Well, what can I say? I was terribly bored today, so I started watching A Very Potter Musical. I thought it would be a fun challenge to write out all of it. This took a very long time. Why? Because I don't have the whole musical memorized, so I went through bit by bit and wrote it all out. This is just Act 1 parts 1 and 2. I don't know if I'll actually go through and write out the rest of it, because like I said, this took a very long time.
P.S. This is minus any singing, because it's in story-form not script-form and I didn't just wanna write out stage directions, lyrics, and dialogue if you know what I mean. So without further ado…
A Very Potter Musical : Gotta Get Back to Hogwarts
Harry sat in the cupboard under the stairs of number 4 Privet Drive. He pushed his bangs out of his eyes in thought, showing his lightning scar, he hated living with the Dursleys. They were so cruel to him, and never gave him what he wanted. But he didn't deserve those stupid rules they had enforced for so many years. He was a wizard, not a criminal! But after everything that had happened to him, at least he was alive. The summer was getting old, it was September for Merlin's sake! All he wanted was to go back to Hogwarts, the school of witchcraft and wizardry. There everybody thought he was cool. But it wasn't just that, it'd be great just to see the witches, wizards, and magical beasts! And of course, the excitement of goblins and ghosts, and to eat those magical feasts, he never got any good food when he was with the Dursleys! All he truly wanted was to go back to Hogwarts.
He turned towards his trunk, already packed and ready for the year's magical shenanigans at Hogwarts. He always had a way of getting in trouble with his two best friends, Ron and Hermione. He missed them terribly and thought of all of the times they had laughed till they cried. Looking over at his broomstick, he remembered the jolt of pure joy he got whenever he rode his trusty Firebolt. So many memories came from his time at Hogwarts, including dark memories. He shrugged them off, telling himself that nobody was going to die that year. It was going to be one totally awesome year!
Pulling his wand out of his pocket, he twirled it, imagining all of the spells he would be able to do. Here in the broom cupboard, defeating the Dark Arts seemed a breeze! He was reminded again of his adventures with Ron Weasley, they would totally own the school together. Right as Harry thought of his best friend, he walked right in! Ron burst through the door, walking straight for Harry with a big smile on his face.
"Yeah, this year's gonna be totally awesome! Did somebody say Ron Weasley?" He asked cockily with a big, goofy laugh. Harry quickly hugged his best friend, both exchanging their greetings. They broke apart, and Ron seemed to quickly rush into why he was there.
"Hey buddy, sorry I'm late, but I had to go get some Floo Powder. But we gotta get going, come on get your trunk, we gotta go." Ron motioned for them both to leave.
"Wait, where we going?" Harry asked curiously, though he already had his trunk in tow.
"To Diagon Alley of course!" Ron smiled again, grabbing Harry's arm to leave. "Come on!" He threw the Floo Powder down and leapt into the green flames with Harry quickly behind him. They landed together side-by-side in an empty corner of Diagon Alley. Ron turned to his best friend, both smiling.
"It's been so long, but we're going back," Ron said as Harry laughed in excitement, he was glad the feeling of their return was mutual, "Don't go for work, don't go there for class." This was why they were such best friends, it was like they had the same brain! Harry put an arm around the redhead.
"As long as we're together…" and Ron followed suit, finishing his messy-haired counterpart's sentence "Gonna kick some ass!" In complete unison, once again reading each other's minds, they grinned and said loudly, "And it's gonna be totally awesome!" They both reached their hands up, doing a 'hang-loose' gesture. It was like they were twins, or at least brothers! But their physical differences were obvious, Ron's height advantage over Harry's, and their opposite hair colors.
Their plans for the year unfolded before them as they talked. They would take everybody by storm, stay up all night, and sneak out of their dorms.
"But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our O.W.L.s!" A voice interrupted their scheming and the two of them turned. A girl with big, frizzy hair stood before them looking unpleased. They hadn't noticed her listening in, but there was no doubt who it was. He frumpy clothes, condescending and much-too-mature-for-her-age eyes between her bushy eyebrows and large nose. It was none other than their other sort-of best friend, Hermione Granger.
