Waiting in Limbo

chapter one: my president

If I ever manage to live through this day, I swear to the life stream – or what's left of it – I'll tell Tseng how much I love him. This resolve was the only thing that kept me going. I honestly could not see any point in living beyond my feelings for Tseng. I might've been overly exaggerating my emotions, but people do that when there is no longer any hope. Everything and I mean everything important to me had disappeared in a matter of hours. My company, my position as a Turk, and my boss – all of it was gone. I didn't even have my favorite "hang in there" Moogle desk poster. The poster was a drop in the bucket compared to everything else, but it had kept me going in the worst of times. If only there had been more of a warning, a clearer signal --

ACK! Who was I kidding?! The company was already doomed when I became a Turk, longer before that! The energy Shinra sold was stolen from the planet. The life stream is continuously giving life and those lives return to the planet once their time is over. Wouldn't using Shinra energy be like, killing the planet? Don't get me wrong, I'm not a tree hugger and I certainly don't side with AVALANCHE; they're terrorists after all. But I can now see where they were coming from.

Our planet was dying. You could see it in the new blooms of the flowers; the cherry blossoms outside my apartment wilted and died after one day. Shinra could have done so much; the President had the money and the resources, so why hadn't he assisted?

I respect very few people, a small portion of them being men. Tseng was at the top of my list, and his close competitor for second was my President... my former President. He retained the same qualities Tseng did; a level head, a clever tongue, and cool composure. I might've been in danger of falling for him if he hadn't been so unattainable. I mean, there was no way in Ifrit's Hell I was any closer to Tseng than the first day I met him, but the President was an impossible catch... had been an impossible catch.

It would take some getting used to, referring to him in past tense. President Shinra was a stranger to me, and yet I experienced the pain of losing him. Would this have been prevented if AVALANCHE had been taken more seriously? If he had known the extent of what Shinra was doing to the planet I'm sure he would have shut down the company. Maybe then his life would have been spared...

What the hell was I thinking?! It didn't matter. I was a Turk; I still had a duty to my company. The President was dead, it hurt to think about it as a fact, but there was no changing it. Before his death he had issued specific orders and this was like any other mission. It didn't matter if Rufus Shinra was no longer with us; I had to do my duty. The order was absolute.

Alongside Reno and Rude, I ran through the tunnels beneath Shinra headquarters. It was a miracle we had managed to escape before the final blast from Diamond Weapon hit. It was the most heartbreaking sight a Turk could ever see. I never thought I'd watch the fall of headquarters. In my mind it would never happen. But as I stood at the opening of the sewer tunnel, my mouth agape, it dawned on me: everything happening was real. The only thing left of the once revered Shinra Company was rubble, dead bodies and ensuing chaos. I could hear the screams, the crashes, and the enormous BOOM of the cannon shot through the brick walls.

Although the insulation was thicker than Reno's pea soup it was still so loud. I couldn't stand the noise! Nearly all the trainee videos I'd watched before becoming a Turk featured the symphony of pandemonium now being blasted throughout Midgar on permanent repeat.

Back then I thought if I had to fight in a war I'd never stand the noise. Turks weren't publicly acknowledged after all; they hid in the shadows, waiting to do the dirty work. That's what my job was supposed to be – spying and if need be, silently killing. I hadn't been trained for Soldier. In a few years I'd qualify to take the exams but as of that moment I was not prepared to go to the front lines. I was a ninja damn it!

Yet I ran through the sewers ahead of Reno and Rude about to take the preemptive strike regardless of my limitations. Despite what it might've seemed, I wasn't scared. No, no no no! Elena the Turk was never scared! I was nervous, that was all. You know biting-your-fingernails-and-chewing-the-hell-outta-your-lip-while-pulling-your-hair-out nervous. However, those nerves were tied directly to my fear. If I had any hope of staying in control of my anxiety, the string leading to my panic alarm had to be kept loose. The easiest way to do that was to make the violent noises disappear.

Apart from the bombardment occurring above and the dripping of leaky pipes, our footsteps were the only sounds echoing down the tunnel. If I could focus on the clapping noise our fifty dollar shoes made then maybe I'd have a grip on the situation. Concentrate on the footsteps Elena, I told myself; think of them as polished dress shoes attached to a dashing, tux-wearing Tseng, ready to escort you to the opera. Oh yeah, I was relaxed already.

