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Thankful
If you spent anytime with us you'd notice that we don't say 'thank you' very much. And it's not because we don't have things to be thankful for. In fact we probably have occasion to say it to each other more often than most people. We put our lives in each other's hands every day, and every day we put our own safety before that of our team-mates.
And it's not because we're ungrateful or unfriendly. No, not at all. I'd even like to think we're close. Like family. Well, almost like family.
It's just that if we were to say thank you every time we needed to, for every little thing, I think it would lose all meaning. Like when you say the same word over and over till it sounds strange and you begin to forget what it means in the first place.
So we save it. Save it for those really special moments. Save it so when we do say it, it really means something. Those times when it's all we can say. Because sometimes saying anything more would be crossing the line. That invisible line we draw up to protect us from getting too close. From saying too much. Saying things in the heat of the moment that we can't take back.
But as with everything, not saying it comes with its own downside. A risk that often those small things we do for each other get taken for granted. That they get overlooked and forgotten.
We don't have a lot, none of us do really. But we do have each other. And right now that counts for a lot. Well, at least it does for me.
We all have pasts. However much we try to bury them deep down and deny it, they always rear their ugly heads during our weakest and lowest moments. And for some of us they're closer to the surface than others. But hell, that's probably why we've all ended up here. Slightly broken. Unexplainably drawn to each other. So in a way I'm grateful for those pasts that have brought us together.
We dedicate our lives to looking after people when no one else can, or wants to. We try to fix each other because maybe we can't fix ourselves. Well that's how I see it in my head.
Anyway the reason I'm telling you this, the reason I've been rambling on is that I just wanted to say that I'm thankful. And I wanted to say all the things I'm thankful for.
I'm thankful for Wayne, well, you know why I'm thankful for him. Thankful for always paying me a bit too much attention, being a bit too protective and standing a little too close. But thankful for never pushing it. Never crossing that line. Although I think I would be thankful if he did…
I'm thankful for Cho for holding everything together. For his ability to be, or at least seem calm and level-headed when the whole world is falling down around us. For being the man in the interrogation room. And for that smile that we only see on the rarest occasions.
I'm thankful for Lisbon for being our boss. Or secretly between us, for being like our mum. Kind-of anyway. For looking after all of us. Whether it's out in the field, in the office and even though she pretends not to, when our personal problems get mixed up in the day job, she has our back. She puts us first all the time often at the expense of herself.
And finally, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm thankful for Jane. And not for being his stupid perfect self. But thankful that despite probably having the most demons of all of us he can even get up in the morning and be as bubbly as he is. It might be annoying as hell sometimes, but his damn infectious smile is probably the reason why we haven't all gone mad yet.
But what I think I'm most thankful for is the way he looks after Lisbon. In a way she would never allow us to. In a way that none of the rest of us can. As much as she would protest she deserves to have someone have her back for a change. And if that person is Jane, I'm thankful for that.