Eternal Ghost

by taekemeaway

Perfect Synergy Universe: A look into the life of a young man, significantly restricted, compared to his sister's. And, surprisingly, full of love. / Gabe's prologue story, Ben Deeds/OC

Eternal Ghost

"A human being is only breath and shadow." - Sophocles

---

Drip... drip...

Albuquerque, New York, Washington, they were all the same. They always called their facilities something different, Youth Enhancement, Juvenile Studies, Marvels in Development; whatever, they were all the same. Experiments. No matter where I happened to be, I was usually hidden away in the super secret part that the government didn't want anyone knowing about. I mean, why not exploit mutants and mutates? We weren't human, and even though half of us were, they liked to pretend that we weren't. We only had out DNA to prove it. No one would miss us, surely, most had no idea we were there. They convinced my own family that I was dead using telepathy, I didn't want to know how they made the others "disappear".

Drip... drip...

For ten years I'd been going through this, day in and day out, experiments and drugs and whatever else they could think of. I stopped questioning it really, not much I could do about it. Most of the time I just laid down in bed, tossing a baseball up into the air and catching it. I was fed four times a day, could talk to some of the other experiments, not that they were really good with conversation (25% of them being primarily brain dead), and maybe we'd be allowed to listen to the radio or play pinball for a while. I actually went up to the main floor sometimes, being that you can't really contain smoke and, therefore, cannot contain me. They knew I wouldn't run so they didn't even bother locking my door. Back when I was a little tyke they threatened to go and start experimenting on Max all over again, she's my sister, an electrokinetic and whatever else she can do nowadays. By now, I realized that they wouldn't, they wouldn't get her. They'd already extracted everything they wanted from her. I just didn't have any motivation to run - what was the point I was trying to make again?

Drip... drip...

Is it really too much to ask for someone to fix that incessant leak?

Not particularly in the mood to be driven mad by the sound of dripping water, I materialized into my handy-dandy smoke and ventured up to the main level. I was actually in Austin, I think, and buried underneath a regular old hospital this time. Definitely a change from the shifty "clinics" located in slums and other impoverished areas that no one gave two fucks about. At least in a hospital they could pretend that we were patients. Where I materialized, people were getting wheeled around in wheelchairs and shuffling through with canes and walkers, so I figured I was in some sort of common area for the patients. I pulled a stick of gum out of my pocket and popped it into my mouth before wandering around with my thumbs through my belt loops. I probably didn't look like a patient with my Beatles t-shirt and my jeans and the overall lack of a butt-gown because no one bothered me. Apparently, I have one of those faces. And one of those reputations but they didn't need to know that.

I took a seat at one of the many tables stationed throughout the room, picking up a newspaper and catching up on the times. People were finally passing laws to give Civil Rights to people who need it, that was a start, but it was also paired with news of negros getting hosed down in the street. Yeah, not so much a step as a wiggle in the right direction. There was also something about some rockstar, some sports team, things I didn't really care about, and then I sat there doing the crossword. I didn't know much, not by choice, but I liked doing them anyway. I kicked up my legs, pulled a pen out of my pocket, and chewed on the end of it as I did my best with the puzzle.

"Would you mind taking your feet down?"

I looked up at the owner of the voice chastising me for an action I wasn't really able to savor quite yet. It was some guy, probably an employee. Or maybe he was just a snob. I rolled my eyes and with much effort, I pulled my feet off the table and let them clomp onto the floor. I looked back up at him, blowing a bubble with my gum. He was still looking at me like I wasn't right, like I didn't belong, which I didn't, and I knew that look real well. He was actually pretty cute before he started looking at me like that. I had a thing for brunettes with messy hair, evidently.

"Are you here to visit?" He asked, his eyes narrowing at me incredulously.

I shook my head, smacking my pen against my leg as I thought about the capital of Turkey.

Whoever he was, he didn't seem pleased by me blatantly ignoring him. "Well, this place is for patients only, so if you could -"

Without missing a beat, I raised my left hand to show him my hospital band. It was essentially universal, got me in and out of wherever I needed or wanted to go. Don't know why the project thought it appropriate to give me one if they didn't want us going anywhere, but I silently appreciated it. Most people just let me do my own thing, go where I wanted, but not this guy.

"What wing are you from?" He continued, not believing that I was a patient, probably. Couldn't blame him really. Like I said, I didn't much look like one.

I scratched in an answer and resumed chewing on the end of my pen. "I'm part of that super secret research facility beneath the basement that you're not supposed to talk about under pain of getting your ass fired."

You couldn't exactly harbor a hidden research facility within a hospital without telling someone. I assumed the whole staff knew and had been paid extra not to say anything, and by the understanding, if not a bit shocked, look on his face, I was right. Had to tell people what was behind the locked door to ensure they didn't go searching beyond it. There was a Grimm fairytale like that and everyone who walked through the door got killed. Maybe the staff could hear us screaming on a bad day. That could make them wonder. No one openly objected, but that could mean anything. Mostly meant the usual, people would preach all day about mistreatment and injustice, but would never do a damn thing about it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't -"

Before he got too far into the pity category, I waved him off. "It's alright. You can just continue to assume that I'm some hoodlum and forget that I'm even here."

"No, really, I'm -"

"Look," I started, exhaling and propping my elbows onto my knees, "you're cute. You don't need to ruin that by feeling bad about my situation. I do enough of that myself."

"But aren't you -"

"Held here against my will? They told you that much?" I chuckled, leaning back and giving him a small smile. "Yeah, more or less. But we shouldn't talk about that. I don't want you to get in trouble. That's usually the deal, we get carted in, y'all get paid a little extra to look the other way, some of us leave in a few years, some don't."

His eyes widened briefly. "'Some don't'? Is that supposed to be reassuring?"

"Don't worry your pretty little head over it. They won't care when it happens, you don't have to either." I continued to deflect.

He sighed laboriously, scratching his head. "You're pretty nonchalant for being a prisoner with the possibility of dying."

I shrugged, not denying a thing. "It's not that bad. At least they feed me. Seriously though, best we drop the subject."

He nodded, finally taking a seat next to me and after a good minute of silence, he whispered, "Did you call me cute earlier, and then pretty?"

"What?" I laughed, expecting him to say something else entirely, or anything but that. "Yeah, I guess I did. Is that an issue?"

Then he looked over his shoulder like maybe someone was listening in. "N-no! But are you... y'know... gay?"

I shrugged, giving the guy a smirk. "Who knows. Are you? You don't seem to mind the idea of me thinking you're cute."

"I guess I don't." He admitted with a sheepish smile.

Man, he really is cute. I mused to myself, rubbing my neck and trying not to think about that too much. "Good to know. I'm Gabe, by the way."

"Ben."

I reached out my hand and he shook it. "Nice to meet you, Ben. It's good to know that while I'm here there'll be something nice to look at."

As I said that, almost as if it were a premonition, I felt the doctors enter the corridor to my room so that meant that our conversation would be coming to an end. I always had a sense when things were about to go bad. Sometimes I let them. Watching the doctors and researchers all run around on fire because they underestimated David's pyrotechnic mutation was sort of fun. I knew it wasn't right, to find enjoyment in pain, but I did. Still do. Nothing I can do about it.

"I actually need to get back." I lamented, setting down the paper and sighing. "I might be able to come and go as I please, but they sure as hell don't like it."

Ben's faced contorted into something akin to pain as I spoke. I chuckled, tilting my head to the side and lifting up his chin with my knuckle.

"I'm alright, really." I tried to reassure him with a smile. "This is loads better than some of the other facilities I've been to."

"Y'know, that doesn't make me feel better. If there's anything I can do -"

I laughed, ruffling his hair and turning to leave. "I'll see you around, Ben!"

With that, I dissolved into smoke and seeped through the foundation, rematerializing in my cell and lying down on my cot. When they opened the door, they had no idea I was even gone. They probably suspected it because I hadn't rendered every piece of furniture in my room useless but they didn't say anything about it. I destroyed things when I got bored if only to see what it would look like crumbling at my feet. As you can tell, I have some issues.

"Pill time." One of the aide's informed me, holding out a cup of water and handing me the drugs.

"These sleepy ones or anesthetic ones?" I asked, sitting up, gulping them back, and washing them down before I even got an answer. If it was poison I might've actually thanked them for it.

They took the cup back from me and placed it on their little cart. "Anesthetic. They want to try something new."

"They always do." I sighed, lying back down and closing my eyes. Maybe the drugs would work this time. Maybe it wouldn't be pure agony for me on the table. Maybe. It was foolish for a caged rat to hope, but that's just what it did.

---

For the days following my operation, I didn't get a chance to head upstairs. There was something implanted into my skull and it was screwing with my thought processes. I don't know what they were testing now, and it still didn't make a lick of sense even when they tried to explain it to me. Because of it I didn't have much luck when it came to getting out of there. Apart from lights out, they were coming in and out of my cell every hour. Maybe it was a behavioral study they were investigating. I doubted it, but it was remotely possible. They'd done almost everything else in the book.

Eventually they stopped monitoring me for the most part so I decided to revisit that waiting area or whatever upstairs. Ben wasn't there, neither was he there the next day or the day after that. After a few days I just decided to make it my primo hangout spot. Better than the comatose wing I'd been nesting in for the previous few weeks. I cut off the life support of one, that was fun, watching all the staff try and figure out what had happened. But one of the patients woke up while I was sitting there, sat up straight like a rocket and started wheezing uncontrollably. Freaked me right the fuck out. So, the waiting area it was. Besides, you see different people every day in those sorts of areas. A small girl limped through one day and I couldn't help but smile. I wondered what was wrong with her, if she was in pain. Those were the sort of thoughts that made me happy.

