North is another A/O fiction. Let's keep them alive!
Happens after Alexandra Cabot's return from WPP and when she is already married with Robert for more than a year. . .
Well, I must warn the possible and adventurous readers of this story that this one is a bit, hum, dramatic. Maybe too dramatic, My God! (Sniffs). If somebody cares, please, tell me if I am exaggerating. I must have been a Mexican or Russian writer in another existence. Not a good one, though
The L&O-SVU characters belong to Dick Wolf, etc.
"""Forgive my grammar mistakes, bla, bla, bla… I'm not fluent in English and this is a type of motivating training ;;;
Beta-reader requested. I keep asking but nobody answers me. ;;;"""
Attention, please, my kind and tolerant readers
I finally got a beta-reader!
This chapter is already the result of the patient and careful work of Orange Bulldog, an experienced fanfiction writer with lots of
remarkable stories published in this site and that kindly offered me the help I needed so much.
I can't thank you enough, Orange Bulldog. 290407
North
When she took attention to it,
For the first time
The word seemed magic
North
A cardinal point
In a compass
A destination
To some
An escape
Distance, until no more listen to the voices
Or distinguish the faces
Distance, until no more remember
What eats her alive
The pain left behind
And she went away, north
Empty inside
Disappearing
Magic
Chapter One
Annoyances, X-rays and surprises
Alex was impatient in the back seat of the huge brand new black Mercedes. Always aware, Anthony noticed the restlessness of the beautiful blonde woman, glimpsing at her by the rear mirror.
"We're almost there, Mrs. Townsend. Just a few more blocks and will be arriving at the hospital." The driver said in a quiet tone of voice trying to make her less nervous. Rush hour in New York. What else could he do?
In spite of being married to Robert for almost a year now, being called "Mrs. Townsend" still caused that same little shock. Alex thought that she should be already used to this but, as always, before her brain had the opportunity to register the information correctly, she had the impression that they were referring to some other person.
This reaction was usually accompanied by a light guilty conscience that was increasing as the time passed. For some reason it seemed impossible for her to adjust to that new name. Everyday arriving at One Hogan Place where she worked, it was a true relief hearing her "real" name, or names, spoken by everyone there. Colleague lawyers, doormen, the employees in general. Alex, Alexandra, Miss Cabot, no matter which.
Friday, late afternoon and the driver just picked her up at work and that was another annoying thing. Drivers.
The Cabots were an old wealthy family, traditionally connected with the legal community of Boston. Drivers were used only when necessary and not as a symbol of power and money. Her mother never learned how to drive properly so, a driver was a necessity. Alex's grandmother, however, gave up driving only when the arthritis impeded her to hold the driving-wheel firmly, having to hire one.
Robert insisted on this point regarding the circumstances that took Alex away from New York for almost three years. Nonsense. Velez was slaughtered with his family and the key members of his 'group', and also their respective families, in one of the most horrid drug battles in history, far away, in Colombia. Such worries were no longer necessary.
Besides, Alex didn't like the car.
"Too push, too ostensive. It's not my style, Robert."
"Armored and safe. Don't you want to know that I'm much more tranquil knowing that you are inside it, instead of in a cab driven by some lunatic foreigner through New York?"
Her husband insisted a little more and Alex, subdued by his sense of care towards her, accepted it. At least for a while.
Alex was going to pick up her personal maid's left ankle's X-rays at the orthopedic institute near Gramercy Park. Mary had been with the Cabots for ages, having being Alex's babysitter. As a special favor, she asked her mother to have Mary with her for the entire week, five days, as opposed to two when she wasn't married. Then, coming from shopping, in order to buy some articles of Alex's preferences, that the other housemaids simply never seem to know where or how to acquire, the poor woman tripped on the sidewalk close to the Townsend's residence, an elegant penthouse near East River.
She didn't need a personal maid, obviously, but, having Mary around had a calming effect on her. It was like a comfort from home, from something really familiar until she could get used to that new situation. She went through so many things.
