulfei: Well, actually-
Others: Never mind, don't tell us!
The End
Wulfei's Darkest Fear 2
The year is one day after the last fic. Nothing happened, except somehow Quatre was wished back (Stupid bitch) and Wulfei killed a bunch of people. Now let's see what our favorite pilots are doing...
(Scene: The five Gundam boys are at a bar, drinking their asses of, except Quatre off).
Quatre: Guys, alchol is bad for you. It destroys brain cells and- (Trowa shoves a glass down his throat).
Trowa: Maybe that will shut you up.
Wulfei: Yeah Quatre stop acting like a gay fag and start acting like me.
Duo: I thought you told him to stop acting like a gay fag.
Wulfei: Want to start something Maxwell? (Stands up and goes into battle pose).
Duo: Acutally (Gets up and also gets in battle pose) No! Monny! (Hides behind Heero).
Heero: Some God of Death you are, afraid of a Sailor senshi actor, for shame Duo, for shame.
Duo: But he scares me Heero.
Wulfei: Boo, I'm Wulfei and I'm going to beat you up. (Duo screams and runs into the girls room) Baby.
Quatre: I don't even acy like that. Heero, can I be upgraded to second weakest?
Wulfei: Let's see. Hey Quatre, I'm going to get you, and I have a stick. (Quatre screams and runs in the bathroom).
Heero: So what was their times Trowa?
Trowa: (Holds up watches) According to this, The wuss ass formly known as Quatre who is now know ass wuss ass had a 5.67 seconds.
Wuss Ass: (Walks out of bathroom) Are you going to call me that always?
Heero: Shove it, Wuss Ass!
Wuss Ass: Gosh darn it!
Trowa: While the God of Freaks got 6.78.
God of Freaks: (Walks out of bathroom with a monkey and two dimes) What you say?
Heero: Sorry wuss, but you're still the weakest.
Wuss ass: I want to go home.
Wulfei: Speaking of going, I have to go so bye. (Leaves bar).
Wuss ass: So what's Wulfei's name, Creampuff?
God of Freaks: No, actually It's those who are not weak but fight for justice.
Heero: I'm tough basterd 25
Trowa: And I'm silent clown.
Wuss ass: I get it.
God of Freaks: Can we stop it with these names? They're insuting.
Tough Basterd 25: Whatever (Now they will be refered as normal).
Trowa: I still didn't get to be be refered by name yet.
Heero: Forget it, it's over Trowa.
Trowa: Fine, but I won't whine about it anymore like Quatre would.
Quatre: Come on man, I saved your life.
Trowa: And shouldn't you be dead?
Duo: He was mysteriuously wished back to life by someone.
Heero: Enough of this shit, we have to find Wulfei.
Duo: No this time. Remember what happenned last time?
Heero: Not really.
Duo: Well neither do I, but it was weird, stupid and gay.
Heero: I don't think it was Quatre.
Quatre: I didn't want to have to do this, but if you guys don't stop being mean to me, I'm going to sit in the corner and cry a lot.
Trowa: See if we care.
Quatre: Fine then. (Goes to corner, but Heero picks him up and sluggs him).
Heero: First we find Wulfei, then you carry on your little fit.
Quatre: (Rubbing his hand where Heero slugged him in the face). Okay, but don't slug me so hard next time.
Heero: I'll try my best to forget it. (Leaves with Duo and Trowa).
Quatre: I knew I shoud of become a shoe salseman. (Also leaves. Gundam boys meet up in hallyway near Wulfei's dressing room).
Heero: Well this is it, the last pace he could possibly be.
Duo: This is the fucking first pace we're looking for him.
Heero: Quiet you. (Opens door and finds the pink power ranger inside).
Trowa: Ah! The Pink Power Ranger.
Heero: No, that's only Wulfei dressed up like one.
Pink Power Ranger: Actually, no.
Duo: (not listening) This is what you get for making me dress up like a girl, bitch! (Grabs a four foot tall mirror and jams it down her throat). Take that bitch! (Wulfei enters).
Wulfei: I'm so- (Noticing the death of the pink power ranger) Oh my god, you killed the pink power ranger.
