01/18/08 -IMPORTANT REVISION. I've moved some scenes around and added a new one in to make a few things clear. I hope readers of old and new can enjoy the revisions I've made!
Author's notes:
This fanfic is named after the poem "Facts about Water" by Sara Berkeley. DiHydrogen Monoxide is just a complicated name for a water molecule, a chain of two hydrogens sandwiching an oxygen. I guess you could call this a poem fic, since the format of the story is similar to poem, except comprised of sentences instead of stanzas.
Warning: 1st POV. Shounen-ai fluff/angst.
Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is not mine. This poem is not mine. I got this out of a book by an Irish woman poet, named Sara Berkeley. The poem, and the book from whence it got its name, is called Facts about Water. The books that Hisoka sees are all written by Irish Women poets: Patricia A. Burke, Eavan Boland, and Medbh McGuckian, in that order.
Pairing: Tsuzuki & Hisoka. No Lemon. Mostly sap.
Based sometime after the Kyoto Arc. After Hisoka got his Cactaur, Riko.
Thanks for reading! All answers to reviews (This was written before we had review replies) are at the bottom of the chapter.
Chapter 1: Just Another Day
I was in the library again. Wasting time, when I could be filing reports.
Of course, I had done all that could be finished at the moment. My messy desk was once again cleared.
Although that was only temporary. There were always new cases to finish, and write reports about.
Now I was bored. Earlier, I had contemplated reading, but I just wasn't in the mood for it. Nor was I in the mood for Tsuzuki's antics.
I looked up at the aisles and aisles of books. I was currently in the poetry section.
Why was I in here? I asked myself quietly, walking down the long aisle.
But my mind fumbled for an answer.
Tsuzuki had been goofing off as usual, which had strangely gotten on my nerves.
Usually, I could deal with it, but after Kyoto…
I stared at the varying sizes of books in front of me, and randomly read the titles of a few: 'Above the Waves of Calligraphy', 'An Origin Like Water', 'Marconi's Cottage'...
I was still irritated that I had to finish Tsuzuki's filing for him. That idiot.
He had been clumsier today, and couldn't seem to sit still.
In a rush of overdone giddiness, he had continually gorged on sweets, like he was trying to melt away as the chocolate in his mouth did.
What's more, the office was barely bearable with all the stray emotions being flung around.
I knew that the library was hardly visited by anyone, other than the GuShouShin, Watari, myself, and maybe Tatsumi.
And because of its lack of visitors, the library was a sanctuary of sorts for me.
A place where others' emotions wouldn't bog down on me.
Since I was here already, I decided that reading probably wouldn't be so bad to pass the time would it?
Even if it was lame poetry.
I reached and pulled out a small, neglected book from in between two larger ones.
"HISOOOKAAAAAA!"
Startled, my hand released its grip on the book, and it fell, in a tripping dance across the floor.
That.. That IDIOT!
I bent down, gently picking up the book.
This is a library. You aren't supposed to be so noisy--
Its cover was a mishmash of what looked to be splattered paint on an off-white background.
I read the title
Facts about Water
Curious, I opened the book to the poem that named the book, and read.
…………
Be ready for the flood, they said.
I gathered my skirts. No flood came.
Beware the danger that comes with a man,
they said. I waited for the fall.
In blinding light
he stumbled to us from the stones.
Was this the man? He fell at our feet.
fire, famine, flood.
Give him his name, they said.
I was drawn to the man, I told him
this is your name, and then he was all I saw,
the first I knew of endless, immeasurable calm,
the whole struggle over and done.
I had expected pain, instead
He treated me with care, folding and wrapping,
I had never been given before.
He gave me to myself, said without saying
love if you will, but be warned,
I have very little.
………
A love poem? My eyebrows furrowed, and gently closed the book.
I didn't read poems.
I certainly didn't read love poems.
They weren't realistic. At least the ones I had read hadn't been, and this one didn't seem like it knew what it was talking about, if it had even been about love.
Love wasn't all fun and happiness.
It was more of a game, where two people tried to show that they loved the other more.
Generally ending, when one or both decided that the only thing going for them was merely physical.
I heard clamoring feet, searching for me.
No, I don't think I want that.
I shoved the book back into place, like a child caught doing something they weren't supposed to be.
