You know like in Prince of Tennis there were these Chibi episodes with the Seishun family? Where every member of the team was switched to a tag of the family? Well, it's generally the same idea here, just without the chibifieing. There's a Shinsengumi family, there's an Oni family and there are troubles and humor, I guess? Ah hell, I don't know either what hit me. Actually, I was planning to write a one-shot for halloween (a spin-off from Price of your Heart, the one where Shinkawa-chan walks in on them, actually) when this popped into my mind and didn't let go. Just...just tell me what you think.
[b]Rating[/b]: PG-15?
[b]Warnings[/b]: Uh...gender swap, I suppose? Cursing and questionable education methods? AU
Episode 1 – Just a random Saturday in the Shinsengumi family. Episode 2 – Halloween special
[u]Disclaimer[/u]: Doth not own. Doth not make money using thus. Doth own the idea. Doth own the swap. Doth want to die.
[b][u]EPISODE 1[/u][/b]
It was a sunny Saturday morning of the early summer in the beautiful but fictive town of 'Hakuoki', full of peace and quiet everywhere. Particulary one house was especially peaceful, like all of the inhabitants were quietly enjoying each other's company, not craving anything in the entire world.
„AW MAN, SOUJIIIII! That's NOT FAIR!"
Or not.
There was a loud crash coming from the house just at the end of the street, followed by a yell, laughter and the stomping of feet, loud like a hord of raging elephants.
„World's not fair, Heisuke, get used to it!"
There was more laughter and more stomping of feet and another loud crash and one of the three people in front of the house raised her head, a concerned look displayed on her young, pretty doe-eyed face.
„Kaa-san, shouldn't we do something?" the oldest daughter of the Shinsengumi family asked, casting worried glances towards the inside of the house.
The red-headed woman with sparkling amber eyes, sitting on the upper step leading to the front door, perched against the pillar of the veranda, just raised the cup lieing next to her and took a sip of the clear liquid, never looking up from her cards.
„They are boys, Chizuru. No sense in trying to make them stop, trust me. Your move, Shinpachi." She told the man sitting across of her.
Shinpachi, sitting in a similar manner as his sister, just smirked and also took a sip from his sake. „Your mother knows what she says, Chizuru. Sango grew up with a bunch of energetic boys. I raise to fifty. Your move. Had more energy than us, actually."
„As the only sister, I had to. Show me your cards."
Shinpachi sighed and threw his hand before him. Sango smirked in unholy glee and slowly uncovered her cards.
„I win. Another round?"
Another loud crash interrupted the round, followed by yelling and a string of curses by a deep, manly voice, resonating through the house.
„-AND IF I HEAR ANY MORE SOUND, YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR A MONTH, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!"
Sango was just dealing out the cards, when the door burst open, revealing raven-haired man, face twisted in rage in sharp contrast to the almost angelic looking dark-haired girl with huge dark-blue eyes in his arms.
„DAMNIT, CAN'T YOU DO SOMETHING?!" he shouted at Sango. „I CAN'T EVEN READ SAIGO A STORY WITHOUT EVERY WORD BEING INTERRUPTED!"
Sango just turned at her husband lazily, a sweet smile playing on her lips.
„Anata. They're boys. One is twelve, the other is nine. What do you expect?" then her look grew suddenly several shades darker and pierced itself directly through her husband's eyes. „And didn't I tell you not to curse in front of the kids? And not to yell at me?!"
Toushi – that was her husband's name – gulped.
„Yes, darling."
The cards were dealt out and the twins took them, to analyze what they had on the hand and set the bets, while Toushi just shook his head.
„Poker again? I always wondered how anyone would ever want to learn a game like that. Keeping a straight face for hours and half-depend on luck. I don't see the appeal."
„I raise to fifteen. Well, when we played with his friends," Sango jerked her head to her brother „it always had to be strip poker and I was the only girl. You learn really fast that way."
„I do [i]not[/i] want to know."
„No, you probably don't."
Chizuru saw this as a good oportunity to intervene.
„Kaa-san, you didn't forget that we need to go shopping today, right? We don't have anymore vegetables and the meat is running low too. And obaa-san, ojii-san, auntie and uncle come today over for dinner."
It would have been an overstatement to call that small jerk that Sango's body did a flinch, but it came pretty damn close to it. Shinpachi barely concealed his smirk. His little twin sister, or rather bro', as he called her more often than not, might have been a good poker player, great cook, loving mother, tough drinking competition and a grandious athlete, but as a housewife she plain simply sucked. Most of the housework was done by her oldest child, their fourteen years old daughter Chizuru, the only competent girl for such things in that crazy household.
