Summary: A conversation between old acquaintances. Crossover with Gundam SEED.

Disclaimer: I own neither Bleach nor Gundam SEED.

Warning: Very strong language.

A/N: I don't know where this came from, but I found it very amusing.

Shared History

"You know," says Hirako Shinji, glaring at the hordes of ORB citizens that pass them by, minding their own business. "It really pisses me off."

There is a derisive snort. "It? I thought everything pissed you off." A chuckle. "Wait, that's not entirely true. Boobies are an exception."

Shinji's expression sours even further. "Don't be a hypocrite-- you love a good set of ta-ta's as much as I do."

An eyebrow is raised. "Don't I have to be condemning something in order to be a hypocrite? I didn't say there was anything wrong with liking boobies."

A mother passing by with a stroller overhears, and shoots the pair of them a glare. They ignore it.

"So, what really pisses you off?"

Shinji's eyes have never left the people going about their daily routines without a care in the world. "It pisses me off that humans are such dumbasses."

Shinji's companion rolls his eyes to the heavens. "What else is new?"

Shinji makes a sound of contempt. "That's not what I meant, idiot."

"Then what did you mean?"

"Everything that the Shinigami do wrong, the humans manage to copy a century or whatever later. It pisses me off."

Realization dawns. "Oh. I see." Shinji is comparing Soul Society's production, and subsequent persecution of modified souls to the recently concluded war between Naturals and Coordinators. "It is kind of funny, though. In a tragic, pathetic way."

"Yeah," grumbles the blond. "Only without the funny."

"I don't see why you care. You're not a Coordinator or a mod soul." A bitter chuckle. "Me, on the other hand—I'm both."

"I care because it pisses me off." Shinji's glare leaves the crowd for the first time. "And you piss me off, too. You may have a human, pretty-boy body now, but you're just as annoying as when you were stuck inside that retarded stuffed lion." The other looks mildly offended. Shinji continues. "When did you remember all of this stuff, anyway?"

"Not too long after the first war ended. Let's just say that it helped to snap me out of my depression…somewhat."

"You're such a pussy," says Shinji. "Wait-- 'somewhat'?"

"Yeah. The whole 'my father was actually a shinigami working under Mayuri who wanted to see what would happen if he stuck a modified soul into a modified body' thing was kind of depressing in and of itself." A pause. "That, and the realization that 'nee-san really is my nee-san, which sucks." Sigh. "Never again will I be able to nestle in her valley of the gods! It's such a pity."

"Pervert."

"Now who's the hypocrite?"

Shinji scoffs. "Heh, it's not like she's ever had all that much to nestle in, anyway—not like Orihime-chan."

The other ignores the jibe. It isn't as if Shinji will ever understand the wonder that is Kuchiki Rukia (or her must recent incarnation, Cagalli Yula Atha). So, instead of rebutting Shinji's preposterous claims, he decides to broach a topic of mutual interest.

"I have one thing to say to you, Shinji: Marrue Ramius."

The only indication that Shinji has heard him comes in the form of a blush. Apparently, the Vaizard has seen the well-endowed military woman on one of her visits to PLANT.

"What really perplexes me," says the other, "is that you choose to live amongst humans, despite your professed loathing for them." Shinji's blush is gone, now. Clearly, this is a subject that does not please him. "Why is that?"

There is that frown again. "This coming from a guy who refuses to kill people, despite knowing for a fact that there is an afterlife."

"You're avoiding the question."

"Fuck you, pussy-boy."

"And I have a perfectly good reason for not killing people."

"Yeah," says Shinji. "You're a pussy-boy."

The other considers this statement. "That may very well be true," he concedes. "But tell me this: What are the chances of loved ones being reunited in Soul Society?"

"Virtually zero."

"And there's your answer. 'Life' continues after death, but that doesn't stop death from being an irreversible and devastating loss to both the dead and the mourning. So I no longer kill. Now it's your turn. Why are you still living with humans?"

Shinji's brow smoothes out, leaving him looking bored and apathetic. The other doubts that he is either. "What choice do I have? All of the other Vaizards are fucking dead. So what? Should I go to Soul Society? Fuck no. I may hate humans, but Shinigami are worse."

"So in other words…you're lonely, and humans are the lesser of two evils."

"That's not what I said, asshole."

"Okay," says the other, as one would to a small child. "I believe you."

"I hate you so much, Kon."

"I know, and I'm very flattered," says the other, though his voice has a harder edge. This time, it is Shinji who has struck a nerve. "And I have a name now. Use it."

"What?" asks Shinji, a large grin returning to his face. "Does it hurt your sensitive, pussy-boy feelings when I call you 'Kon'?"

"No. But it was never really a name—just a stupid title that Ichigo made up to annoy me. It'd be the same as me calling you 'Zard'."

Shinji chuckles slightly, reveling in his companion's discomfort. "So it does hurt your feelings." The answering silence says more than enough. "Okay, Kira. I wouldn't want to make you feel bad about yourself."

"Don't give yourself too much credit," says Kira, though his words lack their previous fire. He is preoccupied by something else.

The mid-day bells sound loudly through the streets.

Shinji looks back to the bustling crowds. "You have to go, right?"

Kira gets to his feet. "Yeah. I have a meeting with the ORB council."

"Thank the gods. Your pussy-ass touchy-feely crap was starting to rub off on me."

Kira starts to walk away, but pauses to look back for a moment. "I'll see you next time you come down to ORB. In the meantime, don't do anything that I wouldn't do."

"Whatever," says Shinji. "Don't count on me ever coming here again. The sight of your pretty-boy face makes me sick."

Kira smiles. "Okay. I'll see you soon."

Shinji hears him walking away again. Then, in a bout of vindictive pettiness, he calls out, "I hope you start another war, you smug bastard!"

If Kira hears him, he makes no reply.

END

A/N: So yeah, this is basically my warped understanding of what caused Kira to change so much between SEED and Destiny. Thanks for reading, and reviews are always appreciated.