Well, I was bored, and decided to write comedy. Or a failed version of it. Anyway, this is an immensely ridiculous fiction that I wrote at 9:03 PM, and I have to admit that I'm starting to regret it. In case you don't like parodies, as that is the only humor I'm capable of putting on paper (otherwise, I'm pretty hilarious in person), then you probably shouldn't read this because:

1. This makes fun of all the characters from our modern time dropping into the storyline (and I must say that what I have wrote has epically failed).
2. There may be a few very creative misspellings that I have purposely put there in Elvish, like Sindarin and Quenya names (I realise Sindarin didn't exactly exist 'back then,' and it only evolved into what it was after mixing with the Silvan dialect).
3. Oh, and this might be considered a bit offensive to all the other fictions that involve fangirls dropping in Legolas's world.

Except this time, we're going to do it with the Silmarillion! And guess what?

This girl knows absolutely nothing about it! She's a Legolas fangirl too (which, I promise you, I will never, ever be), which means - "WHERE'S LEGOLAS?"

And her name is Sally! Hooray! Now that that's over with, you can start reading. Or, you could have skipped this part and started reading already.

The Short, Screwed-Up Life of Sally Lissem

Maybe...staying bed would have been better.

If Sally had stayed in bed, she wouldn't have realised that there was a six-feet tall man, with golden hair, standing at her side, face expressionless as he stared down at her. Then again, if she actually had stayed in bed, she would most likely have been raped.

Not that she minded, really. The man reminded her of the dreamiest, most swooning Elf ever, and that was Legolas. The epitome of hotness, the zenith of cute, and his eyes had the power to change color!

Of course, she knew that it was really Orlando Bloom playing Legolas, and his eyes certainly did not change color. Sally absolutely did not go online to research Legolas on Wikipedia and found out that they forgot to put in his contacts sometimes... If she hadn't been so pressed up against the TV (she had wasted money buying a flat-screen so his face would be in more resolution and even bigger) every time he graced the screen, she would have still noticed.

Back to the man - he strangely reminded Sally of Legolas, but in a better way. Like...Legolas's hotter older brother, with shinier hair and pretty blue eyes that didn't have to change color to be breathtaking.

She wasn't obsessed. She definitely wasn't.

As she sped down the pathway, wearing her tattered sandals, beautiful people (like Legolas) walked around, and they were all making her self-conscious. She turned to look at a golden-haired female (as she was the only one) and felt herself collide with something. Then, Sally fell back on her rear and winced, winded from the impact. She glanced up at the thing she had run into and saw a considerably tall (but not as tall as the other beautiful people) black-haired male, staring down at her. Like the golden-haired one.

He had blue eyes as well, and his long hair was pulled into a ponytail (despite the fact that some had escaped). Sally could have almost been jealous - not even her dull brown hair could have been that long. She stared back at him, finding difficult instead to look away - unlike meeting his eyes.

Then a hand was slowly extended towards her, and she gawked at it as well, eyes flickering from the hand to his face.

He said something in a wonderfully smooth voice. Either Sally was too dazed, or this was a new language that had come from the island of mystic mermaids. Ariel, after all, had a great voice! She had been Sally's idol when Sally was six - every Halloween, she went as Ariel. Every Halloween, a creepy-ish boy went as Eric.

On Halloween, Sally stopped going as Ariel.

Duilin faintly wondered if this girl was stupid.

He had simply been walking from Ecthelion's to Glorfindel's, rousing them for morning patrol. Ecthelion had succinctly expressed his annoyance and resistance by throwing a pillow at him - which he, in the whipping-out of a knife, had pinned to the side of the wall, feathers leaking out and floating before falling onto the floor. Duilin decided not to bother and was then (as we resume the storyline right now) walking towards Glorfindel's.

Then, something ran into him, though there was barely any strength in it.

An 'oof!' was heard, and he looked down, seeing a brown-haired girl on the cobblestone street. She was staring at him, and he felt as if he were being scrutinized. Masking slight surprise, he held out a hand for her to take, waiting for to latch onto it and/or pull herself up. She simply gaped at the hand, as if it were a gift from Eru, bestowed upon her. Her eyes went back and forth from his face to his hand. He resisted the urge to sigh.

"Take my hand," he said.

Her eyes remained fixed on the hand, and she didn't seem to have heard what he told her to do. Upon closer inspection, Duilin saw that her eyes had been glazed over.

Moments later, the girl was still sitting on the floor, and Glorfindel appeared, eyes narrowed. He saw Duilin and the girl and blinked, wondering what happened. Had he knocked her over? Why was he here? Who was the girl? Why had the girl appeared in his guest bedroom, right in the morning when he suddenly heard a creak from the room to his left?

The unanswerable questions needed answers.

"Duilin."

Duilin looked away from the girl and glanced at Glorfindel. "Ah. You are awake. We have morning patrol. Do you know this girl?" His hand drew back, and the girl's eyes just simply followed, as if she were hypnotized by it. "She ran into me and fell. Then she wouldn't get up."

"I found her in my house."

"Pardon, but did you say you found her in your house?"

Glorfindel rolled his eyes. "Yes, I found her in my house. She was in the bed next door to mine, and I heard a strange noise. When I went to examine what happened, it appeared that the empty bed last night was now filled with a girl that looks like she is barely past fourteen summers."

"She certainly isn't an Elf; not even Penlod's daughter is that clumsy, and she's only a summer into her life. Her ears were a fool-proof way of deciding. Apparently, this girl is a human."

