A/N:Hey, guys! It's me again, back this time with an angsty Makoharu Sourin Fanfic yeaaahhh! This piece has been stored in a corner of my mind since last year episode 11 came out and I never gathered enough courage to post it until now. SO yeah, this is my first time writing something for this fandom so please be kind to me *bows* Anyway, I wrote this before episode 13 came out and around that time I was pretty salty over Free! ES, that's the main reason why I started this idea lmao. Well, I hope you enjoy nd don't forget to leave a comment and click that fav option ;)

End Start

His eyes took in the sight of the airport in front of him as soon as he got off the plane. Groups of people were already gathered there, their screams reaching out to his ears impossible to ignore.

Flashes of light could be seen at the distance like small white dots, and of course, he should've known the paparazzi would be there too to take pictures of Nanase Haruka and Matsuoka Rin, the new darlings of the sports world. One would think that by now Haru would have been used to the complications of being famous.

He sighed tiredly, stretching out his stiff limbs from being stuck in the same position for several hours. Haru never asked for this and by this he meant the fame, the crazy fangirls, the lack of privacy, the endless events he had to attend; Haru never wanted any of those things an as much as he'd like to say it didn't bother him, it did.

All he ever wanted to do was swim. To be free.

Now he barely had time to swim for the pleasure of it, if he wasn;t in any competition he was on an interview or going back and forth between Australia and The States. He almost never had a rest.

It was now, five years later since he'd made the most important decision of his life, the decision that would change everything he ever knew, that he realised he had made a big mistake. A grave mistake. When Rin had taken him to Australia for the first time he hadn't been exactly in the right state of mind, per se. He had been still deeply shaken by his fight with…

No. Absolutely not.

Haru's stomach did a summersault at the mere thought. He wasn't supposed to think about that, dammit! Haru shook his head, trying to get rid of the image his mind was creating and despite his efforts, he could hear Nagisa's crying voice ringing in his ears with a haunting feeling.

He's so gone, Haru-chan…

So gone…

I don't even recognize him anymore…

Nagisa had said grimly.

The reason he was back here, back where it all began…

"Ne, Haru" a concerned voice broke him out of his reverie, thankfully "Are you ok?"

Turning around he was met with the sight of his best friend, Rin, holding his backpack by one strap with one hand and with the other a bottle of water, looking worried. "You seem sick"

The blue eyed boy hadn't noticed he had his lips pressed in a firm line and his hands were curled into fists until Rin pointed it out. Haru tried to relax his face, covering it by examining the palms of his hands that were now sporting red marks from where his nails had sunk in.

"I feel peachy" he managed to say after a couple of minutes. The raven was already regretting coming back to the goddamn country and he'd just set foot in it.

Rin shrugged "Hey, it's okay if you're nervous. Hell, I am too" More like upset as fuck, thought Haru sullenly before answering with a short "Let's go" and heading inside knowing the read head was right behind him.

Better get on with this.

Just as they walked in, they were welcomed by hundreds of cameras and phones going off, not to mention the unstoppable chatter of the crowd. God, couldn't he get a break? Haru didn't even bother to stop and take pictures with anyone, he wasn't in the mood.

In contrast to Rin, who was an attention whore, the raven wasn't fan of interacting with a bunch of unknown individuals. In his defense, at the beggining of his career he used to get panic attacks. When he and Rin started to gain popularity, Haru came close to having another break down even worse than the first one but Rin pulled him out of it.

That, on its own should have been a very clear sign of why Haru after all, wasn't meant to be a pro yet his pride wouldn't let him back down and also… Haru gave one tentative look in Rin's direction who, as expected, was sweet talking a group of fans, and decided after hesitating a little, he'd give himself permission to think about it, just for a second.

The blue eyed boy had been vulnerable and completely out of it when he had chosen what his supposed dream would be, his judgement clouded by Rin's speech about how much he admired Haru, and everything he had told him during the trip. Clouded by betrayal

If Haru were to be honest with himself he'd admit he had subconsciously let the other boy manipulate him.

If Haru were to be honest with himself he'd admit how the turning point for him hadn't been his love for the water or the bigger pools in Australia or even Rin's feelings.

It had been the realisation that came to him the moment he resurfaced from under the water in that enormous pool to find there was no waiting hand this time to help him out of it.

Somehow, Rin and Haru were able to get out of the airport without any inconveniences, inconveniences as in mics being shoved on their faces with rabid journalists questioning their motives for their sudden return to Japan and that was something neither of them wanted to deal with.

Both had returned in order to handle some personal matters but of course, the media didn't need to know that.

They were currently driving to the hotel they planned to stay in for their time in Tokyo. Haru was looking out the window in a bored manner while the read head dozed off next to him with his neck bent in the most awkward position. Haru envied his ability to sleep whenever and wherever when he was unable to.

