Okay, so I'm not too sure about this fic at the present. It's just a little experimental thingy I've been thinking about and I will be posting this chapter and one more to see how it goes. If you have read 'Phoenix - The Struggles Within' then this is like a kind of "prequel". Well, reviews would be appreciated.
"Phoenix, are you coming to the party later?" asks Dante as he stands in the doorway to my bedroom.
I look up from my desk, where I'm doing some paperwork.
"If I can finish these reports and send them off to Atmosia in the next hour, then maybe."
Dante rolls his eyes at me and shakes the hair from his eyes. He steps back into my room and sits on the bed opposite me.
"I swear Sky Knights are getting younger and younger these days; you're only sixteen and already you've filled out more paperwork than most adults do in their entire life span. Is being a Sky Knight still what you thought it was cracked up to be?"
I smile fondly at my dear friend and shake my head slowly in amusement.
"Being a Sky Knight is the greatest privilidge anyone could have, Dante. The paperwork is all part of the job. Plus, it ensures that I, and the people under my leadership, are displaying the correct conduct under all circumstances that may arise," I state, holding my index finger up playfully.
"Could you say that again, but in English, please?"
I sigh and giggle.
"Basically, the reports are to inform the High Council of any progression of skills and talents that my team gain, statistics of the battles we've fought; who won, who was injured, the cause of such a circumstance...or if any of you fuck up really bad, which, luckily, has not happened...yet."
"You've too much responsibility, Phoenix. Let your hair down and come to this party with me. You've got another week until the reports are due anyway. Come have fun."
Dante has moved from my bed to kneel on the floor in front of me with his hands clasped together in a pleading gesture. How could I possibly say no to him, he's just too adorable. I blush as a fantasy scenario presents itself in my mind. I shake my head and stand up, pulling Dante to his feet.
"Fine, if it will make you stop annoying me when I'm trying to work, I'll come to the damn party with you."
He fist-pumps the air above his head in a triumphant gesture.
"Me one, Phoenix zero," he growls, scrunching his face up childishly before poking out his tongue.
"Anybody would think that I was the older one, the way you act sometimes." I sigh, and tilt my head to the left.
"Hey, just because I'm eighteen doesn't mean I have to act as mature as you. Besides, I'm not a Sky Knight like you."
Dante shakes his head close to my face, his hair tickles my cheeks. I laugh and swat his head away.
"I think you would make a great Sky Knight, Dante. You should have come to the academy with me."
"Nuh-uh, that's way too much responsibility for me. I'm fine with just being part of your squad."
"Squadron," I correct him, narrowing my eyes playfully.
He rolls his in return, and grins boyishly at me.
"Hurry up and get ready, Julin's party is starting soon."
"Okay. Give me a second."
I push Dante out of my room and close the door before pacing to my dresser and rifling through it to find suitable party attire.
When I am ready, I head out into the living room, where Dante is talking with my parents.
"Mum, dad, is it okay for me to go to Julin's party with Dante tonight?" I ask, even though I'm ready anyway.
"Will there be alcohol?" dad asks, cocking an eyebrow.
I shrug.
"It is an eighteenth birthday party, dad, of course there is going to be alcohol there. But you can rest assured that I will not be consuming any alcoholic beverages, and I will be home before midnight...er...three in the morning?" I murmur the last part, shuffling from foot to foot.
My father sighs, and moves his gaze to Dante.
"I trust that you will keep a close eye on my daughter, Dante?"
"Of course. No harm will ever come to Phoenix as long as I am around."
Dad nods his head once, but he seems rather reluctant to allow me to go to this party.
"You can go. But be home no later than three, Phoenix."
"Deal. And you don't have to wait up, I swear on my title that I will be home by three."
My father breathes deeply and nods.
"If Dante wants, he can stay over. I assume that Anita wouldn't be very pleased with you stumbling home in the small hours of the morning," he says to Dante.
"Thanks, Mr. Emeraldia."
"Well, off you go. Have fun, but not too much."
I wave bye to my parents and Dante and I are off to the party.
We walk slowly down the road, my heels clicking on the pavement.
"So, how long has it been now?" Dante asks.