„Of course, sweetie, we'll go shopping, I'll just finish this round."
At that moment the last two occupants of the house took the oportunity to venture outside, with 'venture' equaling 'running like a hord of wild buffalos and knocking everything over that was in their way, the deck of cards, their mother and the expensive sake included'.
And suddenly everything became stock still as every eye turned to look at the matrone of the family.
Sango, covered in cards, sherds of white glas and pretty expensive sake took a deep breath.
„Alright boys. I just had enough."
The brothers gulped and Toushi smirked into himself, then turned to the angel in his arms.
„Come on Saigo, let's go back inside. Tou-san will read you a story."
Saigo looked at her father with big round eyes sparkling with anticipation.
„With lots of warriors?"
„Yes, with lots of warriors."
„And swords?"
„And swords."
Saigo smiled a small angelic smile and snuggled close to her father, who carried her inside.
Meanwhile Sango cleaned herself up and stood now in front of her two sons, who looked at her with big round eyes simmilar to Saigo's, just with less anticipation and more fear playing in them.
„Kaa-san..." Heisuke, the younger of the brothers, Saigo's twin-brother started. „Kaa-san we...we didn't mean to...it...it was an accident!"
„And it was all Heisuke's fault!" Souji, the older brother said.
„What?!" Heisuke shot his brother an angry look. „Why me?! If anyone's, it's your fault alone! Kaa-san don't listen to him! He started it!"
„No way, it was you, you brat!"
„Brat yourself!"
The mother just listened to them silently, small droplets of sake occassionaly still dripping from her trademark jeans, but as soon as the door closed behind her husband, she stoped holding back any longer.
„SILENCE!"
The two hassles fell quiet in that instant.
„So." Sango spoke in a deadly quiet voice and the brothers cringed. „Now you two will go back inside and clean the entire mess you made."
„WHAT?!" the boys shot a horrified look towards their mother.
„But kaa-san!"
„You can't poss-"
„SILENCE!"
There was quiet again.
„Who else do you suppose will clean after you two?! Your sister has already enough work as it is!"
„Yes, but only because you're such a crappy housewife..." Souji murmured under his breath, but unfortunately, his mother heard him.
„What was that, Souji?!"
„Nothing, kaa-san!"
„Good." Sango raised her hand and one long, elegant finger pointed to the door. „Now go."
The boys ran inside like bitten.
„And I want it to be clean once we get home! Or else you won't get dinner!" their mother yelled after them and two panicked „YES MA'AM!" answered.
Only as unusual silence settled across the yard, did Sango dare to heave a sigh and massage her head to stop the throbbing.
„Alright, that settled, we can go shopping, right? Or is there any other immediate issue I have to deal with?" with that question she turned to her daughter, who just shook his head in answer.
„Good. Just let me change the clothes. Can't show myself like this to people. What would our neighbours think?"
„Including, or excluding me?" Shinpachi asked and promptly regretted is as his twin shot him one of [i]those[/i] looks.
Aw hell, he should have stayed quiet.
ox*xo
„So tell me, bro'," Shinpachi spoke up while pushing the cart in front of himself. „Why did I have to accompany you again?"
They were currently at the nearby supermarket and he felt utterly useless. All he did was push the cart and listen to Sango rant about the upcoming summer Olympics. His sister shot him a sharp look.
„Firstly, to push the cart."
Shinpachi couldn't but roll his eyes. How typical.
„Secondly, for punishment."
Yes, that was another common reason, though half of the times Shinpachi had no clue what it was he did wrong.
„Thirdly to keep me occupied. I don't want to stand here doing nothing, looking like an idiot."
Finally, the root of the problem.
„Yes, instead you look like an occupied idiot." Ah, there was that look again, but Shinpachi had an entire lifetime of training to get used to it, so he ignored it. „While your fourteen years old daughter runs around, looking for all the world like she was born into a family of housewives. I sincerely ask myself from whom she got the genes."
„I blame it on Toushi. His mother was always a great housewife, or so he says."
Yeah, at every possible occassion, with extra accent on the 'great housewife'.
It was no secret that Shinpachi disaproved of the marriage of his bro'. Not that he disliked Toushi, actually he though his brother-in-law was a great man, just...not exactly what he would have prefered for his little sis', as he sometimes secretly called her.
„Right. So instead of learning from your daughter, you just stand around, pretending that you actually know what fresh vegetables and good meat looks like."