Sometimes his eyes catched glimpses of the taxi driver giving them these looks he had seen way too many times to count and he knew sooner or later she'd speak up. Two minutes had passed until the woman broke the silence.

"So… you must be Nanase Haruka-san and Matsuoka Rin-san right?" Like she didn't know. Her voice sounded startstruck.

Knowing he wouldn't get away with just nodding and as Rin who always did the talking for him was asleep-the bastard- he was forced to answer

"Yes" he said dryly hoping she'd take the hint and fuck off. Obviously she didn't.

"Oh My God, this is so exciting! I'm a huge fan of you guys" No surprise there "I've always watched your races since forever!"

Haru had to bite his tongue to prevent his mouth from slipping out how fucking illogical it was to say she had been their fan since 'forever', not to say stupid.

And it got worse. Just like every other female she had to ask "Excuse my nosiness Nanase-san but how are things going?…You know…with Matsuoka-san?"

Haru wasn't even surprised. It was no secret he and Rin had a now on, now off thing going on with the two of them being out and proud and all that jazz. When they had first hooked up Haru had expected it, ever since highschool something was building up between them no point in denying it. They had always been too obsessed with each other anyway.

Although as time went by keeping their relationship-or whatever it was- stable became difficult. They would often clash, opinions way too different and both too stubborn, not willing to admit defeat. Still, that didn't stop them from going at it like dogs in heat.

But at the current time, Haru had no clue about where they stood. He felt tempted to tell the woman some bizarre line just to see her reaction. Rin did that all the time people asked them the same thing. And maybe Haru would have too, had they been somewhere else. For some reasons he wasn't ready to acknowledge being back in Japan made him feel downright wrong about what he had with Rin. The emotion in the pit of his stomach being too similar to guilt.

It was all too much.

So instead he settled for a vague "We're okay. I guess"

This time she seemed to recognize the clear dismissive tone and thank god she dropped the subject all together.

"…If you don't mind me asking" the woman started. Again. "How come you and Matsuoka-san made time to come here? I mean, everyone thought you were going to be busy for the whole summer"

To be honest, he had thought that too, he hadn't planned this. At all. Until that call. It was so out of the blue and unexpected. He was even more surprised when he had found free time on his schedule and he almost wished he hadn't. If he hadn't he would not have to be there, in that godforsaken city.

It wasn't like he ever lived in Tokyo or anything, it was the fact that the city in general brought back unwanted memories, memories he had buried in the darkest and deepest corners of his mind. He hated what the capital represented.

If only he had been busy…

As he thought this, a small mocking voice in the back of his head whispered softly 'It wouldn't have mattered. Even if you had things to do, you would have still found a way to come back. For him'

Haru was overcome by the sudden urge to bang his skull against the first surface he came across to and he almost did, except his brain had other ideas.

"It's summer" it reminded him in that sickening sweet tone.

Just as the alarming statement began to make sense the taxi driver interrupted his train of thoughts. "Why would you come back'?" curiosity dripped from her tone. So much for being nosy.

Haru for the first time during the ride moved his gaze from the window and centered it on the rearview mirror, where his reflection stared back at him as if making fun of him. Haru could see his eyes suddenly turning a dark blue like the depths of the sea, his face stiffening in place.

Lips curled up in a sardonical smile.

"Ghosts of the past" he said finally, like it was a worldwide known fact.

This seemed to scare her off, because the rest of the ride was spent in awkward silence.

By the time they arrived at the hotel, the raven was annoyed and exhausted. Rin made fun of him for it, asking if it was that time of the month. At least Rin had slept a little, he contemplated sourly as they made their way through the hallways to their shared room.

Rin kept whistling a tune, strolling around like he owned the place. They stopped in front of the last door. Number 214, Haru noted mentally. Rin pulled out the card the receptionist had given him out of his pocket, quickly introducing it on the slit located where the handle should have been. It made a clicking sound, the door opening immediately.

Haru, as quick as lightning got inside, leaving his luggage behind before throwing himself on the closest bed.

"This one's mine" he stated, burying his head on the pillows.

Rin came in too, sitting on the other available bed "You're not even going to unpack, you lazy cow?" the read head said chuckling.

Haru flipped him off without bothering to look "Says the one who falls asleep at whatever chance he gets"

The other boy shrugged, standing up again "Whatever" he yawned' "I'm going down to grab a bite. I'm starving! Don't do anything stupid" And just like that he left. The door shut loudly as he got out of the room, almost sprinting.

Haru sighed, opening up one eye to inspect the room boredly. He thought it was okay, nothing too classy but still okay.