"How long has what been?"
"You and Julin, how long have you been going out with him?"
"Oh, I think about two months now, why?"
"Your parents have no idea that he's your boyfriend, do they?"
I remain silent, focusing my gaze on the ground in front of me.
"I'll take that as a no. Why haven't you told them you have a boyfriend?"
I stop and stare at my friend, rasing my eyebrows.
"Why do you keep asking about me and Julin? We're dating, so what?"
"You didn't seem too keen to come to his party. Has he done something to upset you lately?"
We begin walking again.
"Dante, I know as my friend you're just looking out for me, but it's not really any of your business what happens between me and my boyfriend. But to answer your question, no, Julin hasn't done anything. He's just..." I trail off, lost for words.
"Just what?"
"He's just been acting weird lately. I don't know, really...affectionate," I mutter.
"Two months and that asshole is already trying to get into your pants. You should dump him before you do something you'll regret," Dante says, trying to keep the venom out of his tone.
Well I could be dating you, Dante, but you don't seem interested in any relationship beyond being my best friend. I think to myself, my heart sinking.
To be completely honest, the main reason I'm even going out with Julin is because, maybe, if I am in a relationship with someone, I'll forget my feelings for my best friend. But it doesn't seem to be working very well. To be fair, though, I do have a certain amount of love for my current boyfriend, and I think that maybe we can last; at least long enough for me to forget about my feelings for Dante.
"Uh, hello? Atmos to Phoenix?"
Dante is waving a hand in my face when my eyes come back into focus.
"Oh, sorry. I zoned out."
"You have a tendency to do that."
"I know. Dante, I'll be fine. Julin is a good guy, he really cares for me."
"If that's what you say. Just...be careful. If that asshole hurts you, I can't garuntee I won't end up in the Atmosian Stockades for murder."
I smile at the protectiveness of this dear human I call my best friend and pat his shoulder.
"If you think Julin is such an asshole, why are you even going to his party?"
Dante shrugs.
"Have I ever been known to turn down a party invitation?"
"Not yet," I sigh, as we begin up the front path of Julin's house.
I can already hear heavy rock music coming from inside, and I instantly remember why I don't necessarily like parties. Preparing myself for the wall of sound that is about to hit me, I take a deep breath and knock loudly on the door. We wait for a few moments, and then the door finally opens. Julin is standing there in a black band shirt that has a bright red slogan across the chest, sleeveless vest that, upon closer inspection turns out to be like a long coat, and faded black denim jeans. His dark hair hangs just below his ears and has a slight wave to it, and his dark grey eyes appraise me quickly. I instantly remember why I chose to date him. To put it simply, he is just sexy. Most of the girls on this side of the Terra have some form of crush on him. And I can see why; Julin is a less-than-typical 'bad-boy'. He doesn't conform to the normal fashion of society. I know somehwere in him, there is a dark side, and I kind of like that-dabbling in the obscure is kind of exciting. I'm sure that the remaing feelings I have for Dante will soon be gone, and I'm okay with that.
"Happy birthday, Julin. Finally, you can drink without getting in trouble," I grin.
"Cheers babe. You're looking hot tonight," Julin states appreciatively before pulling me to him.
He buries his face in my neck for a moment before letting me go, keeping an arm around my waist, his hand resting on my hip.
"Dante, my man, what's up?"
The boys pump fists before we head inside. The music pounds loudly in my ears. I use the word music very losely; it sounds more like instruments being destroyed while a man wails and screams over the noise. The sound would make Beelzebub himself cringe. Sweet Atmos, I can't even hear myself think it's so damn loud. There are already about twenty people here that I can count, seven of which I don't even recognize.
"Want a drink?" Julin yells over the 'music'.
"No, I promised my parents I wouldn't," I shout back.
"Come on, just one," he grins.
A persuasive expression takes over his face and his grin turns wicked sexy. I bite my lip and glance quickly at Dante, who shakes his head sternly. I roll my eyes at him and return my gaze to Julin.
"Just one," I mouth, holding up my right index finger.