Chastising my treatment of the book, since it wasn't at fault for having been chosen for some stupid love poetry, I sought a determined pace in the opposite direction
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
His mind stumbled over the why's of the situation.
Like, why was he moving away from Tsuzuki rather than towards him?
Tsuzuki had always been kind to him.
An acquaintance, at first, who tried to get him to speak up when something was bothering him.
Then, a companion who tried to teach him compassion.
Finally, Tsuzuki became a friend.
A friend who persistently tried to get him to crawl out of the dark shell he had built up around him.
Unfortunately, Hisoka was not ready to come out of his self-made prison.
See problem was, Hisoka was still testing Tsuzuki, though it was probably just an unconscious reflex.
His subconscious wouldn't let him out if he still doubted.
He didn't want to be hurt again.
The doubt was still somewhere inside of him. What was it?
Fear that Tsuzuki would leave.
The reason for his uncertainty was that no matter how seriously Tsuzuki attempted to keep promises, they continually blew up in his face.
Not that Tsuzuki was at fault for bad luck and timing.
True, but only when Tsuzuki began making promises did Hisoka's doubt grow.
It grew and ate him; if he wasn't with Tsuzuki, it grew.
But with Tsuzuki, it failed to shrink.
Sooner or later though, it would have to begin to fade.
And fade it would, as long as Tsuzuki's friendliness was constant.
Would it remain though?
Even through the recurrent name-calling and yelling?
One could hardly call that simple friendship. Many such simple, fragile things would have crumbled by then.
Then, was their friendship something more, now?
Was that what was causing Hisoka to panic?
Undoubtedly.
"HISOOOKAAAAAA!"
A GuShouShin fluttered immediately into my view.
"Tsuzuki-san! I'd have you tossed out if it wasn't for Konoe. So be quiet! This is a place of silence!" It hissed sternly at me.
I knew that, and turned puppy-form at maximum power, pleading my case to it.
"But I have to find him! It's very important!"
I wanted to find Hisoka 'cause he was being so sweet. I mean, I didn't even ask him to do my work.
"Well, find him quietly then. Alright?" It giggled at my puppy-dog look.
I nodded, smiling brightly.
Today was crappier than normal, so it was nice for a change not having to deal with office work. Didn't sleep too well last night.
My smile dropped from my face as I walked past some of the tall, imposing bookcases. My nose twitched at the musty smell of old books.
I think Hisoka noticed.
Though I wasn't too sure how. My mental shields were up, and I made sure that I was acting within what was considered normal behavior for me.
But.. I think he still noticed something was off.
I smiled.
Which doubled his sweetness factor.
I picked up my pace, realizing that Hisoka probably didn't want me around, if he was here.
There are only so many places he could be...
But he should be around here somewhere.. this is his favorite place to be, though he wouldn't admit it to anyone.
I turned the corner of the last aisle that I had to look. I knew it was going to be empty.
Wow, he's getting predictable.
He was avoiding me.
Hmm. Did he feel embarrassed that he did my work because of habit, or what?
All I had wanted to do was thank him. Paperwork was not my forte.
Probably would take him to a new homemade ramen shop I found not a week ago to show my appreciation.
Their noodles were fantastic!
Hisoka wouldn't have liked a pastry shop. No matter how much I begged and whined, he wouldn't touch a crumb. And when I ate lots at a time, he sat an extra desk away from me.
I thought he was just being polite at first, but that wasn't all.
He seemed to loathe sugary things with a passion, which I didn't understand.
I sighed.
But, I didn't have enough money for both of us...
I could buy him lunch, but he wouldn't eat it if I didn't have any for myself.
I guess I could go back home and break open my piggybank to scrounge up enough coins, but I probably won't have enough money until my next paycheck.
Anyway, since I didn't have enough money he'd either push it away, claiming he wasn't hungry, or he'd grudgingly buy lunch for me, grumbling about how he seems to be the only one that actually saves his money other than Tatsumi.
Since there was no point in hurrying because he was already gone from the library itself, I walked sedately down the empty aisle. Letting my eyes wander, I found a book (on its spine, mind you) halfway jammed between two much thicker books.
I gently pulled it out, and smoothed out some of the crumpled pages as best I could.
A poetry book?