Trowa: But Duo's always a basterd.
Duo: Am not. Sorry about that Wulfei, but I thought she was you.
Wulfei: Give me some credit. (Goes into costume) I'm the red one.
Heero: That really isn't any better.
Wulfei: I suppose-
Quatre: Yeah, as long as i get to screw the yellow ranger!
Wulfei: I didn't even finish.
Quatre: So? Where is the yellow ranger anyway?
Wulfei: Three blocks down and to the right.
Quatre: Yippe! (Goes off to screw the Yellow ranger).
Wulfei: The fag! He's off to fuck with the blue ranger.
Heero: So how did you become the red range? And this time shorten it.
Wulfei: They promised me free rice and the right to kick ass without a license.
Trowa: Hold up, since when do you need a license to kick ass?
Wulfei: Never, but I have this license plate thing now that says I kick ass.
Heero: That's not fair! I'm the toughest.
Wulfei: No way, I'm tougher then you are.
Heero: Then prove it.
Wulfei: Okay, I will. And I'll also prove the theory of Heerotivity.
Duo: What's that?
Wulfei: That Heero's ass can travel the speed of light if I kick it hard enough.
Heero: We'll see. (Fight each other. Each is doing equal against each other, when Lady Un, Noin, Dorthoy, Catherine, Hilde, and Sally Poe come in.)
Duo: I wonder what those lesbians want.
Sally: We want equal rights.
Trowa; Well don't we all.
Catherine: You know what were talking about.
Dorothy: Were sick of unfair treatment.
Hilde: What about our parts in these fics?
Noin: There is none, that's how dumb the plot is.
Lady Un: And if we don't get none, we'll raise hell.
All girls: Yeah! Hell and lots of it.
Wulfei: (Stops fighting Heero) That's something you have to take up with the author, not us. (I appear).
Me: And I say, no you lesbos, so die. (Fires finger beam and evaporates them all). So much for the Equal Rights Amendament. They don't even deserve them. Well, I'll be seeing you (I leave, and Quatre comes in).
Quatre: You know, the yellow ranger sure looked a lot like a guy, and keptscreaming 'But I'm blue you fag, Blue!' But I knew the truth and fucked her so hard a life looking dildo popped out.
Heero: Actually, that was the blue ranger,and a dick popped out, not a dildo.
Wulfei: We tricked you because you're gay and other crap.
Quatre: That does it. I'm going in my corner. (Starts to, but Wulfei stops him).
Wulfei: Hold up, first you got to help me.
Duo: There is no way I'm being a Power Ranger.
Wulfei: Not all of you, just two to replace the Blue and Pink rangers.
Trowa: What happened to the red.
Wulfei: Something about abusing drugs and taking LSD.
Quatre: LSD is bad, okay? Very bad. I mean it's so bad it's not good, which is bad.
Wulfei: Quatre, I know who you're replacing. (Forces him into pink power ranger costume).
Quatre: But I wanted to be Yellow.
Wulfei: Sorry, but yellow and green are still alive.
Heero: Well, not really, since we got in a car accident with them when we were trying to find you.
Duo: It's a good think we made Quatre flash the officer and threw peanuts at him or else we might have never gotten out.
Wulfei: Then you all get to be Power Rangers, or else I'll send you to gay prision.
Trowa: Is that the same one with the Backstreet Boys, NSYNC and Hanson?
Wulfei: And they'll be your roomates.
Trowa: In that case... (Puts on green ranger costume) This is better then homosexual pop stars, I guess.
Wulfei: Good, what about you Heero?
Heero: You can't scare me with that shit.
Wulfei: You know, I do have Zero's self destruct button... (Heero looks shocked and quickly puts on the blue ranger's costume) I knew you would see things my way.
Heero: The only thing I see is not being able to rape Zero.
Wulfei: Just as long as you have the suit on. Now Duo, you have to be the yellow ranger.
Duo: As long as Quatre doesn't touch me. (Puts suot on, Quatre tries to touch his breasts) One step closer and I'll rip your balls off.
Quatre: But it's too tempting, and temptations are killing me.
Duo: Not as bad as I will.