I follow him to the kitchen, aware that Dante is close behind. Man, he really was serious about keeping a close eye on me. Julin opens the fridge and retrieves three drinks, handing one to Dante and myself before opening his own and taking a sip. I screw the top off the glass bottle and take a tentative sip. It doesn't taste that bad. I think it's apple flavour. I glance at Dante, who is taking continuous gulps of his beverage. I'm glad that it's quieter in the kitchen, we don't have to yell over the music-what my boyfriend calls 'music'.
"I promise this will be the only drink I'll have. Don't sell me out to my parents, Amicus," I say to Dante, addressing him by his surname.
"I won't rat you out. As long as you keep your word, okay?"
"Okay. Why don't you go socialize with the others? I saw Luca when we came in."
"Sure thing, Captain," Dante salutes, then turns to Julin. "You, keep it in your pants," he warns before disappearing.
I take another sip of my drink and screw the cap back on, placing it on the bench to my right.
"Do you think dating me will taint your goody-two-shoes-Sky-Knight reputation?" Julin jokes, pulling me to him by the belt-loops of my jeans.
"So what if it does?" I reply, winking at him.
Julin laughs and lifts me onto the bench and stands between my legs, his hands on my hips.
"What do your parents think about you dating me?"
"You think that I would tell my parents that I'm dating you? In no way would they ever approve of that. If they found out I was dating the most macabre guy this side of the Terra, they would no doubt ground me, Sky Knight or not," I laugh in reply.
"Hmm, so you're allowed to come to my party, but you're not allowed to date me. Your folks are wierd."
"Hey, my folks are alright. It's just that being an only child does have its down side, and that would be the certain over-protectiveness of some aspects of what I do, or would like to."
"I see. Wish I was the only kid in my family, maybe then my folks wouldn't consider me such a fuck up."
I lean my head to the side and place my hands on Julin's shoulders.
"I don't think you're a fuck up. I mean, you have your own place, a job, and you're dating a Sky Knight. I think you pretty much have it made," I say reassuringly.
"Yeah, tell that to my parents. They're so concerned about the last time my younger brother took a shit to even care what I do with my life."
"I'm sure that's not true, Julin. From what I've seen, most parents tend to look out for their younger kids when the older ones are dependent enough to do their own thing."
Julin shakes his head, an ironic smile touching his pale lips. I gaze into his dark grey eyes that are lightly rimmed with jet black liner.
"If you met my folks you would understand. They...don't like me very much. Not for anything I've done, or not done. My mother likes to constantly remind me how much of a mistake and accident I was. Most parents like to say to their kids that it was a happy mistake. Not mine though, babe."
I raise a hand to his face, and lean foward to kiss him chastely on the lips.
"You're an awesome human being, just remember that. Oh, and sexy, you're sexy too."
Julin laughs and nuzzles my neck before kissing me. I pull back and reach for my drink, finishing it off.
"You know," he says, and his expression turns thoughtful for a moment. "If you don't like your parents being over-protective of you, you could always move in here with me. I mean, you are old enough to move out of home."
"Umm. That is not in any way a good idea. It's only been two months. Let's see if we can break the six month mark first before doing anything drastic, yeah?" I reply, blanching at Julin's sudden idea.
"Fair enough. Hey, you wanna go dance?" he asks.
I laugh at his seemingly dumb question.
"How is it possible to dance to this...'music'?"
"Like this!"
Julin leaps back, and starts jumping up and down, pumping his arm in the air above his head. The music in the background morphs into a guitar solo with strong continuous power-chords, and Julin begins playing air guitar while head-banging violently. When the solo ends, it's replaced by a long - what Julin once told me was - death growl. And just as I expected, Julin sings/growls along with it, almost perfectly matching the voice on the track. He's still head-banging and I just have to laugh at him. Jumping down from the bench, I pace over to him.
"Okay, you've made your point, now stop that before your head falls off," I giggle.
Julin ceases his 'dance' and winks at me.
"I think I'll leave the dancing up to you and just watch. I don't think my neck could handle that kind of...whatever that was," I laugh at him.
"You don't like my taste in music?"
"Actually, it's kind of growing on me," I reply, smiling brightly at him.
