Chechtiel: "Welcome friends. I am Samyaza/Chechtiel and this is my partner godlessAdversary."
godlessAdversary: "Hello."
Chechtiel: "We combined our literary might to present to you a story of romance, drama, mistakes, idiocy and a lot of sarcasm.
godlessAdversary: "Less trolling than Homestuck though, but with the same capacity for lon
Chechtiel: "Have fun about the story we decided to call:"

Fifty Shades of Jade
by
Samyaza or Chechtiel and godlessAdversary

Shade 1: The first Bonding

Rose awoke like every day, her ankles and wrists bound together at the front.

No, this wasn't the way she awoke usually. This was the first time, and she was perturbed by this fact, but not scared.

She was more interested in who the culprit was and why they did this to her.

She sat upright and opened her eyes, finding herself in Kanaya's room, sitting on the pile of the troll. It was not the bedroom they shared, but rather Kanaya's working space where she was working on new dresses, clothes and other pieces of fabric.

"I should be worried about the fact that I awoke bound in the room of my wife. There are not many people who could tie me up, and I seriously doubt they would do this even as a joke. Vriska would have made a bigger show during the kidnapping alone. It is not ironic enough for Dave. Karkat is not the type for this. Terezi would have arrested me and the Mayor would never do that."

Rose took a deep breath. "Cronus, if you are the culprit, I will do to you what Circe did to Odysseus' men."

After making that threat, she wondered if an Alternian turned into a pig would still keep their horns.

"There wouldn't be the need for sorceries, my darling." Rose heard a very familiar and formal voice coming from somewhere in the room. "However, I am more interested in other types of taboos."

Kanaya walked out from behind an old wooden clock, as if she was waiting for the call of suspense in a thriller.

"Hello, my love."

"Kanaya, can you tell me why I have been shackled like some slasher movie victim?"

"Don't worry about that, dear." Kanaya walked to her girlfriend and gave her a kiss on her cheek. "I just needed to keep you submissive for romantic purposes."

Rose was relieved to hear that this was that kind of scenario. But wait, there was something off here.

"Kanaya, these aren't BDSM shackles." She said, trying to shake off the tools of oppression binding her.

"These are industrial iron shackles for prisons!"

"The ones in the BDSM shop didn't look romantic enough."

"What kind of BDSM stuff are you into? What is going on, Kanaya?!"

Kanaya looked at Rose's irritated look and sighed in defeat.

"Recently, I have been reading some books to spice up our relationship."

Rose stared at her, hoping she wasn't referring to a certain series of books and that she was referring to standard lesbian erotic books.

"What books did you read?"

"I am a little ashamed saying this, but I have been reading some novels from your collection, and found some peculiar, yet fascinating titles."

"Kanaya…"

"Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey."

Rose really wanted to facepalm, but her current condition wouldn't allow that. However, a devious idea started forming in Rose's mind. Kanaya didn't know Rose read them for fun and out of irony and did not take them seriously, so the blonde witch was curious about how far her vampire girlfriend would go with those badly written ideas.

Some would say that this was a stupid, idea but Rose was hardly in distress. She had a myriad of spells memorized, some of them more than useful to escape any form of imprisonment or bondage than others. Also, Kanaya didn't have the guts to harm anyone she loved on purpose and with malicious intent. Anyone she loved, that was.

"Didn't such books also exist on Alternia?"

"Not like the ones you have," explained Kanaya. "No, yours are more… intense."

Rose had read some alternian romance novels Kanaya owned and she didn't know how a novel about an unhealthy relationship could be more intense than the story in which a rainbow drinker murdered an entire army of over 1000 seadwellers to make a house out of their horns for her low blooded lover.

Probably a difference in culture.

"But if you really like this kind of erotic behavior, I will try it out for you."

"Then begin," requested Rose in a courteous tone. "I am helpless before you, most fair and strong of all vampires. Do me as you please."

The drinker of rainbows was flustered and her cheeks turned jade.

"Then I will… Well…. I mean… Oh, my."

She looked clueless.

"I didn't think this through."

Rose suppressed a smirk. This was going to be good.

"That Grey dude who isn't grey did kind of suspicious things, like buying all sorts of stuff for Miss Steel."

Steele. Steel is a too cool of a name for that idiot, thought Rose.

"I can buy stuff for you against your will too," said Kanaya. "Yes, I will buy you… manga about that world full of magicans, with the red head and her many costumes and armors, the blonde one who summons beings and is a blatant excuse for way too much fanservice. The fairytale."

Rose knew what she meant. She wasn't interested in that series, a little bit too dumb for her taste, but she looked up an infamous scene that was more BDSM like than this one.

Also, with more nudity.

It looked good (in an erotic/BDSM sense), but it felt misplaced in that kind of story.

Kanaya took her Captchalogue deck "chastity" out of her Sylladex to look up if she had anything she needed for a shopping tour.

Mainly the set of keys she had to use to open the locks to her cards, she always had the key for the cards she needed in her pockets.

"This will only take 30 minutes, my love," promised Kanaya, giving Rose a kiss on the forehead. "Then I will torture you with giving you not-really-expensive manga as a gift."

Rose was left alone, bound on a pile of clothes.

She couldn't wait for what ridiculous ideas Kanaya might come up with later.

Until then, she would wonder if she would be able to get her tablet out of her own Sylladex to watch some videos, waiting for Kanaya to return.

godlessAdversary: "And so the BDSM adventures of Rose started."
Chechtiel: "What will happen? Will Kanaya find an interesting bondage adventure for Rose or will it end all in a giant blunder?"
godlessAdversary: "And will we get a contract for a pointless movie trilogy that isn't accurate, nor entertaining for sane fans of romantic movies?"
Chechtiel: "Find out in Shade 2 of "Fifty Shades of Jade"!"
godlessAdversary: P.S.: "If you are interested in my drawings (the thumbnail for this chapter is from me), they can be found on my DA account under the same Username as I have here."