Quatre: Fine I won't touch you (backs off) but when you turn you're back, I will haha. (Thinks to himself): So leave off, okay? Wait, I did that backwards, shit in a blanket! (Duo goes after him and chases him around Heero).
Quatre: Please protect me, Heero.
Heero: Not this, you son of a very sick gay bitch. (Trips Quatre and Wulfei smacks the shit out of him until he gets bored).
Duo: Who would thought it would get boring whooping Quatre's ass?
Wulfei: I guess doing it for hours straight can help.
Duo: But I wouldn't be doing ot gay, that would be freakin nasty.
Wulfei: Not that straight, I mean continually, not stopping even to hear is pathetic whimpering.
Quatre: It really wasan't that pathetic.
Heero: Maybe to you, but to us how could actually count it definatley does.
Trowa: What the hell makes you so weak Quatre? Your a rich basterd and Wulfei's only a freak that needs to take stupid jobs for money-
Wulfei: Sumpreme injustice!
Trowa: Heero can't even kill a bitch until he crossdresses.
Heero: Maybe when I'm whoopin your ass you'll think different.
Duo: Well, he didn't say anything about me yet.
Trowa: And Duo has no intelligentice and a very ugly mom.
Duo: Well, that's true.
Trowa: Plus he's a daddy's girl.
Duo: Now you did it! No one was suppose to know my dad is a girl. Let's get the freak mime who dosen't even juggle! (Duo and Quatre hold both his arms while Wulfei and Heero literally kick his butt, and bad).
Trowa: Ow! Can't you stop? Ow! This really hurts! Ow! What about the mission? Ow!
Wulfei: Oh right, that must come first. (Kicks him once for good measure). Now let's go. (Guys run and eventually end up in a rock mountain area). Now all we have to do is wait for him.
Heero: And how long's that?
Wulfei: (Takes out script) It does not say, but it shouldn't be so long. (Gundam boys wait a half hour).
Quatre: (Takes out Harmonica and plays a little of the famous blues song) My name is Quatre Rabba Winner. (Plays some more) And I'm doing this song to be cool. (Plays some more).
Heero: (Takes out his harmonica and plays the song Quatre is) If you don't stop I'll be forced to kick your ass. (Plays some more) And you really suck at this. (Plays some more).
Quatre: (Plays some more) You can't hurt someone playing a blues harmonica song. (Plays some, then Heero sticks his Harmonica straight up his ass). Okay I guess you would. How about a song on the violin?
Duo: Don't you dare.
Quatre: (Takes out Viloin and plays the same blues song) My name is Quatre Rabba Winner (Plays some more) And I'm doing this- (Duo comes over and beats him with the bow). How about a piano concheirto?
Wulfei: This guy can't get the point.
Quatre: (Takes out piano and does the same blues song) My name is Quatre Ra- (Wulfei picks up the piano and throws it on Quatre) Okay, I get the point. No more songs, so just get me out of here. (Guys pay no attention to him and continue waiting) That does it, you forced me to. (Starts humming the song) My name i- (Trowa picks up the paino and grabs Quatre's teeth and rips then out of his mouth, then bashes them against a stone. Quatre then takes out a new pair of teeth). It's a good thing I always carry a spare.
Trowa: Just don't do that song anymore.
Quatre: Sure, no problemo. (Whistles the song) My- (All other pilots look readyto punce on him). Just a joke, lighten up guys. (Half an hour later, Gundam Pilots are sitting on some rocks, Wulfei is lying against a side of one and Duo is on top of the same rock).
Duo: Wulfei, this is for all the hard times. (Hits him with his pink bunny pillow he always carrys around, then falls to the ground).
Wulfei: (Cracks knuckles) Time to get you for that action of the weak, and very much so.
Duo: I suppose saying I'm sorry won't help.
Wulfei: No this time, Maxwell.
Duo: Crap! (Get's up and Wulfei chases him around).
Wulfei: YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!! GET BACK HERE NOW! (Manages to corner him in a rock pile).
Duo: (Holds the pillow on his body and crunches into a sit down position) You can't see me, I'm camoflouaged.
Wulfei: That won't work on anyone.