I do love how Julin makes me laugh. Maybe I should tell my parents about him, he's not a bad guy at all. Actually, he's one of the only guys I've met who isn't a complete sleazebag.
"Oh, I haven't shown you these yet!" he whispers wickedly.
I cock my head to the side in question and then he smiles widely, revealing fangs that slowly grow, the wider he smiles.
"What...?"
"Retractable fangs," he laughs, and tilts his head back so I can see the metal slider bar on the roof of his mouth. He moves it back and forth a few times and I watch as the fangs retract and grow again.
"I got them just yesterday. Pretty cool, huh?"
"Yeah, they suit you. I could really see you scaring kids with them. Well...scaring kids more than you already do."
"Reinforcing the notions in my head, you are. Glad you like them, they were fucking expensive."
I laugh again, and Julin takes my hand, leading me out of the kitchen and back to where the party is underway.
I think it's close to midnight, and Julin and I are seated on the sofa. I'm sitting sideways, my legs across his lap, his arm around my shoulder. I've lost count of how many alcoholic beverages he's consumed, but he doesn't seem drunk at all, merely tipsy. More people arrived shortly after Dante and myself, and now I would guess there to be about fifty people all crowded into the spacious living room. There are some very strange looking people here. There is one girl who has half of her head shaved, piercings all over her face and killer boots, a guy with stretcher earings the size of a soda can and many other odd looking people. Strangely enough, I feel right at home with these oddballs. I guess, partly because, I am a bit of an odball myself; I may not have weird tattos or extravagant piercings, but I am an Energy Caster, so I would say I fit right in.
I look across the room to where Dante is having a conversation with Luca, noticing that every now and then he will just stare in my direction. Still keeping an eye on me, I assume. As the night went one, the music grew louder, but now it's at a resonable volume, and we don't have to yell over it.
"Phoenix, I've been thinking about shit," Julin says, leaning close to me.
"Really now?"
"Yeah. I think you're the most awesome fucking chick in the Atmos. Not to mention, you're drop dead sexy. I think I want to say that I love you, but I'm not sure. Is that okay?"
I'm lost for words for a moment, mostly from shock.
"Julin, wow...um...Yeah. I guess that's okay," I stagger through my sentence.
No one has ever told me they loved me before, besides my parents of course. A strange feeling grasps me and I find myself smiling widely at him.
I can't belive he just said he loves me!
I think that is what I've been needing to hear for my crush on Dante to disappear. I feel like we're in our own little bubble, the rest of the Atmos blocked out completely. Julin leans in closer to kiss me, and I can't stop smiling.
"Do you love me?" he asks.
"I...Umm...I...yeah, yeah I do," I stutter.
I mean, I guess I love him. You don't have to be in love to tell someone you love them, right?
"I just got an idea."
"Really now?"
"Yeah. Let's go somewhere quieter," he murmurs into my neck.
Somewhere quieter? Oh no, I've seen enough movies to know what he really means. Am I ready for that?
"What do you think? I bet the music is probably giving you a headache by now, right?"
"Oh. Yeah. Okay, let's get away from all the noise," I reply uncertainly.
I look over my shoulder to check that Dante isn't watching us, and stand up, following Julin down the hall to his bedroom. He shuts the door behinds us. It is quieter in here, and I'm glad; the music was actually starting to get to me.
"Make yourself at home."
I nod and take a seat on the end of his bed, watching as he comes to sit beside me.
"Julin, before when you said...you said you loved me...do you really?" I ask, looking at him from the corner of my eye.
"Of course I meant it, why would I say it if I didn't?"
"Okay. It's just...Nevermind, I've not had a boyfriend before you. Well, a boyfriend that has lasted longer than three weeks. You're the first serious relationship I've ever had, and I don't want to feel stupid for saying that...I lov-I feel the same as you."
I hear him laugh and he wraps an arm around me, then falls back so that we're laying with our legs hanging off the edge of the bed. I turn my head to look at him.
"You know, seeing as it is my birthday, and we're in my bedroom, do you think maybe, we could, er, you know?"
"What?"
"Take the next step. Look, I know you're, uh, inexperienced and all that, but what do you think?"
I bite my lip anxiously.
"I don't know, Julin."