My eyes scanned the book, and opened it to where all the pages folded into.
……
Here was a man without the anchor of dreams.
He blinked in the sun, he hardly seemed
at home in his set of bones.
I felt his uncontrol
reined in with a shaky hand. I said,
if you need me in the night call out.
……
With some difficulty, I read the entire poem. Still wasn't too great at reading English, but seventy years working here had brought some improvement to my understanding of the language.
My conversational skills were still severely lacking.
I remembered Hisoka yelling at me about my butchered English one time. I told him, very petulantly, that it was hard to pronounce some of those sounds.
He didn't immediately answer. He looked at me, like he was going to say how stupid I was, but then his face flickered with some nervousness or… or something, and turned away.
He never spoke of it again.
Sighing softly, I remembered the page number to mark later and closed the book, tucking it into the hidden pocket inside my suit coat.
Poor book. Hisoka must've been reading this when I interrupted him.
Probably embarrassed to be found reading poetry.
He really loved to read, so it wouldn't surprise me if he did—Though, I recalled how he sputtered at my idea, when I suggested reading poetry instead of all the historical articles and political debates and educational whatnots he was stuck on. Wasn't too sure on the reason for reading that stuff, but I didn't want to be nosy. He'd only pull away.
I patted the place where the book was.
Anyway, it was love poetry. That was its basic element from what I could gather from the English.
The poem wasn't exactly clear about if the love was platonic or romantic. And wasn't quite direct. There was no 'You're more beautiful than the prettiest flower' here.
I think what surprised me was the depth of despair in caring for someone else it portrayed. And the fear in trusting.
The situation didn't seem hopeless. It was just ... what was the word…. Melancholy. The hope was melancholy.
But, it was unheard of Hisoka to be reading things like this.
It made me smile.
Had it been curiosity? Or just luck that he had drawn this from the shelf?
Maybe a little of both?
I trotted down the aisle and out of the library, plastering my smile into place to greet people going down the hall.
Where is he hiding now?
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Searched and found him, but Tsuzuki didn't approach.
Merely observed him, after all Hisoka was avoiding him, so he thought that maybe he should just leave him alone.
Besides, what was better than eating a dozen of triple fudge chocolate donuts with sprinkles!
…
…
Eating them with Hisoka of course.
…
Eating them while watching Hisoka would have to do.
So he sat down and munched happily on his donuts, with an eye on Hisoka
After he nearly caught up with me in the library, I thought about the inevitability that he would come to pester me. So when I sat next to the sakura tree, I had expected him to waltz outside, and flash his irritatingly, counterfeit grin.
But he didn't.
That idiot... Why did he try to be so nauseatingly happy, when it was obvious he wasn't?
I shook my head in disdain. He was lying to everyone around him.
It was disgusting how his fake happiness flowed off in waves.
Frowning, I gave out an exasperated sigh. Why should I care anyway?
I had done what I could. When I asked him to, he had stayed.
I didn't need to be concerned about it. It wasn't my problem what he was doing, but if so why was I worried?
Because… Tsuzuki was not happy. He only pretended.
I hadn't known until that moment in the black fires in Kyoto that Tsuzuki felt that his life was worthless.
Hadn't had a clue.
I had told him that he was human, but no amount of persuasion seemed to sway his mind. That had hurt a lot.
Workday over, I took my jacket and left without speaking to anyone.
It had been quiet today.
It wasn't often, but every once in while there was a break between cases.
Today had been one of those days.
And I had yet to see Tsuzuki since I had retreated to the library. Normally his goofy face would show up every ten minutes.
I certainly sensed him every once in awhile but he never appeared. I had a sneaking suspicion that he was up to something, but shook it off as paranoia.
Tsuzuki was not one to be that patient. If he was planning something, it would have already occurred.
The guy loved to play around. After our first case, it seemed like he had adopted the mission of getting me to laugh, or at least smile.
More often than not, I would blush, and because of it he must have found it cute or something since he still hasn't grown tired of shamelessly teasing me, which is annoying as hell.
Then he figured out that just teasing me doesn't guarantee a blush.
He has to move in, lean into my personal space and then tease me.
It's so damn aggravating, but not so bad as long as he doesn't touch me.
