A/N This is the sequel to "His Latest Flame" and yeah, you kinda have to read that one first! This one is from Ray's POV, and it's all in present tense which is really hard to write in, so I'm sorry if it has mistakes or whatever. Anyway, I hope you like it.
There She Goes
There she goes,
There she goes again,
Racing through my brain,
And I just can't contain,
This feeling that remains
You'd think I'd be happy, moving in with my girlfriend. That's a good thing. But I just can't do it, I'm standing at the door to my old apartment, and I can't close it. So I'm standing here, looking psychotic as memories rush through my mind.
Neela glaring at me because I'm playing my guitar and she's trying to sleep after a double shift.
Neela trying not to kill me when I've brought back yet another groupie.
Neela trying to cook and failing miserably.
Neela handing me a beer after a hard shift, and giving me one of her rare smiles.
Neela almost catching me watching Ghost, and for once letting me get away with it.
Neela leaning her head on me as we watch Celebrity Poker.
Neela leaving me on the side walk as she drives away in a cab.
Neela telling me to stay the hell away from her.
Neela, Neela, Neela. She doesn't want me, so why can't I stop thinking about her? It's been months, so why can't I stop thinking about her? I'm moving in with someone else, so why can't I stop thinking about her?
There she blows,
There she blows again,
Pulsing through my veins,
And I just can't contain,
This feeling that remains
Was I making a mistake? Or was I just scared? That wouldn't surprise me, maybe I was just clinging onto the idea of Neela, because I was scared of commitment like so many other guys out there. Except... I wouldn't mind moving in with Neela. I'd wanted to ask her to move back in more than a million times. Marie had been the first girl I'd ever looked at after Neela had left, told me to leave her alone. Marie was sweet, kind, funny, everyone I'd introduced her to loved her. I loved her. I wanted to move in with her. It was just... the feeling of what might have been was haunting me.
What might have been if Neela had loved me.
Would it have changed things, would we have been together forever? The way I felt we would have, I had never loved anyone as much as I loved her. I have never loved anyone as much as I love her.
Yes, I love Marie -I think- but I still love Neela. And in some ways... I love her more. If she hadn't hurt me so much, by freezing me out of her life, things would have been simpler, I could have waited. But knowing that she was never going to come back, that she would never feel the same, it cuts you inside. It had made me crazy. I'd not only lost the woman I loved, I'd lost my best friend. That's what gave her an advantage over Marie, Neela was my best friend as well.
The apartment is empty now, no furniture, not even any mess. It looks like her room after she moved out. I close the door, willing myself not to cry. It's over, it's in the past. That's why we decided I'd move into Marie's apartment, then I wouldn't have the memories of this place. Not that she knows about Neela, she just thinks I mean all the one-night stands I had as a band member. She's Brett's cousin, it's a small world. He warned me not to go out with her;
"You'd better not hurt her, Barnett. Don't go getting into someone else when you're in love with Neela."
It had been in one of our brief conversations, after he'd moved to California with the rest of them. I guess I should have listened to him.
There she goes,
There she goes again,
She calls my name,
She pulls my train,
No one else could heal my pain,
And I just can't contain,
This feeling that remains
Walking to the El I can hear her, her voice. It's teasing me, shouting at me, nagging me. It's the voice of a thousand memories. I swear, I need a psych' consult, this just isn't right. I know it's only memories, but still... I shouldn't be remembering this much, surely?
"Ray! Ray!"
I turn, and she's there, behind me. Barnett, get a grip, I think to myself. But she doesn't disappear, she just gives me a small smile.
"Neela?" I manage to say, through my closed throat.
"Yeah. I just came to... to say goodbye."
"I'm only moving out of the apartment, not Chicago."
"I know but... you understand, don't you?"
I nod, yeah, I understand.
"I'm sorry, Ray. I'm sorry for cutting you out, and I'm sorry for shouting, and I'm sorry for leaving." She says it so quickly, I'm not sure I've heard right. She's sorry? Sorry for all the things I'd wanted her to be sorry for?
"What?"
"I'm sorry, that's what I wanted to say to you."
"I..." I don't know what to say, all I want to do is grab her and hold her close to me. But I know Marie's waiting in her apartment. I can't.
She steps towards me and kisses me on the cheek. "Goodbye Roomie."
"'Bye..." I say quietly, as she turns and walks away from me. Again. I don't want her to walk away from me ever again.
There she goes,
There she goes again,
Racing through my brain,
And I just can't contain,
This feeling that remains
I open my cellphone and call Marie. I know I shouldn't, I know I should go for the safe option. But I don't want to, and sometimes you have to do what you want, be a little selfish.
"Hey Marie," I say, to her answer machine. "I'm really sorry but... I can't move in with you. I never should have said I would, it wasn't fair to you. I'm a bastard for that, and I'm sorry. But it wasn't going to work. I'm sorry."
I stuff the phone back in my pocket and run after her, like I should have done months ago.
"Neela!"
She swivels round and looks at me with raised eyebrows, an amused smile on her face. "What's wrong with you?"
There she goes,
There she goes again,
Pulsing through my veins,
And I just can't contain,
This feeling that remains
"You are," I say breathlessly, before pulling her towards me and kissing her. It's something I've wanted to do for months, and I'm not disappointed. "I love you," I tell her, "I've loved you for too long."
"I love you too," she says quietly, "I didn't want to say because... I didn't think I should. And now..." She steps back and shakes her head. "This isn't right. You're moving in with someone now Ray, it's too late."
I smile, "It's never too late Neela, never."
A/N Well, I hope you liked the second part of this mini-thing. And I have to say, the last line is a statement I am trying to live by, but it's darn hard! Anyway, tell me all your views in your reviews!