"Gabe?"

It was Friday when I heard his voice again. I looked up at his smiling face as he took the couch opposite me. There was some old literature from the Romantic Era littering the bookshelf, I was reading some Poe when Ben disrupted my inner sanctum. And yet, I smiled. Had anyone else tried that I'd probably make them relive their worst experience over and over again until they were on the floor crying.

"Hey, kid." I greeted. "Where've you been? I've been lonely."

He chuckled, shrugging off his bag and setting it down on the floor. "I only come in on Friday's. I'm just an intern."

"That explains that." I nodded as I snapped the book shut. "But not why you're an intern. You find it fun to take care of dirty bedpans and screaming kids?"

That made him grimace a little. Guess not. "Not so much. I'm mostly doing it so it'll look good on applications when I go for my master's degree."

"You're in college?"

"Yeah, or else I'd be here more often." He admitted, that cute smile of his twitching at his lips.

I chuckled lightly into my hand, propping my arm up on my knee. "You want to see me that bad?"

A light blush dusted across his cheeks, barely noticeable, but adorable all the same. "Not everything I do revolves around you, y'know."

"I know." I said, nodding in accordance. "It's a shame. I don't really have anyone else to bother."

He tilted his head slightly, probably confused. "You don't talk to the others in the project?"

"A lot of them are mostly unresponsive, not that they're ever let out of their rooms for more than a couple of hours a week." I said solemnly. "That's just what happens to us after a while. We all go a little brain dead. Whether it's part of the experiments or just a way to cope with it all, you learn to turn it off. Eventually."

"You're kidding me!" He exclaimed, clearly upset. "What are they doing to you down there?"

I laughed out loud, couldn't help it. "Pretty much every experiment they want to perform on humans but can't. And since we're not technically of the human variety, they don't have to worry about the Ethics Committee coming to shut them down."

"You're a mutant, then?" He asked, like he didn't already know. I mean, I turned to dust right in front of him.

But, I wasn't. I'm not. "No. I'm human, a human mutate." He didn't look like he understood, so I elaborated. "I wasn't born with what I can do. There isn't some little blip on my DNA that says, "Oh, you can control smoke now", some assholes fucked me over when I was a kid and ever since I've been carted around to these facilities because I'm a classified threat."

"Since you were a kid?" He asked. "How young?"

I mulled that over for a bit, I didn't really remember that time all that well. "I think I was - six?"

"You've got to be -" He started, shaking his head. "And you've never tried to escape?"

I shook my head. "Well, yes, once. I think I was probably seven? My sister and I were held together and experimented on separately. When we tried to escape, and failed miserably, we were separated entirely and then she was finally allowed to go back home. I wasn't. I didn't - why am I even telling you all of this?"

Truth was, I wanted someone to know. To know that I was still alive. Maybe he could write a letter to my parents or Max to let them know I was still kicking. I knew it was stupid to think things like that, he'd get in trouble with the government and no one would ever see him again. That was cruel, even for me. I wouldn't be doing that, surely. But what harm could a little explaining do?

Ben was shaking his head in disbelief. "Just because you're a mutant or a mutate or whatever, that doesn't excuse what they're doing to you. It's inhumane!"

"A lot of the nurses used to say that." I snickered. "The higher-ups would say that too, but then they'd clarify. "Inhumane, yes, but there aren't any humans here, now are there?" Yeah, eventually they all start thinking that."

"But why are you still there? You can run away!" He asked, looking a bit worried.

I sighed, not really wanting to divulge my little secret, though I did anyway. "My sister. She's still out there. They've threatened to go and capture her and start her experiments all over again."

"She's a mutate, like you?"

"Yeah." I nodded, raking a hand through my hair. "She controls electricity. So if there's ever a freak power outage down the east coast, it was probably her. She's like that."

A soft smile graced Ben's lips. "You sound really fond of her."

"Oh, I am." I smirked, playing with the hem of my shirt. "She's my big sister. Even when everything was shitty for us, she still tried to protect me."

"She sounds like a great woman." He said truthfully. "Do you know where she is now?"

I snorted. "How could I? I've been here and places like it ever since."

"S-sorry." He stammered, embarrassed. "I forgot."

I waved him off, smiling at him a bit deviously. "It's alright. Now, what do you do around here for fun?"

---

Every Friday without fail, Ben would usually be waiting for me in our usual spot. Periodically he'd be summoned to go off and do other things, but he spent as much time with me as he could. At first I believed it was some sort of pity, poor lab rat stuck in a cage, give him just a lick of peanut butter and his life will be better. In a way, that was still true. But I knew he was actually becoming the closest thing I had to a friend. And dealing with the experiments wasn't so bad knowing that I would have some regular human contact after a while when it was over. Besides, they'd had me for a total of twelve years. They'd essentially run every test they could think of. Now they were just making wine.

As I talked to Ben I felt a lot less, abnormal. The thoughts of torture and misery weren't as frequent after he visited, and that was such a relief off my shoulders. Made me feel like I was recovering from what'd been done to me in Albuquerque. Complete isolation for days. Watching how my smoke manifested and what it did if left to its own devices. It mostly lashed out and tried to destroy things. Perhaps it was just a reflection of my own desires because I wanted to kill all of the scientists there with every part of me. That hatred did bad things to me. All of it did.

"You're spacing out again."

I blinked suddenly, distracted by Ben's voice ripping me out of my musings. It'd been a couple of months since we met, we were currently playing chess and it was my move when I got lost in thought.

"Sorry, my move?"

"Yeah."

"You didn't cheat while I zoned did you?"

"What? Never!"

"That seems like a wasted opportunity there."

While I'm certainly far too much for any one person to handle, Ben had gotten used to my mischievous mind for the most part. He realized that predicting me was as close to impossible as you could truly get. One second I'm just smiling, telling a joke, next I've more than likely disappeared only to give you a wet-willy half a second later. I actually tossed him into an empty laundry bin and wheeled him down the hallway the other week. That almost caught the attention of the hospital officials so we both decided that grand escapades like that was ill-advised. We were still snickering to ourselves when we slipped into a room we thought was empty. Old Man Jenkins screamed us out of there like a jalopy while shaking his cane from his bedside.

Over the course of those few months, I'd really grown to like Ben. In more ways than one. I'd liked a couple of guys like that from the experiment, didn't last long before they became vegetables; I always seemed to have a thing for telepaths. And the doctors always wanted to see how far they could stretch their minds before they snapped, and they always did - snap, that is. They managed to think up these devices to extort our powers whenever they wished, forcing us to use them long after we couldn't take it anymore. At least with the Black Womb Project they relied on us to do the pushing, they didn't do it for us. When you're a scientist and you want to push someone and you have that option to do so, you do it. I don't know a single one that wouldn't.

"Gabe."

I looked up and Ben was giving me a coy smirk. Was I zoning out again? The answer was yes, I get caught up in my own thoughts a lot due to years of being entirely alone. I was my only friend, you can't blame me for that. I let out a shaky laugh and rubbed at the back of my neck.

"Sorry, it's not you, I promise."

Ben's smile turned kind, like he understood. "I should hope not. You wouldn't want to push away your only friend."

I barked out a laugh, leaning back in my chair so far that it balanced on the back legs. "It's sad that you know that I have no friends."

"How could you?" He teased. "I'm the only one that can put up with you."

Ain't that the truth. I told myself, raking a hand through my hair and continuing with our chess match with a dumb grin on my face.

Truth was, I wasn't very good at it, chess, so Ben just kept beating me at every turn. Eventually I just gave up, slouching back in my chair in a bit of a huff. I tried to tell myself that it was a stupid game, and it was, but I was just mostly spiteful that I couldn't win once. You'd think he would've gone easy on me, being that this was the first time I'd played since the Black Womb Project with Charles. No such luck. Ben was apparently a sore winner. He just sat there with a smug look on his face and I just wanted to -

I wanted to kiss him, to tell you the truth.

Now, he wouldn't be the first guy I kissed, but definitely the first I really thought "I want to kiss him". The others were just curious, as was I. Like I said, though, they usually ended up drooling catatonics before long. Didn't really give either of us a chance to explore anything. There was a girl I liked, we were actually together for a while. After a few months together, they told me that she went home. I knew that meant she was dead. I don't know why they tried to lie to me, I wasn't some fresh meat like the rest of them. I had no disillusions. I knew exactly what was happening, I knew I'd never leave. Still, I didn't have the stomach to break it to any of the others. Maybe there was still a beating heart left in my chest.

Suddenly, I stood, beckoning Ben to follow me as I left the common area and headed down the hall. After taking a second to realize what was going on, he followed. I was going to do something stupid and foolish and if he reacted poorly, at least I actually did it. I wouldn't regret not doing it for the rest of my life, short as it might be. But I was sure that he was gonna react just fine even though I couldn't be certain.

I stepped into an empty patient room and Ben simply stood in the doorway looking entirely confused. "Gabe? What's going on?"

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed his hand and pulled him in, shutting the door behind him. "I'm going to do something I've wanted to do for a while now. If you hate it, you can punch me and call me a faggot and we'll be done with it."