"Hey, it's okay, we don't have to do anything if you're not comfortable with it."
I relax and release my bottom lip, taking a relieved breath.
"We can just make out for now."
I laugh. "Okay."
Julin rolls onto his side and leans over me, gently biting my lip before kissing me.
I hear Dante's detached voice calling my name. I look over at the clock on the wall of Julin's room and leap up in shock. I quickly gather my clothes, getting dressed quickly and making sure my hair is neat. My eyes widen when I spot a small red stain on the sheets in the middle of Julin's bed. He follows my gaze, and then laughs when he sees what has me so shocked.
"Is that...?"
"Evidence that your virginity was given up on this bed? Indeed it is. I think I might hang this sheet on my wall," he grins.
I stare open-mouthed at him.
"That's just...kind of...really weird."
"Relax, I'm joking. I may be macabre, but I'm not sick."
I laugh partly at Julin, and partly at myself. I think it may take me some time until I'm fully used to his strange sense of humour.
Once again, I hear Dante yelling my name, obviously desperate to find me.
"Shit, it's almost three. I have to go or my folks will probably try to ground me or something."
I pull on my shoes and check my hair in the small mirror before walking back to Julin, who is still naked in his bed.
"I'll see you again when I'm not so busy with work. How about this weekend?"
"Sounds good, Jules. I better go calm my babysitter down before his head explodes."
"Good idea."
I bend down and kiss Julin before striding over to the door. Before opening it, I check to see if I can hear Dante close by. His voice sounds distant, so I find it safe to open the door. Before stepping through, I look over my shoulder at my boyfriend, now lover.
"Love you, Julin," I say.
I wait for a moment expecting him to say it back, but he just winks and grins at me. I slip out of his room and go in search of Dante, something not sitting right on my conscience. Finally I find Dante in the front room, frantically checking his watch.
"Relax, I'm here. Let's go, I don't want to break curfew."
We begin walking quickly, almost jogging.
"Where the hell were you, Phoenix? I was looking for almost half an hour," Dante puffs as we power-walk back to my place.
"I was with Julin. I kept my eyes on the clock, I just wanted to spend more time with him."
"What were you doing with Julin?" he asks suspiciously.
"Talking," I lie.
"Is that all?"
"Yes. Fuck, what are you, my dad? Chill out, seriously."
"One more question. What were you two talking about?"
I sigh in exasperation.
"Julin told me he loves me. And he said that if I wanted to, I can move in with him. And I might actually consider it if you keep asking questions."
"He said he loves you? Oh man, what a total sleazebag. You know he just wants in your pants, right? Did-did you say you love him back?"
"No. Kind of. Yes. So what? What concern is it of yours anyway?"
Dante remains silent for a while, almost until we're on my street.
"You're my best friend, Phoenix, and I don't want some douche-bag to break your heart. Look, you're stupidly smart for your age, but you are kind of naive too. All that I'm saying is don't believe everything that someone says to you."
I sigh and don't reply, making sure to stay quiet as we walk up to my house. Dante opens the gate and I step through, striding up the path. When we reach the front door, I lift the doormat and retrieve the spare key, opening the door before placing it back under the mat.
"Do you want to crash on the couch or the spare mattress in my room?" I ask Dante in a whisper.
"Mattress for sure, P.C," he replies.
Quietly as possible we creep down the hall and enter my bedroom. I activate the illumination crystal and squint as my eyes adjust to the sudden brightness. A yawn forces its way from my mouth, and I stretch before stooping down to pull out the spare mattress from under my bed. Even though my bed is big enough for two, and my parents wouldn't care if Dante slept next to me, he always prefers to sleep on the spare mattress for some reason. I don't really bother questioning why; my mind is still on other things, Julin things. Things Julin and I did. I can't believe that actually happened. I feel somewhat different now, after that. I smile to myself, anticipating this weekend when I'll get to see my boyfriend again.
I finish making up the mattress and throw the spare pillows from my bed at Dante's head. He catches them before they hit him and he winks at me.
"Gotta be faster than that, P.C," he gloats.
"Try catching an energy blast next time, idiot," I laugh at him, as I climb into bed. "Kill the light would you?"