With my nerves under control, speed became my best friend. My feet danced across the concrete, creating a rhythmic composition, perfect for a percussionist. My footsteps were faster than either Reno's or Rude's. Theirs slowly trailed behind me, heels scuffing against the pavement. While my footsteps continued to be the drum solo, theirs were back-up maracas.

My consciousness began to trail into other things soon after that. With music on my mind, the day dream of Tseng and me at the opera returned. I almost began to giggle at the mental image of sitting in an opera box next to Tseng. It would be close quarters of course; we couldn't afford the luxuries of having a large box. No signs of romantic attachments would be exchanged openly; our fingertips might lightly graze across each others by a forced accident, but nothing else.

Then, as we would leave the opera house we'd see Rufus Shinra coming from one of the more expensive seats. He'd offer us a ride to his lavish foreign car filled with caviar and champagne.

When the memory was starting to become enjoyable I remembered: "Rufus Shinra is dead." Uttering those words was like whispering a hex, and saying it caused a great deal of pain on my part.

In my haste I tripped over a stray pipe and crashed to the ground. The cloth on my knees and elbows was gone and in its place was tender white skin. I watched the blood well in small droplets, threatening to trickle down my leg. I bit my lower lip and pushed back a dry sob. Physical pain rarely bothered me, but the string attached to my nerves had finally ripped.

What were we supposed to do? Reno and Rude could function; they were professionals at adapting to the situation. But I was a rookie, a goddamn rookie!

I couldn't stand it! Being a Turk meant nothing if you weren't able to function properly. There were three rules to being a Turk: Block out emotions, don't question the President, and always follow orders. And yet there I was, on the verge of tears, wondering why the President hadn't saved the planet, and contemplating the notion of running away.

Oh God! There was no way I was a Turk. I wasn't in the same league as Reno and Rude, I was thinking about running away! Running away like a coward or a thief... If Tseng could see me lying on the floor the sewer tunnel while actually considering the thought of fleeing, he'd fire me on the spot. Forget about love, or respect, or even cordial conversation, I'd be lucky if he'd look me in the eye after we completed the mission...

The self-pity pool began to fill up faster. I heard Rude's single footfalls come up behind me. He didn't bend down and look at my face. I'm glad he didn't. My pride probably wouldn't have recovered if he had seen my swollen red-rimmed eyes. To comfort me, he rested his large hand on my back. His fingers traced the bony outline of my shoulder blade before he gave it a tight squeeze of reassurance.

"Please, just don't." My words came out as a rough growl.

Rude's grip loosened quickly. I must've sounded so cruel when all he was trying to do was help. My breathing began to increase. It felt like my ribs were slowly beginning to close in on my lungs. "Rude..." I tried to piece together an apology but I couldn't manage do that either. Instead, I did something really stupid.

"What if we forgot the mission?" I paid no mind to the searing pain in my knees and struggled to stand. "We could just leave. Find Tseng at the hospital and go! What would be the point in carrying out the mission now that Shinra has fallen?" The body movement I displayed was wild, my hand gestures erratic. Turning around I saw Rude's expression first. His jaw line was set firm and I felt his fiery gaze burn into my watery eyes from behind his darkened glasses. I focused on Reno's silhouette standing a few feet behind his black counterpart. Instead of shouting a sarcastic reply or beginning a long rant with the word 'fuck' repeated five times, he just stood there with his chin lowered. Reno's posture was slumped over, more than usual and his arms hung loosely at his side. One of Reno's long fingers was intertwined with the belt loop closest to his cell.

What was he thinking? Did he agree with me or was he in shock? Then again, did I agree with me? I hated being so indecisive. It had been my downfall for so many things (a great deal of them being social matters, example being Tseng) and now it was a matter of life or death. I had to act, if I didn't, then we'd probably be history.

We were near an exit and if I could just convince them...

Then I heard a group of unfamiliar footsteps. Rude and Reno weren't moving, and my feet were planted firmly, so that meant it was too late to escape: our assignment was already there.

Cloud and his gang of miscreants had finally appeared. The doll Reeve had been developing months prior was running very well and was leading the group. The spiky-headed ex-soldier followed closely, his large buster sword already poised for action.