"What're you -"

Without any further warning, I grabbed his face in my hands and pressed a hard kiss on him. It was quick since I didn't want to take the chance that he really didn't like it. When I pulled away, Ben was left standing there sort of in awe, or disbelief, or complete aberration, or a bit of all those. I sighed, assuming that I'd stunned some part of him thoroughly, patted him on the shoulder and made to leave. When he grabbed the hand I placed on him, I half expected to lose some teeth. But he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me to him, gifting me a kiss that could make you melt.

That kiss was also pretty quick, but I wouldn't have that. We stood there in a dark room making out for a good five minutes before Ben finally came to his senses and pushed me away laughing. Also a bit winded. That made me smile.

"So, you are gay?" He asked, wiping off the corners of his mouth with a handkerchief.

I shrugged, not really quite sure myself. "I don't really know. Maybe? I've always liked guys, but I liked a couple of girls too."

"You like both?"

"I like guys more than girls." I assured him, sitting down on one of the cots and leaning back on my hands. "You can't really be picky in my situation."

Ben looked at me in curiosity, scratching his head a bit. "Do you like me then?"

For a second, I was just sitting there in shock, and then I started laughing. "I certainly don't kiss people for the hell of it - well, I have, but not this time. I've wanted to do that for a couple of weeks now."

A light blush colored his cheeks as he turned his head and coughed into his hand. "M-me too."

I couldn't help but smile like a total idiot. I kicked my legs once, looking up at Ben, clearly expectant of something. And I was dearly hoping that he'd get the message.

"So?" I asked, giving him a very tempting look. "What's stopping you right now? I don't have anywhere to be."

Ben chuckled lightly, stepping closer to me with that stupid look on his face (but I liked that look). "You're awful, you know that?"

"Yeah." I admitted with a smile. "But you like it."

"Today, maybe." He said sheepishly, standing between my open legs - Well that's just a little bit dirty.

I laughed, reaching for his hand and holding it. "Like I said, I can't be picky so I'll take all I can get."

He smiled, cupping my face in his hands, and kissing me gently. Being a test subject just got a lot easier.

---

Since Ben and I sort of consummated our relationship (no, we didn't do that, get your mind out of the gutter), he'd been by to visit a lot more often. And each time it usually ended up with us sneaking off to the bathroom or an empty room to make out for a good thirty minutes. But, a few weeks into it, Ben had to be all serious and bring up things I didn't really want to talk about when he had me pressed against the wall doing fun things with our tongues in the janitor's closet.

"Gabe?" He asked, my eyes still focused on his lips as he parted from me.

"Mm?" I hummed huskily, my hips grinding into him a little.

He gave me a playful look, but also like our make out session had come to an end. "Are you serious about me?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, dropping the sexy voice and returning to a more neutral state.

He sighed as he stepped back, hand in his hair. "I'm not just some last resort, am I?"

What is he even saying? "You think that I don't actually like you?"

"No, I think you do..." He hesitated. "I was just wondering if you picked me because I'm the only option."

Hell no. "Ben, you're one of the few people that I don't hate. Stop saying things like that or your status is going to change real quick."

"Then -"

I held up a hand signalling him to shut it. "Yes, I don't have a lot of outlets for sexual frustration, yes, I've kissed people I didn't particularly care about in the past, yes, I'm a shit awful person who doesn't give a crap about most things. That doesn't mean I don't care about you, you idiot."

He frowned a bit. "That doesn't reassure me of anything."

I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck and wondering how I was supposed to spell it out to this dumb ass. "Fine, you want proof? Let's go on a date. That's what people who like each other do, right?"

Ben didn't blink for a solid minute. He was just staring at me like I'd sprouted horns and spat acid in his face. If he wanted to think I'd done that, I could actually do it. But I wasn't that cruel. He was seriously making me blush though. And I don't blush. I don't have the energy for that crap.

Finally, I just got fed up with the looks. "Don't just stare at me, say something you moron!"

"Wha -" He stammered, shaking his head and gazing at me with the most affectionate smile, I almost puked. "You're going to risk getting in trouble just to go on a date with me?"

I let out a laugh. "I'm glad you don't know more about me, otherwise you'd know that getting in trouble is one of my least concerns."

He tilted his head to the side, probably wondering what I was talking about. "Feel like explaining?"

I shook my head, making for the door and peering out it to make sure we were in the clear. "If I did, you'd only hate me. So let's pretend that whoever I was before Austin, they're no longer me. Alright?"

Of course he didn't like that answer, not that I particularly cared. I sort of killed everyone in the last facility I was in. Experiments and all. They'd regulated me too harshly, guards on me around the clock, they didn't even let me take a shit on my own. So, after a year or so of that, I showed them what happened when you imprisoned me. I tortured everyone there. Plagued them with their worst nightmares until I finally just went and slit their throats. Once that was done, I thought that I'd be put down like a mad dog. They just carted me off to Austin and decided not to suffocate me with their rules. But they knew what I was capable of, what I would do. I still didn't care about it, I don't care if others are in pain. I don't care if they suffered. I'd been suffering all my life, you didn't see me complaining about it.

But, again, Ben didn't need to know any of that.

So I disabled the tracking chip in my neck and we left the hospital to do whatever it is people did when they went on dates. I think you went to the movies? I hadn't been to the movies since my mom took Max and me to see Cinderella. I don't remember the movie at all, but I think it made me question whether or not having an army of mice was a plausible notion. For the most part we just walked the streets of Austin, buying some Mexican food and letting Ben laugh as I spat it out. I didn't like spicy food, apparently. He was getting a choice finger while I spat out the food into a nearby garbage can.

"I'm learning so much about you." He mused once I'd finished.

"Pinch me, I'm dreaming." I sneered sarcastically, taking my sleeve and wiping my mouth on it. "I'm so glad my misery amuses you."

He chuckled, patting me on the back. "It was cute! I didn't know there was this side of you!"

I gave him a mostly playful shove, hiding the smirk that was threatening my lips. "Shut up. Just because I don't like Mexican food doesn't mean I'm cute."

"No, but how you're reacting sure as hell does." He continued to laugh.

Alright, the next shove wasn't so playful as I walked away from him, heading towards some clothing vendor on the street. Ben, of course, was next to me in the next instant, looking through the clothes and wallets laid out on the table. Every now and then I'd catch him watching me and I quickly hide behind a rack of jeans. I didn't know what was up with him, but he was being weird. Then again, so was I.

I actually found something that I wanted at that stand. I'd never gone shopping - well, maybe I did when I was a kid, but I couldn't remember. You just sort of accept the shitty clothing options that the facilities provided for you. Either they were previously owned by someone who died, or they were their kid's hand-me-downs (not that they probably should've had kids in the first place). Still, at my age they were running out of things to fit me.

How old am I again?

"You like that?" Ben asked when he noticed me looking at the same army jacket for thirty seconds.

I nodded, taking it off the hanger and moving to try it on. "Yeah, it reminds me of my brothers. They're all wannabe army - well, they're probably actual army by now. My dad was a big hotshot in World War II so they all wanted to be just like him."

"How many siblings do you have?" He continued to question me as he checked the price tag.

"I've got four older brothers and Max." I told him, straightening the jacket and buttoning it up nice and snug. "I'm the baby and they all think that I'm dead."

Ben paled when I said that, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. "Why not write to them? I could mail it for you."

"Thanks." I smiled, it was something I'd thought about when we first met. "But it's better that they don't know. Who knows what my mom would do to get me back. You obviously fear my dad because he's a big hulking ginger that survived both the Korean War and World War II without so much as a scratch, but my mom's the one that has him wrapped around her little finger. She could get anyone to do anything, I'm sure."

"They sound great." He smiled affectionately.

I nodded, giving a bit of a sad smile myself. "They are. Hey, you think we could get some Mary-Jane's? I love those."

Eventually we actually managed to buy the jacket I was wearing, to which I posed with for a good minute just to get a laugh out of Ben, but the joy didn't last long. It never really did. I sensed something off. As we walked down the street I closed my eyes, trying to figure out what was wrong. Something was headed our way, something looking for me. I drew my attention back to the facility, several of the guards were missing as was the doctor in charge of me. They noticed I was gone and managed to track me somehow. They probably had a tracker in my shoes, or something. Paranoid bastards.

"Fuck." I swore quietly to myself. "Ben? You're going to want to get to the other side of the street."

He looked at me, utterly confused. "What? What's going on?"

I patted him on the back and kissed him quickly on the cheek. "Just go. Things are about to get a little ugly and I don't want the hospital knowing that you've associated with me."

That didn't ease him at all, I could tell by the look on his face. But, he knew that I could handle myself. He kissed my temple and ran across the street, merging with the crowd and disappearing from sight. With him gone, I ventured out into the road, ready to face whoever and whatever was coming for me. I'd surrender, give myself back over to the facility without a single drop of resistance. That was the best way to go about it, truly. And when I had someone to cover for, that was my only option.

An armored truck came into view, escorted by a couple of cop cars, effectively evacuating the road of pedestrians, except for me. I stood strong, my hands stuffed into the pockets of my new jacket, looking up at the occupants of the truck as they stepped out into the street, their guns trained on me and ready to put me down like the mad dog I am. Dr. Ishmael stepped out last, standing securely behind the wall of men with assault rifles, coward.

"Gabriel, you need to come back." He said calmly, quietly, calculating every word coming out of his lopsided mouth.

