Its mostly from Sam's POV but I added some Dean POV too :) Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Nope.
Spoilers for Asylum and minor spoilers for season 5, because I had to.
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They were walking out of the asylum and in to the daylight. Sam had no clue as of what to say.
He started speaking. "Hey, Dean? I'm sorry man... I said some awful things back there." Dean's eyebrow quirks.
"You remember all that?"
"Yeah... But its like I couldn't control it. But I didn't mean it. Any of it!"
"You didn't huh?" Dean asks in a sad voice.
"No, of course not. Do we have to talk about this?" Sam asks.
Dean hesitates alittle bit. "No.. I'm not really in the sharing and caring kind of mood right now. I just wanna get some sleep."
Sam nods, though he knows that they ARE gonna talk about this.
Dean gets in the car. He's driving, despite that his chest got hit with rock salt.
Sam feels another pang of guilt. He can't help it. Ever since he had woken up from unconciousness, he had felt extreamly guilty.
"Sam!" Sam hears his brothers voice. Realizes that he is still standing outside the car.
He sighs and walks over, and gets in the car. Dean's completly silent. Sam glances over at him. Then looks at the damage he had caused. Another stab of guilt. HE had caused that.
Dean drives out of the parking lot. His jaw is clenched. His eyes are narrowed. His hands are gripping the steering wheel so hard, that his knuckles are turning white.
Sam sighs and looks back at the rode. It seem's the saying "you always hurt the ones you love" is true. In fact, now that he thinks about it, he had hurt Dean more than he can remember.
There was that time in Flagstaff, where he had run away on Dean's watch, got Dean's ass kicked.
He had been so happy that he was on his own. He hadn't even thought about how Dean was feeling. He had independence, and a dog. He hadn't felt the slightest bit guilty.
Then when Dean had finally found him, he didn't say anything. Dean just glared at him and called dad to inform him that he had found Sam.
Sam didn't see what the big deal was.
Then a few years later he had run away from Dean, again. Told Dean to never call him. He had seen the tears in Dean's eyes, but thought nothing of it.
Then 4 years later Dean shows up again. He had been trying to push Dean away. Because he didn't want to spend to go and fix another one of there dads problems. He can still hear Dean's voice. Could still hear the silent begging from Dean.
"I can't do this alone."
"Yes you can."
"Yeah, but I don't want to."
Dean was asking for help, and Sam was pushing him away. In the end Sam ended up going with Dean and then came back to find his girlfriend stuck to the ceiling, and then burning.
Dean, of course, somehow knew something bad was gonna happen and came and carried Sam out of the building. Sam was unaware of Dean carrying him out, but all he knew was the love of his life was dead.
Maybe it was his brotherly instincts that kicked in and figured something out. Maybe it was because Dean didn't want Sam to stay, try and convince him to go with him. Or maybe it was because Dean is an awesome big brother and Sam is his sorry excuse for a little brother. It was then Sam realised that he didn't deserve a brother like Dean.
Sam was knocked out of his guilt thoughts when Dean opened the door. Sam realized that they were back at the motel.
Sam followed quickly, grabbing his and Dean's bags, but Dean just grabbed it back out of Sam's hand. Sam sighed and closed the trunk.
"You can take the first shower..." Sam mumbled, so quietly that he had barely heard himself. It didn't look like Dean had heard him either, or he just didn't want to talk to him, and Sam found that completley understandable.
Once inside Dean just walked over to the bathroom and slammed the door, so hard that Sam flinched.
Perhaps Dean had heard him. Sam sighed again and sat on the bed, waiting for Dean to come out so they could talk.
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Once Dean was in the bathroom, he slid against the door, falling to his butt. He pulled his knees up against his chest, (his very messy, pain-filled chest) and hid his face in his knees.
Tears rolled down his face as he remember everything that had happened withen the last three hours.
Dean." Dean turned around to see Sam holding a shotgun to him.
"Step back from the door."
"Sam... Put the gun down."
"Is that an order?"
"More like a freindly request."
"'Cause I'm getting pretty tired of taking your orders.
"I knew it. Ellicott did something to you, didn't he?"
"For once in your life... Just shut your mouth!"
"What are you gonna do, Sam? Gun's filled witn rocksalt. Not gonna kill me."
Sam then fired the gun at Dean's chest, sending him backwards and on to the ground.
Sam smiled. "No... But it'll hurt like Hell."
Dean flinched. Tears were streaming down his face. He couldn't hold back the quiet sob. Was he really that bossy? So bossy Sam had to fill him with rocksalt?
Then the worst of it came.
Dean had handed Sam his pistol. Sam had taken it quickly. Like Dean was gonna pull it away from him if he was too slow. He aimed it right at Dean's head.
Dean said "You hate me that much? You think you could kill your own brother? Well go ahead then. Do it."
