Disclaimer: As everyone knows, I do not own the characters from Hana Yori Dango/Boys Over Flowers. They just like to sneak into the dark corners of my head late at night for make-out sessions. Stupid kids. Get a room. God knows, most of you can afford it.
Thank you, Kamio-sensei!
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AN: This is an AU based on events at the beginning of Vol. 14. What if these two would just swallow their respective prides and get it all out in the open?
I Feel
A Hana Yori Dango FanFic
by Janice Rips
Tsukushi and Kazuya are sitting, eating their bento, in the cafeteria. Tsukasa towers over them, glaring. She has just cut him hard, ignoring him in the hall as he attempts the nearly impossible: apologizing to her for ruining her Middle School Reunion. He's furious; so is she. The tension between them is so thick you can slice it with a knife.
"Makino. I need to talk to you," Tsukasa growls.
Tsukushi turns to Kazuya. "Excuse me, Aoike-kun, did you hear something?" she asks mildly.
"Erm... I think Doumyouji-san would like a word with you." (Please, Tsukushi, don't put me in the middle of this!)
"Funny... All I hear is the buzzing of some annoying insect," she sneers, and continues eating.
"Makino, I'm serious. We need to talk." Tsukasa continues to glare.
Tsukushi gives him a bland stare. "Pardon me, do I know you? You'll have to excuse me, my friend and I are busy. Eating." She returns to her lunch once again. Kazuya edges nervously away from her. He has a pretty good idea of what's coming next.
Tsukasa grabs her arm and yanks her to her feet. "Makino, this isn't funny!" he thunders.
"No, it's not! And I have nothing to say to the King of Eitoku, so this audience is over. Let go!!!"
"No!!!"
"Doumyouji..." Tsukushi hisses, and attempts to kick him.
Tsukasa catches her foot... and holds it.
Tsukushi is off-balance. "Let go, I said!!!" she shouts.
"I won't! Not until you agree to hear me out!" he fumes. "Now, either you give me a chance, in which case I let your leg down gently, or I knock you off balance, and everyone will see your panties. Which will it be?"
"Fine. As Your Majesty commands," she growls at him. "May I at least finish my lunch first?"
"No. Bring it with you." Tsukasa stalks away, leaving Tsukushi to catch up as best she can.
"Sorry, Kazuya," she mutters, "I'll see you later."
---
"Doumyouji, what do you want? And it better be worth my time," Tsukushi glares at him, her arms crossed over her chest.
"Makino," he starts loudly, then stops, takes a deep breath, and starts again, more softly, "Makino... I want to... apologize... for yesterday... I'm sor--... sor--... s-sorry."
"Oh, you're sorry, are you? And that's supposed to make everything right? Go away."
A vein stands out on his forehead. "Do you have any idea how difficult this is for me?!?"
"Only because you have an ego the size of the Hindenburg," she retorts.
"Heidelberg??" he asks, puzzled.
"I said Hindenburg, idiot. And just like the Hindenburg, your apology is all hot air. You're nothing but a great big windbag! Now leave me alone!" she huffs, and turns to leave.
He blocks her escape. "I won't! I can't! Damn it, Makino, I love you!!!"
Tsukushi turns her nose up at him. "Hmph. What does the great Doumyouji Tsukasa know about love?"
Tsukasa's eyes look like they're about to jump out of his head. "How can you say that ?!? Haven't I come to your rescue? Repeatedly??"
"So has Hanzawa Rui, but he doesn't throw it in my face every time we meet!"
"So now it's all about Rui again, eh?" he glowers.
"No! He has nothing to do with this! He's my friend, which is more than I can say for you!" she snaps back, red-faced.
"Makino, I saved your life!!"
"Yes, you did! And I am grateful! But you can't build a relationship on gratitude alone! You have to feel something for the other person!"
Tsukasa stares at Tsukushi incredulously as she stands there huffing and blowing. Then he straightens, runs a hand through his curls, and takes a deep breath. "Fine. Then tell me," he says quietly, "what do you feel for me?"