"God, Hermione! Why do you have to be such a buzz-kill?" Ron asked, aggravated as he usually was when it came to Hermione. He walked away from her, exasperated and hoping nobody would think he and Harry were with her. But people had already associated them as the Golden Trio, they went everywhere together at Hogwarts.
Hermione didn't pay attention to Ron's walking away, instead she answered what was probably a rhetorical question. "Because guys,school isn't all about having fun. We need to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards!" The three of them had walked into the busy main street that was Diagon Alley, students they recognized passing by all around them.
"I may be frumpy, but I'm super smart. Check out my grades, they're A's for a start. What I lack in looks, well I make up in heart. And well guys, yeah that's totally awesome!" Ron had lost all interest at this point and walked to the side with Harry, trying to find somebody else to talk to, but that didn't stop Hermione from speaking what was on her mind. "This year I plan to study a lot," she said with a gleam in her eye, imagining the rewards of her aptitude.
"That would be cool if you were actually hot." Ron said loudly, finding him self quite amusing. Hermione glared daggers towards him, but Harry caught his best friend on his rude words.
"Hey Ron, come on, we're the only friends that she's got." He tried to whisper, but it carried easily. Hermione didn't mind though, she knew it was the truth. Ron looked at his best friend, and gave in.
"And that's cool!"
"And that's totally awesome!" Hermione said, moving towards her two friends. Harry was glad he stopped what would have been another of Ron and Hermione's legendary fights. They all stepped together, thinking about the year to come, agreeing that the school year, and their friendship was totally awesome. They began to talk as they maneuvered the street. All three were sick of summer, it felt as if they had been sitting in the lost and found. It didn't take sorcery to see that they had to get back to Hogwarts. All around them they could hear murmurs about people's excitement for Hogwarts. Diagon Alley seemed to be erupting with school pride.
"Rooon!" A voice neither Harry nor Hermione recognized yelled their friend's name. Ron slowed down bitterly and looked back behind him. A young, ginger haired girl came running over to Ron, who had put his arms out as if to fend off some horrible animal. The girl was clumsily tromping up, her bright, yellow shoes standing out against her pale skin.
"You're supposed to take me to Madam Maulkin's and use those Sickles Mom gave you for my robe fitting!" Her words came tumbling out at top speed, flicking her wand around awkwardly. She had to stand on her toes to get up in Ron's face. He put his arms down and turned to Harry and Hermione, knowing they were expecting an explanation.
"Um, who's this?" Harry asked, pointing at the odd girl.
"Oh, this is Stupid Little Dumb Sister Ginny, she's a freshman. Ginny this is Harry…Harry Potter." Ron threw his hand out, gesturing his sister toward his best friend. He was obviously quite annoyed that his sister had to follow him around all day, and especially that she had to meet his friends. Harry held out his hand politely, but Ginny looked quite star-struck. She took his hand regardless, staring at him obsessively.
"You're-you're Harry Potter, you're the Boy Who Lived." She finally let go of his hand and pointed a finger at him, almost accusingly. Harry looked unfazed, he had heard and seen this before, especially during his first year at Hogwarts. Ron and Hermione looked on from behind Harry.
"Yeah, and you're Ginny." He said blatantly.
"It's Ginedra." Ginny said, putting her hand out a second time, then pulling it back and placing it on her chest.
"Cool, Ginny's fine." Harry said casually. Ron was beyond annoyed, and came out from behind Harry. He hated being embarrassed, especially because of his little sister, and especially in front of his friends.
"Stupid sister," Ron said, smacking her upside the head, "Don't crowd the famous friend." He put an arm around Harry and laughed as his sister grabbed her head and squealed. Hermione looked around, as if searching for something.
"Do you guys hear music?" She asked, as Harry and Ron began to look around for the source of it as well. All three of them began muttering about it, completely forgetting about Ginny, who was still holding her head, but looking around curiously as well.