A moment later, darkness, and I'm drifting off to sweet thoughts and seductive memories.
The weekend has arrived, and I'm getting ready to go meet up with Julin. During the week, I ended up telling mum and dad that I was dating the 'notrious-macabre-boy-who-always-wears-black-and-listens-to-heavy-metal-all-the-time'. I know they don't like the idea, but I have agreed to introduce him to them to prove that he's not as bad as people make him out to be, but not today. No, today is just going to be a nice day with only me and him, and then Dante is coming around later to spend the night.
When I'm all ready, I practically skip out the door. I reach the market-place where I'm supposed to be meeting up with Julin. He's not hard to miss; a total black figure amid the mass of colour-clad 'mundanes'. I pace quickly, navigating my way through the mass of people and finally reach him.
"Hey," I beam up at him.
"Oh, Hi."
"So, what do you feel like doing? We could go feed the sky-rats rice over at the Skimmer dealership," I suggest, sliping my hand into his.
"Eh, why don't we just go hang out in the park, away from all these people?"
"Yeah, we can do that," I reply.
We make our way to the park, and head to an empty bench-seat under a shady tree. I don't really come here often; I've always gotten a strange feeling when I do, like a bad memory I cannot remember.
It seems for hours we sit, completely silent.
"Is something wrong? You don't seem like yourself today, Jules," I ask, using his nickname.
"Huh, what? Oh, yeah, it's nothing."
I shrug. I'm not usually one for wheedling information from people who just want to sit and brood quietly. Maybe he's so quiet because he's in public. I check the time and get a surprise when I see that it's already five-thirty. I sigh, rather crestfallen that I have to head home soon for dinner.
"I have to go in ten minutes, Julin," I murmur, wrapping an arm around his waist.
He remains completely silent, as if he didn't even hear me.
"Jules, you've not said a word for hours. Please tell me what's up," I plead.
"Oh, yeah. About us. I don't think it's going to work out," he says indifferently before standing up out of my reach.
"Wait, what? What do you mean?" I ask, staring at him.
"It's not working for me. Sorry to get your hopes up," he shrugs.
All the air leaves my body, as I stand and look around helplessly.
"B-but you said...You said you loved me. How can that change in less than a week?"
"Look, I was drunk when I said that shit. You're really hot and all, but It's not working."
"But...I-I-I love..." I stop my sentence. "We...You...You only said that so I would sleep with you."
Julin stays silent.
"You didn't mean it at all, did you?"
I think my heart has just been broken for the first time ever. I feel so stupid. I really am naive.
"Dante was right. I can't even...I trusted you and you screwed me over...Literally! Why did you do this, Julin?"
"Seriously, Phoenix. Do you really believe that people say 'I love you' after just two months? I didn't think it would be that easy, but, hey, you are quite unpredictable."
"So that's it? I'm just one more notch on your belt? I can't believe I wasted two months on you."
I bite my bottom lip hard to stop it from quivering, but cannot help the tears that are beginning to well in my eyes. A strange feeling becomes evident in my throat, a sensation that makes me feel like I'm choking.
"You're just not my type, no matter how hot you are. Well, I guess I should get going. See ya 'round."
I gasp, just staring. I should have listened to Dante. Before Julin can turn around, I slap his face hard, the sound echoes off the surrounding trees.
"You are the worst possible excuse for a man I've ever come across. You've just screwed the wrong girl, asshole! I'm going to make sure that every female on this Terra knows that you are on the top rung of the douchebag ladder. I fervently hope that one day you find a girl you actually love, and she turns around a crushes what you have of a heart. I can't believe I actually thought for a moment that I loved you, Julin. I hate you."
I manage to keep my voice steady, until it breaks on the last sentence. I look at him for only one more second before turning on my heel and marching off home with what dignity I have left. Why did I sleep with him? Because It was his birthday, and I didn't want to let him down after he said he loved me? From this moment, I'm swearing off serious relationships. Dammit, I have to pull myself together before I get home otherwise everyone will be interrogating me.