I really didn't want to feel the sting of his sword and the idea of being shot by a man with a gun for an arm wasn't my idea of a fine time either. But what really turned me off of the mission was the possibility of being assaulted by a stuffed toy. I mean, who ever fought and lost to a freaking doll? And who needs five hundred people in a party?! Three. Count with me: one, two, three are enough. Any more and it's cheating.

...Holy shit. They had the upper hand.

"Oh no! They're here!" (Accompanied by their demonic doll!) My voice carried farther than I had intended it to. Our targets turned around and stared at us, their bodies already preparing for an attack. Well, they weren't getting the first move!

I ran up to them, grimacing at the pain in my knees. I don't think they expected me to not assault them, for a moment they stared and I heard one of them whisper a question along the lines of "are they worth it?"

My eyes widened to such a large degree I feared my eye balls might pop out. "What are we going to do!?" I looked back at Reno and Rude, "I think it's okay for you to ignore your orders now."

Reno finally acknowledged me, but it wasn't exactly the reaction what I was hoping for. He became unusually serious and his green eyes brightened. They shone with a glow I'd never seen before. I think an epiphany happened in those brief seconds and it showed as he regained his confident strut. "...Elena, don't act so weak." His index finger was still wrapped around the belt loop close to his phone. Gingerly Reno let go of the blue material and whipped out his stun baton in one swift motion.

"We're Turks, Elena." Rude joined us, his strong hands already covered by his black fighting gloves.

They spoke with loud conviction, their voices bouncing off the walls of the tunnel; it retained the same heaviness as a judge's gravel made in a silent courtroom after the jury announced its verdict.

It was a two out of three vote. I had lost.

I shook my head at this. Why did we have to fight them now? Shinra was gone, we were here, and shouldn't we try and survive? It was a stupid fight! Battling Cloud wasn't going to bring back Shinra; it most certainly wasn't going to bring back our President.

Then something clicked. Where it came from, I have no idea, but suddenly it was there.

There was no promise I would live even if I ran. To take the exit, to just run as far as I could, to get the hell outta there, it didn't mean squat. I could run to the outskirts of the city and be crushed by falling debris. I could make it as far as the nearest town and be attacked by a Behemoth. I could, I could, and I could!! Possibilities were abundant and the outcomes uncertain.

My sister once said "Decisions are only as important as their meaning behind them." The concept was easy enough to grasp, but I only took it to heart at that moment. Orders held no importance of being just an order. Reno and Rude weren't willing to die in battle for the sake of an order; they weren't that stupid (at least, I hoped not.) Behind their conviction was respect for a man they had swore to protect. Even though his life energy flowed once again with the planet's their conviction still remained.

They? Just Reno and Rude? No, I had failed alongside them. He was my president too.

A small smile stretched its way across my lips. I'm sure it looked very strange to our enemy, but to the men I was about to die with, it was a signal I'd finally become more than just a rookie. "... Yes sir. You're right." I pulled my gun out of its hilt and turned off the safety. This was the last stand of the Turks.

Like the bad-ass he was, Reno played it off cool. He rolled back his shoulders, flicked his hair away from his eyes, and gave a little sigh. "I'm not really up for it, but..." He looked over at me to finish the rest, a strange expression resting on his face.

"Our orders were to seek you out and..." I licked my dry lips, "... Kill." Kill? I wanted to make them pay, but I didn't want to see them die by my hand. "Our company may be in turmoil, but an order is an order." I raised my voice, hoping the volume of it would make me seem more confident in my decision. "That's the will and spirit of the Turks! Believe it!"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Reno and Rude scratch the back of their heads as if embarrassed.

What? Why were they acting like that? Was my speech over the top? They were the one who inspired me! They should have been even more intense than I was. Sure, our relationship with Cloud was a strange one, and on different circumstances we might have been friends. That's probably why declaring our orders was like choking on bad seafood. It left a nasty taste in my mouth that I wouldn't be rid of for weeks.

But it didn't matter if we were friends or the worst of enemies – I had to do as my President instructed!

The lobster formerly known as Cloud raised his eyebrows and I saw the shrimpy ninja girl -- the one who'd been by screaming equal when Don Coreno took us hostage -- stifle a laugh. I resisted the urge to slap my companions and the little twerp. When were they going to take the initiative and charge those bastards, next week?! "What are you doing?! Let's go!"