Then three girls walked up, their hands up as if praying or bowing to an emperor. An Asian girl led the group, as shortest, wearing a poofy tulle skirt that didn't reach far down her legs, which were covered by dark tights. The second girl had brown hair and was wearing a very proper school uniform, though her skirt was hiked up higher as well, with dark black tights beneath. The last girl in the line was very tall and beautiful, a flower pulling the hair out of her eyes. Her skirt had the illusion of being the shortest, due to her height. They sang as the walked by, "Cho Chang; Domo arigato, Cho Chang; Gung Hey Fat Choy, Chang; Happy Happy New Year, Cho Chang." But singing wasn't all they did, they added some provocative movements which made Hermione grimace in disgust, but also made most guys pay more attention. Especially Harry and Ron. The girls finished their song and turned towards each other, all giggles.
Ginny seemed very distressed, "Oh, who's that?" She asked, turning to her brother. This time he didn't seem so upset, probably because of his nice view of some of the most attractive girls in the school.
"That's Cho Chang." Harry answered before Ron could, though he didn't even look at Ginny when he said it. He was stretching himself out, as if about to run a race, focusing all his attention on Cho. Ron clasped his hands together, and spoke as if giving commentary.
"That's the girl Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year." Hermione didn't look so pleased with this fact. She put her hands on her hips, and glared at the back of Harry's head, he still wasn't really paying attention to anybody in the small group.
"Yeah, but he won't say anything to her." Ron stared at Hermione as if she were crazy, Harry finally paying some attention for a moment at Hermione's words.
"Well yeah, you never tell a girl you like them, it makes you look like an idiot." Ron answered, putting his hands out to make it look like this was an obvious fact of life, Harry doing the same to show he agreed. Ginny rushed towards the pack of girls, eager to make friends. She tapped on the first girl's shoulder, bowing down as she had seen the three girls doing earlier.
"Konichiwa Cho Chang, it is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley." She said, speaking as if she was talking to a small child, and making large gestures to herself before sticking a hand out towards the small girl in front of her. The girl turned and laughed a little with her friends before turning back to Ginny abruptly.
"Bitch, I'm ain't Cho Chang." She said, throwing her hands up in the air and then glaring at the young redhead. Ron pulled his sister away quickly, scolding her.
"That's Lavender Brown, racist sister!" He yelled, hitting her upside the head yet again. The tallest girl in the group heard Ginny squeal and grab her head, quickly moving forward.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm Cho Chang y'all." She said with a flip of her hair, her southern drawl obvious. Ginny looked at her, confused.
"She is totally perfect." Harry said, his eyes back on Cho. He stared and made to walk towards her, when he heard Ron's voice.
"Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory, though, huh?" This was news to Harry, he didn't get to hear much because he was always stuck with Muggles and relied on messages by owl. His head spun around and he looked towards his best friend for information.
"What? Who the hell is Cedric Diggory?" He asked, throwing his hands up in defeat. Ron walked towards his friend and tried to begin to describe who Cedric Diggory was, when a tall boy came bursting between the two of them, throwing Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny to the ground. He had clean-cut, dark hair, a cheesy smile, and wore a bright, yellow, Hufflepuff tie proudly. Harry instantly hated whoever this guy was. He looked up at the guy from the ground, but was surprised to see that the idiot wasn't looking at the people he had just knocked to the ground, but the very girl that Harry had been staring at before very rudely being pushed down. Cho Chang.
"Cho Chang! I am so in love with Cho Chang! From Bangkok to Ding Dang, I'll sing my love aloud for Cho Chang!" He ran towards the girl of Harry's dreams, holding her in his arms. She looked completely wooed by this guy, they quickly ran off together, and disappeared in the crowd. Meanwhile, Harry and Co. were pulling themselves up from the ground. Harry glared after the couple.
"I hate that guy, I hate him!" Harry said bitterly, Ron muttered a 'yeah' then turned to his little sister who was still clumsily standing up.