I dash the tears from my eyes and take a few steadying breaths, regaining my composure. When I feel that I'll be able to convince my parents that I'm fine, I continue on home, shortly arriving and striding purposefully down the path. When I'm inside, I try to sneak past the living room, where mum, dad, and Dante are chatting. I'm almost clear when mum's voice floats to my ears.
"Oh, darling, you're home. Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes."
"Okay, mum," I reply, trying my hardest to keep my voice steady.
Without glancing at any of them, I make for my bedroom to have a bath.
I'm brought out of my thoughts from a knock on my bathroom door.
"Grub's up, P.C," Dante calls from the other side of the door.
"I'll be out in a sec."
I hop out of the bath and take my time drying off before I change into my pajamas. I put up a normal veneer and head to the dining room, where my parents and Dante are already sitting, ready to eat. I take the seat opposite Dante, and soon after, regret it, seeing as every now and then I am prone to making eye contact with him. I eat quietly, trying to stay out of any conversation that is going on around me. I eat only half of my food before I can no longer stand being around anyone anymore, and rather abruptly, stand and leave for my room.
Treading heavily over to my bed, I let my body fall onto the soft mattress before rolling onto my back and staring at the ceiling. I feel...I don't know what I feel anymore. Numb, angry, exhausted. Yes, exhausted. I feel as though I have run a marathon. Fuck Julin. Who the hell does that bastard think he is? I'm a damn Sky Knight, and that worm thinks that it was okay to-to-
"Hey, you were quiet at dinner, what's wrong?"
Dante appears, standing over my bed.
"Oh, yeah. Didn't have much to say."
"I'm calling bullshit. What's really wrong?"
Sometimes I resent that fact that Dante knows me so well.
"It doesn't matter. No big deal at all really."
I return my gaze to the ceiling, and feel Dante plonk down on the bed next to me.
"Did that sleazebag upset you?" he asks.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him curl his hand into a fist.
"You could say that."
"I can see that you're not going to be very talkative about whatever went down with that asshole, so in the meantime, why do you come and be social. You know, act normal so your folks don't ask questions. I think they want us to watch a movie with them."
I nod, pushing myself up off the bed and following Dante to the living room, where mum has put on one of our all time favorite movies.
I sit through the movie quietly, looking at the screen, but not really watching it. I am relieved when the credits begin rolling up the screen, and dad switches the television off.
"We're going to bed, sweetheart, you should think about doing the same, don't you have things to do with your squadron tomorrow?"
"Yeah, mum. Goodnight."
"Goodnight dear."
"'Night Mr. and Mrs. Emeraldia," Dante says.
I sit silent for a moment before standing up.
"Come on, idiot, let's get some sleep," I utter quietly.
Dante and I make our way back to my room and I perform the regular ritual of preparing the spare mattress for him. When I've done that, I walk into the bathroom to splash my face with cold water before returning to switch off the light and flop down on my bed. I want to close my eyes, but once again, they're glued to the ceiling. Dante is already laying down.
"Hey, Phoenix, tell me what happened today."
I don't reply.
"Phoenix, you better spill it, or I'm going to go beat the shit out of that asshole and make him tell me what happened."
"He dumped me, that's all. I just wasn't expecting him to do that, not after we-after he said what he said," I correct myself before I accidentally admit that I actually slept with Julin.
"Oh. I'm sorry you're upset about it, but it could have been worse, if you know what I mean."
I do know what you mean, and it couldn't possibly get any worse.
Suddenly something comes over me and I find myself sobbing quietly into my hands. I hear Dante shifting, and then feel him sit on the bed next to me.
"Hey, come on. You can do so much better than that guy anyway."
"I should have just listened to you in the first place, Dante," I breathe, wiping my face and sitting up. In the obscurity I can only just see him, silhouetted against the dark, a shadow.
"Hey, come here," he says quietly. He wraps his arms around me, and pats my back, comforting me like only a friend could. "That wanker didn't deserve the time of day in the first place."
Does it hurt so bad because of my naivety, or because I wanted so much to not have feelings for Dante anymore? Oh, feelings are so confusing. I've begun crying quietly again. I love how we can just do this; Dante and I have always been attached at the hip, always there for each other. I don't know what I would ever do without him, he's my rock.