However, we are talking about THE most touchy-feely I have ever met with Watari being a close second though that isn't saying much considering my background...
He would muss my hair up, pat me on the back, try to straighten the collar of my shirts, give me hugs, glomp me and/or hang on me.
Every single time, following that degree of touchiness from worse to worst, I would duck from his hand, shrug his hand off, slap his hand away, push him away, knock him down, and/or throw him off.
He wouldn't learn, so why should I go out of my way to try to train him out of these bad habits? I thought my obvious anger at his touching would give him a clue, but he hasn't stopped yet.
I remembered after a particularly long session of a sugar-crazed Tsuzuki glomping me and my weak retaliation of insults on double-time, I had relented to his persistence and allowed a chibi-fied Tsuzuki to remain hugging my midriff with his head on my chest.
I had tried my best to ignore his incoherent thought-babble and warm feelings slipping through his defenses.
It was hell trying not to overload, even with my shields on maximum, but it happened anyway.
Shouting out, I fell over, and woke up in the infirmary.
When I overloaded, I had seen many things that made up Tsuzuki in a faceted, disorganized fashion, and nothing that I could put into coherent words.
He was far more complicated than he let on, but I had already known that.
There were secrets that he locked away, things about him I couldn't reach even falling into him like that.
I did see something that put the fear of him back into me.
I had felt something undefinable. Something directed towards me that I didn't understand very well.
Eyes blank, I had stared at him. Stared at his distressed state, as he apologized profusely to me.
And I had thought to myself, that if I could manage a day without Tsuzuki around me, I would be relieved.
The heavy-handed fear in my heart would be lifted, albeit momentarily.
Today though.. Today, instead of the respite I expected, the burden of fear grew tighter without Tsuzuki here.
I didn't understand it.
''''''''''''''''''''''''
And, of course, he would only recognize that fear as a very stupid thing.
An empath was not supposed to feel lonely after all.
Nor was he supposed to worry about abandonment
It was a common incident in the end, why would another rejection bother him?
Because he cared.
Blinking, I stared at the branches of the cherry tree as I sat underneath it outside, a crumpled napkin smeared with chocolate in hand.
Must have fallen asleep.
Checking my watch, I relaxed when I realized I had only napped for half an hour, and hopped up.
It was the perfect opportunity to leave Hisoka a present.
He never could leave a book half-finished, so I figured it should be the same for poetry.
Jotting a brief message on a sticky note, I stuck it to the front cover and teleported to his house, leaving it in an obvious place.
He won't be able to ignore that.
Then, I teleported back to the office, and spent the rest of the afternoon watching him from a distance and ducking to hide when his empathy told him where I was.
I guess I was a bit childish hoping Hisoka to seek me out like a game of hide-and-seek
It was even naïve to think he would bother.
But, as much as he yelled at me for being an idiot and not liking my company, he looked distant the longer I stayed away. He finally pulled on a jacket and I knew our workday was over, but I remained hidden.
I'm sorry.
It was really selfish to want him to reach out for me without having a reason for it, wasn't it?
''''''''''''''''''''''''
Tsuzuki hadn't felt needed in a long time.
It was as if nobody dared to depend on him.
It served as a painful reminder that there was something fundamentally wrong with him.
Only Hisoka had seen his desperation and given him the gratification of being needed.
But, was that all there was between them?
Kindness borne from pity?
As much as he tried to deny it, he couldn't stay for Hisoka if that were true.
There was no point in continuing to live out a destiny of regret if emptiness was the consequence.
He was terrified of being loved conditionally.
The scenery had passed by quickly after I left JuuOhCho.
I arrived at the door to my tiny house.
It was secluded enough that I didn't get many visitors, so I lived contentedly without the annoyance of a neighbor's feelings.
An object caught my attention, leaning against the front door.
It was the same book that I had wedged back onto the shelf earlier with a note attached.
Hey! Hisoka! I found this in the library and thought you might want to finish reading it. –Tsuzuki
There was a tiny scribbled doodle of a heart with a puppy next to his name.
My left eye twitched.
I leaned down, grasping the thin book in my right hand.
A page was marked. Nothing in the note explained it, but I understood his insistence as clear as tempered glass.
I didn't want to read it.
Unlocking the door, I entered the house I slept in, but derived no true comfort in.