Gabe. It's Gabe. I nodded, raising my arms above my head and ignoring the quiet shrieks from the crowd. "Can do, doc."

"Don't make another move." One of the guards threatened me ineffectively. They didn't scare me.

"How do you expect me to come quietly if you don't let me come?" Heh. Time and place, Gabe.

"I said don't move!" He suddenly shouted despite the fact that I didn't move. At all.

I sighed, shaking my head. "I'm not moving."

Without any further warning, they shot me three times, sending me flat on my back as I clutched my sides. I heard Ben gasp from the crowd, I just knew it was him. I found him briefly with my eyes and I tried to tell him that I was fine. My smoke protected me naturally. I still got shot, I was still bleeding, but I wasn't going to die on the street from the wounds.

"What the fuck was that for!" I yelled, trying to roll into a position that would reduce the pain. No such luck. I don't think one even existed.

"Careful, you don't know what he's making you see." Ishmael warned them, causing realization to dawn over me.

They're remembering the illusions. I thought to myself as I struggled to breathe. Never mind the fact that I haven't even unleashed my smoke, they still think I'm affecting them.

"I'm not making you see dick you assholes!" I groaned loudly, rolling onto my knees and trying to sit up. "You just shot me for no fucking reason!"

"We're not taking any chances with you, Gabriel." Ishmael informed me, like I didn't already know that.

"You're holding me against my will, you could at least call me by my fucking name!" I seethed, gasping in pain when the guards finally rushed forward and wrapped their hands around my biceps and began dragging me to the truck. It hurt like a fucking bitch, but I could tell they wouldn't care so I didn't bother voicing my distaste. They could suffer through my groans and my moans. They're the ones that shot me after all.

---

"Gabriel, why did you run?"

Not only did I get shot by a couple of assholes in SWAT gear, they didn't give me any medical attention before I got lectured by Ishmael. So, just to paint you a perfect picture, I was sitting hunched over in a chair being glared at by the doc, with blood soaking my shirt, my jacket, my jeans, bullets stuck in my right pec, left rib cage, and somewhere near my navel, I was covered in a cold sweat and I was biting through my lower lip to distract from the pain, and on top of that, I kept passing out. Would you interrogate me in that state? I'd hope not, I'd like to think that humans are naturally not an entirely awful sort.

"Gabriel?"

"It's fucking Gabe you pompous asshole." I groaned.

The doc didn't seem to appreciate my foul language, he never has. "Why did you run? You know what's at stake for you."

I let out a shaky laugh before stifling a moan. "You really call that running? I was two miles away, I'd been gone for hours. Either I was running in a circle that entire - hngh - time, or I wasn't fucking running."

"Is that language really necessary, Gabriel?"

Getting pissed off and fed up, I lashed out, kicked the edge of his desk as hard as I could. "If you aren't going to call me by my fucking name you're not going to address me at all. I'd prefer 'it' over that fucking name."

Ishmael sighed, he was used to my outbursts after watching over me for a year or so. "You don't have to be violent."

I snorted before groaning from the pain it caused me. "Blame the Black Womb Project. They're the ones who made me this way."

"Yes, yes." He said, not particularly caring about what I said. "So you've told us. Why did you leave the facility?"

I shrugged, ow. "Perhaps I was tired of seeing the same damn faces every single day. Stretch my legs, walk around, that sort of shit."

The doctor nodded. Then he motioned to my new (ruined) jacket with his pen.

"Where and how did you acquire this?"

"Stole it off some vendor." I lied smoothly, something I'd long since perfected.

He shook his head in disbelief. "You really shouldn't be doing such things, Gabriel."

I kicked his desk again. "And you really shouldn't be experimenting on children, but no one seems to be objecting here."

He sighed again, longer and louder than before. "You know why we must do this, we must understand mutation -"

"So you can eradicate us." I finished for him. "Stop pretending you're so fucking righteous, doc. You're torturing kids and you don't even have the balls to own up to it. At least I admit that I'm a fucking asshole."

Tired of me, surely, he buzzed for the guards to take me away. "I think that's enough out of you. No more leaving your room, understand?"

I snickered as the door opened behind me. "You heard about Washington. You know that keeping me locked up isn't a good idea."

The doctor's face paled briefly, remembering just how dangerous I was to them if I really wished it. The guards took me upstairs to the actual hospital to get my bullet wounds treated and, to my surprise, Ben was the intern on call. Thank fucking God.

"What do we have here?" He asked calmly, doing a perfect job of pretending that we didn't know each other. It hurt a little, but also made me exponentially proud of him.

"Bullet wounds." The guard on my left said harshly, practically dropping me on the spot. "Fix him up and call Dr. Ishmael, he'll take care of him after that."

Ben nodded like a good little soldier, waiting until the two had turned and gone down the hallway before reverting back to his old self. "Are you alright?"

Before I could respond, he was getting me onto a cot and pulling off my jacket and shirt. I gave him a sad smile. "Sorry about the jacket."

"What?" He asked, clearly confused, though that look quickly turned into something softer. "You're such an idiot. You think I care about that jacket? When you're lying here in pain like this?"

I shrugged, ow, needed to stop doing that. "I mean, you bought it for me and then I had to go and get shot."

"I was there." He said, pulling my shirt above my head as gently as he could. "You didn't do anything to provoke them."

I let out a small laugh. "That doesn't matter. I'm a "threat"."

Ben looked over his shoulder real quick before bending over and giving me a chaste kiss. "No, you're not. Now you wait here, I'm going to go get a doctor."

I smiled up at him, holding his hand until he was out of reach and out the door. He made me temporarily forget even the bullets embedded into my muscles, forget everything that I am deep down inside. Now that was a superpower if I ever saw one.

---

Several days later I was back to mostly 100%. Ben couldn't visit me like he used to, but he left notes and I'd reply to them. Usually with a dirty picture attached to it. I could hear him laughing down the hall whenever he looked at them. I'm so glad that we had a similar sense of humor or else I don't think we'd ever work out. When I was finally well enough to go back down to the experiment, I was sitting up in bed, trying my best to get dressed. No one sent up any new clothes, but a random nurse actually brought me a sweater up from the gift shop. Figures, strangers are kinder to me than anyone else I'd met in the past ten years. Apart from Ben, of course.

"Hey!"

Speak of the devil.

I turned around and smiled at him as I struggled to get into my sweater. "Hurry, this is the last time you're getting a free look at this glorious body."

He rolled his eyes, grinning the whole time. "I'm glad to see that you're feeling better. I never really got to ask how those didn't cause more damage then they did."

"The bullets?" I asked, just to be sure, and he nodded. "Well, it's the smoke. It sort of works as a multi-tool. If I feel threatened, it'll defend me, lessen the injuries, impact, whatever. And they also protect the wounds once they're there, and helps heal them. I don't understand how it works, but it does."

Ben's jaw was almost on the ground. "It can really do all that?"

I nodded, pulling my sweater on finally. "That, and more. Like I said, multi-tool." His expectant face clearly wanted me to continue. "It's nothing special. The smoke/dust crap can take physical form, it can distort reality, and I can produce an infinite amount of it but I don't really know what it is. No one does."

"You distort reality?" He asked while handing me the bracelets I often wear. "Is that why those guys thought you were making them see things that they weren't?"

"Yeah." I sighed, sort of unhappy that he pieced that together. "If there's no smoke, I can't just do that on a whim. It's the smoke that does it."

He scratched his chin, contemplating something. "What sort of things can you make people see?"

I grinned, glad to be able to show what I could do. I closed the door to my room and I covered the windows in the smoke, letting more of it seep off of me and engulf both me and Ben. He looked startled, but not scared. It was nice having someone trust you, even if you didn't deserve it. I sauntered up to him, pushing him back onto the bed and pulling off my sweater, licking my lips as I looked at him like a piece of delicious meat. His mouth was parted slightly, and I kissed him, climbing up to straddle him and never removing my lips from his. He kissed me rather feverishly, he usually did when I put on the sexy act on (not that I ever turned it off), so I gripped his hair tight in hand as I ravished him.

Only, I didn't. I was standing by the door watching Ben move like there was someone on top of him making out with him. I started chuckling and after a couple minutes of that I began pulling the smoke away from him with my hand and tucking it back inside of me. He blinked, confused by what was happening and looking around like a deer caught in headlights. I bent over, laughing harder than I had in days. It hurt, but I didn't care.

"Oh, man." I managed to say between bursts of laughter. "That's what I can make people see."

He didn't appreciate that and I could tell when he crossed the room within seconds and pinned me against the window. "You're a bastard."

"Damn straight." I winked, clearly stringing him along.

Obviously fed up with my antics, he kissed me hot and hard, prying my mouth open with his tongue and making me melt. I loved it when he let loose. Made the kisses taste sweeter. Like the little minx that he was, he started snaking his hand underneath my sweater and thumbing at the edges of my bandages, feeling my muscles and causing a chill to course through me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, gripping at the back of his shirt and halfway to pulling it off of him when someone knocked at the door. We parted quickly, a string of saliva left between us.

"Dammit." I swore quietly, pulling down my sweater and separating from Ben post-haste.

When the door opened, I swarmed the guard with the smoke, causing him to not even see Ben even though he was standing two feet from him. Ben gave me a confused look and I winked to signal that everything was a-okay. The guard nodded out the door, meaning I was supposed to follow him. Outside were another pair of guards and they escorted me down to the project, leaving Ben the perfect opportunity to escape. The doc still didn't know about him so that meant that me and him could still fool around for the time being. I didn't want to have to move again, not when I finally made a friend.