Though it was also no secret, that if it wasn't for stubborn Chizuru being on her way, Sango would have never married Toushi. She had just reached the top of her professional carreer at that time, ranked steadily in the world top five, became the silver Olympionic in athletical disciplines, the endless possibilities were just unfolding in front of her and Shinpachi knew his sister would have loved to stay at that wondrous place just for a little while longer. But he supposed it was her own damn fault for spreading her legs to her old crush and not using protection. (Not that he ever told her that.) Now she had to settle with working as a personal trainer at the local sports center, three evenings a week.
„Can't teach new tricks to an old mutt."
Shinpachi rolled his eyes again, but decided to shut his yap for time being. There was no point in arguing with bro' over the importance of housework. He knew his bro' and that knowledge had been enough to send him packing and moving into the house next to the new couple's mere two weeks after the wedding. Though, now he was being used as the family's babysitter, servant, marriage councelor and personal punching bag, all in one. It was a good thing the type of work he was doing, could be done at home too. That and Serizawa-san was a tolerant and understanding boss.
...
Riiight.
He was interrupted from his thoughts by a whistle and the smell of pheromone overdrive.
He felt another roll of eyes was in order.
„Yo, Mrs. Coach!"
Sango next to him groaned quietly, before she turned her attention to the young man approaching them, one of her trainees. A young pest named Shiranui, the oldest son of the neighbours down the street.
„What does such a pretty woman as you do at such a place?"
„Shiranui-kun." Sango smiled in greeting, while Shinpachi took note of the little pull the corners of his twin's lips did whenever she was annoyed. He knew it all too well – after all, he saw it every morning in the mirror, when he had to get up early.
„That's a bit of a stupid question to ask, considering where we are." Sango replied in the same manner she always did and Shiranui smirked, while shamelessly checked the woman in front of him up and down, undressing her with his eyes, untill his look finally settled on the rich bossom.
„Charming as ever, I see."
Shinpachi found it disgusting. First of all, she could have been his mother, that boy was only seventeen. Besides the way he was trying to sneak his way into his sister's pants was utterly unacceptable. (Admittedly, Toushi's way hadn't been any better, but there was no way preventing [i]that[/i], as Shinpachi hadn't been there at the time.) Even if his twin was in spite of her age still hot stuff, considered one of the hottest woman in the neighbourhood, rivaled only by Mrs. Oni Kimigiku, the neighbour down the street.
„Right back at you." Sango retorted and looked around untill she spotted what she was searching for. „I see you're accompanying your siblings to shopping, how really nice of you."
Shinpachi couldn't bite back a snort at that. One of the things he loved about his bro' was the way she was able to manage someone who was fool enough to try seducing her. That and the trace of sarcasm in her voice. It was always a satisfaction to see the scowl form on the faces of those hormon-driven teenagers and especially on this one face.
„Yeah, well, someone has to do the babysitting."
„SHIRANUI!"
Shinpachi watched the teen roll his eyes and turn to his approaching younger brother and little sister.
„What now?"
„Did Maa tell us to buy powder sugar or vanilla powder?"
„Pretty sure it was vanilla powder and now screw off, I'm busy." Shiranui turned away form his blond brother back to Sango, but his siblings had a different opinion.
„See, I told you!" the youngest and nicest of the three, Sen-chan, who was also coincidentaly Chizuru's best friend, turned to her older brother and pouted, but he ignored her, turning to the oldest.
„Are you sure?" he asked in a way that was probably supposed to be threatening, but didn't phase Shiranui the slightest.
„Yes damnit!"
„Really sure?" the younger male tried a darker look this time, but it brought no other reaction from Shiranui, than an outburst of annoyance and cursing.
„FUCK YES, KAZAMA, AND NOW GET YOUR ASS AWAY!"
Very mature and patient, Shinpachi noted.
Chizuru chose that moment to return with six different bags full of vegetables hanging from her arms.
„Here Kaa-san, now we only need to buy the meat...Oh, Sen-chan, hello!" she said as she noticed her best friend standing there.
Sen-chan smiled.
„Hi, Chizuru-chan! Are you shopping with your mother? That's so nice! Maa never has the time to shop so she always sends us." The girls were already inching closer with the clear intention to chat, an action that would probably require several hours to finish, considering the time those two spent on the phone and Shinpachi could feel the mind of his twin working overload in order to find a way to prevent this from happening, when Kazama jumped in between the girls, pushing his little sister not-so-gently away.
„Yeah, yeah, anyway. There are more important issues right now. Chizuru, marry me."