I removed my coat. Placing it on a hanger, I put it away in the tiny coat closet.
I placed the book on the small table next to my queen-sized bed.
Following the brushing and flossing of my teeth, I changed into my large, long-sleeved pajama shirt, not bothering with buttoning it up all the way.
After crawling under the covers of my bed, curiosity got the better of me and I opened the book, and read.
…………
Trains run beneath my house.
His flame flickered, but did not go out,
I conjured a green field to steady him,
no gate, no way in or out,
but a cool mile of young grass
and four spare dry stone walls
to hold him in.
I had never held anyone in before.
……………
Closing the book, I placed it back on the stand next to me.
It had been a strange poem. And suspecting that the entire book was like that, I did not deign to continue reading it.
What did love have to do with a field of young, green grass and a ship in the middle of the sea?
The clock, adorning an otherwise bare wall, chimed ten times.
It was still too early.
Deciding to push my confusion aside, I got up to pull another one of my favorite books from a shelf nearly overhanging the bed.
Or so I thought.
What was supposed to be a book on the theory of capitalism by Hayekian... turned out to be 'I am Spock' by Leonard Nimoy.
I blinked at it for a moment, not sure why it was in my room.
It wasn't my book after all.
I opened it, and found a message written to me by what I recognized to be Watari's lopsided longhand style.
I blinked at it again.
Oh, right. He had given it to me as a home-warming present when I first arrived as a Shinigami.
It had been something that I had no interest in reading, but I had placed it on the shelf just in case Watari visited.
I sighed, remembering how Tsuzuki always pestered me about not reading things for entertainment.
But, I wasn't getting any stronger.
I could barely do simple spells, after all my hard work.
So, I decided that maybe a change in tactics would help.
I was still concentrating on acquiring a better, stronger Shikigami, but now I labeled it as a long-term goal.
I was not expecting to get one in three years.
I was no longer expecting one in less than ten.
I might not ever be worthy enough for something stronger. Besides, who would want a master that looked like a young teenager?
Other than Riko. He's a defensive Water type and a weakling at level 1.
I was not expecting to gain another, but I would try my best.
I would fail, but I would try.
I didn't want to be weak anymore.
Where my tactics changed was through my reading.
Maybe through studying I could absorb something powerful, since that seemed to be the only thing I was good at.
Being knowledgeable.
I couldn't see any other ways to being stronger.
Tsuzuki and the others were way ahead of me in the experience department, while I had only had about a year of being a Shinigami
I wasn't particularly the most ingenious person. That was Watari's specialty.
I wasn't full of wisdom, like Chief Konoe. He could give me advice even when I wasn't asking for it.
I wasn't controlled enough to think things through logically and calmly under stress; I froze in front of danger, unlike Tatsumi.
I wasn't formidable. Tsuzuki was; He had not one, not two, but twelve Shikigami.
How he had managed it, I didn't know, and almost certainly was never going to find out.
I wasn't going to ask.
It was none of my business, even though I was insanely jealous of his power, at the same time I wasn't.
Settling back under the covers, I leaned back onto my pillow.
Cracking open the book of 'Spock', I read the foreword. Finding it witty, I continued.
By the fifth chapter, I felt my eyes begin to droop with lethargy; I knew it was time to try to sleep. I set it aside.
Turning over in my bed, I focused on deepening my breathing.
Centered myself on relaxing.
On letting the bed support me.
On convincing my muscles to stop trying to hold me up.
Otherwise, I would wake up to back sores and knotted tendons in the morning.
I had to let go of my alertness. Let it slip softly though my control.
Let my natural empathy fall completely out of its tight shackles.
I despised the vulnerability of it. How if someone visited me in this state, I'd absorb their feelings.
Make them my own.
But I was safe here. Secure. Alright. Nobody would come visiting this late at night.
I noticed a warm, fuzzy bundle of something that I hadn't sensed before.
Reveling in its honest, simple feeling, I brought it closer to me, and then , finally, I fell asleep.
'''''''''''''''''''
First he dreamed of a soft smile, an indistinguishable face framed by dark-colored hair. Adoring eyes… full of deep sadness and weariness.
Strong arms around him, as if he would disappear if he wasn't held so tightly.
Skip.
Everything gone.