"Do you have any ideas as to how she got inside of Ondolindë? I thought Egalmoth said there had been no sight of anyone. It would take more than a night to scale the walls, and it would be pure suicide to try and fight Egalmoth's and Galdor's Houses combined."

Glorfindel's eyes flickered back to the girl. She was still sitting on the ground, but her eyes had fixed to Duilin. He almost sighed this time. "We shall have to take her to Turgon. Perhaps he'll know how to deal with her."

"Knowing Turgon, he's going to send her flying off the walls."

"Surely he would not do that."

"A human girl, managing to sneak into the most guarded fortress and hidden city undetected? There is a huge risk here if we refuse to take charge, and Turgon, if you haven't notice, is exactly the type of person to take charge, and do things that his brother would not."

"I'm sure Fingon has mercilessly killed before..."

"Fingon rescued Maedhros."

"Yes, but Turgon built a hidden city, while Fingon would have perused the battlefield and wiped it clear of any orcs, diminishing threat against his own land. Turgon would not take chances - you've seen how protective he is with Aredhel - but he isn't that cruel."

"Aredhel complains to us every day, Glorfindel."

Suddenly, the girl spoke. And the accent was absolutely horrible. It sounded like stone grating on a sword, and Duilin's ears felt as if tiny pinpricks of steel had been stuck in his nerves. Despite that, he remained emotionless. Glorfindel, more or less, slightly winced. But the word was distinguishable enough:

"Lehgohlass."

Glorfindel immediately exchanged glances with Duilin. "What in Varda's name did she just say?"

Duilin seemed to be lost in thought, looking up to the sky for answers (it was a bad habit of his, always looking up at the sky before battle; his shoulder got hit with an arrow because he hadn't been paying attention to the battlefield). Then he finally said, "Considering the poor language that we High Elves have taken time to learn, I would say that she is trying to say something about green leaves. And the one we know named after green leaves..."

Unfortunately, the other male Elves of Gondolin received cool names while Laiqalassë received the first thing his mother saw after giving birth to him: a small, green leaf. It had actually been a blue bird, but at the time, her mind was too fuzzy to discern any differences between blue and green, and birds and leaves.

"Let's take her to Turgon," Glorfindel decided.

King Turgon, High King of the Exalted and Exiled Noldor, had never, in his not-so-long years of living in prosperity of his hidden city, encountered a problem where a human girl (barely old enough to be considered mature) somehow, in some far stretch of imagination that even Eru himself was incapable of, managed to sneak into his city, break into one of his best captains' house, and go by undetected until morning.

His first thought had been, 'We've been discovered. Damn. Now I'll have to move into those stupid caves with Findaráto.'

Then, his more rational second thought was, 'What do I do with her? If this was anyone else, I would have had them executed and sent them off the edge of the high city walls, but this is a girl whom may or may not be innocent, and we don't even know if someone sent her as a silent mercenary...'

Idril, however, was quite beside herself to see a human girl. She had honestly never seen one before, and she had recognised her as the clumsy idiot that ran into Duilin.

"Idril, it's not safe," he had said.

Idril had scoffed. "Father, it's perfectly safe. If the human dares try to harm me, I'll twist her arm off behind her back and feed it to her."

Aredhel had been proud.

Turgon had been faintly disturbed and decided to make Idril spend less time with Glorfindel, Ecthelion, and the other Elf-lords. And her aunt Aredhel, for being a masculine influence in the form of a female Elf. Then again, his plans had never really succeeded, and Idril was even more...well...creative with her ways for torture.

Sally didn't know what was going on. She was led to this tower, and inside the tower was a giant throne room, almost like a church, where the throne sat on a high altar, light shining in from the colorful tinted windows (and the regular windows, of course). And the person sitting on the throne was just as beautiful as all the others. The world wasn't fair. Why were they all so beautiful?

He said something uncomprehensible.

Sally wasn't sure what he said, but she tried to communicate. "Hi. My name is Sally Lissem, and I'm from America - giant fan of Legolas, by the way - and - well - can you speak English? En-glish. It's one of the languages that almot every country's learning right now. Do you know where I am?"

Instead of answering, he looked faintly surprised. Then he turned to his guards and muttered something.

In a flash, Sally was forced down aganist the floor, arms tightly held behind her back as her face was forced down onto a red carpet. She tried to look at the person occupying the throne, but her hair was blocking the way. She cursed. The grip only tightened.

Then she screamed. "HELP!"

Turgon, after hearing her voice, had immediately called the guards to restrain her. Her voice was like the devil - rough, horrible, and absolutely annoying. There was a hint of Sindarin, but that was it, and before she could say anything else, she was down on the floor, with two Elves of Ecthelion's House forcing her against it. Then she said something else, bringing immense discomfort to Turgon's hearing. He flicked his wrist.

The two Elves strengthened their hold.

Then, the most terrifying sound came out of her throat, and his eyes widened.

"That's it; just kill her!" he exclaimed, covering his ears. Only the Valar knew what weapon she had incorperated into her devil's voice. "Throw her off the walls - anything. Just - get - rid - of - her."

Turgon heard a faint scream again in a few minutes.

Turgon didn't regret it.

I'm thinking about turning this into a series of chapters, for a new person each time. I don't know yet.
Let's see some feedback on how you think about it, and I'll decide whether or not to continue.

Good news! I have finished plotting out Twisted Version of Cinderella, which should be finished, hopefully, by the end of this month, or somewhere into the next month.
Then, I will probably have to get started on the continuation...shoot.

(OvO)