Title: For The First Time
Pairing: Nick/Jeff
Rating: M
Warnings: Smut,Suicide,Character Death.
Summary: Friendship always starts with a first. Nick and Jeff have so many firsts to discover together.
A/N: Thank you so much to my amazing beta, crisscolferish, who you should go follow on tumblr. Do it. Now.
Friendship always starts with a first. It starts with a meeting. Whether by chance or by a decision, by one of the parties involved. Jeff Sterling had been eight years old when he met Nick Duval. Jeff was never a very outgoing kind of kid and he didn't talk much. So when his parents dropped him off at baseball practice for the first time, he stayed a safe distance from everyone else. He managed to go through all of practice without having to talk to anyone, which made him feel much accomplished and lonely. When snack time arrived and the kids waited for their parents to come, Jeff sat in the corner of the dug out, as far away from the others as he could. He stuck his straw in his juice pouch and took a sip, the sound of the other boys laughter ringing in his ears. He reach for his bag of cookies and pulled on the edge; but it didn't rip. The boy tried again, frowning when the foil wouldn't tear. He tugged harder and suddenly the bag split down in the middle, spilling the contents all over the dirty floor. Jeff bit his lip and tried not to cry, why couldn't he at least have his cookies? "You can share mine." Jeff's head snapped up to see a dark haired boy, about his age, standing in front of him. He held out a bag of cookies and smiled. "Thanks."Jeff said quietly, reaching into the bag to take a cookie. The other boy sat next to him taking a cookie out of his bag and popping it into his mouth. "I'm Nick by the way." Jeff looks over at Nick and smiles slightly. "I'm Jeff." Nick grins and Jeff is sure that it's the happiest he's ever seen anybody be after meeting him. "You know, you took my cookie. That means we're friends now." Jeff's eyes widened, "Really?" He asked in disbelief. No one ever wanted to be friends with him. "Yep. Best friends." Jeff smiled, best friends.
Their first party happens during middle school. They're both in 7th grade and Jeff's mom has just dropped them off at Sebastian's house. The house is the biggest house Jeff has ever seen and he stands with his mouth hanging open. The two story house is white but from where Jeff was standing you could hardly tell from the amount of balloons wrapped around each pillar over the front porch. "You're gonna catch bugs."Nick teased, shoving Jeff gently. Jeff shook his head and snapped out of his thoughts, feeling his cheeks heat a bit. The boys headed inside and the moment they reached the door they could tell the party was in full swing. Music was blaring, and streamers and balloons hung from every available surface. There were more people crammed into the house than Jeff thought went to their school. It was then that he spotted the birthday boy heading their way, "Duval! Glad to see you could make it. Come on, we need to get you on the dance floor." And with that Jeff was standing alone in the corner, left once more to watch everyone else have a good time. Jeff managed to stay out of the way as the late afternoon turned into evening and the normal birthday activities like cake began. Jeff suddenly got dragged through the crowd and he realized that Nick was pulling him to the table to stand next to Sebastian. The room joined in a chorus to sing happy birthday and Sebastian blew out the candles on his cake as the crowd cheered. The girl standing on his other side, who looked like she was at least in ninth grade, leaned over and gave Sebastian a kiss. He smirked at her and held up a knife. "Who wants cake?" Jeff tried to step out of the way. Of the chaos he knew was about to erupt. But Nick grabbed his arm. Once the cake was cut Sebastian handed a slice to Nick but ignored Jeff. "Did you meet my girlfriend?" Sebastian asked nodding to the girl who had kissed him moments earlier. Jeff shook his head and gave the girl a soft smile, which she didn't return. "She's a freshman. In high school." The boy smirked, as if he had accomplished something huge. Nick smiled at the girl, "Nice to meet you. Seb, I'll be right back." And with that Nick was gone once again. Jeff tried not to panic because he really did not like Sebastian and he wasn't good with social