'This isn't real. This thing isn't me, I'm a freak but this isn't it. I'm not supposed to be normal, like this looks.'

'Help me… I can't save myself from this anymore. It's to much, I can't take it. This won't relieve me of my Hell.'

'Why is life like this?! It's so unfair!'

These were all Kurt's thoughts as he stood, staring at his mirror. Thoughts like this continued to race through his head. Staring at him in the mirror, his worst nightmare…

He had become fake. He would rarely take off his inducer… Even in front of the X-Mansion people. He never wanted it to be this. It wasn't his fault! Was it?

'What if it is? Can I help it? Of course! It's my fault, all my fault… It will be… And is… Can't…' Kurt lost his thought, staring at his desire.

His blade. His only resource now. Everything had lost meaning to him. He could fake happiness too easily now, but it never mattered. Kitty, Amanda, Rogue, Scott, Jean… It didn't matter. He let them down. He always did…

Amanda… He'd already lost her. He told her how he was so messed up and like this. Told her his problem… Everything… She left him, telling him he had some serious problems.

'Not… Worth it…' Kurt thought. This was it. He'd lost it all… It didn't matter anymore…

He grabbed his blade, laying on his sink, and walked out of his bathroom and into his room. Over to his stereo and he clicked the "Power" button. He pressed a couple more buttons and a song began to play.

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding?

Kurt placed his knife beside him, on the desk he sat at now, and took a pen and a pad of paper as that song continued. Nothing matter, this was his last resort… He needed out, he was breaking inside.

X-men,

I'm sorry I'm doing this. I can't take it anymore. This is beginning to get to heavy for me to do. This burden, I'm sorry I let you down. I know I shouldn't do this, I'm condemned to Hell… But to see you all happy, I want and need to do this. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, Rogue, mien sister… I can't help it. I feel so helpless, I'm losing my mind to reality… I can't stay like this. I need this. Please, be happy I'm gone. No more stupid brother. You won't have to claim relations anymore. Thank you for at least trying to listen…


And I'm contemplating suicide

'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine…

Kurt began to feel tears in his eyes. Writing this shouldn't be this hard. He deserved this. He hated himself, he was fake. The others were so disappointed in him. Why? He felt the tears fall and he did not care. They blotched the paper and he continued on.

Kitty… I know I scared you. I'm sorry for any hurt I did. I didn't mean to. I like you Kitty, I thought I was in love for awhile. But love is for those who get hurt. And that's me. Not anymore. I'm sorry.

I can't write this for all of you. I'm sorry, Professor, I know I let you down. I wasn't a good X-Man. I wasn't going to destroy people if I could help it. I'm so sorry… Jean, Scott, Bobby… Amara, thank you all… I know I'm missing some people. I'm sorry… I can't go on, writing this is killing me. I've already lost this battle.

I'm so sorry… Love,

Kurt Wagner

Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

Kurt sat the paper and pen down and lifted the blade. He started at it for a moment before taking it to his left wrist and pressing downward. Blood began to show through his fur, more and more. His head began to feel light, barely though. He switched the blade to his other hand and pressed downward. Blood poured from his left wrist as his right also began to bleed. Staining his bed as it ran down his hands. He laid back as he began to feel better. Tears were still falling but rolled a crossed his face to his ears.

'This is what I need. Nothing mattered. They shouldn't miss me. I'm sorry…' Tears were drying as his lost thought was lost in darkness. Kurt Wagner breathed his last breath but the song continued.

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying

I can't go on living this way

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Would it be wrong
Would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying

I can't go on living this way
Can't go on
Living this way
Nothing's alright