Darkness and abandonment.
Everything gone.
But the pain wasn't.
Brought back to the shadows and clouds, of moonlight and sakura blossoms, all speeding away in a blur.
Back to blood and pain, and the cool, cool grass on his overly bare back.
The feeling of being turned out like a dirty piece of clothing, and the searing ache over his chest, his entire body now.
Was he awake? Had everything else before then been a dream?
And the knowing smile that chilled his marrow, that made his bile rise, glared above him, trapping him.
No escape! His mind screamed at him.
He would have taken a world of lies compared to this numbing, heady feeling that made him feel consumed and useless. Discarded. Worthless.
He wanted his fake world back, where he felt more.
Give it back.
He tried pleading with figure, but only received smooth chuckles and more piercing pain.
He didn't like the loss and loneliness that threatened to engulf him.
So he reached.
He reached out for anything that reminded him of completeness. Of life.
His searching, clawing attempt exposed a cluster of warm feelings.
Life. He whispered in near wonderment.
He held it closer to himself than he had ever held anything before.
And, he woke up.
I stared at his lax, sleeping form. Calm, even breathing created a soothing background.
He looked so peaceful.
I never knew why I often had the need to see Hisoka, but, when it came, I had to seek his company to make the feeling go away.
It was an inexplicable yearning to see him.
When I saw him, it melted away, and I felt at ease next to him.
Sitting there in the darkness, I remembered, listening to his soothing breathing as he slept, how he felt that his own existence was pointless without me.
He had been there for me in that moment, and I knew I could never leave him from then on.
'I can't exist without you.'
I still felt awe whenever I thought about it, and at the same time very troubled.
He didn't understand. I was the one who was valueless, always had been.
Just like Tatsumi, he didn't understand.
I looked at the large bumpy shape under the covers that was Hisoka, and had to sigh.
He would skin me alive if he found out I was in his room watching him now.
Of course, that would be after he skinned himself for leaving the door unlocked.
I smiled to myself amused.
And then naturally, that would be after he stammered and blushed and yelled 'Idiot' at me numerous times.
A choked sound, and the blankets flew off of him.
Alarmed, I laid my hands on his shoulders—clammy shoulders— shaking him trying to wake him up from the nightmare that strangled him.
I grimaced when a small burst of his power burnt my hands, but didn't remove them.
"Hisoka... Wake up! It's a dream!"
Curse-marks glowing slightly, he fisted his sheets, moving his mouth in a silent conversation.
His face twisted in agony, but he didn't wake up.
What should I do?— Hisoka screamed out. – Wincing, I released my hold, realizing that my panic and worry was something he could do without.
I slammed my shields up as high as they could go, not wanting to make it worse.
But, he was still struggling against his assailing incubus, his fingers still clenched on the sheets, his breathing still violent and irregular
I felt something tugging in my head, and had a stronger craving.
I wanted to hold him.
Mechanically, I reached for him to wake— "SAVE ME! TSUZUKI!"
Had he known I was here?
He lurched into a sitting position, looking around frantically. His shirt was hanging off of him haphazardly, barely staying on.
Or had he...?
His frantic eyes settled on me.
Recognition flickered in his eyes.
Closing his eyes, he leaned his head down, and took a deep breath.
When his erratic breathing, calmed to what could pass for normal, his eyes opened.
Regarding me intently, he asked, croaking, "Did I… say… anything?"
I shook my head numbly.
We stared at each other.
I couldn't tell if he knew that I had heard him.
He raised a shaky hand, to push his bangs out of his face.
He let out a shuddering breath.
I watched him as he tried to breath in evenly, tried to gain some control he had lost.
I wanted to comfort him, like I did after the Kakyoin case, but knew I would just be pushed away.
If I had learned anything about Hisoka, it was that he had to take the initiative, so I sat still helpless to comfort until he gave me an opening.
He rubbed his face with the back of his hand as the other held him up. But, he lost any appearance of reserve as he began to weep.
I rechecked my shields. No problems.
Noticing an opening, I carefully pulled him into my arms before he had a chance to react, encompassing his shaking body.
As I expected, he tensed up, but then he... buckled as if the strain of pushing me away was too much for him. He fisted his hands into my shirt, burrowing his head into my chest.