---

"Feeling better?"

I looked up at Ben as he shouldered off his bag and plopped it down on the floor before sitting down on the couch across from me. He looked tired, said something about midterms, whatever those were. I didn't care about any of that, he hadn't actually been to the hospital for a few days so I missed him. Not that he could ever know that.

Nodding, I didn't put down the newspaper I was reading. "Yeah, I'm mostly healed. But I won't be wrestling any bulls anytime soon."

"Yeah, that wouldn't be any good." He chuckled. "Is that what you did before all this? Wrestle bulls?"

I snorted, opening the paper to a different page. "Do I look like a matador to you?"

His chin dropped towards his chest as he replied sheepishly, "I suppose not."

Not only did his head fall, his tone did as well. It was minuscule, but I learned to read people a long time ago, I knew he was trying to get at something. I don't know what he was going for, what he was asking, well - maybe I did. Ben knew next to nothing about me apart from what we'd experienced together, not that there was much to tell. The last time I was actually someone was back in 1952. He knew about my siblings, he just didn't know the full truth. And he didn't need to.

"Were you trying to ask about who I was before the experiments?" I asked, finally losing the paper and taking a seat beside him.

He nodded a bit. "If you don't want to tell me, I understand."

I sighed, combing a hand through my hair. "It's not that. I really don't want to get you in trouble, and there isn't much to say. My life's been pretty linear for years now."

"Could you at least tell me some simple stuff?" He continued. "Where you're from and all that?"

"Maybe?" I said rather hesitantly. "I don't know, I also don't know what good it'll do."

Looking more and more dejected with each word coming out of my mouth, he said quietly, "You can't blame me for wanting to know more about you."

I exhaled loudly, not really wanting him to sound so - sad. "I guess not. And I guess it wouldn't hurt either."

His face lit up like the fucking 4th of July. "Really?"

I laughed, shaking my head. "Down boy, there isn't much to tell so this'll be brief.

"I'm from New Mexico, don't really remember where exactly. Born October 26th, 1945, three hours after my sister came into this world kicking and screaming. I have four older brothers, Collin, Cole, Devin, and Lucas, all gingers, my parents are Alexandra Fuller and Timothy Dugan, I think I had a pet dog? Maybe? But I was shipped off to a research facility when I was six with my sister, experimented on for a couple years, and then I was sent to every corner of the country because I was a miracle child. At least, to them I was. I don't know why they're so fascinated by my smoke, they just are. Always have been.

"And now I'm here." I finished quickly. Like I said, not much to tell.

He blinked at me, clearly expecting more. "That can't be it, you're almost 20, right?"

I chuckled, probably confusing him. "That, is a very good question. I disappeared off the face of the earth for a few months, maybe a couple of years. So I actually don't know how old I am. I could only be 16 for all I know."

His face lost all color. The poor guy probably thought he was tainting an innocent boy who'd long since been tainted black. I'm so glad he didn't know about all of the crap that I'd done.

"Calm down." I snickered when he maintained that ashy grey look. "I'm more mature than most, and I doubt I'm any younger than 18. We can still totally have sex."

After the total loss of color, his face flushed bright red. "I-I-I-I-"

Man, this kid cracks me up. "You're way too easy to pick on, Ben."

"Most men don't proposition me for sex!" He hissed through his teeth at me.

I snorted. "Babe, if I was propositioning you, you'd already be in my bed."

I just kept going and he just kept getting redder and redder. I had no idea you could even turn that color, I was sort of worried that his little head was just going to pop! That would've made me sad, so I decided to ease up. I rubbed his shoulder while he firmly planted his forehead in his hand, trying to get over the naughty thoughts bouncing around in his skull. It was a shame, he was so new to this. I was too, honestly. We'd brought it up in the past, a fleeting notion for the most part. He hadn't done it, I hadn't done it, we weren't real anxious to dive right in. Well, we were, but we didn't want to without being fully prepared. There wasn't a manual for this sort of thing, y'know. Not in 1964.

"You know..." He mumbled, peeking up at me from behind his hand. "I-I want to do it, right?"

Not even fighting the soft smile creeping on my face, you would think I was being almost affectionate with him. "Yeah, I know. That doesn't make either of us any more prepared for it."

He nodded. "I know but - I like you. I like you a lot. And I just - I wanted to figure out some way to prove that to you."

I couldn't help but blink at him for a few seconds. He thinks that I'm not aware of this? "Ben, trust me, I know. You don't have to prove anything. And you most certainly don't have to stick something into me for me to -"

"Gabe!" He shrieked, covering my mouth with his hand and laughing. "You really don't have any shame do you!"

I was smirking behind that hand before removing it. "You didn't know this? Man, this college education really isn't doing you any good, is it?"

He rolled his eyes, checking over his shoulder before moving to lace his fingers with mine. "I really do like you."

His second confession in the past fifteen minutes had me blushing, just a little, and grumbling, a lot. "I heard you the first time."

He smiled. "You're cute when you're bashful."

"Oh yeah?" I started, eyeing him suggestively. "What am I now?"

The look I gave him, it was full on smolder. You could actually see him try to forcibly swallow something down. Heh. I might've leaned in to sneak a kiss if a couple of candy strippers weren't constantly walking past. They always did this, tried to get our attention when they had no idea we only had eyes for each other. Deciding that public displays of affection weren't really my scene, I settled for something else. I leaned back, pulling smoke from my skin and molding it. Into what, you ask? Well, it was a gift. I raised my hand over his wrist and it clinked into place. A bracelet.

"Here's my proof, alright? Just so we don't have to go through this again later." I started. "And don't make a big deal about it, it's just dust."

Even though I said this, clear as day, no room for misconception or error, Ben was giving me the most heartfelt expression I had ever seen. He was cautious, looking over his shoulder (and mine) several times before leaning in and giving me a tender kiss and whispering,

"I love it."

And, somehow, I felt that it wasn't only the gift that he loved. Ugh, my heart needs to stop doing that rapid heartbeat thing that makes me feel all fuzzy inside.

---

A few weeks passed and nothing much had changed. I was still slumming it in the "infected genetics" wing (a little inside joke between me and Mort), Ben was still working that college path of his, and, more importantly, I was bored. So, yeah. Nothing changed. At all. But when I'm bored, people start getting hurt and I didn't want Ben to learn about that side of me so I had to do everything in my power to distract me from my sadistic nature. And reading more Poe wasn't helping. My only real options left were to play chess until my fingers bled, except that just pissed me off and that could've been worse than me being bored.

So, one day, sporadically and magnificently, I decided to do something to rectify my boredom. There was this one patient, total asshole, been bothering me for days, and he definitely deserved something mildly awful to happen to him. He'd been repeatedly groping the nurses that came to tend to him and since he was a richy rich old white guy, the women couldn't do anything about it. But I could, vigilante that I am. I sat outside his room, listening to him chuckle over something one of the nurses was saying before I heard it. That little hitch of breath. It wasn't going to be long before this asshole crossed the line, so I decided to do something about it. There was a crucifix hanging on his wall so I took that to mean that he was a Christian, devote or not. I'd give him a sign from God that he wouldn't soon forget.

As the nurse rushed out, clipboard held tight against her chest, I listened to the old man sigh. The fucker was content, pleased with himself for assaulting these girls that couldn't lift a finger to stop him. I could sense energy, how people were feeling, made living in a torture hole very difficult but made this part of my life considerably easy. On an off day, I'd screw around with someone who totally didn't deserve it, but this wasn't one of those days. I'd give it out to someone who sorely needed a swift kick in the pants.

I started my trick as I usually did, with a bit of a twist. I waited for the old man to doze off before discreetly sending my smoke in from under the doorway and into his senses. The images I was making him see, a true vision, of one of the nurses coming into the room, and as soon as his hand reached out to forcibly grab hold of her ass, that's where my fun began. I dug around in his brain, pulling forth a memory of extreme agony, and then I allowed the illusion-nurse to promptly castrate the bastard and recite some sort of hymn that damned sinners. Oh man, he was howling on the inside. When he opened his eyes and woke up from the strength of the "nightmare", that was my signal for me to peel on out of there. As I walked away, I heard him mumbling to himself, praying to a higher power for forgiveness. My work was done.

Waiting for me in our usual spot, was Ben. I smiled at him as I approached, vaulting over the back of the couch and landing beside him soundly. He was a little startled, but he expected this sort of thing from me. Comes with knowing a proclaimed psychopath for half a year, not that he believed me whenever I tried to tell him. I didn't tell him any details, mind you, but I'm not right in the head. You all know this.

"Long day?" I asked him when it took him forever to initiate conversation.

He didn't answer. He just stared at his hands, making me worry. I never did the whole, caring-for-others thing, well. Still, I was getting better at it. Or so I hoped.

"Ben?" I continued, rubbing his back. "What's up?"

His fist clenched and his brow furrowed. Something was obviously wrong.

"Ben, if you -"

"I got expelled." He said suddenly, raising his clenched fist to his forehead. "I knew it was going to happen, but they made it official today."

Honestly, I was shocked. As far as I knew, Ben was the perfect student. "Why? You've got a 3.9, right? I thought that was a good thing."