situations. "So Sterling. Here's how this is going to work. Nick is my new best friend and you're going to leave him alone. " Jeff's eyes widened and he swallowed hard at the menacing look on Sebastian's face. "Got it? Good. Oh and Jeff?" The blonde was frozen in place and he silently wondered what else this boy could have to say. "You have a little something on your face." And with that he shoved his plate of cake in Jeff's face. The crowd around him cheered and Jeff blinked back tears as he ran for the door. He ran until he was off of the porch and out in the front lawn, he flopped down in the grass and let the tears fall down his face. He wasn't sure how long he sat there but suddenly there was a hand on his back. "Jeff? What happened?" The blonde looked up to see concern on his face. "Sebastian. He told me I had to stop being your best friend. Then he shoved cake in my face." Jeff crossed his arms and tried to fight back new tears. "Well he can't tell you who to be friends with. I don't want to be friends with him if he's going to be this mean. You're my best friend, Jeff. "
Their first secret comes during their first year at Dalton. Jeff sits at the dark wood lunch table with Nick on his right and Wes on his left. Nick's back is turned to him as he talks animatedly to the girl on his other side. Today is one of the days when Crawford Country Day is allowed to visit. Dalton seems to buzz with extra energy on those mornings, though Jeff can't seem to see the appeal. He's never made friends with any of the girls and while his fellow Warbler go on and on about the girls, he's never found any of them attractive. Instead he found himself being entirely too distracted by the boys at Dalton, namely Nick. Hard as he tried he could not get the Warbler out of his mind. Everytime he smiled it seemed to light up the entire room and when he sang, Jeff felt butterflies in his stomach. Jeff remembered their first day at Dalton.
After everyone had settled into their dorms and had dinner the Warblers had held a welcome performance for all the new students. It was a sea of blue and red as the freshman made their way to the common room. Everyone had changed into their uniforms before dinner and Jeff couldn't help but admit to himself how much he loved the uniform. He felt like a part of something for the first time in his life. As the students filled the room, Jeff noticed that Nick was no where to be found and now that you think of it he had still been sitting at the table when Jeff got up to leave. Jeff sighed to himself and settled into one of the couches to listen to the welcome. Halfway through a speech that was given by a boy who introduced himself as Wes, the giant wooden doors opened and a blushing Nick stepped inside. "I'm sorry I'm late! A teacher stopped me and I couldn't get away." Jeff was sure that his jaw dropped. Jeff had never noticed how…handsom Nick was but he was noticing a lot more than that now. Nick's hair was combed but it wasn't gelled into place like most of the other students. Instead of it, it was brushed slightly to the side, accenting his eyes perfectly. The uniform fit him perfectly, the blazer tailored just for him accented his shoulders and when he walked, the blazer would gap in the front to reveal the grey pants he wore underneath. The tie was what really caught Jeff's attention, it was blue and red stripped, just like his own, but on Nick it just called to be grabbed so that Jeff could connect his lips with the boy's. Jeff froze in his seat. This was a boy and not just any boy but Nick his best friend. Nick quickly walked to the back of the room and came to sit next to Jeff on the arm of the couch. Jeff shoved the thoughts away and blushed when he felt Nick sitting so close. For the remainder of the meeting Jeff couldn't focus, all he could feel was the heat coming from the body next to him.
Jeff sighed snapping out of his thoughts when Nick laughed loudly next to him. A feeling of jealousy coursed through him at the sight of Nick so happy talking to this girl. Jeff pushed the food around on his plate and chanced another glance at the pair of them. Nick had reached up to move the girls hair out of her face and she giggled. Jeff slammed his fork down and stood up, looks of shock passed Trent and David's faces. "I need to get back to my studying. See you guys later." And with that Jeff stormed off.