His crying became softer.
I did the best I could, holding onto his chilled, trembling body, pulling him closer to me to give him refuge from whatever had scared him.
He needed reassurance.
I, gently, told him that it was just a bad dream.
When his quiet crying subsided, I smiled down at the top of his head and told him that I would be there whenever he needed me. That I would always protect him.
Agitated, he pulled away from my hug, and said, "Idiot".
But.
His eyes told me something else entirely.
And I knew at that moment, that he would be okay.
Because he had reached out for me.
He was beginning to accept me.
"Idiot" I exhaled.
Hadn't I told him not to make stupid promises?
He'd only get hurt if something happened to me.
But it warmed me... right to the ends of my toes, and it was a feeling that I was starting to relish.
Ironically, I remembered it making me highly uncomfortable at one point.
Guess I had gotten used to it.
... ... Wait, what…
My brain was on track again, and with it my logic centers.
How did he get into my house!-?
I glared at him.
He jumped up immediately in puppy dog form, and a whine pealed from him. "Awww! Hisoka!"
"Did you break into my house?"
"NooOOoo! Your front door was unlocked!" His paws were tucked under his chin, and his tail was flapping from one side to the other.
I forgot to… lock the door.
I stared dumbly at him.
Stop. Think. Why would he be here in the middle of the night?
I thought of what had happened today.
Here to apologize?
I looked at him harshly.
Brushed his feelings. Nothing denoted guilt.
But it held a familiar, comforting presence like it always did. Some worry, some concern, some--
The familiarity wasn't the problem.
'...a warm, fuzzy bundle of something that I hadn't sensed before... brought it closer...'
A click in place and the picture was whole.
My blush just darkened.
He had been that... that batch of warm feelings.
I felt that damn blush creeping up to my ears.
And, I inadvertently pulled him towards me.
But, I was confused. He had to be less than a kilometer away to--
"CUUTE!!" Suddenly, my line of sight was obscured by brown hair and dog ears.
"Stupid! Get off of me!" And now he was nuzzling my neck, very happy, very satisfied feelings filtering through; my face grew hotter.
I smacked him off of me, and he fell off the bed in a resounding thud.
"Mean! HisokaaAaaa!" He whined.
"I'm going to bed." I rolled over intent on pulling the covers back over me, snuggling into a large, content pillow... wait a minute, a content pillow?
"Tsuzuki!"
"Yes?" He looked down at me and smiled.
I hurriedly backed away.
Putting on my most annoyed look, I said, "Don't you have your own bed to sleep in?"
He pouted. "But, Hisoka! Your bed is much closer than mine. Can't I just spend the night?"
"Lazy, leave my house, and you can just teleport there. Now, go." I rolled over to the other side.
I heard a sigh, and then a creak as the weight was lifted off of the bed.
He should leave.
I had told him too. He didn't.
I closed my eyes, but couldn't sleep.
Damn, my empathy.
Five minutes, and I still felt that bundle of feelings, named Tsuzuki, in my room.
Picking up my head, I sat up a bit.
The fool was lying on the hard floor with nothing to sleep on.
"I-di-ot." I enunciated.
He opened slightly hazy eyes at me. "Something wrong?"
"Hmph." I scooted over opening a wide gap next to me. I fell back onto the mattress facing outwards.
Nothing happened for a minute or so, and I wasn't sure if he had understood me or not, but, before I rolled over to check again, I felt my bed sag and move under his weight as he laid down and positioned himself away from me.
We weren't touching… I nearly sighed in relief.
But I couldn't seem to relax.
Remembering the rush of security when I… held Tsuzuki's feelings near me, I decided that maybe it would help.
Tentatively, I outstretched my empathy, very carefully grasping them.
Dear, gods. Let him not know. I prayed inwardly as my lungs burned to breathe.
I heard him sigh softly, and felt a sudden wave of warmth… of something light and fluffy.
It made me sleepy.
I made a similar exhalation.
And there was safety.
I easily passed into slumber, while hoping that he wouldn't ever know.
………………………
In return, he brought me to his shore,
he wrote in the sand
facts about water.
Minim, fathom, barrel, cord,
magnum, gallon, jeroboam.
He said, when you wake far out,
dream a boat, and with these things
make good your return, and he wrote:
sextant, compass, dipstick, dial,
plumb, octant, nautical mile.