"Thanks, Dante."
"What for?"
"For being here for me always. And for not being a douchebag. I appreciate it."
"You're welcome, P.C."
A shuddering breath wracks me, and I close my heavy eyes. But when I do, all I see is him-Julin.
"It's late, you should get some sleep. Come on, lay down. I'll sleep right here if you want."
"Okay."
I wriggle free from Dante's grasp and lie down, making some room for him. He lies next to me, and laughs quietly.
"What's funny?" I ask.
"Just like old times, remember? Except your bed back when we were kids was a whole lot smaller than this one."
"Oh. Yeah."
"And sometimes if there was a thunderstorm, you would use me as a pillow."
"I remember that. Shit was a whole lot more simple when we were kids," I sigh.
"You can use me as a pillow if you want, seeing as you're experiencing a different kind of storm."
A weak chuckle leaves my throat.
"Okay."
I shuffle over and rest my head on Dante's chest. Hmm, he's got more muscle than I remember, I muse internally.
"This brings back some memories," I murmur.
"That it does. You know I still remember the song you used to sing during our sleep-overs if there was a storm," Dante laughs.
"You're kidding. That's really embarrassing," I mutter.
"Thunder you can't hurt me, you're just noise, and I have Dante. Thunder you should go away because I have Dante," he sings, trying his best imitation of what my voice used to sound like.
"I don't know what's more mortifying, you trying to copy my voice, or the fact that you remembered that stupid song for all these years."
"Are you kidding? I could never forget that, it's priceless."
I shake my head and close my eyes, a smile making it's way to my lips. I couldn't ask for a better friend than the one I have right here, making me smile at the end of a really shitty day.
"Phoenix, I'm probably going to upset you by saying this, but, I'm glad Julin dumped you. He's a real sleazebag and I'm happy you didn't do anything you might regret."
I tense and swallow hard. My breath catches in my throat. My smile fades and tears begin to fall, dampening Dante's nightshirt. Did he really have to bring it up again?
"Sorry, but, as soon as you told me he said he loved you, I knew he just wanted one thing, and I think we both know what that is. You're not stupid enough to go off and sleep with the first person who says they love you."
Oh no...I can't help the sobs that rip through me when he says that. I clutch at his shirt tightly, and not a moment later, feel him go completely rigid.
"Phoenix? Oh fuck, please tell me that you did not." Dante's voice is...I don't know what it is, it's a tone I've never heard from him before.
The grip I have on his shirt tightens. I don't need to say anything. He knows. I wish he didn't, but now he does.
"Oh Phoenix. Ey, nu kak ty mog, moy angelok?" he whispers gently into my hair as his arm tightens around me. His other hand cradles my head to his chest while I cry, occasionally stroking my hair.
"I'm sorry," I gasp through heaving breaths.
"No, no, no, don't you apologize. It's not your fault."
"I'm so stupid. Why didn't I listen to you in the first place?"
"You're not stupid, just naive. You'd be surprised at how common this is. Just remember that all men are pigs, and you won't make the same mistake again."
Dante's words of comfort sit heavy in my ears. I try to repress the sobs and tears, and eventually they are no more.
"Why?" Dante asks after a while.
"You know why," I whisper in response.
I wait for him to say something else, but he doesn't.
"Promise me that you won't go beat the shit out of him? I dont want you to get into any kind of trouble."
"I'm not making that promise, Phoenix, I can't. If I see that fucker, I'll break his hands for ever touching you," Dante snarls quietly.
What can I do? I can't afford to lose Dante, and I most definitely don't want to have to expell him form my squadron...That's it!
"Dante, as your Sky Knight, I hereby forbid you to lay a finger on Julin Stells," I command quietly.
"Oh, come on Phoenix, that guy deserves it," Dante argues.
I sigh and pat Dante on the chest.
"I'm not saying this to protect him, Dante, I'm saying it because I don't want to be forced to kick you off the team. Promise me that you will stay away from him?"
"Fine. I promise," Dante sighs begrudgingly. "Go to sleep, we have a big day tomorrow."
I shut my eyes and snuggle up to Dante, slowly, but surely drifting off to sleep.