He sighed, clearly I was missing something. "There was a mutant rally on campus last Saturday, and I attended. Fighting for mutants and all that stuff. Then - then it got ugly."

"Did the police show up?" I asked.

He nodded solemnly. "Yeah, but that wasn't the issue. Gabe, I'm - something happened to me, I don't know what, but - on Saturday, I just -"

"Ben." I tried to calm him. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

Looking up at me, pain evident in his eyes, he sighed again. "I'm a mutant."

My jaw would've dropped if I wasn't too busy covering his mouth with my hand. "Shh!" I hissed. "If the doctor's hear, they'll ship you downstairs with me!"

He shook his head, leaning back against the couch, looking absolutely exhausted. "They'll find out soon enough. That's why the school kicked me out, didn't want me to taint their population with my mutant genes."

"Ben, I swear to God -" I threatened, not sure how else I could convince him to shut his trap. Looking around quickly, I deemed that there wasn't any eyes on us so I grabbed hold of him, effectively turning him and myself to dust so we could travel inconspicuously to an empty room. Once we were there, I forced us back into physical form just before Ben collapsed onto the bed behind him. He was taking this whole ordeal pretty hard, and I must've seemed pretty insensitive (which I am) when I refused to let him talk about it. It was for his own good, truly.

"I don't know what to do, Gabe." He groaned, raking a hand down his face. "My parents disowned me when the school called them. They don't want anything to do with me. They had no problem with me being gay, but this? This is what they freak out over?"

I sat down beside him, stroking his hair and trying to calm him down. "Does the hospital know yet?"

He shook his head. "They shouldn't. I didn't tell the school that I was interning here."

I let out an audible sigh of relief. "Thank the Lord. I mean, I'm sorry you got kicked out and everything, but if Dr Ishmael knew -"

"I know, Gabe." He interrupted, reaching for my hand. "I'll stick around until I think they're catching on."

"How about you stick around until I think they're catching on." I offered, being much more skeptical of doctors than he was.

That earned me a quiet chuckle. It was good to hear him laugh again. "I don't want to have to stop coming here."

"Me neither." I said quietly, bending over and kissing him quickly. "What sort of mutant are you, anyway? Did you just figure it out or have you been holding out on me for months now?"

Instead of answering my first question, he simply reached up to comb a hand through my hair, sighing wistfully as his skin slowly morphed into - me. Looking down at a version of myself, I had to admit that I was one handsome devil. Emphasis on handsome and extra emphasis on devil. A transmorph. I told myself, actually relieved. The facilities didn't do much work with the morph's, they just took a lot of skin and blood samples to analyze. Occasionally some brain fluid, maybe some spinal tissue, but no outright experiments like with the telekinetics and telepaths and the elementals. So, even if the facility ever found out, not that I would ever let that happen, he'd probably be better off than some of the others.

"The first time I did this was at the rally." He further explained, turning back into himself. "Total accident, but it happened anyway."

I chuckled, leaning down to kiss him again. "I'm glad you're alright."

Ben smiled sweetly, sitting up and melding his lips against mine. He was scared, like he should be, but I'd protect him. The bracelet that I gave him is connected to me. If he were ever in danger, the smoke would react, and I'd will it to protect him. Simple as that. A defense mechanism for if we ever got separated, which was bound to happen sooner or later. I wouldn't be in Austin forever, and neither would he. And he wouldn't be able to follow me to the ends of the earth, not that I would let him. My life was written in stone. He was free to do whatever he wished.

But, no matter where he was on this blighted planet, I'd protect him.

---

After that, we tried going on some more "dates", my lame ass attempts to distract him from his scattered life. They only lasted about 15 minutes, but we'd roam the boulevard, shop a little, kiss a little (out of sight), and then I'd vanish, reappear in my room for a check-up, and meet him half an hour after that back at our usual spot. Like clockwork. It was weird, having my life revolve around something that wasn't just the experiments, but I liked it. It was a nice change, and long overdue. I was actually in a relationship, we finally established that the other day, with someone who wasn't bat shit nuts. I was reluctant, obviously, being on the verge of getting shipped off to another facility at any moment didn't make for much stability, which apparently is what relationships need.

Things were a bit more strained, since Ben found out he was a mutant. He was stressed, trying to find a job and a place to live, so he wound up spending all of his spare time with me. I didn't complain, there was a lot more making out and other not-so-PG rated things, which I love, but I hated seeing him so down. I'm not good in the comfort department, Ben's the only real experience I had with the whole deal, still - I wish I could do more.

Well, there was one thing I could do. It definitely wasn't PG, wasn't even PG-13, really. But, like I said, I'm not good with words. I'm sure that he'd want it to be more special beyond "hey, let's fuck", at least that's what all the Harlequin novels I'd read said to do (I stole them shut up). Make it "special". What does special even mean? I've been told that I'm special a dozen times, I'm special because I'm different. But making a moment special? Does that mean candles? Comic books? An exotic seasoning? I don't understand romance, I probably never will, and that seems to work out just fine. Still, I tried. Sometimes.

We were minding our own business one day, he was reading something by Dickens, I was dickin' around, the usual, when I decided to spring it. The questions, the suggestion, the whatever the hell you wanted to call it, I was going to get Ben into bed. Simple as that. Problem was, he wasn't paying attention to me, like - at all. In those days, all he did was check out the classifieds and scratch at the same spot on his head. And even though I clearly saw the Dickens novel in his hands, I knew there was a newspaper tucked away in the pages. He couldn't fool me.

Deciding to press on, I nudged Ben's book with my foot. "Hey, wanna go do something fun?"

He barely registered I was even talking to him.

"Benjimen." I chastised. "Listen to mother when she's talking to you."

That at least got him to laugh a little. "I'm almost 100% sure that you're a man, and even more sure that you're not my mom."

"Right now, I'm mother dearest, I'm everyone's mother." I joked in my best imitation of my own mom. "And she needs your attention at present."

He sighed, closing the book and setting it down on the table. "What can I do for you, mother?"

I smirked deviously. "I can go back to being Gabe for now. Because what I want to do, it'd be inappropriate for a mother to even think about her son that let alone touch him."

He blushed lightly, looking away and brushing his bangs down. "What'd you have in mind?"

"Meet me in our usual room in about five minutes, alright? You'll see." I instructed cryptically, throwing myself up to standing and marching down the hall and away from my lovely Ben with the most confused expression on his face.

He met me in the allotted time to find me sitting comfortably on the not-so-comfortable hospital cot. Nothing precarious, nothing dirty at all, just me, on a bed - okay, maybe it was a little suggestive, but that's just how I am.

"Gabe." He started. "What're you up to?"

"Y'know how we've been tiptoeing around this whole - sex thing?" I asked, stretching my arms overhead. "I think it's time that's put to rest and we just get right to it."

Ben's face was absolutely priceless. I've always loved the "jaw-on-the-floor" look.

"I don't think it'll be as bad as we think." I reiterated. "We're two smart guys, just don't do anything stupid and everything should be fine, right?"

He was still completely speechless. I reached out for him and he took a step back, worrying me only a lot.

"Ben?"

"Gabe, I'm sorry - I just - I can't -"

I took his and rubbed my thumb against the back of it. "Sorry, I know you don't like to rush things but -"

"I really like you, Gabe." He sighed, raking a hand down his face. "I want this to be special, y'know?"

Despite the air, I couldn't help but groan, throwing his hand and leaning back on the bed. "Ugh, I hate that freaking word!"

He started blinking at me. "What?"

"That stupid word!" I exasperated. "What makes something "special"? Who fucking decides when a moment's "special" or not? I like you, you like me, we want to have sex. Why does this whole deal need to be fucking special!"

The look in his eyes almost killed me, it really did. "Gabe, I don't know if I can have sex with someone who views it so casually..."

"You -" I started, not sure how to really respond, I wasn't really thinking straight. "Casual. Hunh. You want me to treat this like this is the most important thing in the world?"

"Well, no, but -"

"Neglecting the fact that you're the only important person to me? The only person I've ever fucking been with?" I seethed. "Y'know what, Ben? Go fuck yourself. If you seriously think I'm taking this casually, go fucking fuck yourself. Hard. Without me."

"Gabe -"

"No." I barked, standing and heading for the door. "I won't be here forever. I could be gone tomorrow for all I fucking know. I could be dead by tonight. So excuse me if I wanted to be sure we did this before I'm gone or dead. That I wanted to give myself over to - no, you don't get a confession. I don't have forever and I'm not going to pretend like I do."

I stormed out of there immediately, not really understanding why I cared so much about what he said, it just felt like my skin was crawling. I've never cared for anyone apart from my family and Ben, not even now. There isn't enough in me to give a shit about anything more than that, that's part of my psychopath diagnosis. So the fact that he was pushing me away - claiming that the few feelings I had were just casual was possibly the most offensive thing I'd ever heard. Without really registering where I was going, I reduced myself to smoke and vanished.

---

Hadn't talked to Ben for a couple of weeks. He came by every day, same exact spot without fail, but I wasn't there. I mostly hung out across town on top of some skyscraper. I went to see a football game, ate some funnel cake, stole some sunglasses off some random person, I just didn't want to see his stupid face for a while. Or ever. He just - he pissed me off so much. Like - I couldn't register how he even thought those idiotic thoughts, let alone bring it upon himself to say them out loud! I wasn't sure if he was trying to piss me off but he pulled it off spectacularly. If he didn't want to have sex right then and there, that was perfectly fine. But to accuse me of that - I still haven't forgiven him for it.