For some reason, Cloud relaxed his body. The facial appearance he wore was the same as Reno's. What thoughts were they sharing with each other, and what was I missing?! "No, let's not go."

I jumped, literally jumped into the air. "You're showing pity?!" Why couldn't we just hurry up and finish it? "Don't take the Turks for fools." Bringing up my gun to eye level I aimed for one of Cloud's yellow spikes. He was creating a diversion, stalling for time. All of this was probably a terrorist trick to try and catch us off guard.

Then Reno came up behind me grabbing hold of my gun clenching hands. He leaned over my shoulder, our cheeks almost touched. I saw the sweat collected on his brow and threatened to roll down his cheek in resemblance of a tear. "Elena, wait." His hold tightened like he was trying to take the gun away from me.

"Reno!" What was he doing? This was for the President; we had to honor Rufus. There was no other way. "You're not violating the order... are you?"

My words didn't faze him. "Shinra's finished." The five sharp pricks that were Reno's fingernails dug into my skin. "It's come down to this."

Come down to? Come down to what exactly?! First Reno basically told me to carry out the order, and now he wanted to show mercy?

From Rude's silence, I knew he was in agreement with his partner.

Once again, it was two to one.

My fingers let go of their hold on the gun's holt and I heard it clatter against the concrete.

My shoulders sagged, my head drooped. I looked just like one of those ugly dog sculptures except my eyes weren't filled with tears... yet.

Reno released his hold on me and returned to Rude's side. "Elena," he released a sigh, "you were a great Turk."

If my jaw had not been connected to the rest of my skull, it surely would have fallen off. Reno had told me I was a great Turk!

Why weren't we facing each other when he said it? Then I might have seen the truth in his eyes and determined if what Reno said was something more than sarcasm. Yet, I heard it in his voice. The sincerity was unmistakable: he meant it.

The tender moment did not last long. Raising his hand he waved at Cloud, "Farewell. If we both survive..." he paused for dramatic effect, "If we can save our lives..."

Again with the pausing! I never pegged Reno as being such a drama fiend. What did he want, rhythmic snapping?!

Then he just walked away, without finishing his sentence, the bastard. It looked like it was up to me to make the grand exit.

Oh shit, what could I say?

What was I feeling? Should I say something about the inner conflicts, about my loyalty to the Turks and to my President?

Crap! I was stalling, I was creating dramatic effect. Why did I have to be such a hypocrite?!

"Remember the spirit of the Turks...!" My face flushed.

That was the best I could think of? I turned and ran after Reno as fast as my injured knee would let me. Rude's voice was a faint whisper behind. I wondered if he was going to confess his affection for Tifa.

Reno's flaming hair was clearly visible even in the darkened tunnel. As I came up next to him that familiar smirk spread across his lips. "The spirit of the Turks? Believe it?! What the hell are you trying to do? Kill them with cheesy lines?"

I should have been offended but I found myself grinning with him. "What about you with all that 'surviving' and 'save our lives' bull? We're Turks, not actors!" A giggle came out of nowhere and suddenly I was laughing. It wasn't a shallow laugh either it made my stomach hurt and my knees weaker than they already were.

Reno laughed with me, his voice echoing louder than my own. He propped his hands on his knees for support.

Not wanting to touch my bloody knees, I leaned my hands on his shoulders. This was the closest I'd been to him since, well, moments ago. But this was the closest I'd been to him on good terms.

I noticed things about Reno that I had never paid attention to before while we laughed. First of all, he smelled amazing, not as good as Tseng's clean suit smelled, but the spicy aroma coming off of him was well welcomed in the sewer tunnel.

Another detail was that he wasn't as large as he looked. Reno did have broad shoulders and muscles beneath the blue suit, but he was scrawny compared to Rude.

Why was I even taking these into account? The absurdity of my observations made me laugh so hard I feared I might fall over.

When Rude finally caught up I thought the laughter would cease. Reno and I stood up, cleared our throats and dusted off our suits. I got out my compact as I often did when situations were awkward. The ridiculousness of doing that suddenly dawned on me and the laughter tore through me once again.

Reno joined in and I was thankful. Two laughing fools are always better than one.

Rude crossed his arms and waited for us to gather ourselves.

Thankfully the laughing fit did not last longer than a minute. If we were going to escape before the tunnels collapsed, now was the time to do so.