Their first confession comes in their second year at Dalton. Jeff is sitting cross legged next to Nick, text book on the floor in front of him. There are various papers strewn about and a broken pencil sits among the mess. Nick was laying on his stomach, head going back and forth between his text book and his notebook. He would occasionally bite the end of his pencil in thought and then scribble down an answer. Jeff looked down at his own homework and sighed. Nothing was making sense, mostly because he couldn't concentrate with Nick next to him. Everytime he would shift, Jeff could smell the Hollister cologne that Jeff had bought him for his birthday and everytime Nick bit his pencil, Jeff couldn't keep his brain from going in the gutter. "Nick?" Jeff asked hesitantly. "Yeah?" Nick's distant reply came. "I need to tell you something." Jeff was sure that his voice was shaking. "What is it Jeffie?" Nick asked setting his pencil down and looking at him. "I…" Jeff looked down at his notebook and took a deep breath. "I'm gay." Nick's eyes widened slightly but instead of the yelling and the disgust Jeff was expecting Nick just smiled. "Ok." Jeff's eyes widened, "You're not mad?" Nick shook his head and laughed. "Of course not! You're my best friend, I don't care if you like boobs or balls." Jeff snorted and took a deep breath in relief. "Thanks man." Jeff said with a grin and picked his text book back up. "No problem…does this mean I have to start going to see chick flicks with you?" Nick asked, teasing in his tone. Jeff smacked him with his notebook.
Their first sleepover happens just a few months later. It isn't planned, it's not a party and it's not a celebration. Jeff stumples down the halls of Dalton, tears streaming down his face. He's dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, but it looks as if he's just crawled out of bed, that or a wild animal park. He finally reaches Nick's door and knocks, he doesn't care if it's three in the morning; he needs Nick. After a few moment Nick opens the door, he's wearing a white t-shirt and his boxers, his eyes are full of sleep but they suddenly slam into reality when they see Jeff. "What's wrong?" He asks, but jeff just opens and closes his mouth several times and sobs. Nick pulls Jeff inside and closes the door before sitting down on his bed. "Jeff, you're scaring me. What's wrong?" Nick's brow furrowed as Jeff paced in front of him. "Jeff?" Jeff sobbed, "My mom….she's dead." Jeff shook and Nick jumped out to wrap his arms around the blonde. "Oh Jeffie. I'm so sorry." Jeff sobbed into Nick's chest. "Th-there was a drunk driver and she was o-on her way home…" Nick felt a tear running down his own face at his best friends pain. "H-he hit her car and…the windshield…it broke…s-she flew out of the car…and she…she lost her head." Jeff sobbed and shook violently in Nick's arms. Nick shushed him and brought him to sit down on his bed, he let the other boy sob into his arms. "I'm so, so sorry." Nick brought his hand up to softly stroke Jeff's hair, letting his head rest on top of the other boy's. Jeff cried for what seemed like hours until his eyes were drooping and his body was shaking weakly. "Come on. You need to sleep." Nick laid back and pulled Jeff down with him. Jeff's eyes closed and he snuggled into Nick's side. Nick watched as his best friend fell asleep, still running his hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry." He whispered.