Still, I had to go back to the hospital and talk to him sometime. That's what people in stable relationships are supposed to do, anyway. Not accuse them of complete bull shit. And, there he was, sitting on our couch, his chin resting on his tented fingers. It didn't look like he'd been sleeping very well, either. I couldn't help but smirk at that, served him right for pulling that stunt. So, I plopped down beside him and stared out the window.

"You ready to apologize for that crap you said?" I asked, leaning back without bothering to look at him.

He turned to glare at me. "I was ready two weeks ago, where have you been?"

I shrugged. "Blowing off steam. Talking back then wouldn't've been very productive for either of us. I'm not lucid when I'm angry."

"Two weeks?" He reiterated, angrily. "You've been blowing off steam for two weeks?"

"Nope."

His jaw dropped. "Gabe, I swear to God, I'm going to -"

"You deserved to stew." I sneered, still not quite over the whole ordeal myself. "I have very few feelings, so when you hurt them, you deserve what you get as consequence."

When he turned completely to face me, I swore I was going to get punched. "You took pleasure in making me feel like shit?"

"Did you?" I asked, tilting my head back. "Did you feel all fuzzy inside when you practically ripped out my heart? I mean, it's shriveled and dead, but it's still there."

That caused him to hesitate. Sure, making him suffer alone for days on end wasn't the best way to reach a resolution, but I didn't care. I wanted him to pay for doing that to me, and it also showed me that even after all that, that he was still bothering me, and that he still cared. Two birds, one stone.

He sighed, resting his forehead in his hand. "No, I didn't. I felt terrible watching you storm out of there. I just - I guess that I forgot -"

"That there's some emotion left in me?" I half joked, reaching up to rub his back. "If you didn't want to have sex, all you had to do was say so."

He nodded. "I realize that now. Everything I said - it was stupid."

I snorted. "Don't I know it."

That made him chuckle a little bit. "I'm still pissed at you for not coming back."

"And I'm still pissed at you for letting all those dumb words fall out of your beautiful lopsided mouth."

He leveled me an incredulous look. "I'm going to let that slide because you said that my mouth is beautiful."

"Of course it is." I smiled. "I wouldn't be kissing it if it wasn't."

Quickly, he looked over his shoulder to reassure that we were alone before giving me a chaste kiss. "We'll do it whenever the mood strikes, deal?"

I grinned at him, kissing him back. "Deal."

---

We fell back into rhythm soon after that. Every couple needs their one big fight, right? That's how the Harlequin novels all worked before you fell into bed with the person that you love. You quarrel, and then have fantastic make-up sex. But for us there still wasn't any falling, not quite yet. We'd get there eventually, scout's honor. For the time being, we resumed our activities all the way up to third base, and other less kinky things, but those weren't nearly as fun. Well, not until I decided to do something crazy.

"Hey." I greeted, vaulting over the couch and taking a seat next to him. "You hate the assholes experimenting on me, right?"

He didn't even look up at me. "How is that even a question?"

I chuckled. "Good! C'mon."

Without sticking around to see if he was going to follow, I stood quickly and walked down the hall. I stole a glance over my shoulder and, sure enough, he was there. If there was anyone I could count on, it was him. Once we were out of view I grabbed his hand and we materialized in the boiler room. Another one of my primo hiding spots, though I didn't use it much, as of late, it had better uses.

"Gabe?" Ben asked, already starting to sweat.

I gave him a smirk. "There's a couple of valves here that link directly to the project. We're going to mess with them."

"Wha -" He started as his confused look turned into a smile. "You're serious?"

"Shoosh yeah I am." I laughed, weaving in and out of pipes to avoid getting scorched. "Careful what you touch, boiling water makes for boiling hot pipes. And I'm not kissing any boo-boos. I only kiss certain parts of you."

He snickered quietly. "And if I get a boo-boo in one of those places?"

"That would take major skill." I admitted.

"But would you kiss it?" He continued to tease me.

"Yes I would now shut up and don't you dare take off your pants, I have other stuff planned."

What I had planned for the facility was going to make me laugh for days to come, and make things hell for the doc. Both things I live wholeheartedly for. Add some pressure to the water going into the project, burst some valves, won't hurt anyone, but it'll certainly piss off some unethical bastards. It might even get a laugh out of the poor suckers stuck in their padded cells. And not that hysterical "what's happening to me" laugh, an actual one. A win-win for everyone.

When we finished rigging the pipes to blow, we ventured out onto the street. There was another look of confusion from Ben before he simply shook his head and followed my lead like a good little enabler. Using my visual disruptive abilities we snuck into a construction site and stole a bunch of tar. He didn't really appreciate the theft, so that definitely ruled out telling him about all the other shit I'd done, but he kept his mouth shut for the most part. He stopped me from taking a hardhat because that was getting to be too "excessive". I grabbed it before we left, though. What sort of hoodlum would I be if I did as I was told?

Before we did anything with the tar, I performed the next task. I rigged every single chair in the project to dismantle and collapse straight to the floor when someone sat in it. So with that all set, we poured the tar down the hall to the experiments rooms, ready to laugh hysterically at a swarm of guards coming through and getting stuck like glue (that rhymed).

And, just then, the party began.

First, the pipes burst, all according to plan, sending the guards and doctors running throughout the project to try and secure the issue. Next, several of them got stuck in our tar trap, making me bust a lung while I laughed at their idiocy. Who sees black sludge and thinks "I could walk through that!". You could hear some quiet giggles from the rooms while the experiments all peered through their peep holes. And then, to top this masterpiece off, when every prick in a lab coat thought the coast was clear and sat back down at their desks - BOOM! Asses hit the floor. One minute you're on top - sorry, Linkin Park.

Finally, Ben and I slipped into an empty room, laughing our sorry asses off while we toppled onto the bed. It was the first time I really saw him have fun since the whole "expelled" situation, and I couldn't have been happier. God, that's scary, experiencing that singular moment in your whole life that can't be beat - oh to hell with it, I was horny.

I climbed on top of him suddenly, still laughing as I kissed him repeatedly. I was practically sitting on his hips, grinding as I went, earning a chuckle out of him as well.

"You were undeniably sexy today." He mused, helping me ease off my shirt with a hand on my ribs. "Maybe I should let you loose more often."

"I'd protest to that since you're making me sound," kiss, "like a dog on a lease, but that's pretty hot so I'll let it slide."

He smirked up at me, snapping open my jeans next while I took off his jacket and shirt. "Definitely letting you loose more often."

I chuckled. "Sounds good, no shut up so I can kiss you."

As he ground his hips into mine, eliciting a decent moan from me, I gave his jeans the same treatment he gave mine. This is how we usually started, but this time we felt a bit more - eager. Both of us. No words, just clothes coming off in the hopes of - what exactly? I hoped that it was the thing I'd been rooting for previously, and I supposed that it wouldn't hurt to ask.

"How's the mood right now?" I asked with a hand already in his briefs, a trail of saliva stringing between us.

"The mood?"

I gave him a crooked smile. "Has the mood struck?"

He took a second to think, probably trying to figure out what the hell I was talking about. Eventually that moment of realization struck, leaving him grinning like a fool as he worked my jeans the rest of the way off. I guess I just hit a home run bitches.

"It definitely struck." He teased, leaving me laughing as he rolled me over -

And the rest of that afternoon is history, you pervs.

---

A few hours after our sweaty escapade, I woke up satisfied, but also pretty sore, next to Ben - on top of him, really. I was all yawny on his chest while he smoked a cigarette - and God my ass hurt. But him? He seemed right as fucking rain. That just left me propped up on one hand, leering at his smug face.

"Why am I the only one with battle scars?" I laughed, wincing a bit. "And you're there smoking?"

He chuckled, kissing me lightly with nicotine breath. "Because you're the one who was -"

"Shut up!" I almost shrieked, smacking his bare chest and turning away from him, causing me to wince in pain some more. "I know why I'm hurt, you don't have to reiterate!"

"You're the one who asked!" He returned, handing me the cigarette he was huffing on. "You smoke?"

I gave him the most exasperated look ever. "How many times do I have to tell you that I've been imprisoned for my entire life?"

And then he returned the look, ten-fold. "If you were someone else I'd believe that would've stopped you from giving it a shot."

I smacked his chest again and snatched the cigarette from between his fingers. "You talk like you know everything about me."

"Somedays," He smiled, "I can barely keep up with you. But that's sort of what I love about you?"

After taking a drag, I couldn't help but quirk a brow at him. "You love that about me? Man, we gotta take a minute to discuss your tastes, my friend."

"You're my taste, how's that an issue?" He teased, giving me a quick kiss.

"It's not," I clarified as I handed the fag back to him, "but you could do soooooo much better than me."

He reached down and slapped my sore ass, causing me to gawk at him for almost a full minute before I practically threw him off the cot. "You ass! First you and your dong leave me aching and then you fucking slap it! I'm going to kill you someday, I swear to God -"

"You deserved it!" He laughed. "I like you, a lot. There's no one I'd rather be with, and that's a promise. So you better stop insisting that I could do better when you're the only one I want."

I almost shoved him again, mostly because he'd left me blushing like a freaking fool. But I settled for muttering into my arm, "I hate you sometimes."