Tsukushi looks at him warily. "I told you yesterday, I detest you."
"No, I don't think so," he muses, "that was just the anger speaking."
"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm still angry," she mutters.
"Makino, I'm serious. I've never been more serious. What do you feel for me?" he asks, looking grim.
Tsukushi hesitates. "I... I don't know," she answers weakly.
"Don't give me that again," Tsukasa glares. "Answer the question."
"I can't! It's complicated!" she cries.
"It's not! Listen, I'll ask myself: 'Doumyouji, how do you feel about Makino?' 'I love her.' See! Simple question: simple answer. Now, answer the question!"
"It's not that simple for me!"
"It should be! Now, answer!"
"I can't!" she wails.
"Answer!!!" he demands.
"Alright!!!" she hollers. "Alright," she says again, more quietly, tears running down her cheeks.
"Well?" he lifts an eyebrow.
"Doumyouji... you make me feel... so angry... so frustrated... You embarrass me... you terrify me... you confuse me... you make me miserable..."
"Is that all?" he asks coldly.
"No, not by a long shot... When I'm around you, I don't know whether to rejoice or despair... You say you believe in me, then if another boy so much as looks at me, you call me a slut... You don't trust me... You say you love me for myself, then you get angry at me and throw my lack of status in my face... You humiliate me, hurt me, hurt my friends, isolate me, and then ignore me... And you say you love me. How can I trust you when you act like that?" she pleads.
Tsukasa looks stricken. "Makino, I'm sorry," he tries again.
" Shut up. I'm not through," Tsukushi cuts him off. "And then there are the other times, the times when you're so sweet and kind it makes my heart ache, the times when you're all I need... You make me feel cherished... You make me feel special... You make me feel so happy... You make me feel warm... You make me feel beautiful... desirable... loved..."
Tsukasa can only gape ask Tsukushi sobs harder. ("She really is that complex,") he realizes with a sense of dawning wonder. He tries again, "Makino, I--"
"Stop interrupting!!!" she rages. "Let me speak! If I don't say this now, it will just continue to fester inside me..." she sobs. "When you went to New York, for three days I lived in a haze. Kinsan tried to cheer me up, but I was only half there. When I'm with you, everything is more vibrant... I only feel alive when I'm with you... Doumyouji, I'm scared. Sometimes I want you so much, I don't recognize myself... I'm drowning in you... I'm lost, and I can't find my way home..." Tsukushi's words are building to a scream, "Tsukasa!... I... FEEL!!!"
Tsukasa can only stand there, stunned, as Tsukushi crumbles to her knees at his feet. "I feel..." she sobs brokenly, "...everything... for you," she whispers hoarsely, then weeps silently, still crumpled in the dirt.
Slowly, Tsukasa joins Tsukushi on the ground. He pulls her into his lap, and her bitter tears soak the collar of his shirt. He rocks her like a small child as she sobs incoherently, and waits for the maelstrom of her emotions to pass. Finally, her sobs become sniffles and little hiccups. He pulls out the tail of his shirt, and uses it to wipe the last of the tears and grime from her face.
"Tsukushi-chan." She looks up sharply, startled at her given name and the endearment on his lips. "Tsukushi," he asks softly, "I love you... Do you love me?"
"Doumyouji, what do you think I've just been telling you?" she stares up at him, bewildered.
"Tsukushi... pretend I'm as dense as you... say it plainly... and use my given name... please," he begs.
"Dense as me??? Fine. Tsukasa, you idiot, I love you!!!"
"Idiot? You actually called me an idiot as you said that??" he roars incredulously... then he bursts into great peals of laughter.
Tsukushi starts to laugh, too. They cling to each other, laughing until they feel weak. Then Tsukasa smiles and nuzzles her nose with his own.
"Doumyouji, I love you... Idiot," Tsukushi giggles.
"Makino, I love you, too... Idiot," he grins in reply.