Their first fight happens in their third year at Dalton. Jeff is sitting outside on the lawn with a book held in his lap, he tried to ignore the exchange going on between a girl from their sister school and Nick. Jeff stares at the pageno absorbing any words, but pretending to be occupied. The cool autumn breeze ruffles Jeff's hair and he flips his hair out of his eyes and curled into himself a bit more. It's unusually cold for this time of year and he's already wearing his winter coat. The sound of footsteps approaching snaps him out of his thoughts, but he keeps his eyes on the page. "You'll never guess what just happened!" Nick said sitting down next to Jeff and Jeff could tell from his tone alone that he was grinning from ear to ear. "Mmm." Jeff's uninterested reply came. "I found us dates for the dance!" Jeff's head snapped up at that. "I'm gay Nick, or have you forgotten?" Nick laughed and shook his head. "Of course not. But Sally-that's the girl I was just talking to-has a brother our age. He's into music and baseball and I know you said you like brunettes." Jeff narrowed his eyes at the boy next to him. "Thanks for trying but I'm not interested." Jeff shut his book and tucked it back into his shoulder back. He was being a bit icy but he couldn't bring himself to care. Nick frowned at the new tone, "I was just trying to help. I know you wanted to go to the dance." Jeff stood and turned to face Nick. "And I can't go alone? Or with friends? I don't need a date." Jeff crossed his arms. I only need you. "I know that I just thought-" Jeff glared, "Yeah, well, you thought wrong." He turned and started to walk away. "Jeffie! Wait!" Nick jumped off the bench and went after him. "Just leave me alone Nick." Jeff's voice was hard. "Jeff! You're always talking about how much you want someone-" Jeff stopped and turned to face him. "And I can find that someone for myself thanks. I don't want to go to the dance." Nick swallowed hard. "I just wanted to hel-" Jeff shook his head angrily. "The only way you could help me is to .alone." Nick shook his head, "Just give him a chance! I'm sure you would like him if-" Jeff fought back tears. "I can't give him a chance!" He yelled, glad that the rest of the students seemed to have moved inside. "Why not?" Nick said raising his voice. "Because I love you!" Jeff yelled angrily, then his eyes went wide and he panicked. Nick's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Jeff turned and ran, "Jeff!" But Jeff was already halfway across campus. Tears in his eyes.
Their first kiss happened two months later. Jeff sat alone in the back corner of the library, a book in his lap. He loved the quiet and peacefulness of the library. No one ever came here; most of Dalton opted to study in the common rooms or dorms. So the sound of footsteps caused Jeff to look up. He immediately regretted it. Nick stood only two feet away. It had been two months since their fight, two long agonizing months. Jeff stayed as far away from Nick as possible to avoid any further embarrassment. At Warbler practice he sat on the opposite side of the room and never met his eyes. Jeff has spent many nights over the past months crying himself to sleep and feeling alone. Jeff swallowed hard and looked back down to his book. "What do you want?" His voice sounded tired and hurt. Nick sunk down to Jeff's level , "Hey. Look at me." Jeff kept his eyes on his paper. "Please." Nick's voice was pleading and Jeff couldn't resist the sound. He looked up and into Nick's eyes, Nick smiled. "I have something to tell you. Something I realized last week. " Jeff swallowed again, wishing Nick would just spit it out and leave so that he could cry alone. "What is tha-" Nick cut Jeff off with a kiss. Jeff froze and his brain stopped functioning, instead of pulling away he found himself leaning into the kiss. It was Nick who broke away, "I love you too."
Their first time happened in their senior year at Dalton. Much like the rest of their relationship it wasn't planned. Nick and Jeff had been laying in front of the TV in Nick's dorm watching Deathly Hallows. Jeff had an arm slung around Nick's waist and a leg over Nick's. Nick's arm was wrapped around Jeff and his thumb stroked Jeff's arm. Jeff's eyes were glued to the TV but Nick's were glued to Jeff. "You're beautiful you know. " Nick's voice was soft in Jeff's ear. Jeff smiled up at Nick, "So are you." Their lips met in a sweet and innocent kiss but there was a sudden fire that seemed to take it over. Hands romanced and Jeff found himself laying on top of Nick, Nick pulled out of their kiss. "Bed." Nick said breaking their kiss. The boys found their way to Nick's bed, words of love exchanged between the two of them and they quickly found