INTRO: Jungle, Broad day
lando: "you know if you keep slashing those vines for no reason your machete will become dull, and then what if a tiger attacks us, what then?"
han: "ay are you STILL talking?"
lando: "i'm just saying, there's no reason to be destroying as much wildlife as you have"
han: "alright that's enough seriously, look it's right there i told you we'd find it"
after eight long hours of exploration
the two lads arrived at the ancient temple in the large clearing.
in the center of the temple was an extending staircase leading a vestibule at the peak
han: "see? there, this should be it, i dont see any other ancient temples around here"
lando: "the directions the old merchant gave us in exchange for MY gold ring, by the way, were right !"
han: "whats that I cant hear you" he said, as he was already halfway up the long staircase
as they arrived at the room at the top of the temple, the two couldnt help but notice how dark it was
the natural light from the entrance could only illuminate so much
the only thing they could clearly see were unlit torches hanging on the walls
han: "okay see clearly what we have to do is light these torches so we could see what the hells going on in here"
lando: "I dont have any firemaking tools on me, they were all lost when you threw my bag in the river out of anger earlier"
han: "yeah I know I was there you dont need to tell me"
lando: "well what are we going to do"
han: "im not gonna lie I still have a lit cigarette in my bag"
lando: "you kept that? I thought I told you to throw that out you know smokings bad for you"
han: "dont tell me how to live my life look just help lift me up so I can reach this torch"
lando lifted han up to reach the torch but it was slightly out of their reach still
han grabbed onto the torch to try to lift himself up for the last extra boost
but suddenly the torch moved out of the wall acting as a lever switch mechanism
and the floor caved in, han and lando tumbling into the abyss before them
they landed on top of each other, winded as all hell
when they finally got air back in their lungs and got up on their feet,
han noticed he was carrying the torch in his hand, it had come out of the sconce when they fell
han lit the torch with his personal cigarette lando doesnt need to know about
the torch lit up the room, and the two fine guys found themselves surrounded by intricate wall carvings
illustrations of the past indicating a rich history that they wont bother to learn about
the air was thick with dust, a serious fire hazard
lando: "han look at this, this inscription is missing a piece here, does this look familiar to you"
han: "ohhhh shit its in the exact shape of the talisman the old village man gave us"
lando: "in exchange for my watch, by the way,"
han placed the talisman into the indentation,
it was a perfect fit
suddenly the room started trembling as if there was an earthquake
and the wall opened up, revealing a long passage way in front of them
several bats flew out of the cave, prompting lando to stifle a freakout under his breath, cause he was really anxious and he did not want han to think he was scared
han could tell anyway and made fun of him, but in a good cute way, know what I mean
they continued down the passage, torch still in hand
the passage turned into a stairway, which led down further into the temple
the stairs were filled with treacherous traps which posed no actual threat to them cause if it did they would die and the fic would stop here and lets be real neither of us want that
they finally arrived at a large open room with some of the upper corners broken down, letting sunlight into the room
the sunbeam landed perfectly on the centerpiece of the room
a fountain with a statue in the middle
the statue depicted a woman holding a hand up to her face
from her ears flowed out a smooth stream of water which glistened in the light
lando: "ah ah ah we found it no way the fountain of youth we can stay young forever"
han: "im not gonna lie this isnt the fountain of youth this is the fountain that perfectly cures your hearing"
lando: "what? why would we want something like that"
han: "i got like really bad tinnitus, i barely heard anything on this trip over the sound of ringing"
lando: "ah ok thats pretty reasonable I just wish you were honest with me"
?: "reasonable indeed !" a third voice rang out in the room
the old man from the village emerged from the shadows
in his wrinkly hand was a loaded pistol aimed at lando
lando: "you! but why, old man ?"
lando cannot keep his cool in the face of a gun so he crumbles onto the floor and starts to cry
old man: "my whole life has been ruined by my poor hearing, so I knew I had to find out if the legend of this fountain was true. I used your ring and watch to pay for a ride to this temple to get here. Once you two are out of the way I will take take this water home with me and sell it and make a fortune, and then my online gf will love me back"
han frowned.
lando: "how did you know we would come here ?"
old man: "I heard you guys from a mile away, the water works that well"
han: "ahh yo that makes sense"
lando: "but are you really willing to kill both of us for these riches ? Can you live with that ?" he said, through tears
old man: "absolutely, no question about it, wouldn't think twice, definitely, no contest, without a doubt, for sure, yep-"
as he was listing more affirmations, han's nose became irritated by the dust in the air
he couldnt handle it anymore and let out a colossal sneeze
the sneeze blew the fire from the torch forward,
igniting the dust in the air
the fireball blew forward and consumed the old man
all that was left of him was a pile of ashes
han: "oh man"
han saw lando still crying on the floor, partly cause he was held at gunpoint, partly cause he saw a man get reduced to ashes before his eyes
han knelt down beside him and comforted him, giving him a kiss on the cheek
lando: "can we please get the hell out of here"
han: "i hear you loud and clear"
the ennd