Heero: Where'd Duo go? I don't see him anywhere.
Wulfei: Everyone but Heero. (Whacks him with pillow and lies back down).
Heero: I was just pretending, just to let you know.
Duo: Damn! I was just about to sell a market of them. (Gets up and lies again on a rock. 30 minutes later, Trowa walks around and goes behind a tree).
Trowa: Yeah! That's the stuff! You go with oyur bad self! (Duo comes over).
Duo: So Barton, find a hot women to score?
Trowa: Duo! Go away! Can't you see I'm busy.
Duo: You already had your turn with her, now it's mine!
Trowa: You dumbass! I'm wizzing, not fucking.
Duo: You mean you're peeing into a woman! You animal.
Trowa: There is no woman, just me.
Duo: So your-
Trowa: I'm fucking peeing, okay?
Duo: Got ya. (Walks back to others). Nice guy, that Trowa. But I wonder if he's gay.
Wulfei: I realize that Trowa was really right about Duo.
Heero: (Takes a sip of apple juice) He's not gay Duo, at least that's what I think.
Quatre: Hey Heero, that's your firth gallon of apple juice, maybe you should stop.
Heero: I know what I'm doing. Which is peeing. (Goes to the Tree Trowa's at).
Trowa and Heero: Yeah! That's it! Come on, get out!
Duo: I knew it! Heero and Trowa do have a homosexual relationship. (Quatre and Wulfei slap their heads. 30 minutes later).
Heero: Forget it Wulfei, there is now freaking monster, let's go.
Wulfei: (like some old matrial arts master) Now Heero Son, you must learn the value of paitent.
Duo: You telling me that Heero's related to Goku? Lucky stiff.
Trowa: For the fuckin sake of me breaking your fat lip Duo, shut up!
Wulfei: You must be like the willow in the garden, looking for prey.
Heero: And that means I have to, kill people right?
Wulfei: The spider does not go after his meal. Rather he waits for the morsel to come to him.
Heero: Are these haiku's or metaphors?.
Wulfei: (Normal voice) Forget, your too stupid to understand the ways.
Heero: I know many ways of laying women, shooting freaks, eating mashed potatoes upside down and- (Monster shoots a fire ball at Heero).
Monster: (Lands on rock pile. Looks like some freak from the Swamp thing) Yes! I have come to destroy you, rangers!
Heero: B- (is dubbed) ad man. What the f-(dubbed) ork is going on here?
Wulfei: This is a kids show, no violence.
Trowa: (Dubbed) Oh no it!
Heero: Let'sjust get this over with. (Brings out gun, but monster throws a fireball at him. Even thought it missed by 200 feet, it stll managed to hit heero and made him go down with sparks). That is not possible.
Duo: This show really (Dubbed) stinks. What, I can't even say (Dubbed) stinks?
Trowa: Guess not. (Gets out sword thing) Then (dubbed) defeat him! (Tries to hit him, but monster just punches him and he goes down).
Quatre: I know! (Gets Sandrock and stomps on monster).
Monster: I'm not done yet! (Grows to enormous size, just as big as a gundam).
Heero: When will it end, man, when will it end? (Quatre tries o fight monster, but monster shoots a mouth blasts and eradicaates Quatre's Gundam).
Duo: Screw the monster, I'm going home.
Wulfei: We have to stop it before it destroys the city and the world!
Heero: We'll get some hamburgers and shakes.
Wulfei: Your right, fuck that dumb shit monster, let's get some hambuger and shakes.
Trowa: Look, our dubbing weared off. I guess Quatre dying has other rewarding possabilites. Maybe now we can fly (Tries but it dosen't work). Guess you can't win them all. (Goes to McDonalds).
Duo: Well, we finally arrived here, I knew battling those mutant vampires would waste time.
Wulfei: But it was all worth it for our magic string. (Starts to sing) We all like a bunch of magic string. It is not just a thing.
Heero: Did you take your medication today?
Wulfei: No I didn't take any medication today. (Sees sign on door).
Trowa: (Reading from sign) The year is after colony 196-
Heero: I thought we're on earth.
Wulfei: Look, it's a poster for Endless Waltz! (Gundam pilots start screaming).