Besides, differently from the rest of the staff attending them at that immense place, Mary had the prerogative to call her simply "Alex", which, she knew, used to upset Robert's mother.
Alex smiled and, amused, remembered the occasion; how delightful was to feign 'not understand' her mother-in-law's comments. She just looked at the snobbish silly woman as if she didn't even exist and said nothing. Rosemary Townsend never talked about it again.
Mary was already back in Amherst, at her mother's house, after the surgery to fix her ankle. Madeleine Cabot became very irritated due to Mary's injuries and needed those radiographs and other documents urgently, because she wanted the dear old maid to have the best treatment possible, having already scheduled consults with the best orthopedic doctors of Massachusetts. It was clear that she didn't trust the New York doctors. Alex didn't even bother to ask why.
Madeleine Cabot had her own ideas about almost everything. Alex and her father were smart enough to almost never get into an argument with her. However, her care for some of the servants like Mary was extreme and she made it clear to her daughter she wasn't a bit satisfied with what had happened, making her feel guilty.
"New York is a dangerous city and you shouldn't allow Mary to walk around unaccompanied. . ." Alex heard her mother talking and talking at the cell phone, just a few minutes before get into the car. The thing seemed never has an end and that's one of the reasons why she was so pissed.
Well, Alex had to admit she had felt at least a little responsible for what happened. Mary was always trying to please her for some reason. And it wasn't like this when she was young. Mary was adorable, yes, but sort of stern, rigid concerning Alex's care and social education, exactly as her parents. She was a fair person and never tried to spoil or overprotect her. Except for now and, more precisely, since she married. Alex had the feeling that her old babysitter, somehow, did not approve.
"Damn it. I must be getting old. I'm thirty-six and everything annoys me!" Alex whispered to herself, making Anthony check on her by the mirror once more. She sighed and looked away towards the street.
Thankfully, soon the car was entering the parking area of the orthopedic hospital. After parking the car, Anthony went out to get the material Alex's mother demanded.
Alone inside the car, she sighed again, thinking that soon she would be having a hot and relaxing bath and just let go of all the tension she gathered at work during the week and, of course, from the trouble with Mary.
Robert would be out of New York for a week and wouldn't be back until next Thursday. Alex was even tempted to dispense the servants at least until Monday just to be alone. She smiled at the thought of asking for a pizza like she used to do years ago. These simple thoughts over such simple pleasures was enough to make her fell better. Everything else was a burden.
However, before she had the chance of enjoying her less stressing options to have a quiet and solitary weekend, through the front window's car she saw something that seemed have left a distant memory intentionally forgotten. No doubt, though. As soon as her eyes caught his image, Alex immediately recognized Elliot Stabler.
He was coming in his characteristic firm stride, walking in the direction of the car right beside hers, and carrying a bag in a hand, while with the other inside his jeans seemed to be searching for the keys. She became instantly awestruck by his sudden presence and an onslaught of memories and disturbing emotions took hold of her mind.
Alex barely had time to recover from the first shock when an even more disturbing figure appeared in her vision field. She couldn't believe her eyes. Her heart skipped a beat.
Olivia Benson was coming in the same direction, walking at a few steps behind his partner. Her left arm was immobilized and she had a black leather coat simply thrown on her back. The already chilling winds of October made it waves and so many images of 'her' detective filled her mind that she couldn't even think.
It was a hard task for Alex. She wasn't prepared to see Olivia on that moment. She would never be prepared for that even if she lived for a hundred years. It was too hard.
After struggled to concentrate, Alex recognized the blonde woman in a nurse uniform walking by Olivia's side as Kathy Stabler. She was speaking something and apparently Olivia was hearing it with considerable attention, nodding occasionally her understanding.
Inside the car, Alex was immovable, mesmerized. Her breathing was irregular and her heartbeat was so loud she could hear it pulsing inside her head. Also incapable of thinking clearly, the only thing that kept her connected with reality was the certainty that the Mercedes had black window films on and they certainly couldn't see her inside. She was safe in there.
Elliot's car was on the right side of hers and he was opening the back door, stowing the bag on the back seat.