"Well are we going to get those robes or not?" He yelled, throwing his arms out in frustration.
"Alright, I'm going!" Ginny yelled back, dusting herself off and following her brother towards Madam Maulkin's. He was always so mean to her, and it was so annoying. Ron muttered angrily about his sister as he walked. They all pushed passed Neville Longbottom, who looked very determined to get what he needed and leave, keeping his head down and walking quickly. He was often bullied, so nobody could say that it was a bad idea for him to try to get away before he bumped into somebody he didn't want to see. Neville wasn't one for luck though, so it was no surprise when he walked right into none other than Crabbe and Goyle, Malfoy's cronies, and the biggest bullies at Hogwarts.
"Present your arm, Nerd!" Neville quickly did as the large boy asked, Goyle was practically a brick wall, and had the deepest voice of anybody in their year, and a few years above them. Goyle pressed his wand to Neville's arm.
"Indian Burn Hex." The pathetic little boy quickly buckled under the discomfort, yelling out as Crabbe mocked and laughed. Harry heard the noise of Longbottom being hurt, which everybody at Hogwarts had heard at least twice, and ran out to stop Goyle.
"Oh, Crabbe and Goyle!" Ron said in an upset voice, he hated dealing with them. Ginny ran straight for the boy that was now on his knees in front of Goyle, she helped him up and carried him over to the others. Harry passed them and pointed at Crabbe and Goyle.
"Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone?" He stepped right up to the two sidekicks.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Harry Potter. Ya think all because you're famous, you can boss everyone around!" Goyle took no time in getting up in Harry's face, his deep voice bellowing into Harry's ear.
"No, I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville, come on!" Harry said, trying to reason with the brick wall, but it did about as much help as talking to a real brick wall.
"Oh, well you wanna know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! We hate nerds!" He grabbed Harry's glasses off of his nose and broke them in two, then handed the pieces back to Harry forcefully. Crabbe joked along, pointing at Hermione and Ginny.
"And girls!"
"Well you asked for it! You don't mess with Harry, he beat the Dark Lord when he was baby!" Ron yelled back at Crabbe, though his voice shook weakly as he said it. Hermione lifted her arms, as if ending a fight between some rascally children.
"Alright, everyone just calm down," she walked towards Harry, pointing her wand at his broken glasses, "Occulus Repairo." The two pieces whirled up and mended, suddenly back on Harry's nose where they belonged. She put a hand on Harry's arm and began to pull him away. "Now let's leave these baby, childish jerks alone!" The whole group began to walk away when a high, drawling voice yelled after them.
"Did someone say Draco Malfoy?" He said as he walked towards the group in an overly dramatic pose.
"What do you want Draco?" Harry yelled towards the smaller boy, he hated Malfoy more than anybody at Hogwarts, and even just seeing him was annoying. Draco ignored the question and turned instead to his small possey.
"Crabbe, Goyle, be a friend and go pay for my robes will you?" Draco handed the pair some money and they quickly set off on their mission. The small blond then turned to Harry and Co., "So Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts, maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber wizard!" He said, throwing his robes back behind himself in another melodramatic pose. Harry glared at Draco in annoyance, he hooked his arms around his best friends, pulling them in closer.
"Hey, listen Draco, Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world, I wouldn't trade them for anything!" All three smiled, but as Ginny tried to join the group Ron pushed her away and sent her flying awkwardly to the side. Draco nodded his head and smirked at the trio.
"Have it your way…wait!" Draco walked towards Ginny who was rubbing her arm where her brother pushed her, her hair falling in her eyes sloppily. Draco's finger was pointing at her, taunting and accusing. "Red hair, hand-me-down clothes, and a stupid complexion, you must be a Weasley!" He said with a victorious laugh, walking around in his glory.
"Oh my God, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, okay, but she's my pain in the ass." Ron said, stepping forward to stop Malfoy's gloating. Ginny stood a few feet behind her brother and smiled broadly, happy to have somebody to stand up for her, even if he had done it slightly offensively. Draco just put his hands on his hips and looked up at the Weasleys.