Haru turned on his belly, staring at the ceiling. Rin must had been nervous. That'd explain his hasty retreat. Well, he had his fair reasons… After all, Rin too would be seeing someone whom he had not spoken too in the past years.

Past years…

Haru closed his eyes, he had to stop thinking about it no matter what or else he wouldn't make it. To distract himself, he decided he'd force his body to turn off for the day. Yeah, he would rather sleep than facing his own problems.

A wave of drowsiness hit him out of nowhere. As sleep claimed him, shades of green flashed behind his eyelids and this time he could do nothing to stop it.

That night Haruka Nanase dreamt of:

"Haru-chan, in the water you're the best"

"I want to swim with you"

"I have decided"

"I'm going to a university in Tokyo"

And the worst of them all

"It's meaningless without you"

The blue eyed swimmer has been surfing the net for a while. To say that he's bored is an understatement; otherwise he wouldn't be doing something as mundane as this.

Life in Australia isn't as good as he had originally thought. Too late to back out now, he reminds himself, clicking on the Youtube Icon to search for swimming videos. That bored he is. He's just thankful he got the day off.

The light of the moon reflects on the windows of his apartment, the only source of light aside from his laptop's screen.

Just as Haru is about to rip his eyes out of boredom, his cellphone starts to ring, causing him to almost drop the laptop. Now, he wouldn't have startled had it been his normal phone, the one Rin told him to buy last year for professional purposes. The one that is currently ringing, is everything but new. It's his cellphone back from his teenage years. He was unable to throw it away, he couldn't bring himself to do it, despite everyone claiming he should since he doesn't use it and no one had called that number. Until now.

Even then, there had been little few people who possesed his number. Reason why he is freaking out now. Who could be possibly calling him and at his unholy hour?

Slowly he puts his computer away, gets up from the couch walking towards the table where the cellphone is. He grabs it, checks the caller's ID and gets close to having a heartstroke right there.

It reads 'Nagisa Hazuki'.

Nagisa Hazuki?!

What the hell?!

His stoic expression breaks out into a confused one. After all these years, Nagisa is calling him now? Why? What is going on? He glares at the screen, confused, dread settling in the pit of his stomach as it keeps ringing. He's tempted to not answer but curiosity wins out against logic and common sense and without analyzing what he's about to do, he answers.

"Nagisa?" he says as coldly as possible, brows furrowed in concentration.

Silence. Sniffing

He's about to hang up when he hears the sound of heavy breathing.

Wait, is he crying? The feeling of guilt settles in and Haru repeats himself more softly this time "Nagisa, is it you? Is everything okay? What's going on?"

"….Haru-chan?… I'm so sorry, am I bothering you? I must be…it has been so long" Sob "I'm sorry for not contacting you before. I didn't know you still had this number but I had to try…. because…Oh my God, Haru-chan …If this wasn't important I wouldn't have called you" rambles on amid gross sobbing the snotty voice on the other side of the line and Haru's heart breaks a little.

He never expected a day like this would ever come, the day where he would be hearing Nagisa crying. He doesn't like it. The blonde boy is meant to smile all the time, not to cry. Haru can picture the other boy-now man- holding the phone tightly , tears streaming down his cheeks, eyes red rimmed from all the sobbing.

God, he misses him.

Haru starts to panic "Nagisa, please, tell me what's wrong!"

A pregnant pause follows his sentence, the other line sounds suspiciously quiet. This only helps in fueling his fear. He thinks Nagisa has hanged up on him until finally the blonde speaks.

"It's Mako-chan" he says with a tone of finality.

It's amazing really, how Haru's world falls apart at the mere mention of his name. His hands are trembling, knees going week and for a second Haru swears he can feel the Earth tilting on its axis. He stands there, frozen, shaking like a leaf, vacant eyes staring at the wall like it's the most interesting thing ever. Doesn't realize he is spacing out, Nagisa's voice just background music.

"'It's Mako-chan" is what Haru hears in loops, over and over again.

"It's Mako-chan" the same Mako-chan who has not spoken to Haru in five fucking years?

"It's Mako-chan" the one who lives in Tokyo?

"It's Mako-chan" the one who wouldn't look at him in the eyes.

"HARU-CHAN" screams Nagisa, bringing Haru out of his head before he closes off entirely.

When Haru manages to get back his speaking ability he says almost whispering ''I'm…I'm sorry Nagisa, I…you caught me off guard there…. Mako…" Haru takes a deep breath ''Makoto….what, what happened to Makoto?"

The name feels like acid on his tongue, he doesn't get how he got it out without burning his throat. He coughs, like an automatic reaction to it and waits for Nagisa to elaborate even when he doesn't want to hear a damn thing about Makoto.