Sam's finger lingered on the trigger. Then without hesitation, he pulled it. He pulled it over and over again. Nothing happened.
"Man, I'm not gonna give you a loaded pistol!" And suddenly Sam was on the floor, growling angrily.
Dean didn't hesitate to punch Sam in the face. Out of anger and self-defence. "Sorry, Sam." He muttered and went looking for Ellicotts bones.
That was definantly the worst of it. Dean put his face in his hands. Sobbing. What the fuck was he doing? He should be fixing his chest, and taking a shower.
He got up, and slowly looked around for anything he could use for first-aid. He didn't find anything and he certainly wasn't going out there where Sam was.
Dean shrugged and figured he should clean the wounds first. Taking a shower would do just that.
So he turned the shower on and got under it, hating how it was burning his chest so much that he wanted to scream.
Oh well.
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Sam was on the other side of the door. He had heard the heartbroken sobs from his older brother. That ranked his guilt up to a brand new level.
What had he done to his indestructable brother? Sam felt the burning at his eyes. One tear slipped free and he quickly wiped it. Even though he was the only one in the room, he wasn't going to sit here and start crying over something that HE did!
He really didn't know how to fix this one... His lame excuse of an apology back at the asylum wasn't even close to fixed.
He started pacing. Muttering things to himself. How could he apologize? How could Dean forgive him? How come he hasn't already fixed things?
He had finally heard the sobs stopping and eventually, the shower running. That didn't ease his guilt one bit. He wasn't sure anything ever would. He had fucking shot his own brother! Tried to fucking kill him even! He couldn't ever forgive himself.
After twenty-five minutes of the sound of a running shower, Sam decides that it has been to long.
He goes up to the bathroom door, hesitating - starting to feel like this isn't a good idea - and softly knocks on the door.
He waits for a few seconds, thinking Dean didn't hear it, but then he hears the shower turn off and an angry voice say "What?"
Sam suddenly doesn't know what to say, not sure he ever did. "What!?" Dean says again. Alittle louder and more forceful.
"Dean... I need to see if your ok. Please come out." He says. Relieved slightly when Dean opens the door somewhat.
"I'm peachy." He says sarcastically. Sam almost rolls his eyes, but catches himself just in time. "I need to see if your chest needs to be bandaged."
Dean closes the door and Sam feels dissapointed and sad. But then Dean comes back out with a towel around his waist.
Sam can't help the small smile he feels tugging at his lips. At least Dean came out.
Sam goes over to one of their duffles and searches for the first aid kit. He finds it and rushes over to Dean.
Dean's not looking at him, not really looking at anything. Sam waves a hand infront of his face. His eyes find the hand and he looks over to Sam and all he can see in those eyes are sadness, hurt, and anger. He has to be careful.
He looks over Dean's chest, figuring that its going to bruise badly, and looks for the gauze.
When he finds them, he very, very gently wraps it around Dean's torso. He's afraid of hurting his brother anymore than he already has. Physically and mentally.
When he is finished, he looks in to Dean's eyes. And suddenly... He can't control his mouth.
"Dean... I am so sorry! I am! I mean, I always take advantage of you, I never think about your feelings, or thoughts! I don't think your pathetic, if anything I'M the pathetic one! I have always been seeking normal. I have always wanted to be like everyone else! Craving it even! And look where that got us... If anything... You'd be better off without me. I'm sorry, Dean." Sam stands and suddenly... Dean is furious.
"Do you really think I want that, Sam? When have I ever been better off without you? Huh? I don't blame you for wanting normal, Sam! Fuck, I've thought about it too! But I realized I can't have it because if I do... Then people die! Look what happened to Jess! I'm sorry, Sam, but we can't and won't ever have normal!"
Sam nods. "I know, Dean. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for running away at Flagstaff. I'm sorry for running away at Stanford and telling you to never call. I'm sorry that I held a gun up to you and shot you. I'm sorry that I almost killed you with a pistol. I'm sorry for making you think that I hate you." Sam finished and hung his head low in shame. There was so much more.
Dean sat quietly for a few minutes. Then ran a hand up and down Sam's back and said quietly "Its ok, Sam. I forgive you." And he actually did.
Sam looked up at Dean, as if he were crazy. "Really?" He asked, and Dean could have sworn that his brother was imitating a five year old.
"Really." Dean assured. And Sam could not help but hug him - concious of Dean's bruised chest - and bury his head in Dean's shoulder.
It was then Dean knew that things were gonna be alright.
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Ok. I have to say that I'm proud of this! Its the longest oneshot I have wrote. The reason I wrote this is because I could not help but get frustrated with that episode! I mean Sam almost kills his brother and all Dean gets is a "I'm sorry man."? I love Sam! I really do! But that episode needed something more.
Thanks for reading. Check out my other stories too! See you next time :)