„EEEEEEH?!" Chizuru shot a panicked look at her mother, who had to stiffle the bored yawn that built in her throat, trying her best to look seriously and failing. Shinpachi understood. It wasn't like this hadn't happened before. Sure, the first time Kazama blurted this out about two years ago, it surprised them, but since then it became rather repetitive and boring, and everyone had developed a certain kind of immunity against it. Well, everyone besides Chizuru, that was.
And Sen-chan, who never failed to hit her brother across the head and chastisize him outraged.
„Kazama, enough already! How dare you say that to Chizuru-chan, in front of her mother! Apologize!"
„No, no, Sen-chan, that's alright..."
The ever same discussion about whether it was or wasn't alright ensued between the girls and Shinpachi cast a glance at Sango, who somehow, still managed to look amused. It was probably endless fun for her, to see her own daughter stumbling through boy troubles. And since she already knew the act by heart, she could meanwhile fall back into her own little world, pressumably wondering about who would win the Olympics.
„Are you sure, Chizuru-chan?"
„Yes, yes, Sen-chan, don't worry about me."
As the discussion neared to the end, Sango returned to full consciousness again and smiled at her daughter.
„Alright then, it's time to go, Chizuru. I still need to prepare lunch and we don't have much time left 'till then."
„Yes, Kaa-san."
They both turned to the three siblings and everyone bowed their byes.
„It was nice meeting you, but we have to go now." Sango said and Shiranui bowed a bit deeper.
„So it was. I apologize for these brats, Coach."
Sango laughed. „No worry, Shiranui-kun, it's nothing we aren't used to. Have a nice rest of the weekend. See you at the training on Monday."
„Yes ma'am."
And with that they parted their ways. When Shinpachi turned around to confirm that those stalkers weren't actually following them, he spotted Shiranui giving what could have only been his sister's backside a very appreciative look.
Disgusting bastard.
ox*xo
„I have to say, Sango-chan, this Udon is amazing."
Shortly after Toushi's parents and his older brother with his wife arrived, the family had gathered around the large dinig table to enjoy whatever the matrone has conjured up. Sango was, in spite of everything, a great cook and even though her cooking was a little different from the usual, it was always very enjoyable.
„Why, thank you okaa-sama. I'm glad you like it." Sango smiled at her mother in law, who smiled back warmly.
Genko always made sure to praise Sango in front of everyone, especially in front of Toushi. The gradnmother had probably guessed that her son would mention her at every possible occassion, when the household wasn't running in a way he was used to. She encouraged Sango, when everyone else was intent to prove the young mother that she was nothing short of a disaster in the household.
„Really, Sango-chan, kaa-san couldn't have made this better! It's great!"
The grandfather interjected, widening Sango's smile.
„Thank you otou-sama."
Kondou-san had also been always very kind to Sango and never blamed her for getting pregnant and failing in a world she was suddenly thrown into and knew nothing of. Probably because he knew his son and guessed that Toushi was just as responsible for it as Sango was. It took two to tango, after all and Toushi had never been one to keep it in his pants when there was time, place and oportunity.
But that might have been just because she gave him four grandchildren. That man loved kids and as it seemed, he wasn't getting any from his second daughter in law. Itouko, his older son Sannan's wife, just wasn't the mother type. But shw was very good at managing the household and never failed to rub it into Sango's face.
Especially after Sango got as much praise as now.
„It's really good." Itouko spoke up, but the flat tone of her voice betryed the kind words.
„You don't sound too convinced, Itouko-san." Sango replied, watching her sworn enemy with narrowed eyes.
„Ah, it's nothing worth mentioning, I just thought that it's a bit overspiced." Itouko waved off in a manner that was overly polite. Itouko was always polite and smiling, but inside she was false as a viper. Sango never really understood why Sannan had married her.
„Overspiced?" Sango wasn't new to verbal competition and polite insults and she knew an attack when she saw one.
„Yes, a little." Itouko look at her with a spark in her eyes that clearly issued a direct challenge to her cooking skills and Sango would be damned if she let this drop just so.
„Well, in our family we were used to spicier cooking. We liked it better that way." Sango rebutted, indirectly challenging Itouko's taste, which was a fireway to get underneath that sweet-lipped woman's skin. And really, Itouko's smile faltered and her eyes narrowed a break of an inch. Sango prepared herself for another attack and she knew this one would aim low.
„Oh, I wasn't questioning your traditions. It's just that I was always taught, that the cooking of the wife has to be as sweet as her love to her husband. That way she'll have him satsfied to the rest of their lives."
For a moment Sango forgot to breathe. Did Itouko just directly imply that Sango was no good for her husband?! The nerve of that viper!