Just like that Nagisa starts sobbing madly once more, so much Haru has to strain himself to hear what he's saying.

The other tells him after he and Rin left for Australia, Makoto moved to Tokyo and quite literally cut off his ties with everyone, Rei, Nagisa, Gou, Sousuke, even his own family. No one thought much of it at first. That was until Makoto's parents tried to call him only to find out he had changed his number. Even then they didn't do anything about it till time started to pass and they still hadn't heard from Makoto. Naturally, Nagisa took it upon himself to hunt Makoto down. He made that decision a few days back and it was yesterday he decided to depart to Tokyo.

The blonde had found Makoto's new address on his facebook profile, that was not a problem.

Little did he know he was signing up for the shock of his life.

Nagisa arrived at Makoto's apartment and what he discovered… It was not pleasant.

"Makoto, he…. He's not himself, Haru-chan. I couldn't even recognize him. Who he is now… he's a total stranger, someone I don't know. I couldn't even face his family when I came back. I-Oh God, it was awful. I'm still in shock."

"Please, you must help him! You're the only one who can! I beg you, come back"

"I can't even describe it, what I saw there."

"Come back home…"

When the phone call ends, Haru is left staring helplessly at the device in his hands, gritting his teeth.

His mind is a scattered mess. A battlefield, his heart versus his brain. It's like he's had an out of body experience, the raven barely remembers speaking after the blond began narrating his story. Somewhere along the way, in his half absent state, he agreed to Nagisa's ridiculous request. He said "Yes", monotone and solemn.

"Are you sure? Aren't you too busy"

"I'm sure"

He wants to break something. What the hell is wrong with him?!

I'm the only one who can help him, huh?, Haru thinks sarcastically and laughs maniatically. He feels so numb. Utter bullshit, everything he said, everything he heard. Everything that happened.

Haru raises his arm and without warning smashes the phone against the table with all his strength, the sound echoes horribly in the empty hall, yet it's not enough. It's not enough. So he does it again, and again, and again, still laughing like it's the funniest thing he has ever done. Haru stops, growing frustrated when it's still not enough and throws the cellphone violently at the opposite wall.

The sound is violent and sudden in the too quiet space.

And even then, he's not satisfied. He walk towards it, and in the spur of the moment steps on the pieces of the device, releasing his frustration , enjoying the crunching noise it makes.

He doesn't know how much time has passed by when he regains his bearings. The floor is a mess and Haru's pretty sure at least he has left scratches on the surface of the table. He looks down at his feet. The poor phone is way beyond repair and it takes him a while to realize he's panting madly, his breathing uneven. Pushing his forehead to the wall, he lets his body slip down to the ground.

Haru had thought Makoto had only given him the silent treatment. Seems he was wrong.

He remembers clearly the day it all ended. When he had come back from his trip to Australia. Haru apologized to Makoto for acting like an ass. Well, it hadn't been an exact apology. But to Haru it counted as such, besides Makoto had smiled at him and told Haru not to worry. What a big fat lie.

After they'd won the Nationals Makoto started drifting apart from Haru slowly, bit by bit, in small dosis, to the point that when Haru noticed what was happening it was too late. Haru had let him be, expecting the green eyed boy would come around sooner or later. Like he used to. Like he always had. Because that was who they were and what they did and how they functioned. Makoto would always come back to him.

Except he never did.

The next morning, Rin finds Haru curled up in a ball on the floor, holding between his slightly bruised fingers the remnants of what used to be a phone.

Haru woke up startled and clearly disturbed by his dream. Sweat coated his body like a second layer of skin, although he felt cold all over. Taking deep breaths, his blue eyes focused on Rin who was calmly sleeping on the next bed, his back turned to Haru. Good. Haru wouldn't have wanted to bother Rin with his stupid nightmare, anyway. Upset he threw the covers off from his lap, laying his bare feet on the cold tiles of the bedroom floor.

Rubbing his temples he tried to keep at bay his incoming headache. This was torture. He had never considered himself unstable; he'd only have this kind of episodes when he felt too pressured. Prior to the 'Makoto deal' that is. Nowadays he exclusively dreamt of the haunting past and how the bigger man had screwed him over. Makoto was supposed to be his best friend. Why hadn't he come after him? Or was it he was too wasted to even consider calling Haru?

He got up from the bed, grabbing the bottle of water that sat on the counter and drank straight from the mouth. Droplets of water fell down his chin.

Sometimes, Haru noted, wiping his lips with the back of his hand, he felt like he hated Makoto with a burning passion. Deep down he knew all that bitterness and anger he held against his former best friend were anything but healthy. Nobody said he actually cared.

Afterwards, Haru headed straight to bed and as he got in, he wondered if maybe, just maybe, Rin felt the same way about Sousuke.