themselves naked and pressed together on Nick's bed. "Are you sure?" Nick breathed against Jeff's ear, his hips rocking down to crush with Jeff's. "Yes. Please…I want you." Jeff's breathless reply came from below Nick. Nick attached his lips to Jeff's neck trailing kisses down to his chest, before taking a nipple in his mouth and running his tongue along it. Nick reached over to his bedside table with his free hand and grabbed something out of the bedside table. It was only when Jeff heard a click that he knew what it was. Jeff moaned as he felt a slick finger pressing at his entrance. He nodded to answer the question in Nick's eyes and kissed him. Pleasure and want courses through Jeff body and he found himself begging for more, more pleasure, more Nick. Three fingers later Jeff was writhing against Nick and pleading, "Nick. I need you." Nick captured Jeff's lips in a passionate kiss and slowly slid inside the other boy. Jeff closed his eyes tightly, fighting the tears and Nick kissed them away. "Relax sweetheart." Nick's voice was soothing and Jeff slowly felt himself relaxing. Jeff took several ragged breaths and nodded, "You can move." He said, grabbing for Nick's hand. Their hands linked and Nick pulled out before thrusting back into the boy. Jeff felt his pain slowly being replaced with pleasure and he moaned. "Oh Nick. Please…more." He begged, rocking his hips up to meet Nick's. "Jeff, you're so tight. Oh god…" Nick's voiced got strangled in his throat. Nick reached down and tilted the other boys hips slightly and Jeff practically screamed, "Fuck!" Nick groaned and thrusts his hips forward with a new fever as he felt Jeff falling apart beneath him. "I'm…I'm so close.."Jeff breathed. Nick captured his lips in a chaste kiss. "Then let go." Jeff threw his head back and screamed Nick's name as he rode out his orgasm and Nick followed quickly behind. Once the boys came down from their high, Nick rolled off of Jeff and smiled at him. "I love you." He said pulling the other boy into his arms. "I love you too." Jeff replied.
Their first heartbreak comes the summer after graduation. Jeff is sitting with Nick outside on a blanket, both laying on their backs and watching the stars. The warm summer breeze caresses their bare torsos and Jeff's face has a lazy smiled plastered on his face. "I love the sky at night. It's so beautiful. " He looks over to Nick who seems to be zoned out and Jeff frowns. "What's wrong? " He asks, reaching up to run his thumb across his cheek. Nick had been a bit off for a few weeks now and Jeff was starting to worry. "Jeff….I…." Nick's voice cracks and tears form in his eyes. "I can't do this anymore." The words leave his mouth in a whispered breath. "Can't do what?" Jeff asks eyes wide. "Nick, you're scaring me." Nick shakes his head as another tears falls. "Us. I can't do us." He stands and reaches for his shirt. "Nick? What do you mean? Why-" Jeff's dying, his heart is breaking in his chest, he sits up. "I can't do this anymore! I can't stand the teasing or the verbal abuse at home. I just can't!" Nick sobs and picked up his sweatshirt from the ground. "Nick! Please! Don't-" Nick shakes his head and kneels next to Jeff. He places a kiss on his lips before he pulls back and strokes the boys cheek. "I'm sorry." And Nick walks away with Jeff calling behind him.
Their first goodbye is three months later. Jeff sits quietly in the front row as tears stream down his face. He has never felt this alone, this broken. He doesn't hear what the speaker says or what Nick's friends have to say, he doesn't hear anything. He's frozen in his own bubble. He can't stand the thought of his best friend- his love not being there with him. He feels a hand on his arm and he looks up to meet Sebastian's eyes. "Come on. I know you want to say goodbye." He says, gently pulling Jeff up and supporting his weight. They approach the casket together and Jeff can hardly bring himself to look down. When he does his heart shatters all over again. Nick's eyes are closed and his skin is pale and lifeless, the blue veins below his skin seem to stand out even more in death. Jeff sobs and traced the boys cheek. "I love you. Forever." He whispers and turns away. Sebastian wraps and arm around Jeff and lets him cry as they walk away. Before they can reach the door Nick's mom stops Jeff. "Jeff? Nick…this was in his stuff when he died." Jeff's whole body is shaking as he took the small piece of paper from the lady's hands. He unfolded the paper with trembling hands.
Jeff, I've always loved you. I always will. I know you don't understand it but I can't handle it anymore. Just know that I love you. I want you to be happy. Always be happy. You're so special Jeff. So so special. I love you. –Nick