Alex's car was back-parked so she could easily observe everything outside and, if what she was thinking would happen, Olivia would seat at the passenger's front seat and physically be very close to her for a few seconds. Alex swallowed her nervousness with difficulty.
Suddenly, it hit her. Olivia had been hurt. The realization of this fact made Alex feel sick. 'What could possibly have happen to her?' A broken arm, maybe, because of some silly domestic accident she imagined. 'Or had she been shot?' Alex thought stopping breathing for a moment.
"But, she is okay now. She's perfectly well, thank God" Alex whispered trying to calm herself down.
Olivia seemed okay, though. . . She changed. She was different from the Olivia she used to remember. Maybe because of the longest hair. This made her seem a little tired or older, she couldn't say. And she certainly had lost weight, Alex thought sadly.
Olivia was so beautiful, although oblivious or indifferent to this fact. Her beautiful figure, the so well defined features of her face. And, those eyes. Oh, Olivia's eyes were amazing. Deep, penetrating brown eyes.
In the past, when they argued, Olivia could make Alex fear those eyes, such the fury contained in them. In other occasions, though, when some cases ended in an unexpectedly tragic way making Alex feel guilty somehow, Olivia's eyes seemed to be filled with all the comprehension and tenderness in the world, making her melt inside. It really was the only thing that really made her feel a little better then.
Olivia always understood her reasons because, at that time, they shared the same world and were daily confronted with so much suffering, having to see and work with the results of human cruelty, that sometimes was simply necessary to lean in one another only to go on.
Unfortunately, still etched in Olivia's face, Alex recognized that same endless sorrow. 'Oh, God. This will never go away.' Alex also couldn't let to notice that even Olivia's smile was sad. Nothing changed it.
Alex saw when they stopped in front of Elliot's car and how Kathy smiled, kissing her friend good-bye; first on the cheek an then, as if it wasn't enough, cupping Olivia's face with her gloved hands, Kathy also kissed her forehead affectionately. Olivia closed her eyes and smiled again. The two women instinctively hugged, carefully because of Olivia's wounded arm and finally they separated.
Alex was puzzled with such demonstration of fondness and worry between them. Kathy and Olivia were good friends, yes, but not exactly close friends.
Elliot was looking at them and the effort to control his own emotions was obvious and, when he finally bends his head down Alex could swear he had tears in his eyes. It was confirmed when he turned away from the two women, swiftly whipping them with the back of his hands.
The women ended what seemed a long and sad good-bye and Olivia finally moved to get into the car, while Kathy looked at her husband and a faint smile came to her lips.
Exactly as Alex thought, Olivia walked toward the SUV passenger's front door and remained a few seconds right beside where Alex was seated inside her car. It seemed like floating and collapsing at the same time. The sight of that powerful and impressing woman so close to her. She could touch Olivia if she wanted and, for a second the insane idea of opening the car's door, getting out of it, holding Olivia in her arms was so intense that the blonde felt dizzy. She couldn't move, yet.
Elliot had already kissed Kathy and walked hastily to the other side, opening the door for Olivia. Alex observed each move, each gesture as Olivia was carefully accommodated inside the car for an extra-zealous and weepy Elliot.
Olivia was close to him and raised her right hand to remove the tears from his face, saying something soothing. Alex couldn't hear or understand the words, but recognized the concerned look, imagining the sound of Olivia's voice, her delicate and suave voice. Alex was sure that only Olivia was capable of appeasing whatever affliction was making her friend, her best friend in the world, cry silently like that.
Kathy observed their exchange at a little distance from where they were without interfering. Whatever was going on now was related only to her husband and his partner.
"What the hell is happening?"
Alex said intrigued, while the pressure inside her head heightened as the scenes she was witnessing outside were becoming increasingly difficult to understand.
Eyes wide opened and slightly breathless, Alex didn't want to believe that they were really leaving. Seeing the actions outside, now as if in slow-motion, she could do nothing to stop them. She heard the noise of the engine being started, seeing Elliot's hands moving the driving-wheel. Olivia's profile so neat even through the windows. The car began to move and Alex felt like if something was being moved away from her by force, causing an acute physical pain.