"C'mon guys, we need to go." My words once again cast a spell over the group. Any merriment remaining disappeared.

Reno's fingers once again were beside his cell and I saw Rude's hand lingering over the antenna.

All of us were thinking it but the two of them wouldn't say it. If they couldn't stomach it then I would.

"He's not going to call us." I took out my own cell and readied to throw it away. My fingertips brushed across the smooth cover one last time. So many calls had been made and received on the little black phone, not one had been from Rufus.

Then I felt the familiar tingling vibration go through my hand. A call was coming through. I flipped it open and yelped out a noise similar to a bark.

On the other end a barely audible voice whispered into the receiver. "Do your duty..." I knew who it was at once.

"Reno, it's the President!" I tossed him the phone and his clumsy hands fumbled with it.

"Sir!" he yelled, "Sir, where you at?!" His brow furrowed as he struggled to hear the President's whispers.

Rude and I did not say a word. This moment was the most intense minute of my life and I wasn't going to screw it up.

With the phone still at his ear Reno looked to his partner. "I hear the heat bellows. He's somewhere underground."

"But he was on the top floor when the blast hit!" I blurted out.

"Exactly Elena, he's probably in a million fucking pieces. That's why we gotta find 'im fast! Rude you come with me, fuck knows I can't carry anybody."

"Wait!" I trailed behind them. "What about me? What can I do?" I was not going to be forgotten about. I had to do something.

Reno gave the phone to Rude. "Listen to that and make sure nothings happenin'. Elena, you stay here --"

"Like hell I am! I have to protect the President too! There must be --"

"YES! Will you shut up and listen?!" Reno grabbed my shoulders and shook roughly. "God damn it, Elena, don't be so pig headed! Not all of us need to die." His face loomed over me for an uncomfortably long time. Was this Reno's gentleness. "The chances of us comin' back are as large as Rude's cock." And there went the intimacy...

Rude gave an annoyed cough.

"That's not true 'cause his thing is freakin' huge! Elena wait at the mouth of the tunnel, it's not that far. If we don't make it back before day break get the hell outta here. Go get Tseng at the hospital, find someplace, live a new life, and do the nasty! But don't wait for us past sunrise. The worlds gonna be in chaos and the only way they'll feel any better is if they get their hands on anyone Shinra related."

I wanted to protest. Every part of my body longed to pin Reno against the wall and show him exactly what I was made of. The boobs didn't mean a thing; I was still as tough as he was.

But what did I do? "Alright, I understand." I hung my head and agreed like a good girl.

Reno ruffled my hair before pausing to stair down at me again. He was starting to freak me out. What was he waiting around for, a hug? Instead he gave me one of his crooked smirks, winked, and then ran down the tunnel with Rude following promptly.

The darkness seemed to loom completely over me. Before it hadn't seemed so bad, with Reno and Rude I could be brave. Their presence was gone now and the tunnel's dimness appeared drearier than a moonless night. Shivering I turned the nearest corner and found a ray of light barely shining.

Seeing the opening of the tunnel felt joyous and depressing. On the one hand the exit meant seeing Tseng and finally getting to declare my feelings. Then again it also meant abandoning the President, something I knew Tseng would never forgive me for.

Suddenly my dilemma was overwhelming. "Alright Elena, do what you were told to do." Tseng couldn't blame me for that, right?

The time passed slowly as I sat on the cold floor. I didn't know what time it was or when daylight would come. My watch was at home lying on my side table. Scratch that. It was probably rubbish now, buried beneath the remains of Midgar. I tried to watch the stars and tell the time by their progressive movement. By my "expertise" I assumed it was a little past five, which meant the sun would be rising soon and still no sign of the rescue party.

During the night I'd managed to keep myself from becoming antsy. I thought about what would happen after the President returned. Would we rebuild Shinra? I doubt anyone would want their electricity from Shinra after this disaster. Thoughts of the moment when Tseng had confirmation about my feelings also meandered in my skull. I wondered if he would be surprised or repulsed.

I contemplated this for a while then my mind trailed back to the original question. What if they didn't make it back? Hours later my mind was convinced they'd return safely, but as the seconds ticked away I feared my assumptions were inaccurate.