Sango was vagualy aware that Shinpachi was watching her sideways very worriedly, but she ignored it. Instead she straightened herself and countered with equal force.
„Oh, really. Well, I don't know about you, but I know a dozen of other ways how to keep my husband satisfied."
There. That scored.
The conversation around them died out and now everyone was watching them in a similar manner as Shinpachi.
Itouko shot her a poisonous look for the implication that the viper sucked in bed and maneuvered into a new attack, this time charging at Sango's methods, aiming to the lowest place with sharp precisity.
„Yes, I'm sure, but good food is the safest and distinguished one. Please for give me for my language, but spreading legs isn't that hard."
„Sannan-san, how is your research faring?! I heard you are developing a new product to enlenghten the life, is that true?"
Before Sango was able to change her methods of attack from verbal to physical, Shinpachi jumped into the conversation, his traget Sannan-san, the only person able to gain Itouko's undivided attention, when she was squabbling with Sango. And with the oponent leaving the battlefield, there wasn't anyone Sango could attack. Besides the one responsible for distracting the enemy, but Shinpachi could deal with that. After years of dealing with his bro' he was used to it.
„Yes, the research is proceeding well." Sannan-san nodded, his smile betraying that he knew exactly what Shinpachi's objective was. „We have been able to overcome the side-effects of the medication and we are almost market ready." The problem with Sannan-san was, that it was dangerous to ask his about his reasearch, because once he started talking about it, he would soon get this glint in his eyes and then start to rant about what a great discovery he was about to make. Like now. „It will be a huge break through in genetic science! The greatest discovery of the century, even! It will-"
„And you, Shinpachi-kun? I hear you have been working on a new game recently?" But before it came as far, Genko swiftly changed the conversation, directing the attention this time to Shinpachi.
Shinpachi, in complete udnerstanding to the old woman, answered immediately. „Yes, we are almost finished with it, I'm just doing the final editing right now. It will be introduced at the convention in October." Shinpachi worked as a game developer, in charge of art design and timing. It was a huge responsibility, but he had Serizawa's complete trust. And pretty good pay, too.
„What was it called again?" Genko asked and Shinpachi wasn't happy to disappoint his sister's in-law.
„Ah, I can't tell you yet, I'm sorry."
Sensing a dead point in the conversation, Itouko took the oportunity to start a comeback.
„Oh, but could you perhaps show me the artwork? Your games always have such beautiful artwork."
For some reason, Itouko loved it to flirt with Shinpachi. She would lower her eyelids so they appeared heavy, lower her voice to a purr and smile in a way that would make a monk weak. The weird thing was, Sannan-san would never do anything agaisnt it, just sit there and smile that mysterious smile and leave Shinpachi wondering how to respond.
Mostly, Shinpachi was just embarrassed.
„Ahaha, thank you Itouko-san. It's nothing really."
„Oh, no, you have great talent. And I appreciate great talents." Itouko purred and pursed her lips very discreetly, but still enough not to go unnoticed by the object of the attention.
„Ehehe..." Shinpachi scratched the back of her head, while desperately trying to find a way out of the situation, when suddenly his twin came to his rescue.
„Anyone seconds?" Sango stood up and everyone held out their plates.
It would keep the table occupied for a while.
ox*xo
„That went well."
Toushi said later that night, after everything was over, the visit gone and the kids asleep, and they were preparing for bed.
Sano snorted, not looking up from the article she was reading in the newest issue of the sports magazine she subscribed to.
„Yeah, but no thanks to you, you hero. You were silent the entire evening."
„I was busy enjoying the good food." The bed shifted as Toushi sat down on it and leaned towards his wife, while Sango was trying not to show how much amused she was by her husband's husky tone of voice. Toushi was now really close and she could feel his hot breath on her neck. She didn't even protest as he took the magazine away from her and exchanged it for himself. „Besides, I would never do anything to spoil your fun."
Sango smirked and eyed her armfull of Toushi.
„Well, I'm really glad to hear that."
A warm hand carressed her cheek and the quality of Toushi's look shifted a little, from miscievous to something gentler.
„You know I love you, don't you? And that I value everything yo do for me."
Sango smiled and covered the hand of her husband with her own and then, angling her head, kissed the palm reassuringly.
„Yeah, I know." She said, looking directly into Toushi's midnight purple eyes.
Then the moment between them disappeared and she was smirking again.
„Now, why don't you show me, what exactly you understand with me having fun?"
Toushi smirked right back.
ox*xo END ox*xo