"Well isn't this cute, it's like a little loser family!" Harry rolled his eyes and pulled Ron back. All four of them walked away, not wanting to deal with Malfoy any longer. "Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs! Luckily next year I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!" He didn't care that Potter and his friends had left, he had the upper hand. He began to scheme about his upcoming year. Knowing that Crabbe and Goyle were due back from Madam Maulkins, he figured he might as well begin his sheep. "You bet this year, gonna get out of here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near, I'll have the greatest wizard career. It's gonna be totally awesome. Look out world for the dawn of the day when everyone will do whatever I say,and Potter won't be in the way. And I'll be the one who is totally awesome!" With perfect timing, he turned around, to see Crabbe and Goyle standing directly behind him.
"Yeah you'll be the one who is totally awesome." Goyle agreed in his deep, rasping voice.
All of a sudden Hermione yelled out that the train had arrived, and the street became chaos as students rushed onto the Hogwarts Express. Everyone talked merrily about what was to come for their year at Hogwarts. Soon glasses were being passed around and the Butterbeer was flowing rapidly as everybody chatted excitedly. The only one who seemed annoyed was Malfoy, who stubbornly refused to smile.
"Maybe at last, I'll talk to Cho!" Harry said enthusiastically. Ron shook his head and looked at his best friend, his face worried.
"Oh no, that'd be way too awesome!" The conversations moved back to school and magic. Everyone was eager to learn everything that they could, and they all agreed that it was great to go back to where they began. Except Malfoy. The train ride went by faster than ever and everybody hustled out of the train and into the castle. Whispers still soared about what they might learn, now that the summer was over all the students were itching to go. Everyone gathered in the Great Hall, awaiting their headmaster, when Neville announced the great wizard's entrance.
"I think we're ready for Albus Dumbledore!" The tension increased, and the students split apart when a beautiful wizard appeared. He wore red robes, and had a pointy magician hat placed on top of his head. His bright smile was framed by a short, white beard, and he held flowers in his hand.
"Welcoooooooooome," He bellowed, throwing the flowers around the Great Hall, "all of you to Hogwarts! I welcome all of you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool? Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts. Welcome hotties, nerds, and tools. Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts, I'd like to go over just a few rules." Everybody smiled and listened to their headmaster. Except for Malfoy. "My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I am Headmaster here at Hogwarts. You can call me…Dumbledore. I suppose you can also call me Albus if you want a detention, no I'm just kidding! I'll expel you if you call me Albus!" He smiled and walked off to the side as the students erupted with anticipation again, dancing around the Hall and fist-pumping.
Yells could be heard of things everyone had been waiting for all summer. Witches! Wizards! Magical beasts! Goblins, ghosts, and magical feasts! Harry loved being somewhere in which he felt truly at home. Everybody around him had been looking forward to school, where he came from it was a curse that everyone dreaded. But here, his fellow students were dreaming of all of the things he had dreamed of for two long months. He listened as more words were shouted, whispered, and spoken. Spells and enchantments! Potions and friends! Then, as each house's members infested their tables for the feast, they yelled out their house-pride. Gryffindor! Hufflepuff! Ravenclaw! SLYTHERIN! Finally, they were back to the place that had been awaiting them. All the students began chanting the name of the school as Dumbledore reappeared at the front of the Great Hall.
"I'm sorry what's its name?" He asked, egging them all on. The students answered enthusiastically. "I didn't hear you kids!" They all yelled the name proudly which made Dumbledore grin. Harry turned to his friends right before Dumbledore began the speech he gave each year.
"Man, I'm glad I'm back!"
I thought that was a good ending. Anyways, I do have to say that I do not own A Very Potter Musical or Harry Potter, so basically this is just my retelling of the musical. It was fan-made by StarKid productions, if you haven't seen it, it's on YouTube. Thanks for reading the product of my complete boredom!