Alex's heart flinched and she suffocated a scream, leaning her forehead against the car's window. Then, like in a dream, in a nightmare really, she heard the car's door being opened and this simple noise brought her back from that trance. Alex immediately composed herself, closing her eyes for a moment. Embarrassing.
Anthony was back and saying something about the two big white envelopes in his hands. Alex noticed his features changing and, worried, he asked if she was feeling well. Alex ignored his question and, in a demanding manner, told him to follow the gray SUV that was about to leave the parking lot. Alex had already recovered her self-control or, at least, part of it being able to give her driver the instructions over their new destination.
Anthony didn't question her, simply doing what was ordered. Following her commands, once Alex said clearly that she didn't want to be spotted, he tried to remain not too close to the grey car they were following, being careful, always having a car or two between the vehicles.
Soon, Alex found out that Elliot wasn't taking Olivia home, unless, of course, the detective had moved from her old address. After a few minutes of uncertainty, she deduced that they were heading to the airport. When they finally arrived to the place, the car was parked at a good distance from Elliot's.
Alex couldn't waste time and, pointing the occupants getting out of the car they just followed, told Anthony what she wanted. The woman would probably be taking a flight. He should discreetly follow her until the check in and discover to where. He couldn't be discovered and Alex made him take off his jacket and tie before going outside to accomplish his task.
So far, Anthony was obeying each one of her orders without question and Alex was thankful. She knew her actions seemed completely crazy but she couldn't help herself stopping those impulses. Later she would have to figure out some justifications to that unusual behavior. She knew, anyway, that Anthony wouldn't say a word about that to anybody but, even so, she didn't want his mind occupied with it.
Alex stayed inside of the car, avoiding looking back and seeing Olivia leaving the place with Elliot. Anyway, it brought sad thoughts to her mind again, reminding her of the night when she left New York to save her life, after being shot for one of Velez's hired killers and having be considered dead to everybody. Even to her family but, not for 'her' detectives. Not for 'her' very serious, short-haired and beautiful detective.
The memory of Olivia standing at Elliot's side, crying openly and looking into the direction of the car that was taking her away was one of the most painful moments of Alex's life. She turned back in the seat and saw Olivia's figure becoming distant and undefined while the car moved away.
Tears flooded Alex's eyes and she wasn't able to contain the sobs that made her entire body trembled, finally releasing the angst suppressed for all those years of separation.
The long and silky blond hair covered partially her face and her back was curved by the violence of her crying. Shacking hands searched vainly for a handkerchief inside the purse.
Alex cried that way for a while but, then eventually the intensity of her sobs decreased until ending completely. It was thoroughly appeasing and an odd quietness fell on her. She had to stop at a certain point or . . . She had to be lucid, she had to know.
"Why did this have to happen to me? Why did I have to meet her again?"
Alex asked in a weak, hesitant tone of voice while confuse thoughts crossed her mind. Olivia's wounded arm, Elliot's tears and the almost unbelievable coincidence of seeing them at that hospital. In the end, to make perfect the madness in that suddenly the afternoon became that daring and totally improper chasing until the airport.
'Was all that coincidence?' No, not coincidence. Fate, maybe. Fate, as in those cheesy romantic stories she had never read in her life, not even when she was twelve years old.
Having her emotions under control now, ordering her ideas and little by little recovering her analytical sense, Alex had in her mind some ideas on what to proceed to decipher what had happened with Olivia. What the meaning of Olivia's departing and so many other things. She certainly would have to go through other people among those she had never sought since had returned of her forced exile two years before.
Frankly, Alex knew that she would have to explain a lot of things to many people, however most of those things she didn't understand anymore. Her reasons would have to be redefined. Deep inside, though, she knew that the reflections of her acts in the past, the consequences of her mistakes, would reach her somehow one day and that's what was happening now.
Everything that caused in her such angst and guilty was her fault and she couldn't take it anymore.
TBC - Feedback, please.