…………………………
''''''''''''''''''''
And his burden lightened immensely, yet he wasn't aware of the reason for it.
But he did know, later that night, that he had nearly fallen out of the bed trying to stop himself from mistaking Tsuzuki as a pillow. or at least something else equally cuddle-able, for his befuddled brain wanted to be held, and 'unintentionally' misinterpreted the warm body behind him several times no matter how much he denied it.
In fact, he had been leaning so severely over the edge that he did fall, which woke him up pretty quickly, but it wasn't because he hit the ground…
Suffice it to say, he didn't know whether to be infuriated or shocked at his partner when Tsuzuki's arm snagged out to pull him gently back onto the bed, before he even touched the ground…
''''''''''''''''''''
……………
He left me sleeping,
I woke without fear,
In a rigged vessel, sails and mast,
I dreamed my way to dry land,
acre, arpent, section, square,
league, light-year, township, air.
……………
TBC.
Answered Reviews
Last update: January 20, 2004
B Girl: Yes. That poem is real. Written by Sara Berkeley it's called Facts About Water.
Literary Eagle: I love that part, too! It was one of the first "cute things" I had started with and managed to keep!
Embyr: YAY! WooT! I myself have experienced something similar to the "'Happy fangirl waffy sappy fluffy bouncy happy happy' Land" numerous times. I'm glad that you felt that way! -got glomped?- Well, that's a first. Yay! I got glomped by a reviewer! I will be continuing it. The update shouldn't be too long from now..
ketsuki : Aww! Thank you! That's exactly what I had been going for! (.. and I personally agree with you that the first chapter could stand on its own, but since I felt that I could write something that is true to this story's style without ruining it.. and the majority of reviewers don't seem to mind me continuing it.. I went for it ..) Ohh.. spacing? Oops. I see whatcha mean by being annoying .. I fixed it! And thank you so much about the URL! It helped me immensely! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
KazN: Hehehe... I see you want more.. You'll get more.. You'll see.
digitalized: You read the end-notes! Heee.. Most people skip it or at least don't comment on it. Yeah I'm goofy. Actually when I first was reading Irish women poetry (for my Irish women poets class), I wasn't too interested, but then I found it was a lot more fun comparing it to my favorite animes and this is the result. And now I've found I have a great love for poems. Thanks for the compliment!
dref: Ehh. There will be more, I promise! -hugs back, before politely stepping away-
Yukoma: Ahh! Thank you! Er. It will be continued very soon! Really!
Ashen Skies: That's why I named it this to attract attention. Hehe, I'm glad you clicked on it anyway! Originally it was going to be a one-shot, but after so many people wanted me to continue it, so I did!
KoUsagi (who is to lazy to sign in): Hehe. Awww thanks! (Gravitation ROCKS! WHEEE!) There were times where it was overdramatic or someone was OOC really, really badly (generally Hisoka) so I kept revamping it until I got this! Voila! I inspired someone? Sweet! If you ever get to writing your story, I'll be happy to read it! (EH? Someone's using this as a reference? wow. I feel honored.) Oh and I was actually light on using symbols compared to my other stories, but I've fixed it now.
dirge: Though you didn't review thanks for emailing me that URL! I hope you continue reading my fanfic.
Ryuichi: Though you didn't leave a review on my story. Thank you very much for the review you IMed me and for the inspiration you give me everyday..
MusumeMarron: Canon is good! Yeash. Thank you! It takes me awhile to update as you can plainly see. I hope you like it.
JeShiKa: Wahh ! 'Ello! I'm glad you liked it. Unfortunately, this story may start to get angsty. There will still be sweet moments, but angst may overrun it. But hopefully not. And yeash, I was looking very hard for good poems!
Alexis: Thankies. I wanted them to be cute before something happened and it got angsty or something.
Sindu: Hi ! Glad you enjoyed my story so much. And you're right. Really needs more. I did this story as a kind of test pilot, since I'm still new to writing. XD Oh the sequel won't be "teensy-weensy". Heheee.
moonlightgodess: Thank you! -feels overwhelmed- Err.. I hope I'm up to your expectations. And I no longer have any intention of letting it die.
Thanks for reading!