Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or it's characters, this is only for fun.

Italics-thoughts/flashbacks

This is written in first person (Riku) and third person omniscient : D

Enjoy and please leave reviews!

Chapter 1-Drowning

Three years have passed, and so much has changed. They forgave me, but I have not forgiven myself. They welcomed me back, but I did not wish to be welcomed. They smiled at me, but I could not reply back. I wish I could literally retrace my steps and erase what I what I've done, or better yet make it so I would never sign that dotted line, that changed my life forever. I wish that I could have heart like his, smile like him, as if there was no care in this world. I look at myself and I ask, who is that staring back at me? It replies, it's you. I stare, gaping. Is that really me? It nods. I don't know who I am anymore, where I should go and how I should live my life. Should I leave Sora and Kairi to their fairy tale ending? Or I should I stay here, slowly wasting away by myself?

I can't picture anything, I can't recall, I can't remember the last time I smiled, laughed…cried. Or had any emotion inside of me.

I've become a blank scrapbook, waiting to be refilled with memories, the good…and the bad.

I stare at the blade lying in my shaking hands. Giving off a spark in the afternoon glow. Urging me to pull the blade down and deep on my arm, giving me sweet grief that fills me with joy.

"Hey! Riku! Riku!"

Damn, it's Sora. If he sees this, he'll lecture on and on that what I'm doing is a mistake…I shouldn't end my life like this…I have so much to live for, blah blah blah.

I pulled my drawer open and shut it just as Sora climbed through my window.

"Hey, Kairi and I are going down to the island, wanna come with?" he smiled, like he always did.

I sigh, looking away. "I-I don't know Sora, I'm not feeling well…"

"Come on!" He urged, leaning towards me. "It'll be fun and it'll be good for you to get out for a bit." He stood up, putting his arms behind his head.

"…Maybe…but…" I started.

I wanted to say I had something important to do. But his eyes. Whenever he looks at me, I get this feeling that I cannot explain in words…he changes perspective, your mind and shows you the right way to go.

"But Nothing Riku." He said pointing at me with his index finger, with the other hand on his hip.

I sigh. "Fine, fine. But only for an hour,"

"Alright!"

I gave a small smile. Thanks Sora.

At the Island….

"Oh Sora…isn't today such a beautiful day?" Kairi sighed, throwing back her hair that fluttered in the light ocean breeze, imitating a blazing fire.

"Yeah…" Sora breathed, closing his eyes.

I glance over them, laughing their hearts outs. While I sit wanting to tear mine out and throw it to the sharks….If there are any.

Why can't time rewind itself? I would give anything to go back to when we were just kids. Where Sora and I first met and knew instantly we'd be the best of buds and best of rivals, where we used to pretend to be pirates and raid the secret place for treasure, where Sora and would compete over everything eating, running, fishing…you name it. Although we didn't know back then. It occurred to us, three years ago on this very day, where our world took a turn for the worst.

"Hey guys, you know I just realized?" Kairi said with a small smile.

"What?" Sora asked with a grin, lying back on the sand.

"Three years ago on this very day, we were separated,"

Sora pursed his lips in a thoughtful manner. "You're right!" He said pouncing up.

Kairi blinks and leans over to Sora. "Hey, is Riku okay? He's been acting weird ever since we came back," she whispered.

I knew what she was saying. I know that she cares. I just want to leave, those words are cutting deep, I try to block it out but it's to no avail. I want to speak, but nothing comes out. I want to scream, but nothing comes out. I want to cry but nothing comes out.

"I don't know…but you know Riku. It'd be better if we just left alone to think," Sora whispered back.

"Yeah, you're right," she sighed.

"Don't worry." He soothed her, pulling her close.

Her head lay on his chest, as she were sleeping in an upright bed. She bit on her thumb, worriedly. "I just don't…"

He pushed her chin up, towards his face. "I won't let it happen again, or anything else bad happen…I promise." He smiled and kissed her.

I glanced over at them feeling like I was stuck in a moment frozen in time. I wanted to look away but I could not. I did only what came to my mind first. I raced down the sandy beach, kicking sand up in the air, racing to my unknown destination, getting closing to the finish line that instantly met my face. I felt chills travel throughout my body, as the light got dimmer in dimmer and as I sunk deep and deeper into the ocean depths. I felt my vision get hazy, my head floating amongst the clouds and my body heavy as lead. I'm almost to the finish line, the line getting flatter and flatter.

"Riku! Damn it Riku wake up! Don't do this! Come on buddy! Please….Riku. Hold on…. hold on"