What was worse, I kept sensing another presence. It wasn't one of the sewer rats either, it felt abnormal. To use the cliché description, the hair on the back of my neck began to stand up. A strange odor entered my noise once I was aware of it. The smell was sweet and coppery at the same time. Maybe I had the spooks because my gun was still located at the spot where I nearly shot Cloud.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw more of the sun hovering over the horizon. As I stood up and leaned against the circular opening, I decided that once the sun was completely in view then I would leave.

For a while I thought there were footsteps deep within the confines of the tunnel. When I turned to listen closely the noises would stop. I didn't see anything inside. No light reflections or moving objects, just concrete. Whenever my back would face the tunnel the din would grow louder.

But what if it was Reno and Rude coming back? They would need my help.

"Reno, Rude, Sir!" I shouted.

No Reply.

Again I called to them.

Only silence answered me.

Becoming one of those stereotypical horror movie victims wasn't exactly on my to-do list. Inside was bound to be a monster or a serial killer just waiting to plunge their knife into me. But of course, I ignored my better judgment and ventured forth.

When I stepped away from the light I heard the footsteps again. They began to come towards me. The owner of those feet could see me but I could not see them. My body naturally prepared for an attack. My arms tightened, my legs stiffened, and my adrenaline kicked in.

I picked up the sensation of another person right before me, yet my five senses couldn't detect a thing.

The presence moved fluidly as it circled my body. No attempt was made to attack.

A great need to grab hold of the specter rose in me. It kept whispering in my ear Reach out, touch me. Give me your finger tips.

The stench I had smelled earlier was now overwhelming. The strange voice tickling my ear matched the odor perfectly: the sweet tone camouflaged a venomous nature.

"What are you?"

A soft laughter rose.

"What are you?" I asked again.

The chuckle was right beside my ear.

"What are you? Answer me, damn it!" I grew tired of this thing's incessant laughter.

An exasperated sigh came forth but a reply was not heard over the commotion of new footsteps. My companions had finally returned.

I felt my shoulder graze past the presence as I moved to greet my returned allies. Reno looked weary and Rude the same, only now he carried the mangled President. Tears rushed into my eyes and I beat away the urge to embrace them. President Shinra's head lifted and he made eye contact. I almost lost my breath in those beautiful eyes.

Suddenly, Reno and Rude's tired faces transformed into expressions of terror. As their mouths opened to yell a rush of heat blasted through the tunnel. I saw them shouting but I heard only the President's commanding tenor now muffled with panic. "Elena! ELENA!" He shouted orders but only my name was audible.

"President Shin–ugh!" A sharp pain went through my stomach. I should have registered greater pain but it slowly faded. My hands and clothes were suddenly wet with a warm liquid. Bile entered my throat and threatened to come out. Get out, get out. I thought those words over and over but my body wouldn't respond.

Give me your touch Elena... The creature whispered again, twisting me to look at it. A blackened husk peered at me with glowing eyes and smiled with sharp teeth. I felt strands of its hair fall in my face. It plunged its fingers inside of me while tracing the outlines of my face. Cold numbed me as it touched my features, caressing my lips.

Strength evaded me and so did my will to live. I guess Tseng wasn't important after all...

Author's Note,

Alrighty, this is my very first final fantasy fan fiction (alliteration much!), feel free to cheer and throw confetti. It is a response to goodwitch08's call for more Rufena. There is a limited amount of good fics out there dealing with this odd couple. The characters are either too ooc and there is absolutely no plot to speak of. I pray to goodness this fic doesn't turn into a pile of poo.

I've never attempted to do an in-depth fan fiction before and if this turns out to be a great failure I probably never will. So to prevent such disappointments on both our parts, please leave a modest or a giggamongus review. Tell me your first impressions, if you think it's going in an interesting direction, what kind of mistakes need to be corrected, or just give it the worst literary ass-rape imaginable, that'll work too! It's still a review. I might cry for a few hours but the truth will be known. At least I won't be hanging in confused limbo wondering if I suck or if people just haven't read it.

Oh, and another thing. If you notice any mess ups with the in-game info, please let me know. I've re-played FF7 and even found a script online but it doesn't mean I won't make a mistake. So, just give a shout if there's something a-miss. PleaseKThanx&Bai!!

emmzly~

ps. recently updated with grammar mistakes mixed and a few tid bits added.