Trowa: Why are we screaming? It's not like we really dance in that, in fact it's cool that we get new Gundams and kick and kill some more ass.
Wulfei: What about the rumors of the injustice's and the actions of the weak?
Heero: Or marrige to Reelena?
Duo: Or not being able to make any wise ass statements that are funny?
Heero They really aren't that funny.
Duo: I still won't be able to make a jack out of myself though.
Trowa; Those are only false rumors to make us all freaked out.
Wulfei: But the Gundams get destroyed.
Duo: Isn't that cause we self destruct them?
Wulfei: It's your fault! (Hits Duo). Now I will never be able to fight for justice with my friend nataku.
Duo: Me neither.
Heero: You never did that, Duo.
Duo: I guess your right. But fuck, Wulfei, it's just the Dumbass dub, it's not like we really lose them in life.
Wulfei: Oh, never mind. (Tries to go in, but door won't open). This door is a-
Trowa, Wulfei, Duo: Action of the weak! We know, we know.
Wulfei: (Reads the other sign there) It says closed due too monster attack.
Duo: Pansies. What are they afraid of? (Monster comes in, 3 times pigger then before with hugemungous clawfists, wings and ugly and other powerful features). Well, looks like we have to break in.
Wulfei: Allow me. (Punches glass in a window and the gundam boys enter).
Duo: I can't see anything.
Heero: That's cause your eyes are closed.
Trowa: And the lights are off.
Heero: I got it. (Takes out gun and shoots the light. It comes down on Duo's head). Even thought that wasan't supposed to happen, I feel strangley pleased by it all the same.
Duo: My head is in pain, and so is my brain.
Trowa: Stop it with the rap, I have a plan. (Tries to fly) God damn it, why isn't it working?
Wulfei: (Old Martial Arts Master) You must be lik the butterfly, and wait for the right time to flap your wings.
Trowa: (Whiney) But I want to do it now.
Heero: Stop being like Quatre.
Wulfei: (Old Martial Arts Master) We have a saying for a wuss ass like him. (Gundam boys lean in to listen. In normal voice) What a wuss ass!
Heero: Duo, give me your hand.
Duo: No. (Grabs his hand and throws him to the ceiling. Lights come on and Gundam boys cheer). I miss Quatre, now I'm the weakest.
Wulfei: Tough tities, punk. (Eats a burger along with others. In background the monster's screams are heard). This monster is disrupting my meal, it needs to be killed.
Others: Yes! (Go into Gundams. Wing Zero arrives first and uses buster rifle to blast monster, sending him back into an emptied building).
Heero: Good thing this entire city was evacuated or else a lot of innocents would die.
Duo: No, thepeople are still there. Look, the monster's destoying another building with innocent people in it killing those fags and for absolutley no reason.
Wulfei: This is a children's show. (Fires missle at monster. Deathsycthe charges and chops of the monsters legs. Then Heavy Arms extends his hands and plow's through the beast stomach). Yeah! We killed that bitch! Let's just destroy this city for no reason and leave! (Do so. Later, at Quatre's house, the pilots are relaxing in his house, watching T.V).
Trowa: This gay talk show is funny, look at Wario run.
Wulfei: You know guys, we forgot to take of these shitty uinforms.
Heero: That dosen't sound like something we'd do.
Duo: Yeah, but we did.
Trowa: We should have done it by now, so let's just do it now.
Duo: Yeah, let's. (Takes off costume and puts on normal clothes. Quatre walks in).
Wulfei: The hell? You are supposed to be dead.
Quatre: Well, I was. Then I found the yelllow ranger in hell, and I was about to make some love, but she said she wasan't the yellow ranger. That the real yellow ranger was big and red and had a sharp talil and horns and was referedto as Satan. So I went to him and tried to rape me, but he kicked me back yp to life and here I am.
Trowa: And why are you still wearing that costume?
Quatre: Since I can't get to rape yellow, I'll just look like someone who did.
Wulfei: You're queer, even more so then usual.
Heero: Do you have any more secrets, Wulfei?
Wulfei: Well, actually-
Others: Never mind, don't tell us!
The End