A/N: I was inspired to write this by one of recent Youtube videos. .com/watch?v=YcKphrlYXt4 I wanted to expand on the idea and after sending the plot to a brilliant author, PrettyPinkOrchard (read her FanFiction! It's super brilliant, I command you!) and she confirmed that it would make a good story. So, here's part 1...

Chapter 1: The Feeling... of Love

The blue Police Box was floating in space, a quiet part of it-the part where he goes to think. The he was standing at the controls, his hands placed on the panel; he was motionless... with a look of seriousness across his face. His companions entered the room, wondering why they weren't going anywhere or doing anything.

"...Doctor?" Amy called out. "Earth calling Doctor!" she chimed as she walked over to him with Rory closely behind. Her eyes were focussed on him standing there, not responding.

"Is he okay?" Rory questioned.

"I don't know..." Amy said over her shoulder. "Doctor?" she was now standing right next to the Doctor. She waved a hand in front of his eyes.

"Yes... hello, what?" the Doctor finally responded. Amy was stunned by his unusual response. He faced her with a serious expression.

"Are you okay? You seem a bit different." Rory asked. He was concerned.

"I'm fine. Just thinking..."

"Are you thinking about River?" Amy thinks she's solved it.

"No, yes... maybe...why?" he sighed out of aggravation. "It always involves River, with you doesn't it, Amy? When ever I'm thinking, it has to be about her?" he snapped.

"Because..." she began her explanation, she ignored him snapping at her. "We haven't seen her in months and whenever you do see her, you have that look on your face." She finished off pointing a finger to his face. She was trying to lighten the mood.

"It's true, you know." Rory added siding with Amy. Even though he's only had a couple of run-ins with River.

"You're in love with her!" Amy accused. "I knew it, I so knew it!" she studied his face carefully. "It's that face you pull when you have that feeling for someone. That face right there... The face of love..." She pointed to his face again. She added emphasis on the last four words.

"No, no I'm not." The Doctor wasn't too sure of himself. "I haven't told you this but, the first time I met River was the last time she'd meet me. It makes me hurt every time..." He sighed.

"So you mean..." Rory said.

"...She died and I couldn't do anything to save her, she sacrificed herself to save over four thousand lives and I can't ever tell her that. Can you imagine that guilt I feel every time I see her, I see her save the universe, do something amazing or just pop in for a visit?" The Doctor looked into Amy's eyes, then Rory's. "I have to keep that secret from her right up until that day comes, and when I'll never see her ever again..."

"Doctor, I'm so sorry. I... I didn't know." Amy apologised.

"I know, now if you don't mind, I would like to be alone..." The Doctor mumbled.

"So, where does that leave us then?" Rory asked, not wanting to leave.

"Home..." the Doctor sternly replied. He flipped some switches and pressed some buttons. Both Amy and Rory stood in place, shocked.

"But, are you going to be okay on your own?" Rory questioned, refusing to move. The pair's concern for the Doctor was strong, but he didn't care, he just wanted to be alone to think.

"Yes." The Doctor sighed as he began setting the co-ordinates.

"Doctor, don't make us leave you. We can help you get through this." Amy placed a hand on the Doctor's shoulder.

"No, you can't." He replied in a flat tone, not holding eye-contact with her. "... Not this time." Amy was somewhat offended by this but, she chose not to argue any further.

The TARDIS was materialising on the grass outside Amy's house a few seconds later. He opened the doors and guided the pair out. "I'll come back for you." He promised standing in the doorway.

"We want to help you, let us." Amy pleaded, although she was regretting stepping outside those doors. Rory placed his hands on her shoulders, stopping her from running back to the TARDIS. He understood that the Doctor needed some privacy, everyone does at some point.

"Don't be too long, we don't want you to feel guilty and have no one there to comfort you. We're here for you, Doctor... we'll be waiting." Rory quickly added as the Doctor walked back into the TARDIS, leaving his friends behind.

The pair watched as the TARDIS began fading without them on the other side of the doors. It didn't feel right, leaving him on his own with all that guilt running through his head.

The Doctor finally had some peace to think of River alone. Was Amy right, was this feeling not only guilt, but love? The Doctor had to find out the truth... someday.

Today he was just mourning the death of a simply amazing woman, the same woman who he might even end up spending the rest of his life with. Just then, every moment he had spent with River so far was coursing through his mind, the happy times and the sad times, the fun times and the scary times... and most importantly, all of that running.

He remembered every moment up until the only one he wanted to forget- her death. Just seeing her in the Library and the countdown reaching zero, then the blinding white light and with that... she was gone, gone from his life. This River was gone; she was inside Cal without him by her side. A new River comes to see him every once in a while but, this River- the one who had died was the one he began to develop feelings for. As he remembered, a tear came rolling down his cheek. He ran his fingers through his hair and breathed very shallowly.

He had to see her again, to make sure she was okay. To spend as much time with her as he can, while he can before that dreaded day comes again. His eyes glanced over the controls, he wanted to set them but, where would he set them to go? River was enigmatic and unpredictable so he had no clue where and when she would be.

"I wish I knew where you were..." he whispered to himself as another tear escaped his eye. Both of his hearts ached at the thought of not knowing where River was, what she was doing. He just hoped that she was okay, wherever she was.

The TARDIS let out a noise, like it was trying to speak to the Doctor. It could feel his pain; it understood the Doctor so well and sometimes even more than he understood himself. "What is it old girl?" he questioned placing one hand on the control panel and was running it along the edge as he walked around in a circle around it.

The noise grew louder as the Doctor reached a certain point of the control panel. He paused and looked at the section he stopped at. In front of him was the phone. He knew what the TARDIS was implying now and he smiled. His hand reached towards the phone.