He leaned down and kissed my temple, whispering dumb things in my ear while I did my best to ignore him, burying my face further into the crease of my elbow. It was so hard to ignore him, it really was, not when it felt like someone had let loose a cage full of butterflies in my stomach and all I wanted to do was kiss him. But, that would mean that he won, and I couldn't have that. No matter how much I wanted to give in, I'd come out on top somewhere, somehow, that much I was for certain. So I pretended to sleep, a deep blush crawling down my neck as he trailed kisses down my neck, back, down to my - I don't have to say it do I? I'm sure you can imagine and you're not going to get the benefit of turning my cheeks pink. Y'hear?

---

Weeks passed and Ben and I fell into a certain rhythm, to start out the week we'd head out into town, look for an apartment for him, fool around a little in the hospital, yada yada yada. And then it'll slowly progress into our usual routine, hanging out in the usual spot for a few hours, fool around a bit more, etc., etc., and then usually fuck a couple times a week. Apparently the mood struck us often after our first time, not that I'm complaining, far from it. The more we did it the less it hurt me in the morning so that was only considered a win-win in my book.

But, things were getting serious, more serious than I even expected. I expected him to get sick of me after a few days of even knowing me, let alone spending most of his time with me. I didn't know how to handle the whole thing, the "I love you", the big confession that could be the trigger to everything blowing up in my face, and yet - I didn't give two shits about that? I wanted him to know that there literally hasn't been anyone like him in my life, he's compassionate, caring, dependable, funny, nothing like the guy I thought I'd wind up settling for. There was no settling for Benjamin Deeds, he was the fucking gold mine.

"Hey, Ben?" I called out to him one day while we finished moving his things into his new apartment - oh yeah, he got an apartment.

He peered out from behind a stack of boxes, his hair even messier than usual. "Hey! You all done? There's something I wanted to tell you -"

"Me first while I still have the courage." I breathed, my heart racing faster than it ever had before. For being heartless, the small withered organ was getting quite a workout during those many months together.

Taking up a rather serious expression, he made his way to the couch and I followed, my mouth turning dry as each second passed and a cold sweat breaking out over my skin. "Ben, I - you know that you're the most important thing to me, right?"

Nod.

"Good, because you really are, I don't know who I'd be if I hadn't met you - the guy I was before was pretty shit awful and I really do want to tell you about it someday because I'm still like that deep down - but not today. I really just - I want you to know..." I groaned suddenly, gripping my hair tight in my fists. "I want you to know that I've never felt like this about anyone, there's never been anyone I could possibly put above my family, above Max, and I don't know how you fucking did it, how you weaseled your way into my dead heart and made me - feel more than the chaos and mayhem I so wanted to cause..."

I took a breath, not daring to steal a look at Ben in fear that he'd be put off by what I was saying and I'd just feel like dying, and then I continued.

"What I'm really trying to get at - what I really want to say? I-I love you. Okay? And even if you don't, that's perfectly okay, I won't -"

I was silenced by his lips smashing into mine, sending me flat against my back on the couch with him hovering over me.

"You're an idiot if you think that I don't love you too." He whispered quietly before reclaiming my mouth and kissing me until our clothes came off and we were fucking on his brand new couch, and of course the kisses didn't stop there, they never do.

About an hour or so later and we'd managed to pull our pants back on, at least. We were cuddling quite spectacularly, both of us practically purring like a pair of content kittens. But then -

It all ended.

"So, remember how I was going to try and say something to you earlier?" He said suddenly.

I looked up at him, kissing the underside of his jaw as I did. "You weren't going to tell me "I love you" were you? Because that'd be pretty amazing."

He didn't laugh, and that's when I knew something serious was about to go down. "No, my news was a bit more... depressing. And I wasn't sure how to break it to you..."

That caused me to pause. "You're not seriously leaving me now, are you?"

"What?" He practically gasped. "No! No, it's not that... it's got to do with your family, I - I did some digging."

"Ben you -" I started, "do you know how much trouble you could've gotten in?"

He nodded, rubbing a hand through my hair tenderly. "I know, and I'm sorry about that, but I wanted to give you some news, and unfortunately it wasn't - it's not good."

I didn't interrupt, I just kept waiting for him to get to the point.

"Your sister? There was - there was a funeral for a girl by the name Maxine Edith Dugan-Fuller a couple of years ago, I felt that you should know." He said solemnly, kissing my temple gently.

I couldn't believe my ears, but while the rest of me stopped functioning, my mouth continued to work perfectly fine. "Max - Max is dead? She's -"

"Yes, Gabe, I'm so sorry if you need anything -"

And I vanished. In that moment I left him, I left Ben without a single warning. I left him and I became a true monster, mourning my sister only briefly before I unleashed my own personal chaos and destruction on the world, manipulating, deceiving, getting a group of pretty decent people to murder children and massacre their own kind, mutants. I drowned in the ecstasy I created for myself, the blood, the carnage, the misery, I lapped it up, and I couldn't imagine my life being anything better than the dismay I surrounded myself with.

My life never felt more empty after I left him.

---

But I made my way back to him, after every evil thing I'd done, after my own sister killed me, I went back to him.

I never lost him, I'd always know where he was if he kept that bracelet and I'm grateful everyday that I gave him that gift. It was about midnight, a couple of hours after Max strangled the life out of me, after I turned to dust and finally managed to pull myself together in Ben's bedroom when I completely came apart. He was asleep, as he should've been, but I was hysterical and I needed him. I was pacing the length of his room, tears streaking my face, hands fisted in my hair, wondering where the hell everything went wrong. I just - I needed him.

"I can't believe what I did - what Max did, I can't - I just can't -" I choked out, my pacing increasing. I didn't even notice as my smoke split off my skin, coating everything in the room in a thick layer of black dust in my distress.

"Gabe?" My ramblings caused Ben to stir, he sat up, turning on the light while rubbing his eyes. "Is that you?"

"I fucked up - I fucked up so bad, Ben, I -" I paused, raking my hands further back through my hair and attempting to rip off my scalp. "Why - why did I do it? Wait - what sort of question is that! Not a question why, I know why I did it, because I'm a monster! Plain and simple! I wanted to watch people main and murder and I -" I started to laugh hysterically. "I did it! I did everything I wanted, I pulled it all off, but Max, she -"

With his hand extended, he called out to me. "Gabe, come here."

I couldn't help but listen, closing the distance between us and kissing him. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for leaving and all the shit I did after... I'll tell you everything just - right now? Could you just -"

He didn't respond apart from a nod, a pained expression flashing across his face before lacing our fingers and pulling me on top of him. I needed him, I needed him to make me feel normal like he used to, like he'd done before. I'm the furthest from normal there is, there's nothing normal about me, but with him? I felt like I was almost there. I kissed the guy I liked, I dated him, I fell in love with him, I fucked him, and then I left him. All normal things.

Normal.

After Ben comforted me, physically, I laid exhausted beside him. I hadn't gotten a chance to really sit down and breathe after what happened, and that's probably what I needed most. But what we ended up doing definitely didn't hurt. He had an arm around me and he was stroking my hair like he'd done so many times before. Years had gone by and being in his arms still felt like the closest thing to home.

"I'm sorry..." I muttered, guilt already solidifying in my gut. "I shouldn't've -"

He started chuckling suddenly. "Gabe, I knew you'd come back someday."

"You did?" I asked. "Because I didn't..."

"I gave you your ticket to freedom and you took it, how can I blame you for that?" He said, kissing the top of my head.

Well, when you put it like that... "But that still doesn't make it right. I'll own up to that."

He hummed a bit, leaning his head onto mine. "You said something about wanting to talk, earlier."

That guilt in my gut shot up to my throat in seconds, making it hard to talk. "I - yeah... I think... well, I do..."

Another pat to the head and I knew that I could take my time.

But if I did, then I'd never get it out. "I - the truth about me Ben... it's..."

I told him everything, the murders in the Black Womb Project, the murders after that, the torture, the enjoyment of it all, I told him about my clinical diagnosis, Max, told him about what I did to her too, I told him everything. Why? Because he needed to know. He needed to know that he loved the guy on the surface, he loved the Gabe that didn't find a need to go out and burn down an orphanage because it would be fun. But he did, because that Gabe has always been here. Ever since the Black Womb Project. And do you know what Ben did?

First, he gave me a sad smile and caressed my face. "I knew about the "you" before we met. One day I took that Ishmael's appearance and went poking around in your files. So, in short, I knew what you did long before you told me, long before you left."

My jaw dropped and I almost slapped him. "Why - why would you risk that? Why would you do that? You could've been caught, you could've -"

"But I wasn't." He clarified, a very typical response you'd here from me or Max. "I got in and out before anyone knew I was even there."

I smacked his bare chest. "Why aren't you more freaked out by what I've done? I've killed so many people! Why aren't you running for the hills to get away from me?"

"Because." He sighed. "Despite the fact that everything you did was deplorable, and monstrous, and a slew of other things I don't want to say, I know you. I know that there's darkness in you, but I've seen the rest so there's no way I can believe that the only thing you are. Maybe you are a monster, maybe you'll kill again someday, but I'll be by your side to help you through that. To help you stop. There's more to you than Ghost."

My jaw was on the fucking floor, I couldn't believe a damn thing I was hearing. He was saying everything that I wanted, but nothing I could expect. He kissed me, lingering long enough for my resolve to melt, for tears to spring from my eyes and for me to whisper just a few words to him.

"I love you, you freaking idiot."

The End